Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters etc, and I wish Stephenie Meyer didn't own them either.

Chapter Three – She Contemplates

Edward may have been looking resolutely away from her all class, but she could feel Jasper's eyes boring holes into the back of her head. It took a considerable amount of effort to stay sitting upright, attention focused forward. All she wanted to do was bolt for the door and make a run for it, but she was trapped. Each second seemed to tick by, and she felt the walls closing in. She hated that he could make her feel so small, and she hated even more that he would.

She wished that she could pinpoint a moment, some specific place in time where Jasper had switched from her childhood friend to the cold, inconsiderate son of a bitch he had become. So many theories had run through her mind over time: the attention lavished on Rosalie, the unreasonable expectations of his parents, the arrival of Alice. She didn't know. It was like one day he'd woken up and decided that she was dirt so low he couldn't even deign to walk on it.

Even more frustrating was the fact that she still didn't know what went through his head when he thought of her. There were times when she felt sure that he hated her. There were times when she thought he missed their friendship. There were times when she thought he wanted something even more. There were times when it felt like all three at once.

She had thought the idea of him hating her would be too much to bear, but it was the moments when she sensed in him something more that hurt the most. She felt angry, jealous, sad, and guilty all at once in those moments. She knew, deep down, that he loved Alice. She knew that. It killed her to know it, but she did. He was a different person around Alice, and that made her more jealous than anything else. As hard as it would have been, she could have lived with her unrequited feelings if she'd been able to keep Jasper as a friend – she just wanted him to be happy – but watching him become this shell of the boy she fell in love with and then watching him fall in love with her polar opposite has almost killed her.

If she'd had any guts, she would have just asked him. But she didn't, and so she just took it. Or she had until Edward arrived.

He was sitting in a seat two seats over from her, staring at the ceiling and drumming his long fingers on his desk. Knowing that he couldn't see her, she let herself watch him from the corner of her eye. On closer inspection, the eyeliner that was smeared below his eyes looked awkwardly applied, like he'd never done it before. The black of his hair were a deep, inky black, and the length of the tips was so equal that it too looked recently done. Even his clothes looked brand new. The only thing that seemed well worn was the only element of his ensemble that seemed out of place: a worn, brown leather messenger bag.

A small, folded piece of paper landed on her desk and distracted her from her inspection. She opened it cautiously, taking care to be as surreptitious as possible. When she was sure Mr. Mason wasn't looking, she flattened it on her desk.

What the hell, Bella?

She exhaled sharply through her nose as she stared at the paper. It was easy to be angry with him in writing, when she didn't have to suffer his stare.

What do you care?

As soon as she had scribbled her response, she again waited until Mr. Mason's attention was elsewhere before tossing it behind her. Her pen tapped against her thigh and her foot jiggled as she waited nervously for his reply. It didn't take long.

I care.

She felt her body stiffen as she took in those two little words. Two little words that meant so much. She longed to believe him, but she couldn't do it. She wanted to crumple the paper into a ball and pitch it straight at his head, but she didn't.

You haven't cared about me in years.

For several long minutes she just stared at her response. The truth of the words was undeniable, but it hurt to see them spelled out, memorialized on the page. It made their truth even more painfully obvious. Her pen was poised over the paper preparing to scratch her last line out when it was snatched from under her hand. Her first response was abject fear, thinking it had been confiscated. However, as soon as she saw Mr. Mason with his back to the class she realized where the paper had gone.

His response came almost instantaneously.

Don't be a fucking idiot.

She bristled at his cavalier response.

I'm not a fucking idiot, J. I know that you don't care about anything but your god damn self.

Again, his response came within seconds of getting the paper.

I care about Alice.

She wanted to scream.

I know you do.

His response infuriated her further.

And I know you care about her too. How do you think she'd feel if she knew you were getting so fucking chummy with the fucker who just snubbed her?

Bella was about to point out that Alice would get over it. She was just about to tell him that if he had something to say, he should say it himself instead of hiding behind his girlfriend. Unfortunately, Mr. Mason turned around right as she was about to start writing.

