Void

A/N: What's the matter with me? I try to write fluff and I end up with yet more tears. Oy vey. However, if it helps: There will be a kiss next chapter!! (And no, not between Sakura and Tai!)

Sorry for the delay, folks – a few minor technical hitches! But the good news is that chapter nine is finished, and just needs editing before it can be posted!

Hope all of you who celebrated Easter yesterday had a great time and loads of chocolate! And as always, thank you to the wonderful reviewers – particularly jennycuenca, my 200th reviewer! – and to SilentCynara for dealing with all of this plus my extra scenes and indecisiveness, and pushing me towards the fluff! Coz let's face it, I need all the help I can get XD

Chapter Eight: Unspoken

Sakura skipped out of her room, dressed in a white summer dress in preparation for her family dinner that evening. A smile spread across her face as she saw Syaoran, sitting in the same place he'd been all day: on the floor, his back against a couch and his shirt sleeves rolled up, frowning intensely as he studied the ancient tome propped up on his knees.

He looked so cute when he was concentrating.

Syaoran looked up and saw her staring and him, before becoming flustered and dropping the book.

Sakura giggled as she slowly made her way over to him, peering at the papers scattered around him, which were covered in his own notes and charts. He'd been at their apartment every day for a week now, trawling the books in hope of finding an answer for her.

Bending down, Sakura picked up several pieces of notepaper, covered in complex looking diagrams of astrological signs and quickly scribbled incantations. "Wow, this looks interesting," she said excitedly. "What are these?"

"Well …" Syaoran smiled slightly, pulling the paper out of her hands and turning it the right way up. "Clow's written a lot of complex theories regarding astrological influences on magic – he was governed by the moon and the sun, you have your star, etcetera …"

Sakura briefly wondered how he knew about her star, but she didn't interrupt him.

"… So I was drawing out the symbols and seeing if there was a way to combine certain aspects that, according to Clow's theory, could render certain magic sources dormant."

She looked at him excitedly. "And is there?"

"Um … no."

"Oh."

For some reason, Sakura was struck by the strongest urge to giggle, but she stopped herself. "How long did this take you?" she asked curiously.

"About seventeen hours."

"Oh, Syaoran-kun …" she breathed, suddenly feeling guilty. All this time he was sacrificing for what was probably a lost cause.

"Oh, ah, no – don't worry," Syaoran babbled, seeing the look on her face. "I mean, it was actually pretty interesting … I quite enjoyed it."

Sakura did smile at that, before announcing, "You're a geek."

"I – hey!" he protested indignantly.

She started laughing. "Don't get me wrong, it's okay to be a little geeky!"

"I am not a geek!" Syaoran scowled, grabbing a cushion from the couch and throwing it at her.

Before he even knew what was happening, Sakura had launched herself at him with an armada of cushions in tow.

He couldn't help but laugh. In less than a week, he and Sakura had merged into some strange kind of a normal relationship, interspersed with moments of intense awkwardness and guilt. Which was why he lived for moments like this – when she was relaxed and happy, and he could pretend that they were just another normal couple …

"Um … am I interrupting anything?"

Sakura and Syaoran suddenly looked at each other, blushing furiously when they realised that Sakura was now straddling Syaoran's waist as she playfully bopped him over the head with a throw pillow. Sakura virtually threw herself off Syaoran, while he picked up a random book and began to leaf through it intensely.

"Oh ho ho ho ho …" Tomoyo laughed evilly, earning herself a glare from Syaoran as she sat primly on a chair. "So … how's it going?"

"Not good," Syaoran replied. He would have said it was pointless, but he didn't want to upset Sakura.

"I'm sorry," Tomoyo said. "I'd offer to help, but I need to head to the studio in half an hour."

Sakura frowned. "It's six o'clock!"

"I know, but I think I'm going to have to pull an all-nighter up there – we've got a huge show in a couple of days. But anyway – I've been thinking," Tomoyo sighed heavily. "I think we ought to call Hiiragizawa-kun."

"No," Sakura said shortly.

Syaoran beamed despite himself. "I agree."

Tomoyo frowned at her friend, completely bemused. "What do you mean no -?"

