Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters etc, and I wish Stephenie Meyer didn't own them either.
Chapter Six – She Has a Very Bad Day
As the alarm on her nightstand began to screech its shrill wakeup call, Bella let out a deep groan. Exhaustion turned her arms into glue. Instead of giving the instrument of her annoyance a sound thump, she merely knocked it to the floor where it continued to let out its pitiful cries. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she sat up slowly. A yawn escaped her as she slid to the floor with a thud, grimacing as she fished her ancient clock out from underneath her bed.
"And so it begins," she muttered to herself, when she'd finally hit the tiny button that granted her silence.
It became more and more obvious as each minute ticked past that she was about to have the day from hell. After her alarm fiasco, the hot water heater wasn't working. She shivered through the fastest shower she'd ever taken and, when she was done, slipped and whacked her chin on the sink. Her favorite flannel was missing from her closet. Her moccasins had a hole in the toe, meaning the death of her favorite pair of shoes of all time.
Miraculously, she made it downstairs in one piece and thought her troubles were over until she opened the cupboard and discovered that not only was there no more oatmeal, but that Charlie had taken the last granola bar. A scream of frustration turned into a gasp of shock when she turned around.
The cherry on top of her morning of suck was Jasper, leaning against the back door and watching her.
"You scared me," she breathed, her hand still clutched to her chest.
"Sorry. Old habits die hard."
The obvious reference to the old times – the times when he came through that same back door every morning with one of his mother's muffins – made her stomach tighten.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, wishing she hadn't sounded quite so accusatory when she saw him frown.
"Your piece of crap truck is still in the shop, isn't it?"
She ignored his dig. "Is Alice putting on fifteen shades of eye shadow in the car?"
He laughed. He laughed and it was as amazing as she remembered. Sure, he'd laughed in her presence since their falling out, but never at something she'd said, and rarely with such obvious good humor. It put her on edge, her instincts making her want to hide away.
"No, Alice is putting on her fifteen shades of eye shadow at home. It's just me."
"Just you?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, raising his eyebrows at her.
"On your bike?" she squeaked.
"Yes,' he said again, and some of the malice was back in her smile.
"I can just walk since it's not raining," Bella said, stepping farther away from him.
"Nope. I'm under strict instructions to ferry you to school, and I'm not dealing with the shit storm that will occur if you show up twenty minutes after me and on foot."
"Oh." Her voice deadened as all the many kinds of tension she'd felt immediately deflated. "Alice sent you."
"Of course,' Jasper said with an eye roll. "Why else would I be here."
It was a stab to the chest. She'd known better than to fall for his act, but fall for it she had. Even as she'd tensed against it, hope had burrowed its way in only to laugh in her face again. The stress of dealing with him was exhausting. If she hadn't known that he was right – that Alice would never let either of them hear the end of it if they showed up separately – she would have gladly walked to campus just to avoid him.
"Ok, I'm ready then," she sighed.
"You didn't eat," he pointed out.
"I know."
"Have Lauren and Jessica been teasing you again?" he asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. He didn't come out and accuse her of anything, but she knew he was remembering the two days their seventh grade year when she didn't eat anything after her former playmates told her that she looked like a cow in her favorite jeans.
"No. And stop it. Stop pretending like you care. Let's just get to school and get this over with."
"Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
His voice was flippant, and she knew it was deliberate. She could see the anger in his eyes despite the casual smile he wore like a mask. If she'd been Alice, she would have hit him with her shoe. If she'd been Rosalie, she would have kneed him in the balls. If she'd been Edward, she would have said something cutting that would leave him to lose his temper. But she was just Bella, and so she simply walked silently to gather her backpack and coat before heading outside.
"Here," he said roughly, thrusting his leather bomber and helmet into her arms.
"What?" she asked, confused.
"It's windy today. Your coat won't keep you warm."
Rather than deal with the additional explanations that would be required by more questions, she dropped her bag to the ground, kneeling to stuff her coat in it. She slid her arms into the sleeves of Jasper bomber, still warm from its proximity to him. With considerable effort, she avoided burying her nose into the collar and letting the scent that used to be so familiar wash over her. Trying to preserve the limited control she still had over herself, she jammed the helmet down over her hair.
Jasper was already on the bike, tapping his wrist in impatience. She put her backpack on before climbing onto the seat behind him. Her eyes slid shut as her arms encircled him, and her hands locked exactly over the taut muscles of his abdomen. A tiny sigh escaped her lips as his back pressed firmly against her chest. It almost sickened her to think of how relaxed and comfortable she felt in his arms, knowing that not ten minutes earlier he had gone out of his way to hurt her feelings.
A hand rested on her knee as he maneuvered the bike around, and she almost forgot every mean thing he'd ever said to her. Her grip became more firm as he released her to start the bike. Soon the sound of the engine filled her ears and the vibration of the engine made her hold him closer still.
