Void
A/N: I'm glad most of you get that I needed Tai and that the majority of you don't want me strung up by my small intestine ;p. I'm sorry to those of you I got mad! But anyway, I hope you enjoy this. As always, huge, huge thanks to the reviewers. You're all wonderful, you really are!
Chapter Four: Caught
"I can't believe I'm doing this."
"Will you stop whining?" Syaoran snapped. He'd tried to be understanding, but that was the fourth time she'd uttered that sentence in two minutes. "You said you wanted to help."
"I do want to help, but not like this!" Tomoyo hissed, climbing up yet another flight of stairs. "This secrecy isn't going to help anything – you need to come out and tell Sakura-chan that you're here to help her!"
"I will," he said grimly, "When I know what I'm dealing with!"
"This is stupid."
Syaoran scowled. "You're the one who made us take the stairs."
"Because I don't want Sakura-chan to know I'm sneaking you into the apartment!"
"You said she wasn't here!"
"She only just left this second! We might have run into her in the elevator."
"Why do you have to live in the penthouse, anyway?"
"Ask my mother, she picked it."
Syaoran took to grumbling under his breath, refusing to continue the argument. If there was one thing he knew, no one, even him, could win an argument against Daidouji Tomoyo.
When they finally reached the top, even he was winded. He glowered at the girl as she fished for her keys in her purse. "How can you and Sakura make rent on this place when she's a student and you're just starting out in design?" he asked.
"My mother," Tomoyo replied, locating her key and putting it in the door. "She pays for it – originally it was just me but then okaa-sama and I went to visit Sakura-chan at university and okaa-sama freaked out at the accommodation."
"Was it that bad?" frowned Syaoran.
"No," Tomoyo grinned. "But okaa-sama won't have anything but the best for her precious Nadeshiko-chan's daughter. Plus she feels better about me not living by myself."
Understanding, Syaoran followed Tomoyo into the apartment. She did her hostess bit, taking his coat before leaving to make tea, and Syaoran took the opportunity to have a look around.
The place wasn't huge, but it was certainly more than big enough for two people. It was obvious that Tomoyo had been here first – the walls, carpets and furniture were simple, elegant, and bare – but there were signs of Sakura all over the place. The oven mitts on the kitchen table were bright pink with white polka dots; there was a massively overstuffed chair in the corner that didn't match the other leather sofas, and she'd left a mug and a bowl in the lounge covered in an unbearably sweet heart and strawberry pattern. For the most part everything was neat – Syaoran expected that was Tomoyo's doing too – but again, signs of residual messiness were scattered about: the crockery, several magazines on the floor, bottles of nail varnish on top of the television.
Not to mention that her aura radiated throughout the entire apartment.
"What do you think?" Tomoyo asked cheerfully, handing him a cup of tea.
"It's very nice," he replied dutifully, accepting the tea and continuing to look around in interest.
They sat in silence, Tomoyo obviously waiting for him to divulge his plan. When he didn't, she took it upon herself to ask. "So where do you go from here?"
He sighed – he had been hoping for a break before getting down to business, but instead, he reached for the laptop case at his feet and unzipped it.
"You know, I don't think a computer is going to be a lot of help in this situation …" Tomoyo remarked bemusedly.
Syaoran rolled his eyes, before drawing out his Lasin board and laying it on the coffee table.
"Ah," she nodded in recognition. "And this is going to help … how?"
"This is designed to locate the creations of Clow Reed – Clow Cards and unsealed spirits of Clow Cards," Syaoran explained, picking up his tea again. "It should be able to tell me if the Void Card has been sealed and converted properly. If it has, it'll belong to Sakura and the Lasin board won't be able to detect it, even if it's right in front of it. If it isn't sealed, it'll technically belong to Clow and the Lasin board will shoot light at it."
"You do know Sakura-chan carries the cards with her at all times, don't you?" Tomoyo asked him.
"I know," Syaoran nodded. "But not this one. She'd be too scared of it right now to carry it with her."
"How do you know that?" Tomoyo asked curiously.
He didn't answer – he didn't know how he knew, he just did. He knew her.
"Where does she keep the cards?" he asked abruptly.
"In the top drawer of her bedside cabinet," Tomoyo replied.
Syaoran looked at her, expecting her to go and get them. She didn't move, only smiled sweetly and took a sip of tea. He realised that he was being told to enter Sakura's room, and the idea made him strangely uncomfortable.
"Can't you –"
"No."