"We're not dragging anyone into this who doesn't have to be," Sakura replied firmly. She bit her lip as she realised that Syaoran was very much involved, and she hadn't once protested against his help – but that was different. She needed Syaoran.

"But –"

"I'm the mistress," Sakura sighed heavily, picking up one of Syaoran's books. "I have to be able to deal with things like this; it's my job!"

"Hiiragizawa-kun might be able to help," Tomoyo insisted.

"No, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura said. And that was the end of that.

A slightly awkward silence fell between the three of them, and so Syaoran decided to break it. "Do you have a calculator?"

Tomoyo looked at him oddly. "Why do you want … no, I don't even dare ask. There's one on the desk in my room, help yourself."

Syaoran got to his feet, deciding to let the girls hash out their differences over Hiiragizawa Eriol without him – he had no desire to discuss the pompous bastard who was, in his opinion, more trouble than he was worth.

He sighed as he headed for Tomoyo's desk, wondering how on earth he'd ended up in two different girl's rooms in as many weeks. The desk was nothing like he'd expected – while the rest of the room was immaculate, Tomoyo's desk consisted of piles of papers, sketches, watercolour paints, magazines … the list went on. Finally he seized the calculator and turned to leave – but something stopped him in his tracks.

Up on the highest shelf, tucked away in the corner, was the bear he'd given Sakura all those years ago.

Almost as if in a trance, Syaoran moved towards the toy, pulling it down and holding it in his arms as if it were made of glass. He sat on the bed and ran a hand over the material, remembering each painstaking stitch, each carefully measured piece of fabric, the hours he had spent slaving away, knowing-but-not-knowing who the bear was really intended for. And then he'd handed it to her at the airport – back when he was a child and had been foolish enough to consider leaving her voluntarily, before he'd known what life without Sakura was like. She'd taken it, and neither of them had said a word – but she'd smiled for him, and he'd never felt that happy …

"I'm sorry."

Syaoran jumped, turning round to see Tomoyo standing in the doorway. He must've been in there for longer than he realised.

Tomoyo shut the door behind her, keeping her voice low as she approached him. "I didn't want to take it away, I really didn't," the girl said, sounding sadder than he'd ever heard her before. "But she just … she kept crying, every time she'd look at it. She couldn't remember how she'd gotten it, but somehow it still made her feel … she'd just burst into tears and stay in her room for hours, cuddling it. She wouldn't throw it away, no matter what we told her. So I …"

"Why did you keep it?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know," Tomoyo sighed. "It felt like throwing it away … would be giving up on her. On both of you."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this for her," Syaoran mused, tracing the bear's face with his finger. "Void was supposed to take her feelings, not her memories. That stupid card must have known there were things that would remind her and make her cry."

"Kero-chan said the memories had to be taken too," Tomoyo sighed. "Feelings and memories are just … too interlinked for someone like her. I mean, how could Sakura-chan remember you and what you'd done for her without … without feeling …"

He nodded to show he understood. "It's still a risk, though. I mean what if – I don't know – she found your tapes of the card captures, for example? What happens when she's forced to remember?"

"It would destroy her," Tomoyo replied bluntly. "Her mind would break. That's why we've been so careful – it's why we didn't try and make you come back after you went home. It's why I destroyed all of my tapes."

Syaoran's mouth fell open. "You … destroyed the tapes?" he echoed in disbelief. For the longest time those tapes had been Tomoyo's life.

"I had to. I couldn't risk it, especially when we started living together," she said sadly. "She's the most important thing. You know that, Li-kun."

For the longest time the two of them sat there, staring at the stuffed bear and all it represented. Then Syaoran thrust it at her, unable to look at it any longer. "We should get back in there – she might start to worry," he said stiffly.

"But Li-kun –"

He walked out to find Sakura practically bouncing, obviously bored from being left alone too long. "Ne, ne, Syaoran-kun!" she cried excitedly, patting the spot next to her. "Come help me with this, would you?"

Syaoran smiled slightly, her enthusiasm alleviating the ache in his stomach temporarily. "What's the matter?"

"It's these diagrams," Sakura pouted, brandishing a book in his face as he sat beside her on the floor. "I don't get it."

"Let me see," he instructed.

To his shock, Sakura picked herself up and settled herself between his legs, her back resting comfortably against his chest. "See?" she asked, holding the book up in front of him. "I can't figure out what the symbols are representing because the key is in English."

