Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters etc, and I wish SM didn't own them either.

Chapter Seven – She Spills Her Guts

Bella grabbed her bag as she prepared to rush from the library. She wasn't quite sure what her plan was, but there was no time to worry about that. All she could think of was getting to biology. She moved faster than she had in ages and managed not to fall down on the way, though a shallow puddle almost did her in. The biology classroom came into sight just as she rounded the corner. Her fingers ran through her hair as she contemplated what to do next. A quick peek in the room showed that only a few students had arrived.

For a second, she moved to enter and head toward her seat. A moment of revelation struck, and she moved to the side of the building so that she could see people approach but no one could see her. The warning bell rang and, still no Edward in sight, she started to worry that he wasn't going to show. Just as she was getting ready to step out from her hiding place, she saw a now familiar thatch of bronze hair approaching. A peek around the corner told her that no one else was coming, so she hurried across the lawn to intercept him.

"Come with me," she said, grabbing his arm as she kept walking.

"No problem. But you're going the wrong way," he pointed out with a confused frown.

"I know that. We're not going to class," she said, dragging him toward the parking lot.

"So where are we going?" he asked, pulling her to a stop and staring at her.

Her cheeks flamed under his searching eyes. "Well, first we're going to your car. Then we're going to leave campus."

"I suppose that's good enough for now," he conceded, sliding an arm around her waist as they started walking again. "Won't we get in trouble?"

"Please. This is a small town. My dad is chief of police of a force of four. There's no budget for a truancy squad."

"Yes, but it's still a small town. Someone could see. Someone could tell."

They'd reached the Volvo, and Bella just smiled up at him as she slid into the passenger seat. She waited for him to walk around and climb in the car. The engine started with a quiet purr, and she was momentarily distracted as she watched him competently maneuver the stick shift.

"Well?" he asked, as they reached the exit.

"Left," she said simply, relaxing into the black leather. "It's already warm in here."

"That's what happens when your car was manufactured post-stone age. Are you going to answer my question?"

"If you're really worried, then yes."

"I really am. I'm already in trouble with my dad for a bad first impression."

"Why would your dad care?" she asked, turning to look at him.

He sighed. "Because my mom loves it here. She's wanted to get out of the city for ages. They're thinking about staying."

"Seriously?" she asked, her nose wrinkling in distaste.

"Seriously. Now quit distracting me."

"Well, we're not going to be in town so no one is going to see us to tell. My dad will likely be down by the coast or in La Push for lunch, so he won't see us either."

"What about the school?"

"What about it?"

"Won't they call our parents."

She just stared at him. "No…"

"The school doesn't call your parents if you miss?"

"Nope. I'll go tell Ms. Cope that I got sick and you drove me home tomorrow morning."

"Have I died? Is this heaven?" he wondered, clearly still confused.

Bella laughed, smiling brightly at him. "I wouldn't go that far. Still, there are certainly perks to small town life. You'll get the benefit of the doubt because I never skip. If it were Emmett, he'd be screwed."

"He's the one with the blonde, right?"

"Yeah, that's Rosalie." She paused. "She's Jasper's older sister."

Edward snorted. "I can see the resemblance."

"They do look a lot alike. They used to be mistaken for twins when they were younger," she replied, willfully ignoring the true intent of his words.

"That's not what I meant," he corrected with a glare.

She sighed. "I know that. But it's not time to talk about that. We'll talk about that when we get there."

"About that. Where exactly is there?"

"You'll see," she said, staring at the green landscape blurring past as Edward sped down 101 heading east.

"Can I have a hint at least?" he asked, batting his eyes at her.

"It's one of my favorite places," she smiled. "And no more questions about our destination. You'll see when we get there."

"Can I ask why we're going at least?"

"You know why we're going," she replied. "I want to talk to you. There are things to discuss."

"And apologies to give."

She scowled before she could help it. "Yes, apologies to give."

Edward's hand reached toward her from its perch on the gearshift. His fingers interlaced with hers on the seat, his thumb moving reassuringly over her palm with a feathery light touch.

"I meant me apologizing to you," he said, watching her out of the corner of his eye.

"But – "

"I'm sorry for English," he continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I was a total asshole. Seriously. I was peeing all over you and it was wrong of me."

"Peeing all over me?" she asked, raising her brows.

"Yeah, you know…marking my territory."

"So I'm your territory?"

"With any luck," he replied, squeezing her hand and never moving his eyes from the road.