"So, because I'm getting lazy in my old age and you kids seem to be even lazier, I've decided that I want to grade half as many term projects this semester. As a result, you're going to be in pairs." He paused to let the inevitable collective groan make its way through the room before alleviating their worries. "Don't worry, you get to pick your partners."

Jasper was already tapping her on the shoulder, and she had automatically turned around to face him, though she kept her eyes downward. No matter how many problems they had, they were always partners if Alice wasn't in their class.

"Partner?" he asked gruffly.

"Yeah," she whispered, preparing to turn back around in her chair.

As she was situating herself, she saw Edward's hand shoot into the air.

"Mr. Mason? I'm new here and I don't really know anyone. I was wondering if it was possible if I could work with Bella, since she's kind of showing me around."

She froze, staring at him aghast. He still hadn't so much as glanced at her, but he was trying to circumvent the rules to make her his partner.

"Miss Swan?" Mr. Mason questioned, eyebrow raised.

"Umm…I already agreed to be Jasper's partner, sir."

"Well, Mr. Hale, Miss Weber is out sick today and she'll need a partner. Perhaps you wouldn't mind pairing with her."

"Bella is always my partner," was his reply, and Bella couldn't help the rush of warmth that hit her face. "I'd prefer to keep it that way. Can't Cullen partner Angela?"

"I suppose he could. Be that as it may," Mr. Mason said slowly, a grin stretching to reveal his too large teeth, "I'm inclined to partner you with Miss Weber. Miss Swan, you will partner Mr. Cullen."

"But you said we got to pick our partners! I picked Bella! It isn't fair that everyone else – "

"Absolutely, Mr. Hale. It isn't fair. I've taken your complaint to heart and rescinded my earlier offer. You have shown me the error of my ways – I will be assigning partners, and I am assigning you to Miss Weber and Miss Swan to Mr. Cullen."

As Mr. Mason raised his voice to assign partners over the grumbles, Bella turned around to look at Jasper. He was scowling at the front, and his face didn't relax at all as he met her anxious gaze.

"This is so shitty," he huffed.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Alice is going to be so pissed that you're his partner."

Her heart sank in her chest as the implication of his words sunk into her brain. Of course he was only trying to keep her away from Edward for Alice's sake. Of course it had nothing to do with him. She turned slowly to face the front, her frown frozen on her face, not wanting to look at him anymore. Her mind remained blank and her eyes unfocussed until the bell rang, when she picked up her bag and headed for the door like a robot.

"Bella!" a voice called out, and she was startled to see Edward jogging to her side.

"What do you want?" she mumbled.

"I have U.S. History next," he said simply.

"Come on," she sighed, heading toward the history portable without even bothering to look back and check Jasper's expression despite the feeling of his eyes on her.

She couldn't believe her bad luck. All the anticipation she'd felt over Edward's arrival had fizzled into nothing. Now, the sight of him was enough to fill her with dread. Her life was complicated enough already, and she didn't need the aggravation he was apparently going to bring with him.

"I was thinking we could do a Nabakov for the project," he said casually.

"I don't think that's what Mr. Mason had in mind," she replied.

"He might make a special dispensation if we asked."

"Let's just do Hemingway."

"If we wanted to be boring and just like everybody else, maybe," he mocked.

She scowled, her eyes narrowing as she stared up at him. "Oh yes, and you couldn't possibly be like everyone else. That explains the ridiculous make-up and the edgy outfit. God, you really are just like the rest of them. Equally as unworthy of my time."

He let out a low whistle. "Temper, temper," he teased mildly. "I don't see you applying any of this fire to – "

"Say one more word and you'll be sorry. You have no idea what you're talking about, none at all, and you don't get to spend an entire class not even looking at me and then lecture me about things you couldn't possibly understand. We're here, by the way," she said, stomping toward the classroom door, swinging it open, and walking to her desk in the back corner without another glance at him.

Mad as she was, it was a struggle to keep her eyes away from him. She felt her eyes welling up with tears and so buried her face in her arms, enveloping herself in a dark cocoon and letting the cool wood veneer of the desk cool her heated cheeks. She knew she was being watched, but she also knew the whole class was likely staring at her.