Syaoran didn't know what to say – he couldn't say anything. All he could register was that Sakura was pressed right up against him, so warm and so soft and just … perfect. How could she expect him to think in this position? He couldn't breathe in this position.

"Syaoran-kun?"

"Uhhh …" Okay, all he had to do was just stay calm and answer the question – what was it about Kinomoto Sakura that turned him back into a stuttering ten-year-old? "D'you want me to find you a book in Japanese?"

She giggled. "No, I want to know about this! It looks so interesting!"

"Um … w-well …" Syaoran stammered helplessly.

Sakura twisted round to face him, frowning in concern. "Are you okay? You look a bit funny."

Initially he thanked God for making her so naïve. Then she started to move her hand through his hair in what he assumed she thought was a soothing motion. To him it was more like fanning the flames.

"You're hair's so soft," Sakura observed quietly, leaning her forehead against his.

Syaoran desperately tried to get a hold of himself, though he felt as if his heart was going to burst right out of his body. "I – uh …"

Sakura shifted again, turning so that she was fully facing him, her body completely pressed against his as she continued to stroke his hair. Suddenly she felt herself moving closer towards him, and she felt the strongest desire to –

The telephone started ringing, and for the second time that night Sakura flung herself as far away from Syaoran as possible.

Syaoran watched her with wide eyes as she scrambled for the phone. It had looked, felt like she was about to kiss him. The very thought made his stomach turn over with nerves, but he couldn't deny it was something he wanted, more than anything. He was fascinated by the thought of her lips on his, but at the same time he felt awful for even thinking about it. How could he look at Sakura in that was when she was going through such hell, when she was seeing another man?

But she was the one who did it, he thought, smiling at her softly. It was a small comfort to think that maybe, just maybe, she'd been thinking the same sort of thing about him.

"H-Hello?" Sakura answered the phone rather breathlessly.

"Kaijuu," a voice answered gruffly. "Me and Yuki are in the car outside, get down here."

"O-Onii-chan?" Sakura stuttered, still trying to pull herself together. "I told you I was taking the subway!"

"And I decided we're giving you a lift," Touya countered, "So hurry up."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Baka onii-chan – Syaoran-kun, can you throw me my purse?"

"What the – Sakura!" Touya barked, suddenly alert. "That gaki had better not be in your apartment!"

She blinked in confusion. "What gaki?"

"The Li kid!" Touya roared back.

"Hoe?" Sakura frowned. "I didn't know you and Syaoran-kun knew each other."

"We met at the coffee shop," Touya started to explain, before stopping and moving on to more important issues. "Look, I don't want you hanging around him."

"Honestly, onii-chan …" Sakura sighed. "I thought you got over this anti-boy thing!"

"What gave you that idea?"

"Well I know you always joke 'No boys' and stuff, but you've never been worried about me seeing Tai-kun," she pointed out distractedly, pulling on her shoes.

That was because she didn't love Tai. Touya knew full well that he didn't have to worry about his sister as far as Tai was concerned – she wouldn't let him come near her. She couldn't. He no longer needed to do the protective big brother act, because Sakura had, in effect, become her own safety net.

Syaoran, however, was another story. Sakura could easily fall in love with him again. And that made him a threat – the only threat that Touya was really worried about.

"Just don't get too close to him," Touya ordered.

Sakura blushed guiltily. "Why would I?"

"No reason," Touya sighed. "Just get down here, okay?"

She frowned in confusion as he hung up, before replacing the phone and grabbing her purse. "So … do I look okay?" she asked shyly.

"You look …" Syaoran knew he should say fine, but that didn't really feel adequate enough. "… Nice."

Sakura beamed as though he'd just called her the most beautiful woman in the world. "Thank you – oh, I'd better run. Will you be here when I get back?"

"Probably." He usually stayed until late at night.

She smiled again, and blew him another kiss (it had become a habit of hers lately, and had absolutely nothing to do with her desire to feel his lips beneath hers – nothing at all). "I'll see you then – bye! Bye, Tomoyo-chan! Good luck at the studio!" she added in the direction of her best friend's room, before happily skipping out of the front door.