A sense of calm enveloped Bella. It would have been perfectly reasonable for fear to be her first response to a statement like that, but she felt none of it. The same sense of absolute right that she'd sensed when she first decided to man up and apologize soothed her again. Once she got home she would deal with the anxiety and the nerves again. For now, she sunk into the feeling of peace like a warm bath. Her eyes fluttered close so that she could focus on the feeling of Edward's cool fingers next to hers.

He cleared his throat.

"You know," he said gently, "it will be very difficult for you to tell me where I'm going with your eyes closed."

"In about five minutes you're going to see a lake," she spoke, hey eyes still shut. "Watch out for the brown sign that will point you toward the lodge. Turn left and then make another left at the stop sign."

"Lake Crescent, right?"

"Mmhmm," she sighed.

"My parents stopped here for lunch on our way into Forks. They have the weirdest pea soup I've ever eaten in my life."

"But they have the best fish and chips ever," she countered. "Fancy foods are funny foods most of the time."

His rich laugh filled the car, and a smile stole its way onto her lips. Bella kept her eyes closed until she felt the car slowing. Her heart fluttered when Edward didn't release her hand. Instead, he sandwiched it between the warm leather of the shifter and his own. As the gears shifted, she felt the power of the engine vibrating through her and sensed the absolute control he had over it.

"Can you drive stick?" he asked.

Without being able to stop herself she giggled.

"Mind out of the gutter, Swan," he teased shaking his head. "Seriously, though."

"Nope," she replied. "To be honest, I'm not a very good driver in general."

"Somehow, I can see that about you," he said lightly as he pulled into a parking space facing the lake.

Bella didn't question him about his meaning – she didn't have to. He just got her. She didn't know how or why, she just knew that he did. It should have been obvious to her the first day. How he knew that, amid a crowd of people, singling her out would get her attention – how he knew that she wasn't a person people paid much attention to anyway. How he'd known that giving her an excuse to stand up to Jasper was the surest way to win her friendship. And, of course, how he'd known that sitting outside her window for an hour in the rain was the best possible way to make himself unforgettable to her.

It was hard to not feel self-absorbed or vain at those realizations. Because that was all Edward had done – paid attention to her when so few other people ever had. Fought for her when that had never happened. Well, never that she knew of. The image of Jasper embroiled in battle with Emmett drifted across her mind, and she shook her head to rid herself of it.

Edward was suddenly opening her door, and she looked up at him in a daze.

"I didn't even notice you got out of the car," she said.

"I know," he replied, offering her his hand as he helped her out.

"I – "

"I know," he interrupted.

Her face flamed in guilt and embarrassment. If she could have a procedure done that would cut Jasper out of her – no, it was no good. She knew she'd never do it. For all the pain and heartache he'd caused her in her life, he'd given her just as much joy. The only procedure that was needed was one to cut out the cancerous growth that had invaded the personality of the boy who'd been her friend and turned him into the thing he'd become.

"Where exactly were you planning on taking me?" he asked when they reached the outside of the lodge.

"Come on," she said, pulling him down the long dock that jutted out into the glittering waves, a thousand different shades of blue twinkling even under the overcast sky.

Edward's arm slid around her waist and held her tightly to his side, protectively restricting her to the thin path that went directly down the very center of the dock.

"I come here all the time," she reassured him as they reached the two-person bench at the end.

As soon as they sat down, she reached into the pocket or her coat for something to keep her hair in place. With an annoyed sigh she found them empty, settling instead to grab her now tangled mane and shove it down the back of her shirt.

"It's kind of windy," he said, tucking a stray lock behind her ear.

All Bella could do was stare at him. The wind buffeted his bronze hair wildly around his face. The green of his eyes was enhanced by the cold-induced pallor of his cheeks, and his lips seemed to be getting redder rather than the dull purple she knew hers would soon fade to.

"I've had a thing for Jasper since I was little," she blurted out suddenly, compelled to honesty by the intensity of his look.

He didn't say anything, but he didn't look away either. His arm flung itself around her shoulders, sending a reassuring warmth through Bella.

"We used to be best friends," she said, turning to stare out over the water. The churning waves set against the backdrop of the mountains and mist was calming to her. She would have preferred the untamed, incomparable beauty of the ocean, but Lake Crescent was the next best thing when she needed to avoid Charlie.

"He practically lived at my house. We did everything together. He read my novels and I read his histories. I watched his cartoons and he watched mine. No," she said, squaring her shoulders. "We watched our cartoons. Because everything was ours. We shared everything. When my mom…"

She trailed off, inhaling sharply through her nose as she willed the tears to stay away. When she was sure they would, she opened her mouth to speak again.

"When my mom left…when I just woke up one morning and she was gone…Jasper was there crying along with me. When Rosalie told everyone that he slept with a night light, we put her hand into a dish of warm water at her slumber party together. We were everything."

