Blaine would have loved to have said that after that everything was perfect, but that would be a huge lie. Kurt was anything but fine. Blaine noticed that he struggled with his relationships with New Directions. It didn't help that they were so clingy. Mercedes and Rachel were especially excited about the return of Kurt's friendship and immediately bombarded him with shopping trips and sleepovers. It also didn't help that the boys were attempting to be the best 'brothers' possible to Kurt, which involved a lot of greetings with hard slaps on the back and rough grabs. Blaine couldn't help but notice he'd flinch every time.
Kurt was also still upset about his ex. He tried to hide it, but Blaine wasn't fooled. Kurt still disappeared every lunch time and Blaine didn't question it, thinking the boy simply needed space. However, a week after Alex had left, Kurt's lack of presence was questioned by the others.
"Where's Kurt?" asked Finn.
"I've been thinking that," said Rachel. "He hasn't shown up to lunch all week."
"Do you think we should go and find him?" piped up Mercedes. Rachel nodded, but Blaine stood before anyone else had chance.
"Erm, I'll go find him," Blaine offered. "I think I know where he might be." Before anyone could argue, he rushed out of the cafeteria and towards the sports field. Sure enough, he heard the muffled sobs as soon as he approached the back of the bleachers. He poked his head around the corner and saw Kurt, curled up in a ball with his head in his knees and his body shaking as he cried.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked quietly as he approached, not wanting to scare the boy. As soon as he spoke, Kurt's head snapped up and he wiped at his eyes furiously.
"Blaine," Kurt said, his voice broken and rough. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see if you're okay," Blaine explained. He dropped down on the ground next to Kurt and crossed his legs. "Obviously you're not. So, come on. Tell me what's wrong."
"You're going to think I'm stupid," Kurt whispered.
"I could never think you're stupid, Kurt," said Blaine. "You know you can tell me anything and I'll never think you're stupid."
"I..." Kurt sniffed and began again. "I miss him," he admitted. "I know you probably think that's ridiculous, after everything that happened. I know now that what he did was wrong and it wasn't my fault, but he was all I knew for so long. He was all I had. I don't know how to go into the cafeteria and eat lunch with everyone and act like it's okay, because it's not." A whole new batch of fresh tears began to spill down Kurt's cheeks and he blinked them away. "I know I need to move on with my life, I know I need to rekindle relationships with my friends and get back to normal, but it's hard to act as if nothing happened. And I know that people are there for me, but I feel lonely. I feel so stupid saying that."
"No, Kurt, it's not stupid. It's completely understandable. Come here." Blaine shuffled a little closer to Kurt and put an arm around him, allowing Kurt to rest his head on Blaine's chest. "I know this is hard for you, Kurt, and I don't want to push you into doing anything you're not ready for and if you're not ready to be surrounded by the glee guys or eat lunch in the cafeteria then you don't have to. I know the guys are a bit excited about getting you back and they can be a bit overwhelming, but don't feel like you have to pretend that everything's okay for their sake. And I can completely understand you missing Alex. He was what your life revolved around for so long and him not being here is breaking routine and normality. But it's okay. We can get a new routine and make a new normal."
Kurt sniffed, looking up through his lashes at Blaine. "How come you always know the right thing to say?" he laughed.
"Because I'm awesome," Blaine replied with a grin.
"Modest too, huh?"
"The modesest," said Blaine.
"Stop making up words. You're making me doubt your intelligence. Maybe you get all these speeches and reassuring words from self help books or something," Kurt said with a smile.
"I will never share my secrets," Blaine whispered, smirking. He thought for a moment before his expression turned serious. "I don't mean to be a party pooper, but I was wondering if you've arranged any therapy. I think it might be useful."
Kurt looked at the ground for a moment before looking up at Blaine. His eyes however continued to stray every few seconds and break contact with Blaine's as he spoke. "Yes, erm, my dad booked me in next week. I think he feels bad about what happened. He's doing everything he can to make sure I'm okay 24/7. I'm really grateful that he wants me to be okay, but it can feel kind of confined when he's hovering over me all the time. Especially when sometimes I just want to be alone," Kurt said.
