River Deep, Mountain High

Standard disclaimers apply to this piece of Christy fan fiction.

This story continues where the TV series left off.

Any similarities to other works of Christy fan fiction are purely coincidental and unintentional.

Chapter 32

Alice Henderson finally returned to the Mission after a long trip to Cataleechie. The children there were always so excited to see her, and they brought her intense joy during her visits. Still, after having been delayed once because of the weather, she was eager to get back to Cutter Gap after such an exhausting journey.

The Mission was unusually quiet when Alice arrived. The flurry of activity from the holidays ended, and Cecile had left to return to her home in Freedom, Kentucky. But with her keen sense of observation, Alice Henderson soon realized that not everything was as she left it at the Mission. In her typical Quaker fashion, Alice kept her suspicions and uncertainties closely guarded for a few days, retreating into one of her periods of silence so she could better study the situation and listen for the voice of God to guide her actions.

Christy's previous elation at returning to Cutter Gap from her visit in Asheville had been completely crushed. Her relationship with David was still strained and unresolved, and now Neil's recent behavior and harsh words left her feeling lost, confused, and above all else, extremely hurt. She had never felt so alone before. Miss Alice had just arrived from Cataleechie but seemed preoccupied, and Fairlight had her hands full caring for Least'un and Lulu, who were sick with whooping cough. Christy was not even sure she could find the inner strength to speak to either woman about what happened with Neil. The wound was deep and the pain too fresh.

Two days passed since Alice returned to the Mission, and she finally decided to approach the young school teacher. Through her period of quiet observation, it became obvious to her that something was seriously bothering Christy. Alice knew she needed to reach out to her.

"Christy, I have been watching you since my return," Miss Alice said to her one evening. "Thee is in agony."

Looking up from the book that was resting on her lap, Christy looked deeply into Alice's eyes, soft with concern under the reflection of the flickering light from the fire. Suddenly, she could not hold back any longer, and she crumbled under the load of her burdens. The floodgates now opened, Christy found it impossible to contain the emotions she had fought to keep buried inside for several days. Miss Alice moved to sit beside her on the settee in the parlor and listened with an open ear and an open heart as Christy told her about Neil's drunken outrage and described the cruelty of his behavior and words.

"Oh, Miss Alice," Christy cried, "he said such terrible things!

The anguish emanated from Christy's blue eyes when she spoke, which were moist with the onslaught of fresh tears. While she poured out her soul to Miss Alice and released the burdens that been consuming her, she slowly began to feel the weight lifting from her chest at last.

"We'd been such good friends," she continued, "or at least I thought we were. Neil even seemed to be a little happier and more at peace since Margaret's death…" Realizing what she said, Christy immediately wished to retract her words. Her hand flew to cover her mouth apologetically. "Oh, Miss Alice, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean—"

Christy was silenced by a finger pressing gently against her lips. The calm Quaker woman smiled lovingly and reassuringly, and said, "Hush now, Christy. There is no need to apologize. As I told you once before, Margaret is gone. And thou art another gift."

The warm finger moved to wipe away a tear that began descending down Christy's cheek. The understanding expression on Alice's face told Christy that she had no reason to fear upsetting her by speaking of Margaret. Though Margaret was Alice's daughter and she loved her dearly, the pain evident in the young woman who she loved as a second child was what troubled her at the moment.

"Miss Alice, I don't think I can stay here like this." Christy shook her head, and her gaze dropped from Alice's. She felt ashamed, as if she were letting down the woman who had been her mentor and close friend for over two years. "Not only has my friendship with Neil fallen apart, but David still isn't speaking to me."

Alice was shocked at the revelation of David's behavior. She thought he and Christy had worked through their differences and had renewed their friendship after he finally accepted Christy's decision not to marry him. Alice could tell that, while this disturbed Christy, it was not the primary cause of her immediate distress. She knew that this situation with David was another matter that she would have to confront David about in the near future, but for the present time, Christy's relationship with Neil remained her focus.

"Christy, Neil MacNeill is a stubborn man," Alice began. "He's been hurt badly in the past, and I fear," she added cautiously, "that he is afraid of getting hurt again."

Not comprehending the hidden meaning in Miss Alice's words, Christy's face contorted in confusion. "But I don't understand. Why would he say those awful things to me?"

"Because he loves you, Christy," Alice said matter-of-factly.

The young woman was utterly baffled, unsure at first if she had heard Miss Alice's words correctly or if she had only imagined them. The bewilderment was plastered all over her face. She dropped her glance from the Quaker lady for a long moment, pondering the statement in her mind before lifting her head to meet soft gray eyes that twinkled perceptively and brows that were raised in a knowing expression.

"I don't…" Christy's voice faded and she shook her head, uncertain.

Then Christy's mind was instantly flooded by memories of Doctor MacNeill. It was as if she were standing at a distance watching herself and Neil from outside her own body as these scenes began to play out in her head. She instantly remembered all of the subtle things Neil had said to her over the years and the small, enigmatic expressions that would come across his face that she had not been able to decipher. The mysteries immediately began to unravel themselves, and the pieces of the puzzle that was Neil MacNeill suddenly shifted into place right before her eyes.

She recalled the time Neil asked if she would miss him while he was away in Low Gap. The look on his face during the Scarlett Fever epidemic when he lamented on her caring for Dan Scott because it wasn't him. The rivalry with David. The way he gazed at her when he released the fish back into the rippling waters of the river. "The dance is more important than the frying pan," he told her. Was that what this was? A Dance? Christy wondered.

