Aftermath intro plays, with scenes featuring the eliminated contestants sliced in
Haruhi
"Look, I'm not saying Light's a bad guy, but be careful. He might be trying to manipulate you".
Draco
"But mummy, I swear, the hippogriff ate the chandelier. How else would there be cookies in the basement?"
Hit-Girl
"Alright, *beep* this, I'm sick of this *beep*".
Finn
"I swear to you, by the end of the day, one of us will be gone".
Intro finishes, and cuts to a stage with Geoff and Bridgette.
"What's up dudes?" said Geoff to the audience. "Welcome to the first episode of Total Drama Aftermath for this season, Total Drama All Stars. I'm Geoff."
"And I'm Bridgette," said Bridgette. "And we have got an awesome show lined up for you guys tonight. Not only have we got the four eliminated contestants, but we also have your favourite segments like That's Gonna Leave a Mark, and some never before seen footage."
"But first, we have to introduce you to our rotating Peanut Gallery, featuring contestants from the first four seasons of Total Drama," said Geoff.
"That's right Geoff. Each Aftermath episode this season will have nine of your favourite, and not so favourite, contestants from Total Drama Island, Action, World Tour, and Revenge of the Island," said Bridgette. "Let's bring them out shall we? Tonight's Peanut Gallery includes: Alejerkdro". People began cheering as Alejandro, still in the Drama Machine, walks onstage, shoots the robot equivalent of a glare at Bridgette, and sits down.
"Anne Maria," said Geoff. Anne Maria walks onstage, spraying a lot of hairspray into her hair, before realising the bottle she's using has run out. Immediately she tosses the old one away and grabs a new bottle from . . . somewhere, and continues spraying as she sits down.
"Dakotazoid," said Bridgette. A large orange monster walks onstage and takes her seat in the Peanut Gallery.
"Eva," said Geoff. Eva walks onstage with a dumbbell in each hand. Before sitting down, she throws both at an intern, who is promptly knocked over.
"Harold," said Bridgette. Harold walks onstage while picking his nose, and takes his seat next to Anne Maria. She immediately moves away.
"Heather," said Geoff. Heather walks onstage and takes her seat next to Alejandro, who she immediately gets cosy with.
"Izzy, or E-Scope, or Explosivo, or Brainzilla, or whatever she's calling herself now," said Bridgette. Izzy swings in from a cord above the stage, and lands on the intern Eva just hit, who was starting to get up. She then takes her seat, ignoring the injured intern.
"Lightning," said Geoff. Lightning runs out onstage with a football under his arm, which he tosses to Geoff. Geoff catches it, and throws it back to him.
"And finally, Mike," said Bridgette. Mike walks onstage and takes his seat. Anne Maria immediately tries to get his shirt off.
"Whoa, whoa, hey, Anne Maria, settle down," said Geoff. "Vito's gone now. Leave poor Mike alone."
"I know he's in there somewhere," said Anne Maria. "Vito baby, can you hear me?"
"Hey, c'mon Anne Maria," said Mike. "This is getting kind of . . ." At this point, Mike took a deep breath, and suddenly wasn't Mike anymore.
"Darn it woman," said Chester. "Back in my day, we didn't try to strip the elderly, especially not on national TV."
"Actually, Mi . . . err, Chester," said Harold. "Total Drama is played around the world."
"Did they even have TV in your day?" asked Heather.
"Damn it Chester," said Anne Maria, frustrated. "Bring out Vito."
Just then, Chester breathed in deeply, and Mike came back. "What the heck? Where was I?"
"You did that thing that makes me look sane," said Izzy. "E-Scope and Brainzilla don't like that, and Explosivo is indifferent about it. You're lucky Izzy's out right now."
"Err, thanks?" said Mike, not sure what to make of that.
"If you guys are done there," said Geoff. "It's time to bring out our first guest."
"That's right Geoff," said Bridgette. "She was eliminated third for being 'too freaking dangerous', and frequently said several words that no eleven year old should know. Please welcome, Hit-Girl."
Hit-Girl walked onto the stage. The intern who earlier was injured by Eva and Izzy saw her, and immediately started running away. Hit-Girl picked up a nearby sandbag, and threw it at him. Offstage, a soft thud is heard.
