Author note: The songs parodied in this chapter (Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know" and LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It") belong to their respective owners. Same goes to Bart Simpson's "Do the Bartman".

Episode 10: Chrisaoke

The scene opens on Chris, standing on the pier. "Last time on Total Drama All Stars." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Light managed to get Kim eating out of the palm of his hand, and Wallace is doing nothing to stop it. And while Light was playing the ladies, Zidane is failing miserably. Alice realised she hasn't fed for a while, which was very bad in a challenge where the contestants have to capture bloodthirsty animals. This naturally led to her elimination. Now with one less member, the 'Sharks against Light' campaign is on shaky grounds, especially with Light scoping out Marty as a potential ally." The scene cuts back to Chris standing on the pier. "How will Light persuade Marty to join him? Will Marty join Light? And will I join him? Well, the rules forbid that last one, but find out the answers to the other two questions right here, on Total Drama All Stars."

Intro song plays.

Marty is playing guitar on the pier when Light approaches. "Hey Marty," said Light sitting down nearby. "I wasn't aware you played guitar."

"Yeah, I'm in a band back home," said Marty. "But anyway, what's up?"

"Straight to the point, eh?" asked Light. "Very well: I wanted to ask whether you are one of the people against me."

Marty looked at him for a moment before replying. "No," he said. "I'm not against you, but I'm not with you either. I don't know whether what you did to Haruhi was intentional or not, but since you haven't done anything to eliminate any of our teammates, I think it was an accident."

Light smiled at this. "I hope I'm not being too forward when I say this," said Light. "But I want you to join me."

Marty looked at him stunned. "What?"

"I'm not saying you have to join me," said Light. "And I will not act against you if you refuse. I simply need some support within my own team, since Katniss and Murtagh are working non-stop for my elimination. I swear, Haruhi's elimination was not my intention. I feel I have much to contribute to this team, and do not wish for the team to fall into disrepute as a result of unjust revenge."

Marty looked at him for a moment. "Well, you did take that blow from Ash's Pokémon for me," he said.

"And I've still got bruises from it," said Light.

"Whoa, really?" asked Marty. "I didn't think it hit you that hard. Do you mind if . . ."

"Trying to get my shirt off are you?" asked Light. Marty looked embarrassed at this. "I'm kidding. Wallace is the only one here I suspect wants that. Here, take a look." Light lifted up his shirt, revealing dark purple marks all across his chest.

"Wow, I guess I owe you then," said Marty. "Count me in."

"Excellent," said Light, shaking Marty's hand.

Confession Cam: Marty

"I had my doubts about Light at first, but he really doesn't seem like a bad guy. He sounded sincere, and anyone willing to take a Staraptor to the chest like that must be trustworthy."

Confession Cam: Light

Light holds up a bunch of dark coloured berries to the camera, then crushes them in his hand. A dark purple paste is seen dripping in his hand. "I didn't think he'd actually fall for these bruises, but they are a pretty convincing colour. I'm lucky that idiot believed that crap. Now, to subdue Katniss and Maurtagh."

Meanwhile, in the Giant Sharks cabin . . .

"Hey Zidane, can I ask you something?" asked Katniss.

"Yes, I will go out with you," said Zidane, not even looking up at her.

"Not that, but you will see more of me if you say yes," said Katniss.

"Answer's still yes," said Zidane, still not looking up.

"So you will join me and Murtagh in getting rid of Light?" asked Katniss.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" said Zidane, not even realising what he agreed to.

"Oh, okay, thanks," said Katniss, before leaving.

Confession Cam: Katniss

"I know Alice said Zidane would join without hesitation, but that seemed too easy."

Confession Cam: Zidane

"I wonder what Katniss asked. I should find a way to ask without telling her I didn't listen."

"Campers, your next challenge starts in seventeen minutes and fifty three seconds," said Chris voice over the loudspeakers. "Not that we're counting."

Seventeen minutes and fifty four seconds later . . .