She shot straight up in her chair. "Miss Robbins?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes, dear?" her teacher responded, absent-mindedly flipping through a book on her desk.

"I'm not feeling very well. Maybe I please be excused to the nurse?"

Her teacher's worried blue eyes found her face and frowned. "Of course, Bella. Would you like someone to accompany – "

"No!" Her voice was practically a shout. "Ummm…no," she continued more quietly. "I can make it by myself."

"Are you sure?"

Bella didn't even bother to answer. She grabbed her bag and ducked her chin to her chest, bolting for the door. It was a miracle that she didn't trip until she got outside, and then managed to make it to the nurse's office in one piece. Despite her occasional instances of skipping with Jasper and Alice, she'd never once made a deliberate trip to the nurse's office. Luckily, this made her story more plausible and Nurse Rand clucked over her for a few minutes before leaving her to lay on the tiny cot in the back room.

She stared at the ceiling, imagining patterns in the water stains of the ceiling tiles. The speed with which her life had managed to turn itself upside down amazed her. For months each day had marched by looking and feeling exactly the day as the one before it. All it took was a single moment on the highway to upend her routine. She wanted to go back in time and pull safely to the shoulder, letting Edward pass her by rather than starting the game she was afraid she was still playing. But then again…she didn't know what her prize would be at the end.

For the first time in as long as she could remember, she thought about someone besides Jasper…imagined her fingers tangled into thick, auburn locks rather than silky, honey gold strands. She shook her head violently to free the traitorous images from her brain. As intriguing as she found Edward, she still needed and wanted Jasper.

It was true that she couldn't place the moment that signified the start of his descent into douchery, but she recalled the moment she knew that their friendship would never be the same with perfect clarity. Again, an irrational hatred of Alice overcame her and it was all she could do to fight it back.

It wasn't Alice's fault.

She'd shown up in Forks every bit as eccentric as she currently was. Of course, her vivacity had taken the small town by storm, and, for a reason that Bella still didn't understand, she had clung to her like they were soul-mates. For three years she'd been a part of their group of friends, hanging out with Bella and Jasper or, occasionally, the kids from the rez or Angela.

In eighth grade, Bella started noticing the changes in Jasper. They came on slowly, and it took her weeks and weeks to even notice that his bad mood wasn't getting better. He pushed her away and she clung closer to Alice. At the time, she'd feared that he knew her secret, that he knew how she thought about him all the time and thought she was ugly or not worthy or just….not enough. She was too heartbroken by the reversal in his treatment of her, too afraid of what he might say, to fix things. With the same astonishing speed that her life was turning upside down yet again, her whole world had crumbled along with their friendship.

A year later, during the summer before their sophomore year, he'd shown up at her door and she'd almost fainted from the combination of anxiety and excitement. He'd quietly asked to come in, and Bella had wordlessly led him into the living room. She sat on the couch, hoping against hope that he'd take the cushion next to hers, but he sat in Charlie's worn recliner in the corner.

All of the optimism that had welled up with his sudden appearance on her doorstep had immediately evaporated as soon as he asked her to find out if Alice maybe liked him. Liked him, liked him, he'd emphasized. She'd almost thrown up. As calmly as she could, she promised him she'd find out and put in a word for him. As soon as he thanked her and let himself out, she'd dissolved into hysterics, sobbing with reckless abandon into her pillows.

Bella had wanted to do what he asked, she really had. She'd sat in her friend's room, watching her glue crystals all over her backpack, and she'd wanted to say something. She'd even opened her mouth, preparing to tell Alice that her ex-friend and current crush wanted her to be his girlfriend.

The words had died before they'd even left her lips. She couldn't make herself say them…couldn't condemn herself to the life that would come with Alice and Jasper dating. She'd told herself she wasn't hurting anyone – Alice had never expressed even an inkling of interest in Jasper, and Alice told her everything. Loathing herself more than she'd thought possible, she'd gone back to Jasper and told him that Alice really liked him as a friend, but that was it.

Only it wasn't it.

Jasper's hatred of her seemed to only increase in its intensity, and she thought it was just a case of him wanting to shoot the messenger.