"Ooh, I think his earlier concussion has just turned into permanent brain damage," said Geoff.
"Who *beep* cares?" said Hit-Girl. "Aren't you meant to be asking me some *beep* questions?"
"Err, yeah," said Bridgette. "Could you try to tone down the swearing a little? We're a family show."
"What *beep* swearing?" demanded Hit-Girl. "And what sort of *beep* question was that?"
"We're just asking you to stop swearing," said Geoff. "You know, that list of words our producer gave you before the show?"
"You think I really give a *beep*?" demanded Hit-Girl.
"Okay," said Bridgette, trying to keep it professional. "How did it feel to be kicked out so early?"
"What the *beep* do you think?" said Hit-Girl. "No, seriously, were you kicked out early in season two AND three weren't you *beep*?"
"HEY! No-one talks to my girlfriend like that," said Geoff, standing up and striding towards Hit-Girl.
"Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do about it *beep*?" demanded Hit-Girl, who didn't even get up.
"Geoff," whispered Bridgette. "As much as I appreciate you standing up for me, I would rather you not get decapitated by a little girl in the process."
Geoff glared at Hit-Girl in rage, but suppressed it as best he could. "Well . . ." said Geoff, at a loss for words for a moment. "I guess we should go to Truth or Izzy."
An animation of the words Truth or Izzy plays, with an animated Izzy kicking the letters and scattering them.
"Okay, here's how it works," said Geoff. "Our resident psychopath Izzy is going to watch your reaction to our questions, and if she judges that you're lying, she'll attack."
"Watch out, I like aiming for the face," said Izzy.
"I'm not sure this is a much better idea," whispered Bridgette to Geoff.
"For who?" asked Geoff.
"I'm not sure yet," said Bridgette.
"Quit your *beep* whispering," said Hit-Girl.
"Okay, so Hit-Girl," began Geoff. "How did it feel to be eliminated?"
"How do you think it felt to get *beep* eliminated?" demanded Hit-Girl. "It was *beep* annoying, especially since I was better than all of them combined."
"Amen sister," said Eva.
"Thank you Eva," said Hit-Girl. This gained a gasp from everyone. "What?"
"You just spoke without swearing," said Geoff.
"So *beep* what?" asked Hit-Girl.
"Well, it was fun while it lasted," said Geoff.
"Aren't you *beep* meant to be asking me some *beep* questions?" demanded Hit-Girl.
"Okay, okay," said Bridgette. "So, who do you think is gonna win?"
"Light, since he actually seems to know what he's *beep* doing," said Hit-Girl.
"And finally, did you think any of the boys on the show were cute?" asked Geoff.
For once, Hit-Girl looked taken back, before she glared at Geoff with even more hatred. "No, you stupid . . ." Before she could finish the sentence, Izzy suddenly appeared from out of nowhere, kicking Hit-Girl in the face. Hit-Girl went flying through the air and off the stage.
"Woo, that was fun," said Izzy. "She was all like 'I'm gonna rip your organs out', and I was all like 'HIYA', and she was all like . . ."
"Izzy, your missing something very important here," said Geoff. "Hit-Girl has a crush on someone on the competition." A resounding 'aww' rose from the audience.
"Really?" asked Izzy, sounding genuinely surprised.
"That is why you attacked right?" asked Bridgette.
"Nah, I was just bored," said Izzy. "Plus I didn't think she'd expect it while she was embarrassed."
"Wait, but that must mean . . ." started Bridgette.
"Well, we probably aren't gonna get a clear answer outta her right now," said Geoff. "Actually, we probably wouldn't get one while she's conscience either."
"Well, now she won't get to hear from home with a question from Dave," said Bridgette. As she said this, the camera zoomed out from Geoff and Bridgette, revealing that Dave, in Kick-Ass costume, was on a giant screen above the stage.
Dave stared down at the sight before him in complete shock before replying. "I have seen Hit-Girl brutally slaughter a dozen and more gang members in ways that Chris couldn't imagine," said Dave. "But I have never seen Hit-Girl brought down in a single blow. Izzy, if I were you, I'd run. Now. Get the *beep* out of there."