The ride was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. She loved the excuse to be so close to him – Jasper on his bike was the essence of him – close beyond the fact that she was wrapped around him so tightly not even a breeze could pass through. But it was the obvious closeness that terrified her. Could he feel the hammering of her heart? Could he sense the nerves that were shaking her to her core? Could he tell that the tiny trembles were the result of something else entirely?
A cold wind rushed past, but his jacket kept her warm. Not that she was really conscious of anything besides the broad planes of his back and the strange sizzle that came when she held him so tightly. It felt strange to be so close to him after so long. Even stranger was the fact that he allowed it. The bike may have been his pride and joy, but it was not his only means of conveyance. He'd had options. Alice's demands aside, if he'd just driven his mother's car or even Rosalie's convertible, the current situation could have been avoided.
He'd wanted her arms wrapped around him. He'd wanted this – it was the only explanation. The question that she couldn't answer despite desperately wanting to was why. Why did he want it? The simplest and most logical explanation, and the one that most likely to be correct, was that he was torturing her. He knew how she felt; she hated that he knew, but he did. The idea of having to let him to let him go and hand him back to Alice with a smile was more hurtful than any verbal barb he could have thrown her way. It could also be revenge for Edward, for the previous day. That would factor into the torture idea quite well.
But somehow it didn't quite sit right. Maybe it was the eternal optimist Alice was always trying to bring out in her. Maybe it was the fact that – with regards to Jasper – she was just plain stupid. Maybe it was one of a million other options, but deep down Bella had a feeling that it had nothing to do with torturing her. It was so unlikely, but she couldn't help but hope that he wanted to be close to her as much as she wanted to be close to him. And that hurt too. The idea of him wanting and still rejecting her hurt so much that she knew she would rather torture as his motivation.
The bike slowed and her eyes opened just as Jasper began the turn into the school's parking lot. She immediately saw Alice, vibrant in a sunflower yellow dress, waving from their usual table. Without thinking, her eyes slid to her own parking space. There, parked as it had been yesterday, was the black Volvo, its owner leaning casually against the passenger door.
Seeing Edward made her whole body tense, insecurity washing over her. His eyes, so vibrant the night before, seemed darker. The eyeliner was gone, but the black clothes weren't, and the scowl on his face as he stared at her made her cringe. Jasper's hand slid to her knee, but this time it brought none of the stomach flutters or heart palpitations his earlier touch had. She felt dirty, plain and simple. There was something about Edward, she knew that, but she also knew that there was something about Jasper. She couldn't help but feel guilty as she avoided the eyes of the boy she'd spent last night kissing to clutch at the boy who'd spent the past year making her miserable.
As soon as Jasper cut the engine, she was back on firm ground in a split second. She ripped the helmet from her head and yanked her arms from the jacket sleeves, thrusting them both at him. She tried to avoid his eyes, but couldn't escape the confused annoyance on his face.
"I need to run to the library," she said, giving Alice a quick hug before practically sprinting away.
"What did you do to her?" Bella heard Alice demand just before she disappeared around the corner.
She made it safely to the library, collapsing into a chair in the far corner barely hidden behind one of the few bookshelves despite the fact that the small room was mercifully empty. For the first time in ages, skipping class seemed incredibly appealing. As complicated as life had been before, it had been manageable. Unfortunately, she'd never been a particularly capable multi-tasker, and Edward was one task too many if she wanted to maintain her sanity.
Tears pooled in her eyes, but she refused to allow them to fall. It was worse than pathetic – she was no better than Jessica or Lauren or any of the other ridiculous girls if she based her entire self-worth on a boy. And she liked to think she didn't. She just wished she knew what it was about her and her worth that Jasper hated so damn much. Footsteps were approaching, and she was thankful the tears had vanished, especially when she glanced up.
"What the hell do you want from me?" Bella asked, her voice already strained from exhaustion.
"I don't want anything from you," Jasper replied with a smirk.
"Then go away."
"Nope."
"Let me guess," she sighed, "Alice sent you to make up with me?"
"Why else would I be here?" he questioned, and those words – the same he'd used that morning – incensed her.
"Because you want to be," she snapped.
"But I don't."
"God, stop with the games!"
"I'm not playing games. And certainly not with you."
"I can't keep doing this, J, I just can't. What's the problem? You don't want me – you've made that abundantly clear – but no one else can have me either? Is that it? Well, screw that and screw you. I'm going to English."
Grabbing her backpack in a huff, she stalked away from him. He was right behind her, and she cursed their nearly identical schedules. A light mist began when she was halfway to her building, but her coat was still in her bag. She wanted to scream. She could feel the pressure building up inside of her and all she wanted to do was let it out. But she couldn't. Instead, she settled for throwing herself into her seat and refusing to look at Jasper when he came in.