Syaoran sighed heavily – he was never going to understand the way she acted around him. One minute she was friendly, the next embarrassed, and the next she was all over him as if she wanted to …

Still, no matter how confusing he found it, he was sure it was a million times worse for her.

xxx

"… And here she was when we went to Malaysia, just before you were born, Touya-san. She had to slather herself in sun cream because she burns so easily!"

Sakura smiled, dutifully accepting the photograph of her mother that was being passed around. Family dinners at her father's house ended this way at least half of the time, with Fujitaka breaking out the photographs of his deceased wife. It might seem a little depressing, but in truth it wasn't – Fujitaka told the funniest stories about her, and they always laughed and joked and had a good time. It was a celebration of Nadeshiko's life, rather than mourning, and it just felt like a nice way to include her in their gathering.

"And this," Fujitaka said fondly, handing another set of pictures to Touya, "Was your mother's last photo shoot before she had you. She always said they were so good because she was excited at the prospect of having a baby."

Touya laughed, his manner gentler than it was usually. He always softened whenever his mother was mentioned.

"She was so pretty," Sakura sighed wistfully.

"She really was," her father agreed, looking at a stray picture with a smile on his face. "She looked a lot like you, Sakura-san – in the face, and the eyes, and the smile."

Sakura blushed slightly, just as she always did when people compared her to the beauty that was her mother.

"Anyway," Fujitaka sighed heavily, getting to his feet. "Let's get you kids some dessert."

Sakura, Touya and Yukito followed him through to the kitchen, all four of them comfortably quiet. Fujitaka cut them some cake, sat with them a little while, then headed back out to the living room to clean up the pictures.

"I worry about him sometimes, all by himself," Sakura sighed, picking at her cake.

"He's fine, kaijuu," Touya replied, rolling his eyes. "Not everyone needs to be bouncing off the walls twenty-four seven to be happy."

Sakura glared at him, and was ready to retort when her father suddenly burst back into the kitchen, his face as white as paste.

"Sakura-san," he choked out, "Touya-san … Yukito-san … tell me one of you put the pictures away before we came out here?"

All three shot him an odd look. "What are you talking about, otou-san?" Touya asked worriedly.

"They're gone," Fujitaka replied shakily. "All the pictures … everything of your mother's that we had out. It's all just disappeared."

"What?" Touya barked, leaping to his feet and running out of the room.

"It's all right," Yukito said quickly, his voice low and soothing as he guided Fujitaka to the kitchen table. "It can't have disappeared – it'll be around somewhere, you'll see." He shot an anxious look at Sakura, who had gone so white she looked like she was about to pass out. "Let's just calm down," he continued, looking at her pointedly. "We don't even know that anything's happened yet."

That theory was shot down the moment Touya reappeared. "It's all gone. Everything."

"Well," Yukito fumbled, desperately trying to keep everyone calm. "It – It was just a couple of boxes …"

"No, Yuki," Touya spat. "I went up to the attic – everything's gone. Every single box, picture, everything we saved … god dammit, even the piano's gone!"

Touya punctuated his statement by slamming his fist into the wall in anger, causing Sakura to let out a frightened cry.

"Touya, don't!" Yukito said firmly, rushing over and putting an arm around him. "That won't help, we'll find them …"

"How the hell do we do that, Yuki?" Touya ranted, shooting a look at his sister. Sakura felt awful – Touya would walk through hell for her, but a direct attack on their mother was the one thing he couldn't stomach. She hung her head, feeling more miserable that she ever had before.

"It's not her fault," Yukito whispered sharply in his ear.

"I know," Touya ground out. "I just – I don't – this is my mother we're talking about!"

"Otou-san?" Sakura said in a small voice, reaching her hand across to her father. "Otou-san, are you okay?"

Fujitaka was motionless, in an almost catatonic state as he stared at the spot on the table where Nadeshiko's picture used to rest.

"Otou-san?" she tried again, her voice breaking as her father again refused to respond to her.

"Touya, let's take him upstairs," Yukito said quickly. "He doesn't look well."

"What should I do?" Sakura asked almost desperately.

"You stay here," Yukito replied kindly. "Just calm yourself down and … well, if you need to do anything, we'll be upstairs for a while, okay?"