"Puh-lease," said Izzy. "If the RCMP can't catch me, what chance does an eleven year old girl have?"
"Well, you've been warned," said Dave, and the video disconnected.
"And, with Hit-Girl's blow to the head fresh in our minds, it's time for That's Gonna Leave a Mark," said Geoff.
An animation plays for That's Gonna Leave a Mark, then some clips start playing.
A clip of Ayane struggling against the intern from episode 1 starts playing. Suddenly, she flips him over her shoulder and kicks him down the pier. He slides straight into Chris, and they both fall off the pier.
A viper from episode 2 (evidentially male) sees Zidane's tail, and mistakes it for a female. Immediately, it bites him, causing Zidane to jump in surprise and pain.
Footage of Wallace in episode 3 getting hit after his little comment is shown. As he tries to get up, Rachel lands on top of him.
A shot from episode 4 of Hit-Girl flipping the trough of Chef's . . . stuff. The contents hit the contestants, and the trough itself hits an intern.
And in the final scene, a shot of Finn flying through Chris's window, crashing into the giant statue, and landing in the hot tub. The statue started wobbling, and when Finn resurfaced, the statue fell on top of him.
The scene returns to the studio. Over in the Peanut Gallery, Anne Maria was once again trying to grab Mike's shirt. "Come on Vito baby," said Anne Maria. "Mama needs some sugar."
"Seriously Anne Maria, knock it off," said Mike. He managed to escape her hands, and started running off stage. Soon, he notices the cord Izzy swung in from. "I wish I were more athletic, then I could easily climb this thing."
"Come back Vito," said Anne Maria, chasing after Mike.
Mike took a deep breath, and once again Mike was gone. "It's time for Svetlana to start training for Rio," said Svetlana, who grabbed the cord and started climbing before Anne Maria could catch up. Anne Maria watched him climb away, gave up the chase, and took her seat again.
Meanwhile, Geoff and Bridgette watched the chaos speechlessly. "Well, that explains why Finn was eliminated," said Bridgette, keeping it professional by pretending that didn't just happen. "What do you guys think, should we bring him out now?" The audience started cheering.
"He is the latest elimination from Total Drama this season, and also the cause of the first elimination for the season," said Geoff. "All the way from the Land of Ooo, please welcome Finn."
Finn walked on stage while many people cheered. Izzy took her seat again, and stared intently at Finn as he sat down.
"So Finn, how's it feel to be eliminated so early in the season?" asked Bridgette.
"It stinks," said Finn. "It was Ayane's fault I was eliminated. If she hadn't tried to hit Bart, I might have been able to stop Light for good."
"Yes, Light has certainly shown to be quite the villain," said Alejandro. "He seems to be playing the game the same way I did. I reckon he's got this show in the bag."
"WHAT?!" demanded Finn. "You're supporting the jerk after what he made me do? I met Haruhi backstage before. Do you know what that was like? Really awkward . . . even though she didn't seem to care about being eliminated."
"With all due respect, he didn't make you do anything," said Heather. "In fact, Haruhi, your teammate I might add, warned you he was evil. You just didn't listen."
Finn glared at her for a moment. "Whatever. At least I wasn't eliminated by Light."
"Ooh, funny you should mention that," said Geoff. "Because we have some never before seen footage that will shock and disturb you."
A TV screen drops down from the roof, and a video starts playing. It shows the contestants on the beach, with the teams trying to build their staircases. Light and Bart are seen hiding in a nearby dune. The camera zooms in on the two as Light starts talking to Bart.
"Hey Bart," said Light. "You hear that bit about instant elimination if you go near Chris's possessions?"
"Yeah?" inquired Bart.
"Do you think you can get Finn to fall for that?" asked Light.
"Can't we get rid of Annabeth?" asked Bart. "She's had it out for me since day one."
"If you can get rid of Finn, I'll help get rid of Annabeth," said Light. "Finn's trying to turn my team against me, so right now he's the biggest threat to us."
"What, and Annabeth getting rid of me isn't?" asked Bart.
"It is a problem, but she's not campaigning as actively for your elimination," said Light. "Now, are you with me or not?"
"Fine, why not?" said Bart. "And, in case we have to vote off someone else, I think I'll get rid of that Ash kid."