"What changed?" Edward asked, and she could tell he was intrigued in spite of himself.

"I don't know," she replied. "But on day something just switched. Something in him switched."

"And what happened?"

"It killed me. It killed me and I panicked. One day, he shows up and tells me he has a crush on Alice. I was so shocked…I mean, we were so young but he was so serious all the time and…I'd never…he never…I was just surprised."

"Sometimes those realizations are just that way" he whispered, pulling me tighter to his side and drawing my head to his shoulder.

"I remember the horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. I thought I was going to throw up, though now I realize it was just the crazy surge of adrenaline I felt. Jasper was mine, I was his…the thought that the world would exist in any other form was terrifying."

"But it does."

"It does," she agreed. "And so when he asked me to talk to Alice I just…I didn't. I didn't mention it to her, even though I thought she maybe had a crush on him – because I thought she maybe had a crush on him. I told Jasper that she just liked him as a friend, that she didn't like him like him."

"Well, obviously someone found out you lied."

"No shit," she said wryly, rolling her eyes even though he couldn't see.

"And then?"

"And then, maybe like four months later, I went over to Alice's one day. As close as Jasper and I always were, Alice and I were almost the same. I felt at home in her house. Her parents, they're these crazy trust fund babies who gave it all up for the sake if their art, they're gone a lot and so we used to just hang out there all the time. I never knocked. Ever."

"Oh God," Edward whispered, and she knew that he knew where the story was headed.

"I walked in like I always did, but I was reading and so I didn't say anything. I was about to round the corner when I heard…"

"You don't have to say it," he whispered, pulling her to his chest.

"Thanks," she whispered before continuing. "I couldn't help it. I peeked around the corner and there he was, looking right at me with this cold smile on his face. I…I couldn't move. I just stood there and watched for god knows how long."

"Probably like two minutes," Edward said under his breath and Bella felt herself relaxing some at his joke.

"He just kept watching me standing there until I finally snapped. I ran, like a coward, straight home. I faked the flu for three days. It was awful. I couldn't believe he'd done that. I knew Alice…something had to have been going on for a while for her to have agreed to that and…"

"It wasn't just his fault, you know," he said hesitantly, running his fingers through her hair in an obvious attempt to lessen the blow he thought he was about to inflict.

"It was mine too," she acknowledged.

"No, it wasn't. It was Alice's."

"No!" Bella argued, pulling away from him. "I mean, I knew she had a thing for Jasper and I knew he – "

"You guys are..." he trailed off, suddenly unsure of his words.

"Seriously fucked up?" she asked.

"I didn't say that."

"Why not? It's the truth."

"All I'm saying is that anyone with half a brain can see that you think that you're in love with Jasper. She should have known. She had to know, Bella."

"But – "

"Jesus, I can't believe you don't hate her for what she did to you. I would."

"I can't," she sighed. "I can't, because Alice should be with Jasper. They're so good together. She makes him so happy. She's the only one he's ever really listened to."

"How can you just know that, though?" he asked, and she thought she saw a hint of a smile.

"How can you not?" she asked incredulously. "With…I mean, you and…We…"

"I hate him for what he did to you. What he's still doing."

"I let him. I let him do it because I – "

"You don't deserve this, Bella. And he isn't doing it to punish you."

"Edward – "

"Just shut up for a second and let me talk, because the longer I look at you the less saying this seems like a good idea."

He took a deep breath, staring out for a long moment at the fingers of light reaching toward the water as a hint of sunlight fought its way through the clouds. His face was smooth, and not until he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose did he give away the strain that she'd known him to be under all along.

"Jasper is a total ass to you because he pretty much thinks you spurned him. He thinks he's in love with you, too."

Bella froze, breathing in with a shocked gasp. "Edward – "

"It's true," he said in a dead voice. "I've been trying to decide what to do about him since that morning at your locker because it's so obvious what's going on. It really is. I mean, I'm smart and all, but it doesn't take a genius to see what you two think…"

"I know. Believe me, I know. And I've tried. But it's like…I can't stop. I can't make it go away because the what-if part of my brain just murders me with possibilities."

"What if I helped you forget. What if you were my girlfriend?"

"What if what?" she whispered, stunned by the sudden change in the direction of their conversation.

"Look, you have issues. You have more issues than the people in my last school combined. But I don't care. I'm developing a pretty major thing for you here, Bella. And I know you feel the same thing, because you never would have told me all of this otherwise."

"But, Edward, I lo- "

"You don't. You can't because you aren't supposed to."

"That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. When has anyone ever fallen in love with someone because they were supposed to?"