Sakura watched them go, before leaning her head on her arms and trying to fight off the tears. She couldn't forget the look on her father's face when he'd come running in – her wonderful, kind father who had always been so strong … even when her mother had died, he'd never lost it in front of his children. But this … this was just too much. No one deserved this less than her father did …

If you need to do anything, we'll be upstairs for a while, okay?

Sakura's eyes flashed, and she hurried through to the living room, slamming the door shut behind her. She wrenched the key from around her neck, held it out in front of her, and began reciting the spell she hadn't used in years.

Hoshi no chikara o himeshi kagi yo
Shin no sutaga o ware no mae ni shimese
Keiyaku no moto Sakura ga meijiru
Release!

She felt more powerful with her staff in her hands, and somewhat calmer. She had to deal with this quickly.

Sakura pulled out the Void card, now regretting her decision to start carrying it with her again. She'd stopped leaving it at home after it had taken a whole batch of Tomoyo's sketches, but after today she figured it would have to be banished to the book again.

"Void! I want to talk to you – show yourself at once!" she ordered angrily.

Nothing happened. The card merely floated in the air as though mocking her.

She knew she shouldn't be surprised. But Sakura could feel panic rising in her chest, feel her throat tightening and her heart beginning to pound.

"As your mistress, I'm ordering you to materialise!" she tried again, hearing her voice starting to shake.

The card remained unchanged, and Sakura dropped the staff to the ground in defeat. If she needed any more proof that the Void was out of her control, this was it. She had just denied a direct order from her mistress, which should be impossible.

Sakura hung her head, feeling tears burn her eyes as helplessness raged within her. She didn't want to hurt the card, she really didn't. And yet she was contemplating doing exactly what she'd scolded Syaoran for last week. She didn't want to hurt her – just to make her come out.

"This is your last chance!" Sakura tried desperately. "Show yourself or I'll have to make you!"

In retaliation, an entire cabinet of rare artefacts that Fujitaka had collected from all over the world was engulfed in a black sphere, before vanishing out of sight.

Sakura lost it. "Why are you doing this?" she yelled, lifting the Wood in an attempt to force the Void out of her sanctuary without being too violent.

She never even got to issue the command. To her horror, the card in her hand vanished into nothingness, before a beam of dark magic shot out of the Void and slammed into her chest. Sakura flew across the room, crashing into something and feeling glass breaking all around her, showering into her hair, onto her face. Then a particularly large piece swung down, imbedding itself into the skin of her arm.

Everything went black.

xxx

When Sakura burst back into the apartment at ten o'clock, she was bruised, battered, and clutching at a gash on her forearm.

Syaoran sprang to his feet, his books falling to the floor with a clatter as he ran to her. "What the hell?" he muttered in disbelief.

Before he knew what was happening, Sakura had flung herself into his arms, clinging to him as if he was her only lifeline. Syaoran swallowed, awkwardly placing his arms around her and realising to his dismay that she was shaking. "What is it?" he asked her anxiously.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice trembling as much as her body, "Oh God, I'm so sorry, but please … please can you stay a while? I can't bear it; I can't stand this any more …"

"Hey," Syaoran interrupted gently, feeling worry flare up in him as he watched the constantly positive girl struggle to keep herself from falling to pieces. "Of course I'll stay if you – what's happened? What's the matter?"

"W-We had a fight," Sakura sniffed, sounding as if she was desperately trying not to cry.

"What do you mean?" Syaoran asked uncertainly, taking her bag from her and gently leading her over to the couch.

"Me and her," Sakura said, her voice unsteady. "She – I tried to make her come out of the card. I just … I wanted her to face me, to tell me why she's doing all this …"

"What did she do?" Syaoran asked.

"But she wouldn't come, no matter how many times I ordered her to," she continued, completely ignoring Syaoran's question. "I wasn't going to hurt her – I just wanted to talk, to try and work something out …"

"What did she do to you?" he repeated more firmly.

"She – She took everything," Sakura replied weakly, her lower lip trembling. "W-We had pictures out – my mother's pictures – and she took everything of hers … oh, all of okaa-san's pictures … and I never even got to show them to you …"

"Sakura …" Syaoran said softly, not knowing what to say, unable to ask why she'd wanted to show her mother's pictures to him, of all people.