"Good thinking," said Light. "Maybe try and sabotage him in some way to make sure you can get rid of him." Bart flashed Light a thumbs up before they returned to their respective teams.
"WHAT?!" yelled Finn again. "Light's manipulating Bart now?"
"Dude, did you miss the part about him telling Bart to get you eliminated?" asked Geoff. "Bart went all sexist on the girls of your team, enraging Ayane to try and hit him, he stood near you expecting the punch, which he dodged, and ended up knocking you into the beach house. Don't you think it's because Light told him to do that?"
"When I get my hands on him . . ." growled Finn.
"Well, before that, let's hear from home shall we?" said Bridgette. The TV cut to a live connection with Jake.
"Yo dude, what's up?" said Finn and Jake at the same time to each other.
"Yo man, sucks what happened there," said Jake.
"Yeah, well, somehow I'll stop him," said Finn. "Hopefully Katniss, Murtagh and Alice can do something. But enough about me. What's happening at home?"
"Same old, same old," said Jake. "Ice King tried to kidnap Princess Bubblegum a few times, but he's lame so it wasn't really a challenge to stop him. The thing is, he kept saying something about 'practice makes perfect' or something whenever he did it."
"Weird," said Finn. "Well, I'll be home soon Jake. See you then."
"Seeya," said Jake, and the video disconnected.
"What with talking dog?" said Dakotazoid. "This not Family Dad."
"Umm, I think you mean . . ." started Geoff.
Before he could finish that, Svetlana fell from the roof, landed heavily on the stage. Svetlana took a deep breath, and went back to Mike. "Oh god, my chest is killing me," said Mike. "What just happened?"
"You fell from the roof," said Anne Maria. "You may have some broken ribs or something. Let me take a look Vi . . . err, Mike."
"Umm, no thanks Anne Maria," said Mike, again backing away. He continued to back away into the audience, where he accidentally collided with a man. A man wearing a fedora hat, I might add. The hat fell from the man's head, and landed on Mike's. For the third time that night, Mike was gone.
"Aww, crikey, what we got here," said Manitoba Smith. "Appears I'm being chased by that monster from Jersey Shore, except this thing's clearly female."
"Damn it Mike, give me Vito," said Anne Maria, chasing Manitoba out of the studio.
"O-kay" said Bridgette, again trying to pretend this isn't happening. "Time for our next guest. Eliminated second after he interrupted Murtagh, and always threatening to tell his father on you, please welcome Draco."
Draco walked onstage and took a seat next to Finn. "Why do all of you keep making me out to be a whiny daddy's boy?" demanded Draco. "Be warned: my father will hear about this."
"Whatever, daddy's boy," said Geoff. Draco glared at him. "So, voted off second. How does it feel?"
"How do you think?" demanded Draco. "Beaten by filthy bloody muggles. I doubt any of them could equal my greatness."
"Geoff, what's a muggle?" whispered Bridgette to Geoff.
"I don't know. Maybe we should beep it out before this goes to air," replied Geoff. "So Draco, you're a wizard. Can you show us a magic trick?"
"These spells are more than mere magic tricks," said Draco. "I can do anything from make an object levitate to kill someone."
"Okay . . ." said Bridgette. "Well, since we can't allow someone to die in this timeslot, I guess we'll have to settle for something levitating."
"Okay," said Draco, smirk on his face since he gets to show off his abilities. "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!"
Lightning, who had until this moment been paying no attention to the show, started to float. "What is this?" said Lightning, clearly startled. "Lightning ain't flapping his arms. Why is Lightning flying?"
"Better question," said Alejandro. "Why do you refer to yourself in the third person?"
"Because Lightning is so great, Lightning gets to be three people," replied Lightning.
"That doesn't make any sense," said Harold.
"Who cares? Put Lightning down," demanded Lightning. Draco shrugged his shoulders and ended the spell. Lightning came down to earth with a crash.
"Ooh, that's gotta hurt," said Geoff. "While our medical staff check on Lightning, here's a call from home for Draco." The TV screen flickered to life, and on the screen was Draco's father Lucius.
"Father," cried Draco. "You wouldn't believe what these filthy . . ."