Of course that wasn't it.

It still made her shudder to remember the moment that Jasper and Alice's…coupledom had become clear to her, the moment she'd known that her lie had been revealed. Again, she shook her head, needing to free herself from the torment the memories brought. A glance at the clock told her she'd successfully frittered away her entire history period.

She stood and stretched, feeling much more calm and relaxed even after the harrowing memories she'd relived while on the cot. Gathering her things, she ducked through the door. She gave Nurse Rand her promise that if she felt ill again she'd head home and take it easy and prepared to leave the office. She paused outside of the building, checking her bag for her pre-cal notes. Relieved she didn't have to stop by her locker, she was about to head toward class when she heard someone clear their throat loudly from her side causing her to jump.

"Jesus, Edward. You scared the shit out of me," she gasped breathlessly

"Sorry," he said, sounding surprisingly genuine.

"Come to torture me some more?" she asked, heading toward class.

"Not exactly," he hedged.

She paused in her step, cocking her head to the side and looking at him. "You're in every single one of my classes aren't you?"

"All of them but Spanish. I have independent study that period."

"How did you finagle that?" she asked curiosity and jealousy warring for prominence.

"Parlo Italiano. La mia madre nasceva a Roma."

"So you tested out of foreign languages?"

"Sì."

"Wow, I'm embarrassingly impressed. And insanely jealous."

He shrugged. "It's easy when you start early. Esme only ever speaks Italian to me. It's actually pretty annoying."

"Why are you talking to me?"

It was his turn to falter at her abrupt non-sequitur. "Uh…What?"

She whirled on him. "You heard me. You spent all of first period ignoring me. Then you demand to be my partner. Then you are a total jackass to me on the way to History. And now you're waiting for me outside the nurse's office and making small talk. I don't get it."

"I needed someone to – "

Bella barked a laugh. "Trust me, Edward, you had no shortage of options for guides, Rosalie's 'persona non grata' bullshit aside. So please, just be honest with me. I can't bear being played with. Not right now."

"You make me laugh."

She just stared at him.

"You do. Your stunt in the truck, bitchy though it might have been at the time, was pretty hysterical in retrospect. And I got the impression it wasn't the first time you'd done it. Plus, your dad told me you'd keep an eye on me."

"My dad?" she asked, incredulous.

"He gave me a ticket after our little encounter. I was perhaps less than respectful, and I asked him where he'd been when the crazy girl in the red truck was driving down the middle of the road and playing chicken with logging trucks. He just laughed and said he'd deal with you when he got home. I'm guessing by the look on your face he didn't." He paused to flash her a crooked grin, sending her pulse racing. "Yeah. Real fucking fair, Chief Swan."

She couldn't stop a smile from twitching its way into place. "So if you had apparently decided to be my friend, why did you ignore Alice with this morning? Why didn't you just stop and say hello?"

"It's…complicated," was his only reply.

A sharp retort died on her tongue as she watched his green eyes drift over her shoulder and toward the door to the classroom. She didn't have to glance behind her to know that someone was watching them.

"Damnit," she sighed, turning around and ignoring him the rest of the way to their building.

She walked straight past Jasper's post at the door and hurried to the table she shared with Alice, giving a tentative smile as she plopped into her chair. A raised eyebrow was the only inquiry into her mood, but all Bella could do was shrug in response. She watched as Edward stalked past Jasper, brushing him roughly with his shoulder before going to hand his slip to Mr. Varner as Jasper too entered the classroom and took his seat.

Suddenly, Bella was laughing. She tried to hold it in, her whole body trembling from the effort. Alice eyed her curiously before she, too, was almost doubled over in giggles. In that moment, Bella knew her friend could care less about her interaction with Edward. As the two girls tried to blink back tears of mirth, they grinned at each other and then looked back toward the front of the room.

There, standing poker straight, was Edward, staring at the lone empty seat in the classroom with the same expression of disgust that he'd displayed that morning. And, sitting directly next to that empty chair was an even more annoyed Jasper sending murderous glares at the sources of the laughter behind him.