The memories and visions continued to assault her, and Christy could feel her head spinning under their power. She remembered his expression when he told her that he'd finally forgotten Margaret, and then he placed the wreath of goldenrod on her head like a crown. She had dreamt of Neil's strong arms pulling her up behind him on Charlie, and she could feel her cares and worries vanish on the wind as the two of them rode away together. That sweet dream ended much too soon. Then Christy saw the look in Neil's eyes when he rode to the schoolhouse that day when David proposed…

Alice Henderson took Christy's face between her hands, gazing deeply into her watery blue orbs until she saw the sudden realization wash over her countenance like a river. Christy sat and stared wide-eyed. She felt a fool for having not seen it sooner.

"You needn't struggle so, child." Miss Alice's presence was gentle and comforting. "I have been observing you and Neil very closely for quite some time," she confessed.

"We've never behaved improperly. We're just friends, Miss Alice. Nothing more," Christy said defensively. She recalled the time when Alice chastised her for having a close relationship with Neil, for sharing secrets and making him forget everyone else when she was around, especially Margaret.

Alice smiled to assure her. "No, thee has never behaved improperly. I see the love that you both have for the children and for the people of this Cove. I see the way you two work together to help others. And I have seen the joy in each of you since you've grown closer," she said. Miss Alice stared into Christy's eyes as if she were peering into her very soul. "Do my eyes deceive me as to the depth of your feeling?"

Christy instantly blushed, the truth in the statement clearly written on her face. It is true that Neil MacNeill had become an increasingly important part of her life since she first came to Cutter Gap two years ago. She relied on him for help with the children's education, and she counted on him for sound advice, even when she did not agree with it. Neil always brought her back to earth when she got carried away in her planning for improvements to make in Cutter Gap. He made Christy see the harsh realities, but he never crushed her spirit or ambitions because he understood the good intention that was always behind them.

Neil had become her mentor, her confidante, her best friend. He had the power to make her blood boil one minute and her heart leap in her chest with the joy the next. Christy wondered before if she really did love Neil MacNeill when she was faced with the difficult decision of accepting or declining David's proposal of marriage, but she never truly expected that he might actually love her – that he might love her likethat – even after Margaret's death. But he and Christy had become so close these past months. She felt he had let his guard down when he confided in her about his loneliness after he gave her Margaret's red scarf. He eagerly helped her with science demonstrations and became a more regular presence in her classroom. They went on long walks together, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. How could she not have realized it sooner? Christy asked herself. Yes, she did love him, more than she ever imagined possible. She wondered how she could have been so blind.

Christy felt her heart begin to race at the unexpected realization. At the same time, her mind was filled with so many questions, so many uncertainties.

"Has thee considered that Neil thought he had to hurt you? That he had to push you away first, before he let himself get hurt?" Alice proposed the possibility, as if reading Christy's thoughts.

"But I wouldn't do anything to hurt Neil. He's my friend. Or at least, he was," Christy corrected herself, her voice laden with sadness.

"And he is still," Alice reassured her. "Of course, thee would never do anything to hurt Neil. Except, perhaps, reject him."

The bitter words Neil had hurled at Christy in his angry, drunken rage suddenly took on new meaning. "A young woman and her child died needlessly last night, and a man has just lost the woman he loved more than anything." She remembered that look in his eyes. It was a familiar one, but one that she could never put her finger on until that moment.

She also recalled what Neil said when she saw him after returning from Asheville. He told her he had been afraid she would not return. She realized that Neil was afraid of losing her, as Miss Alice suggested. Christy marveled once again at how Neil MacNeill always seemed to know the secrets that were in her heart even before she did.

"Oh, Miss Alice, do you really think…" Christy swallowed hard and felt her heart flutter in her rib cage. She was almost afraid to think the thought lest it be untrue. "…that Neil loves me?"

The corners of her mouth turned up in a peaceful expression. "I am most certain of it, Christy." Her smile faded, however, as she continued to speak from her heart. "But Neil is in a great deal of pain, his wounds mostly self-inflicted, I am afraid. He is struggling with his own doubts and insecurities, and he feels that he has no one to turn to. Not even God."

"I want to help him more than anything," Christy admitted. "Because I love him, too."

"I know you do, child." Miss Alice reached a tender hand to touch Christy's face. "I know you do."

Christy felt her previous inner struggle dissipate in Alice Henderson's serene presence. She knew that to deny her feelings for Neil was to deny the love that had been put in her heart by God. She no longer had to question her intuition when it came to Neil MacNeill. Now, what she wanted more than anything was to help Neil overcome his own pain and conquer his feelings of self-doubt. But how? Christy wondered.

She contemplated what she could do to make Neil realize that he was a good person and a good doctor, that he was worthy of her love as well as God's. Then, just like Miss Alice had often described, Christy felt the Light come to her. All at once, the darkness vanished from her expression, and for the first time since she returned from Asheville, Alice saw the life and vitality return to Christy's bright blue eyes.

"It's like that time with Opal," Christy began with excitement, "when she overheard me blaming her for her baby's death, and she fell into a deep state of depression. You said, 'love her until the hurt goes away'."

Miss Alice smiled in understanding, and the two women embraced.

Love him until the hurt goes way, Christy mused. As with Opal, it would not be an easy task, she realized. It would take both time and patience. Christy could feel her strength and resolve gradually building as she repeated those words in her mind, over and over again. And suddenly, she knew exactly what she needed to do.

***

TO BE CONTINUED