"He just worries about you. I think you made him realise how much he can miss if he doesn't pay enough attention. But it's good that he's looking out for you. How do you feel about therapy?"
"I'm nervous. Scared, even. I'm going to have to tell a complete stranger secrets that I kept from my closest friends for months, give them details that even my friends and family don't know. I know I'll have to otherwise I'm not going to get anywhere, but it doesn't make me less scared," Kurt admitted.
"You know you won't have to tell them everything straight away," Blaine assured him. "You can go at your own pace. If you want, you don't have to even talk about anything involving what happened until you're 100% comfortable. Sure, the process is slower, but if you're not comfortable then you don't have to."
"You sound as if you talk from experience," Kurt commented.
"Erm, I actually had a lot of therapy after Sadie Hawkins. It really shook me up and at first I refused to talk about it. I didn't trust my therapist, so for the first set of sessions she literally talked about nothing related. We talked about sports and celebrities and I remember one session we even had a talk about guys, but eventually I told her what had happened and we worked it all out from there," Blaine explained.
"I'm sorry," Kurt said.
"It's okay. I'm better now," Blaine replied. "Remember though, if you need to talk then you have me. I'll even come to therapy with you if you need me there, but I'm sure you'll need some one-on-one time with your therapist eventually."
"Thanks," Kurt whispered with a grin.
"No problem. Do you have lunch?" asked Blaine.
"No," said Kurt.
"We'll go halfsies on a PB+J then," Blaine said, untangling himself from Kurt to reach into his bag for his lunch. He handed half of the sandwich to Kurt, who took it gratefully. "Oh and I nearly forgot to ask. You don't have to if you don't want to, but are you up for going out next weekend? My brother is coming into town on Friday for my birthday and we'll have a family dinner that night and then we're going out with the Warblers on Saturday and they'll sleep over until Sunday. You can stay for the whole weekend if you like, but only if you want. Don't feel obligated to."
"Wait, birthday?" asked Kurt.
"Yeah, it's next Sunday," said Blaine. "I don't really do birthdays, but my parents and Cooper both insisted that 18 is a big deal and I should have some form of celebration."
"18? But you're my year group..."
"Oh, yeah, when everything happened with my mum, I missed a lot of school and the bit I didn't miss I was too distressed to actually do any work. So I got held back a year."
"I thought you looked older when I first saw you!" Kurt exclaimed. "I can't believe I didn't know it's your birthday, I'm such a terrible friend!"
"How would you have known? I never told you. And you've had a lot going on, I don't blame you," said Blaine.
"But still. I feel bad. Would your friends and family be okay with me coming next weekend?" asked Kurt.
"Of course! My mom keeps asking when you're coming back and the Warblers adored you. They're forever asking about you," Blaine reassured him.
"I'm not that great," said Kurt.
"Trust me, you're amazing. So are you in? You don't have to," said Blaine. "I'd understand."
"No, I'm definitely in!" Kurt grinned.
"Fantastic!" Blaine said, returning Kurt's grin. There was a moment of comfortable silence where the pair simply smiled at one another, until Kurt broke it.
"Blaine. I don't suppose you could do me a favour?" he asked.
"Anything," said Blaine.
"Well, I'm trying to get back to normal with the New Directions, and I agreed to shopping with some of the girls this Saturday, but I'm still not completely comfortable eating lunch with them. I think it's the crowds and the confinement and the noise of the cafeteria, but I just feel more comfortable out here. You can say no if you want to, but could you maybe come here with me some lunch times? Maybe once a week or something. I just... I get lonely and sometimes getting caught in my thoughts isn't the best thing," Kurt requested.
"Of course I will Kurt. I'll eat here everyday if you want. In fact, I'd be honoured to be in your presence," Blaine said, bowing slightly at his last sentence.
"The PB+J is turning you into a five year old isn't it?" giggled Kurt.
"Maybe. Now what do you say we get to class early and goof off in the classroom? asked Blaine.
"I say, that sound likes a brilliant idea," Kurt said with a smile.