"Stop Draco," said Lucius. "I can't believe you just let a bunch of muggles beat you."
"There's that word again," said Bridgette. "What is it?"
"But father," said Draco, ignoring her. "If I admitted to what I did . . ."
"You might still be in the game," said Lucius. "What you had to admit to was shameful, yes, but you were taunting Potter at the time. That makes it worth it. Now, get home as soon as you can. The Dark Lord wants a word with you."
"You mean . . ." started Draco.
"Yes," said Lucius. "He's already angry about your failure to kill Dumbledore. He's absolutely livid about this." The video then disconnected.
Draco gulped, then pulled a vial of green powder out of his robes. "Where's the nearest fireplace?" he asked, visibly shaken.
"Green room," said Bridgette. Draco left the stage. "Well, there's clearly some terrible family trouble there that we shouldn't have witnessed."
"Definitely," said Geoff. "Do you think we'll get the same thing from our final guest?"
"Let's find out," said Bridgette. "She was eliminated first for hiding her femininity, and the cause of this is sitting right . . . hey, where'd Finn go?" Sure enough, the couch was empty.
"Someone, go find him," said Geoff. "In the meantime, here's Haruhi."
Haruhi walked onstage and sat down on the couch. "Hey guys, great to be here," she said.
"Really? Even though you were eliminated first?" asked Bridgette.
"Weren't you and Geoff eliminated first in season 2?" asked Haruhi right back. A collective 'ooh' came from the audience. "Besides, I'd rather be out here than that green room right now. A couple of people ran in there, a guy and a girl, and the girl ripped the guy's shirt off and suddenly he became some kind of gangster or something. Then they just started making out, completely ignoring me. They didn't even notice Draco run in and disappear in green smoke."
Bridgette and Geoff looked at each other, knowing what was happening. "Harold, Dakotazoid, get Mike's shirt back on," said Bridgette. The two of them immediately ran backstage.
"Now, in answer to your question Haruhi, yeah, but then we got a sweet TV gig out of it," said Geoff. "But Haruhi, when we were talking to Finn, he said you didn't care you were eliminated first. Is that true?"
"Honestly, yeah," said Haruhi. "I mean, it would have been good to pay off that vase, but I'm not exactly unhappy with being a host either."
"C'mon, it was one million dollars," said Geoff. "That's like . . . a huge amount of yen."
"Well, I don't blame Finn for what happened," said Haruhi. "Light is a manipulative jerk. And hopefully the Giant Sharks realise this soon, and vote him off."
"Well, funny you should mention Light," said Bridgette. "Because our guest from home has a little something to say about him."
The TV screen flickered to life again, and finally Tamaki appeared. "My precious little Haruhi," he called down to her. "Don't worry, daddy's taken care of everything."
"Tamaki sempai, what the hell have you done?" said Haruhi, already on edge about whatever Tamaki had planned.
"I have organised Kyoya's family's secret police force to take down that Light guy," said Tamaki. "They will soon be arriving at Camp Wawanakwa and will beat him into submission."
"That's great sempai, but how will that help me now? I'm already eliminated," asked Haruhi.
"It will teach him to not mess with the Ouran Host Club," said Tamaki. "I'll see you back at the host club soon dear." The video disconnected.
"Ooh, sounds like someone has a crush on you," said Bridgette.
"Good grief," sighed Haruhi.
"Ooh, before we go, someone's caught Finn," said Geoff. "Bring him out boys."
Two large interns walked onstage, dragging a protesting Finn behind them. "Let me go," yelled Finn. "I can't face her again. Especially not onstage."
"For the last time Finn, I'm not angry with you," said Haruhi.
Finn suddenly seemed to notice that Haruhi was right behind him. "Oh, err, hi Haruhi," said Finn. "You, ahh, you good?"
"Good grief," sighed Haruhi again, before walking offstage. Geoff and Bridgette were visibly disappointed by the climax of this encounter.
"Well, that's all we have time for today," said Geoff. "Stay tuned for next time, when we'll have the next batch of eliminated contestants from this season."
"And we'll have a new batch of your old favourites in the Peanut Gallery," said Bridgette. "We'll see you next time on Total Drama All Stars Aftermath."