"My father was in pieces," she murmured, a tiny sob escaping before she clamped her lips shut against it, her whole body shaking with the effort of trying not to cry. "I've never seen otou-san look so … so …"

Syaoran sighed heavily, gently touching her bleeding arm. "How did this …?"

"S-She got angry when I tried to make her come out," she said. "She hit out at me with one of her … energy … things. I hit the television and everything smashed, and now otou-san and onii-chan and Yukito-san are going to worry and I didn't want that, I didn't …"

"Let me clean you up," Syaoran said, a little more bluntly than he'd intended. He'd never been very good at dealing with crying people.

"I know she's upset," Sakura continued, even as he went into the bathroom in search of a first aid kit, "But – but that was my mother. At least the others remember her, but I don't, and those pictures … they were all I had …"

"We'll get them back," Syaoran said gruffly, trying to control his instinct to rip the card away from Sakura and set it on fire.

"I just can't reason with her … I don't know what to do …" she said, sounding like a lost little girl as Syaoran placed her arm on his lap and began applying disinfectant to it.

"Did your family see anything?" Syaoran asked, hating himself for being so business-like about this. She needed comfort, he knew – he just didn't know how to give it.

"N-No," Sakura shook her head slightly. "She waited until we were out of the room. Onii-chan came down after she threw me at the television, but I was only unconscious for a few seconds, so I got up and just ran past him, I – I didn't know how to explain it, I couldn't face him – oh, he's so mad at me for this …"

"I'm sure he'll understand," Syaoran said gently, knowing that Touya would probably be able to guess what happened.

They sat together in silence for a while, as Syaoran carefully bandaged up her arm. Then to his dismay, he saw drops of water falling on to the material, and he looked up to see Sakura sobbing silently, tears falling down her face and into her lap.

"Sakura," he said, completely at a loss. "I – don't cry, please …"

"I'm sorry!" she choked out, pressing a hand to her mouth as though trying to keep her cries in. "I'm so sorry, I – maybe you should go …"

"I'm not leaving you like this," Syaoran replied firmly, reaching over and prying her hand away from her lips. "If you want to cry, then cry. There's no point in trying to stop it."

The dam broke at those words, and Sakura fell forward onto his lap like a puppet that had had its strings cut, sobbing almost hysterically. Syaoran didn't say anything – he didn't know what to say. He was awful at things like this. So he rubbed her back and stroked her hair, hoping she knew that it was the most he knew how to offer her.

Some time later her cries subsided, and Syaoran looked down to see that she was fast asleep, her head lolling against his shoulder and an arm wrapped loosely around his waist. He didn't want to move her, even though the position was less than comfortable. Instead he picked up her hand, toying with her fingers gently (had her hands always been this much smaller than his?) as he watched her sleep. She really was beautiful, he thought. Then again, she always had been. Her hair might be longer and her face might be more defined, but she was still the beautiful girl he'd fallen in love with ten years ago.

Sakura whimpered in her sleep, and Syaoran instinctively held her tighter, letting out a shaky breath. She wasn't the same though, he knew. This Sakura had dark circles under her eyes and tensed up in her sleep. This Sakura was dreaming of things he couldn't even begin to imagine.

"Shhhh …" he hushed her softly, pushing her hair back from her forehead. "Only good dreams tonight."

"Kid?"

Syaoran blushed hotly, embarrassed at being caught out by the plushie. Still, Kero was an ally, and he'd take what he could get. "Did you hear what happened?"

Kero nodded. "I could hear her in the other room, but I thought I should leave her with you for a little while."

Kero being sensitive – now there was a first.

"Put her in the bed," the guardian suggested gently, "Lord knows she needs the sleep."

Syaoran was reluctant to let her go, but he knew Kero was right – if she woke up in this position she'd only be embarrassed. So while Kero flew off into the kitchen after a midnight snack, he picked Sakura up carefully and took her into her room, laying her down on the unmade bed. He didn't dare change her – his heart couldn't take it, and besides, Kero would kill him – so he took off her shoes and jewellery before covering her up with the blanket.

He smoothed the material down for longer than was necessary, unable to tear his eyes away from her face. For the moment she was relaxed and peaceful, and Syaoran couldn't help but watch her lips, which were slightly parted as she slept. He swallowed hard, gently brushing her hair back again. "Sweet dreams, okay?" he said softly, willing himself to get to his feet.