Edward was watching her. Even though she hadn't turned to face him, she could feel his gaze like a heat lamp. She meant to just glance at him through her hair, but she caught his eye and couldn't just look away. When one eyelid dipped down in a wink, she very nearly smiled. Her desk gave a sharp jerk, but she refused to turn around. She did, however, stop looking at Edward.
For the next half hour, her page filled steadily with notes and her eyes locked on Mr. Mason's constantly moving form. She focused intently on any area in the room that did not contain Edward or Jasper. She didn't snap at the latter for jiggling his long legs against the back of her chair. Her reverie was only shattered by the end of the lecture.
"Now, since everyone is here today, I want you guys to find your partners and get to talking about the semester project. I'm passing around the assignment criteria and a suggested readings list. This will take up the rest of the period, but I'm going to be coming around to get your book choices, so don't think you can just dork around."
A quiet murmur began to grow as the papers were distributed and Bella sighed, turning her desk to face Edward's. He raised an eyebrow at her as he turned his own desk, rolling his eyes in Jasper's direction. She couldn't suppress a groan as she heard her former partner gather his things to move next to a very frightened looking Angela Weber.
"You know," she said, "you are directly responsible for the torture of one of the only genuinely nice people in this school."
"It isn't my fault he's an ass," Edward said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Oh, no, he'll be perfectly nice to Angela. That's not the problem. The problem is that she's going to be terrified of him anyway."
"Because I would have been so much less intimidating?"
"Please," she said, shaking her head with a laugh. "You don't actually scare anyone."
"Oh, I don't know," he said, reaching out to play with the thin, woven bracelet she wore, "I think I terrify at least one person at this school."
For a second, all she could think about was his fingers touching her wrist, the feel of those same fingers tangled in her hair as his lips were pressed to hers. She was about to smile at him when she noticed that his attention was directed across the room, his smirk in response to the anger so visible on Jasper's face. She whipped her hands away from him, scooting her desk back.
"So what book are we doing?"
Surprised by the harshness of her tone, he turned to face her again. "I thought we'd discussed Nabokov."
"You mentioned Nabokov. I mentioned Hemingway, and he's actually on the list."
"The list sucks," he said.
"Well, pardon me, Mr. Cullen. What, pray tell, did you have in mind?" Mr. Mason asked, pausing by their desks.
"Lolita," Edward answered without pause.
Mr. Mason actually laughed. "I admire your pluck, kid, but fat chance. It is certainly a well respected piece of literature, rightfully so, but I can't let you use it for this class."
"Fine. Pale Fire."
"No Nabokov, Edward. Final answer. Miss Swan, did you have any suggestions?"
"A Moveable Feast."
"No way," Edward countered with a glare. "I'm not reading Hemingway again."
"Then suggest something else," she responded icily.
"Atlas Shrugged."
"Are you crazy?" she demanded. "I do, in fact, have homework for other classes. I don't have time for that book!"
Mr. Mason smiled as he backed away. "It looks like you two are going to have a lot of fun. Keep at it and let me know what you decide."
"I'm sorry if I'm a little more interested in stimulating my brain than your last partner, but – "
"My last partner and I did Heart of Darkness, so you can kiss my ass."
"How incredibly fitting."
"What is your problem?"
"What the hell do you think my problem is?"
All her breath rushed out in a huff. "I needed a ride to school."
"Oh yes, that looked all about necessity to me."
He threw himself back against his chair, arms crossed across his chest as his eyes smoldered at her. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't. Her fish-like expression only made him smirk.
"Told you so," he laughed, but it lacked all of the warmth of the previous evening
"As I Lay Dying."
"What?" he asked, sitting back up.
"Faulkner. We'll read As I Lay Dying."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Because it was the morning from hell, there were still ten minutes left of class – ten incredibly long, incredibly awkward minutes in which she twiddled her thumbs, stared at the clock and watched the seconds tick by. When the bell finally rang, she gathered her books without looking at Edward, moving from the room as quickly as possible before her bad luck could strike again.
"Bella, wait."
She whirled around, her eyes slit as she stared at Jasper's approaching figure and wondered how long she had to stand still before lightning struck her.
"No, I'm not waiting. I don't want to hear it. All I want in this moment is to go back to sleep and start over. If you can't provide that for me, then please, for the love of your girlfriend – who, by the way, is my best friend and will withhold sex if I complain – leave me alone."
Edward's chuckle echoed out from behind her, but she didn't turn to acknowledge him. She didn't acknowledge anyone once she got to history, either. She barely talked to Alice in math. Luckily, her normally talkative friend didn't pester her – a sympathetic smile and a soft pat on the hand told Bella that she understood.