He glared at her. Her smile remained fixed in place.
xxx
To be fair, there was nothing particularly personal or intimate in Sakura's room. It was very pink, a little messy, but perfectly safe. Still. He felt wrong being in her room without her permission. He'd never been in her room before, when they were friends, and now … it was like he was intruding somewhere he shouldn't be.
As he opened the drawer Tomoyo had directed him to, he realised with a smug grin that he had been right. The book was there, completely empty of cards apart from one lone one abandoned at the bottom. He took it out, peering at it curiously – he'd never seen it before. It seemed fairly standard – the same tones of pink and gold patterning as the other fifty-two – and in the centre stood a girl with long, lavender hair and the most mournful expression he'd ever seen. Syaoran frowned, turning it over and over in his hands. Its aura was strange; it was cold and creeping, but at the same time tinged with the warmth of Sakura's magic.
To say he was stumped was an understatement.
He sat down heavily on the bed, looking at the card in his hands. This little card was the reason for everything wrong in his life. It was the reason she wasn't with him, the reason she didn't know him, the reason she wasn't happy … the reason he didn't know who she was any more …
Aimlessly, Syaoran began to wander round the room, hoping to learn something about the person she was now. She had stuffed animals lined up on top of the wardrobe. On the windowsill there were pictures of her brother and her father. There was clothing littered all over the floor, the sort of casual jeans and t-shirts that he would have expected. But some things were different. Many of the photos were of people he didn't know, and some had obviously been taken at college parties. There was even one of Sakura at what seemed to be her graduation, beaming proudly, surrounded by friends. The majority of her clothing may have been casual, but there was a rather provocative dress draped over a chair that made his heart beat faster and his palms begin to sweat.
She'd grown up, he realised. While he'd spent the last ten years stuck in some strange kind of emotionless limbo, she'd grown up and moved on and created this wonderful city life that he had no hope of comprehending.
And worst of all, by her bed stood a picture of her and Tai, standing in a park somewhere and waving happily at the camera.
It was childish, he knew. But he picked up the picture and laid it face down, before leaving the room with the Void card clutched tightly in his hand.
xxx
"Imperial king of gods, your divinity watches over the four corners. Metal, wood, water, fire, earth, thunder, wind, lightning. Whirling blade of light, I summon thee!"
Syaoran and Tomoyo watched the Lasin board intently. It glowed for several seconds, and the patterns and symbols that were etched on it swivelled in place as it acknowledged its master's order. But no beam of light was emitted from it. It lay in Syaoran's hands, unable to detect the Sakura Card lying on the coffee table.
"So … that's it then?" Tomoyo asked uncertainly. "It's still sealed?"
"Looks that way," Syaoran replied, equally unsure. How could it be sealed when its aura was so tainted?
Then suddenly, a beam of light shot out of the board, pointing right at the Void card.
Tomoyo gasped. "Look – Li-kun! So it's not –?"
The light died before she could even finish her sentence. Then it came back to life, then faded again. They both watched silently as the beam of light flickered in and out of existence, as though struggling to make up its mind.
"What the …?" Tomoyo murmured in confusion. "What does that mean?"
"I have no idea," Syaoran replied, eyeing the Lasin board in disbelief. "In all the years I've had this, I've never seen it do that."
"So what now?" Tomoyo asked – just as the front door was flung open and a dishevelled Sakura pelted into the room.
"Tomoyo-chan? Are you okay?" she asked frantically, running to her friend and grasping her hands, not even noticing the other occupant of the room in her panic. "I was just down the street and I felt magic and I thought – I thought …" The poor girl trailed off, gasping for breath. But even she could see that Tomoyo was okay, and she reached out to hug her in relief.
Before she could, a bolt of raw, black energy shot out of the Void card and slammed into her chest.
Syaoran and Tomoyo looked at the card on the table, then at their fallen friend, completely in shock. A second later, Tomoyo had run to Sakura's side and Syaoran, in a fit of rage, had drawn his sword.
To say he was angry was an understatement. That Card was responsible for everything, everything. And it had the gall to strike her, to hurt the one person who would never raise a hand to it, no matter how much it deserved to suffer for what it had done …
He, on the other hand, was another story entirely.
In a heartbeat, he slammed the blade of his sword into an ofuda, screaming, "Raitei Shourai!" Lightning burst out of the sword and struck the card, wrapping around it tightly. Although the flimsy piece of paper obviously showed no reaction, Syaoran knew he was hurting the spirit within. He couldn't care though. It had to pay for everything it had done to Sakura –
"STOP IT!"
Something warm and soft suddenly barreled into him, an arm wrapping round his waist as another hand reached up and clasped the wrist holding the sword.