But he couldn't. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her lips. He bent closer to her, wanting nothing more than to press his lips to hers and kiss her, just this once, this one time. It couldn't hurt, could it? She would never know …

He hovered over her, his lips only a hair's breadth away from hers. All he had to do was lean forward slightly, and he'd be kissing the woman he loved.

Suddenly it struck him just what he was doing. Syaoran tore himself away from her, falling off the bed and onto the floor. He sat there, breathing heavily and shaking in pure disbelief. He'd almost taken advantage of her – tried to force himself on her. If he'd done that and she'd woken up …

Syaoran swore softly in self-loathing, before spinning back to look at Sakura. She was still sleeping. Frantically he grabbed her hand, pressing his lips to the back of it and the palm and the fingers, again and again and again. "I'm sorry," he murmured desperately, kissing her fingertips. "I'm so, so sorry …"

He calmed down eventually, placing her hand back on the bed as he shakily made his way out of the room. He had to be more careful than that. She deserved more from him.

"You off?" Kero asked him, his mouth full of pudding as he watched Syaoran packing up his stuff.

Syaoran nodded. "I'll take some books with me and work on them at the hotel. She needs peace and quiet."

The guardian beast was watching him closely, and Syaoran blushed guiltily, knowing that Kero was not as ignorant as he pretended to be. "Nothing happened," he defended himself instinctively.

"I know," Kero shrugged.

"Yeah – well …" Syaoran fumbled, before stuffing some of his notes into his briefcase and getting to his feet. "See you tomorrow."

"See ya," Kero replied, settling down with his pudding.

He walked down the hall and had his hand on the doorknob when –

"SYAORAN!"

Wide-eyed, Syaoran swung round to look at a surprisingly calm Kero in horror, before dropping his briefcase and running back into her room.

When he got there, he saw why Kero hadn't reacted the way he'd expected. She was still asleep, and the card didn't appear to have placed her in any mortal danger. But she was crying – screaming and sobbing his name as she tossed and turned, the blanket on the floor and the sheets twisted round her limbs.

"Sakura – Sakura, stop!" he cried, hurrying over and grabbing her flailing hands before she caught anything on her nightstand. "It's okay, it's just a dream."

"Syaoran!" she sobbed quietly. "No, no, no … please don't … don't take him away …"

He felt his heart break, and he picked up her trembling form and pressed it against his chest. He might not be any good at comforting, but this was unbearable – he had to do something. "Shhh," he hushed her, his voice quavering slightly. "I'm right here."

"No," Sakura cried quietly, clinging to him in her sleep. "I don't want you to go …"

"I'm not going anywhere," he soothed. To his horror, he saw two cards fly out of her bedside drawer and disappear into thin air. He tensed for a moment, considering withdrawing his sword and trying to get them back – but where would that get him? He had no idea what he could do to return them, and besides, Sakura needed him more right now. So he sat with her, rocking her back and forth as her cries gradually died out.

When she was finally quiet, Syaoran laid her back down, extricating her legs from the sheets and covering her with the blanket for the second time that night. He took up her hand again, content to sit beside her all night if he had to and chase her demons away.

"M'sorry …" she mumbled, and for a moment he thought she'd woken up. But her eyes were closed, and she was just talking in her sleep.

"Shhh …" he hushed her, placing a kiss on her forehead despite himself. "You have nothing to be sorry for …"

"Sorry I didn't try harder," Sakura whimpered, tears slipping out from under her closed eyelids. "I wanted to keep you with me … I tried, Syaoran-kun …"

"I know," Syaoran assured her, his voice trembling no matter how hard he fought to remain in control. "I know you tried."

"I miss you," she sobbed to herself, clenching the sheets in her fists as she cried. "I miss you … I want you back with me …"

"Sakura, please," Syaoran begged, unable to take any more but unable to leave her either.

"And I'm sorry …" she continued to whisper, "n'ver told you … I never said …"

Syaoran felt his chest constrict as he realised what she was trying to say, and his eyes and throat began to burn. "It's okay. I knew. And I …" His voice broke, and before he could stop himself two tears had fallen onto the bedspread.

"I love you too."