At lunch she ignored everyone and headed straight for the library for the second that day. Though her stomach was grumbling since she'd missed breakfast, she didn't even consider being in the cafeteria long enough to get a snack. Instead, she sat in her chair, staring at her book and wondering if she'd ever be able to read more than a page at a time again.
"Boo!"
She jumped in her chair, her hand clutched to her chest. "Crap, Emmett! Don't do that to me!"
"Dude, I'm fucking huge," he winked. "I can't sneak up on anyone ever. Don't blame me for taking advantage of the perfect opportunity."
"What do you want?" she sighed.
"I needed a book."
She snickered.
"What?" he demanded. "It's not like I can't read, Swan."
"True. You just don't like to."
"No, I don't like reading that melancholy, melodramatic shit you are so obsessed with. I prefer to keep my life fun and interesting. Like Monty Python says…always look on the bright side – "
"If you're going to stand here and insult me, you can go join the line waiting in the cafeteria."
"I don't need your drama, thanks."
"I don't need it either," she grumbled.
"Please," Emmett chuckled. "Your drama is all you."
She scowled. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that Jasper's an idiot, but you're a bigger one."
"I don't – "
"Look, Bella, it isn't my place to tell you this…mostly because if Rosalie finds out then I'm going to be in the doghouse for – "
"Spare me, Emmett. We used to be friends. If your – "
"I know we were, and sometimes I'm sorry we're not anymore. But I'm about to tell you a secret. A good one."
"So spill," she said when he showed no intent to continue.
"Do you remember that time in eighth grade when I pretended to ask you out so Rosalie would finally say yes to me?"
She couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah. That was pretty much the end of Rose acknowledging my existence. It was the dumbest idea you ever had."
"I know," he sighed. "But for reasons besides just Rose."
"You mean because we can't be friends anymore?"
He grimaced. "Besides that, too. Remember how I missed three days of school after?"
"Yeah. Everyone said you and Rose were home having ridiculous amounts of sex."
"If only that were true," he said, smiling. "I was recuperating."
"Recuperating? From what?"
"An ass-kicking."
"Who the hell managed to kick your ass?"
"Jasper."
"Jasper?"
"Yes. He fights dirty. Whodathunk?" he asked with a rueful smile.
"But why would he start a fight with you over messing with Rosalie's head? They've never gotten along!"
"It wasn't about Rosalie," Emmett said, staring at her.
"But – "
"God, you are the dumbest smart kid I know. He kicked my ass for asking you out."
"But you didn't mean it!"
"He is the second dumbest smart kid I know."
"So what did he do?" she asked, her heart pumping adrenaline through her.
"He told me I was a son of a bitch, launched himself at me. Then, once he'd inflicted a black eye and a bloody nose, told me to stay the fuck away from you."
"You're lying," she whispered.
"When have I ever lied to you?"
"That time with the worms in the can and – "
"Ok, smartass. I'm not lying to you now. Me telling you this benefits no one. Certainly not my reputation or relationship. Definitely not Alice. Jasper would kick my ass again if he knew I told you. And really, not you either. I just thought that you should know. He's the biggest douche I know, but maybe he didn't start this."
"Why did you – "
"I don't know. I really don't. Because he used to be my friend and you hurt him? Because you used to be my friend and he's hurting you now? Because this school needs some excitement and new kid didn't have a shot with you unless you knew? I'm a pretty simple guy most of the time, but something about you makes things get ridiculously complicated."
"I hate you right now."
"You've never hated me, Bells."
"I came close with the worms."
Emmett smiled. It was broad and open and so incredibly like Emmett – and so incredibly different than Jasper or Edward – that she couldn't help but relax.
"I've missed you, Em."
"Well, I haven't missed you at all," he said, still grinning.
"I forgot how busy and important you are now," she replied.
"Damn straight. Speaking of that, I have to go. Lunch is almost over and if I don't eat something soon I can't be held responsible for my actions."
"Are you ever held responsible for your actions?" she asked incredulously.
"Nope," he laughed. "Smell ya later, Swan. Tell your dad I salute him."
"Smell ya later?" she called to his retreating back.
He thrust his middle finger into the air just before he disappeared out the door. As she settled back into the silence, she replayed the entire conversation in her head. She hadn't thought it possible, but she felt like an even bigger idiot than she had before. Without Emmett there to lighten the mood, the true weight of what he'd told her was a burden on her mind. She sighed.
The bell rang and she buried her face in her hands. Biology was next, and that meant Edward. The coward in her wanted to run, to hide away in the library until her day came to a merciful end. But she couldn't be that Bella anymore. Emmett was right: everything she touched turned complicated in a hot second because she was too afraid to uncomplicated it. Her fight with Edward was her fault, and she was going to stand up and admit it.