"Please," Sakura begged, tears welling up in her eyes. "She didn't mean it – and I'm fine, really. So don't hurt her. Please!"
He dropped the sword instantly, feeling like an out-of-control monster.
The trio stood in silence for a while, Sakura collapsing to her knees as Tomoyo wrapped an arm around her.
Syaoran closed his eyes, sinking onto the couch as he rubbed his hands over his face in self-loathing. He'd messed up on an unbelievable level. She adored those cards – even the one that made her suffer, she still considered a friend worthy of love and affection. And he'd let his emotions get the better of him, and he'd attacked it. How would she ever, ever trust him now?
"You know magic?"
He couldn't even bring himself to look at her. He just nodded his head slowly, his hands still over his face.
"Did you know?" he heard Sakura ask, and he knew she was now talking to Tomoyo.
"Yes," she replied, sounding a little shaken. "I knew; I'm the one that brought him here. We were just trying to help and then that thing – it – oh, are you okay, Sakura-chan?"
"I'm fine," the girl insisted. "Just winded. It was just like a shock, I – she's done it before."
"She's done it before?" Tomoyo echoed almost angrily.
"Well, not quite on that scale," Sakura sighed. "I don't think she's happy."
Syaoran could almost feel Tomoyo's frustration. Sometimes Sakura's kind-heartedness was just impossible to deal with.
"She's the one that's been making your things disappear," Tomoyo said, but it wasn't a question.
"We don't know that," Sakura protested.
"Li-kun just tested that card with his Lasin board," Tomoyo told her. "There's something wrong with it – it's not sealed properly."
Sakura shook her head emphatically. "Kero-chan said I sealed it just fine."
"Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo cried, seizing her best friend's hands. "Stop trying to pretend this is okay! I know you're scared. When you came pelting back here at high speed you thought it had done something. You know it could get worse. It's okay to need help, you know."
Sakura squeezed Tomoyo's hands. "Thank you. For worrying about me."
"You're my best friend," Tomoyo replied simply. "I love you. I hate to see you hurt."
Sakura hugged her tightly, before her gaze traveled to the man slumped on their couch. Tomoyo nudged her encouragingly, and Sakura crawled over to kneel by his feet. She reached up, and gently peeled his hands away from his face. His eyes were scrunched up, and she giggled slightly. "Open your eyes?" she requested.
He did, but he kept his gaze fixed firmly on the floor.
"You know magic," she repeated. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't –" he began, not knowing how to answer. "I mean, I – how – I thought …"
"That day the pastries disappeared," Sakura continued slowly. "You did see what happened."
He nodded.
"And you guessed the Void did that?"
He nodded again.
Sakura tilted her head curiously, although he couldn't see. "How did you know about my cards?"
"Li-kun told you he runs his family's business empire, didn't he?" Tomoyo interjected suddenly. "His family is the Li Clan – they have an extensive knowledge of magic and they're descended from Clow. They know all about the cards."
Sakura sighed again. "Will you look at me?"
He tried, he really did. But he couldn't.
Suddenly she sounded sad. "Is that why you came to the café and started talking to me? Because you knew what the card was doing?"
"No!" Syaoran cried, although he didn't know why. That would have been the perfect cover, and yet he couldn't let her think that their talks had been motivated by mere business. "It was just coincidence. I had no idea anything was wrong until the day with the pastries."
She nodded. "And you came here to see if it was the Void?"
He didn't say anything, but she took his silence for a yes.
Suddenly she leaned forward, grasping his chin with her tiny fingers and forcing him to look her in the eyes. To his relief, she smiled brightly. "Why are you helping me?"
"Because –"
Because I feel guilty for leaving you. Because I can't let that card hurt you any more. Because I let you down the first time. Because I love you …
"Because I'm the head of the Li Clan. Problems with such powerful magical beings may have ramifications for us in time, and besides, I consider it my responsibility to assist the heir to our ancestor's greatest creations."
He could hear Tomoyo roll her eyes.
Sakura, in all her naivety, bought the pompous rubbish hook, line and sinker. "But you're staying to help me?"
"I – uh …" He didn't want to commit to something like that – something that would mean working with her and talking to her and that would slowly break his heart day by day. But she was looking up at him with such wide, hopeful eyes and he couldn't …
"Yes. I'm going to help you."
"Oh, thank you!" she squealed, throwing herself into his arms and wrapping her own tightly round his neck. "Thank you so much!"
Syaoran could feel himself turning bright red as usual, and he didn't know what to do with his hands. He was itching to wrap them round her waist, to hold her and assure her that everything was going to be all right, promise to take care of her …
You can't. That's not your place any more.