"Campers, you can breathe easy for now," said Chris. "Today's challenge is not dangerous in the slightest . . . unless you get eliminated." A loud cheer erupted from the contestants at this. "Today's challenge is called 'Chrisaoke'."

"So, have you become so vain you make up words about yourself now?" asked Carly.

"The word isn't about me," said Chris. "It's named after me. Chrisaoke is derived from the Ancient Egyptian word 'karaoke', which means to sing your favourite songs with the aid of a CD and enough alcohol to make you think you're actually good."

"You made all that up didn't you?" said Murtagh.

"What surprises you about that?" asked Chris. "Your challenge is to write and perform a song entirely dedicated to the greatest person on the island: me."

"Debatable," muttered Kevin.

"You have eight hours to prepare. Go."

Later, with the Giant Sharks . . .

"I should spearhead this challenge," said Rachel. "I have years of singing experience, and I've actually written songs before."

"Yes, I'm sure your little show tune ballads were great," said Marty. "But I play an actual instrument, and Chris strikes me as the kinda guy who wants to rock out more than sing in chorus."

"I'll have you know my glee club won Regionals with songs I wrote," answered Rachel.

"And then they lost at Nationals with songs you wrote," replied Light. Rachel glared at him as he continued. "Look, we can't afford to fight amongst ourselves. If we do, we'll never get this done. We're lucky that our team has an actual musician and an actual singer, so we need you two to work together."

Rachel continued to glare at Light, but eventually saw the logic in his words. "Fine," she said. "But I want full creative control over everything, and none of you can interfere."

The rest of the team protested this, but Rachel stood firm. "Alright, fine," Katniss eventually said. "We need her too much for this to refuse. I say we give her what she wants, and if we lose we boot her." The entire team agreed to this, though Rachel was suddenly quite apprehensive.

Meanwhile, with the Striking Vipers . . .

"We are NOT doing a rap song," said Ayane, anger in her voice.

"Why do you care? You've already said you don't have any musical talents," said Bart. Ayane glared at him. "I'm the only one here who has musical experience, and I say rap."

"I didn't realise covering your ears when your sister played saxophone counted as musical experience," said Ash.

"No, not that," said Bart. "I'm talking about this." Bart climbed up on a rock and began singing. "Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman/Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man/Move your butt to the side yes you can can/Everybody in the house do the Bartman".

Everyone stared at Bart, unsure of what to say. Luckily, Wallace fixed this somewhat. "That is so 1991."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" asked Bart. "Well, do I have moves or what?"

"Not really," said Kim. "But whatever, we've got nothing better."

Bart laughed at this. "Perfect."

"Hey Bart," called Kevin. "Look what I found." Bart approached him, and saw Kevin standing over a tree with a vine trapped under a rock. "So, when I pluck this thing like a guitar string . . ." He did so, and it made a sort of twanging noise. "I thought we could use it for the beat."

Bart plucked the vine a few times, and then started to do it in a sort of rhythm. "It's good," said Bart. "But we can't move it to the stage."

"No, but we can record it," said Kevin, pulling out a tape recorder.

"What the hell is this, the 80's?" asked Bart. "Whatever. Doesn't matter, we need it." Bart started plucking the vine while Kevin recorded it.

That evening, at the amphitheatre . . .

"Welcome campers, to the first, and probably only, Total Drama Chrisaoke competition," said Chris. "Two teams, two songs, one winner, one person fired from a cannon. I cannot tell you how excited I am for that last part. First up, we have Marty and Rachel from the Giant Sharks, with a song called 'You're Not Just Somebody Who Has Got a Show'."

Behind the curtain, Marty looked over at Rachel. "Are you sure about this? I mean, the lyrics are kinda lame, the tune is kinda slow, and don't even get me started about the body paint."

"Don't worry, we'll be fine," said Rachel. "I doubt they even have a songwriter, so I didn't have to try that hard."