He knew the voice in his head was right. But he couldn't help it. He wanted to be selfish just once, just this once. So he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest and savoring her warmth, the softness of her skin, the scent of her shampoo …
Syaoran took a deep breath, attempting to remain in reality. He saw Tomoyo beaming at them, mouthing the word 'kawaii'. He glowered at her.
Finally Sakura pulled away, taking his hand in two of her own. Had her hands always been that small?
"Thank you," she said again, still smiling at him. "But … don't ever hurt my cards again, okay?"
He felt suitably abashed, but still wanted to argue his point. That thing had hurt her far worse – didn't it deserve to be punished?
Not in Sakura's eyes. He realized he was going to have to re-attune himself to her way of thinking if he was going to work with her again. He'd lost a lot of the sense of humanity she had patiently installed in him all those years ago. She didn't hurt, and she didn't punish, and she didn't act in anger. And if he did any of those things, he was only going to upset her. Or get her mad. She protected those cards like they were her own children.
And so he nodded his agreement.
Sakura beamed at him, and all was forgiven and forgotten in two seconds.
"So, now that that's sorted – who wants tea and cake?" Tomoyo asked brightly.
"CAKE! Who said cake? Where's the cake? Are you two eating cake in here without me!?!?"
Sakura groaned, Tomoyo gasped softly, and Syaoran glowered in the direction of what looked like a flying stuffed animal, hovering in the doorway of Tomoyo's bedroom.
"What's up with you? What did I miss?" Kero demanded … before his eyes fell on Syaoran.
Syaoran glared at him. Kero glared back.
"You!"
xxx
"So … you're back, huh?"
Syaoran didn't turn; the slight stiffening of his shoulders was the only indication he gave that he had heard Kero's question.
Kero settled down on the arm of Syaoran's chair, scrutinising him carefully. Tomoyo had dragged Sakura to the kitchen to do the washing up, which he was grateful for because he had one or two questions to hash out with the kid. He had no idea what he was supposed to say to his mistress's ex-love, someone who he had never liked that much to begin with. But even Kero couldn't deny that he had been dealt a rough hand in this situation, perhaps the worst of all.
"You know, none of us wanted this to happen," Kero sighed. "You and her … I mean, I didn't like you, but this …"
"It doesn't matter," he said, and his tone was noticeably sharp. Syaoran took a deep breath, and continued much more calmly, "I'm staying until I know she's safe. Then I'll go back home and she can go back to living her life the way she was meant to."
Kero had nothing to say to this. But he couldn't help but try, for his mistress's sake, if nothing else.
"Part of her still remembers you," he said. "She dreams about you all the time –"
"It doesn't matter," he bit out through gritted teeth, clearly losing patience. "It doesn't matter if I'm in her subconscious or in dreams she doesn't remember. I'm a stranger to her and that limits my interference."
"So why are you here?" Kero asked grimly.
"Because she needs help," he replied simply.
Kero shook his head. "You can help her more by fighting beside her rather than behind her."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Syaoran demanded.
"Give her time – she'll fall in love with you again, I know it," Kero insisted. "Then you can protect her freely as her soul mate instead of worrying all the time that you're being too forward."
"She has a boyfriend, Keroberos!" Syaoran snapped angrily, trying to keep his voice down.
Kero snorted. "Oh come on. He's all right, but he's as dull as can be."
"If she loves him –"
"Of course she doesn't love him!" Kero cried. "It's been two months! Besides, she can't love him because she's still in love with you."
Syaoran looked at him blankly. "Why are you even encouraging this? You hate me."
"This is true," Kero agreed. "But I love her. And I don't think she can ever be happy again without you in her life."
Syaoran looked thoughtful for a second, then sighed morosely. "I'd confuse her. I don't want to confuse her."
"It might be a second chance."
He scoffed at Kero's suggestion. "We can't have a future if we don't have a past."
Silence fell once again, and Kero knew there was no point in pursuing this conversation further. And so he asked the only question that really mattered to him at this point. "You'll stay to protect her?"
Syaoran nodded. "As long as she needs protection."
A/N: I'm not totally convinced on the legitimacy of the whole Lasin board thing, but give me the benefit of the doubt, okay? I think Syaoran's chant was correct. I really wanted the non-translated version, but I couldn't find it online and I daren't try and work it out from the anime/manga. Also, I think that Tomoyo addresses her mother as 'okaa-sama' rather than 'okaa-san', at least in the manga. I know it's not the normal term, but I swear that's what she uses. Of course, I may be wrong …