"You didn't put in any effort?" demanded Marty. "Well, too late now, we're on." The curtain lifted, revealing Marty and Rachel, barely dressed, covered in paint of various shades of green and brown. Marty started playing a slow, steady rhythm on his guitar, and soon began singing. "Now and then I think of when Chris dragged me out here/Like when he said you could win a lot of cash/Told myself this was a good idea/But didn't know of his lunacy/But I still love this, so don't shoot me off the pier."

Then Rachel took over. "Now and then I think of all the times you've tried to kill us/And you had me thinking what I did to deserve this?/But I don't always think that way/Really Chris, you are just quite okay/And since you rake in the dough/It proves you're not just somebody who has got a show."

As the chorus began, the two began singing in unison. "But you didn't have to drop us down/Into the shark infested water to be ate or drowned/And we don't really like that you/Left us to a spider the size of a car or two/And you didn't have to stoop so low/As to make us use the slop that Chef calls his food, though/I guess that despite all of this/You're not just somebody that has his own show." The song faded out with the two of them occasionally repeating that last line.

Chris came up on stage as they finished. "Well, certainly not a bad effort," said Chris. "Six out of ten. Personally, I would have preferred something a little more upbeat." The members of the Giant Sharks glared at Rachel, who giggled nervously. "Well, let's keep this train wreck moving with the Striking Vipers."

As Chris got off stage, Kevin came on holding his tape recorder. He pressed play, and the beat that Bart made that afternoon started playing. Shortly after, Bart came onstage, dressed as a miniature Chris. Then he began the song:

"Yeah, yeah/When I walk the streets, girls be looking like damn he Chris/I'm on TV, and the winner of several Gemmies, yeah/This is how I roll, private island, where I host the show/It's Bart Simpson with the pointy hair/Telling you 'bout the host who's got the most, yeah/Chicks check out that body, chicks check out that body, chicks check out that body/I work out/Chicks check out that body, chicks check out that body, chicks check out that body/I work out/When I walk on the pier, this is what I say/This is the show, who's gone is anybody's guess/I got Chef as my wingman and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it/I'm McLean and I know it."

As Bart finished the chorus, Wallace came out onstage only in his underpants. He then continued the song. "Check it out/Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah/Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah, yeah/Do the wiggle man/I do the wiggle man/Yeah/I'm McLean and I know it." As the song finished, Wallace made the 'call me' sign to Chris.

Chris frowned at Wallace's gesture, but soon got over it. "Well, I think we've got a clear winner," said Chris. "Striking Vipers, that was exactly the sort of song I wanted. You guys are tonight's winners. Giant Sharks, see you at elimination." As she heard those words, Rachel gulped.

Confession Cam: Light

"Well, I was gonna try and get Rachel to help me, but I realise now she won't be much use. She'll have too much of a crowd against her."

Confession Cam: Katniss

"Well, I guess I should keep my promise. Sorry Rachel."

Confession Cam: Rachel

"I'll vote for Marty. Maybe some of them will blame him equally . . . Maybe."

Later at the elimination ceremony . . .

"Campers, someone is going home tonight," said Chris. "Who it is will be determined by these marshmallows. There are six of them here, but seven of you. The one of you who doesn't receive a marshmallow will be taking the Blast of Shame, and will never be allowed to return. Ever. The following campers are safe." As he said each camper's name, he threw them a marshmallow. "Carly. Murtagh. Light. Zidane. Katniss." Marty smirked at Rachel, who looked extremely nervous. "Campers, there is one marsh . . ."

"We already know Rachel's gone," said Zidane. "Just give Marty the marshmallow already."

Chris glared at him. "Fine, okay, Marty gets the marshmallow. But Zidane, you really should learn about suspense. Especially if you're in a theatre troupe." Chris threw the final marshmallow to Marty.

Rachel, realising she couldn't do anything to prevent what would happen, just held her head down as Chef loaded her into the cannon. "I was hoping for a little more fight out of her than this," said Chef as he fired the cannon.

"You can't always get what you want," said Chris. "Who will Light screw with next? How will I screw with the contestants next? And am I allowed to say screw this many times on TV? Find next the answers to all these questions next time, right here, on Total Drama All Stars."