"Smart people do. How can you not know that this is how it is?"

"So now you're going to be a jerk? Because I expressed some doubt?"

"I'm not being a jerk," he said, standing suddenly and turning to face her.

"Oh really?" she demanded, but her voice carried none of the heated anger she felt. Seeing him standing there, intensely pale against the reflective gray of the dissipating cloud cover, his bronze hair just barely glinting in the tiny glimmer of sunlight that made its way through the haze, almost took the wind out of her. Still, she refused to let herself be distracted. "I've told you, I'm messed up, Edward. I can't help it if I'm not completely ready to just leap into anything."

"Stop hiding behind Jasper, Bella. Just stop. You're completely ready to leap into something…just not with me. Be fucking honest for once in your life."

"Me?" she asked, her face mocking as she dipped her head back and laughed deeply. "That's fantastic. You, with your stupid fake guy-liner and cowardly dye job, are going to lecture me about being honest?"

"It isn't cowardly!"

"Oh it so is! You couldn't even dye all of your hair black! You did just enough to make a difference but not enough to prevent you from easily undoing it. You aren't a black nail polish kind of kid. You just aren't. But here you are, all weird clothes and – "

"Oh yes. Your best friend spends half her life trumped up like a peacock and my clothes are weird? For the record, my clothing is pretty much the same as it's always been."

"Whatever," she scowled, waving her hand dismissively at his attack on Alice. "Your entire personality here is a lie. What? You thought we were small town morons who would fall for your act?"

"Well, everyone did. And the clothes were just a deterrent," he grumbled.

"A deterrent from what? Fitting in?"

"Yes," he said simply, and the ease with which he admitted this floored her.

"Excuse me?"

"I didn't want to fit in. I didn't want to become attached to anybody here. At all. So when my dad promised me a new car when we moved I got the newest version of mine in black. I went to Safeway and bought black nail polish and hair dye and eyeliner. I added to my collection of black clothing. And I practiced scowling in front of a mirror. I didn't want to make friends!"

"And that's why you were such a douche to Alice," she whispered in realization.

"Yes. Because if I was weird to the person people thought I would fit in with, they'd all think I was an asshole and just leave me the hell alone."

"And the eyeliner and the dye?"

"Small town people don't like goth kids," he shrugged. "I figured I'd avoid most of the new kid mystique if I got written off as a freak right away."

"You are the dumbest person – besides me – that I know."

He snorted, and Bella could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"I'm serious. You made yourself a legend. Everyone knew who you were. If you'd picked a small group of kids you would have had to deal with them, but that would have been it."

"It didn't matter. I screwed my whole plan anyway."

"Why?" she asked, glad he'd spared her from having to bring it up. "Why did you do it? Why did you talk to me?"

"I couldn't not," he said with a sigh, jamming his hands in his pocket, walking back to the bench and collapsing at her side. "Part of me wishes I never had…that you hadn't been sitting there with that damn smirk on your face while you watched me blow them all off. That you hadn't cringed when you watched Alice just fundamentally not get it. Because if you'd been like the rest of them – "

"I am like the rest of them."

"You aren't."

"These people have been my friends my whole life, Edward."

"Some fucking friends," he sneered.

"Don't," she pleaded.

"You aren't like them, Bella. All I had to do was look at you and I could see that. Alice was dressed like a clown, Jasper is a Ponyboy-wannabe, and the rest of the school…but there you were in your worn out little moccasins and your cardigan and your hair all in your face with a book in your hand and that fucking smile..."

"Just because I don't look like them doesn't mean I'm not."

"I know that, but to me it was the first sign. Sitting with these people who clearly thought they were so far above the rest of the school – "

"Would you stop with your insane labeling? Alice dresses like the only mirror she owns belongs in a funhouse, I'll give you that, but she does it because it's what she likes. She makes all her own clothes. Every piece. Her ridiculous wardrobe aside, she is the most approachable person at that school. She'll talk to anyone, and not because she wants to be popular. It's just how she is. If she wanted to be popular she would've bowed down to Rosalie ages ago…but she doesn't. And Jasper – "

"You're not seriously going to argue with me about him are you?"

"I brought you out here so that we could quit arguing," she snapped.

She moved to get off the bench but Edward grabbed her hand, pulling her down into his lap. His grip was firm until he was sure she wouldn't move and then his hands slid slowly up her arms, across her shoulders, up her neck, and finally took a gentle hold of her face. Their eyes locked and they both let out simultaneous sighs. Bella found her head buried in Edward's chest as his arms wrapped securely around her.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I really am. I just…everything is so complicated. I really ought to try to figure some stuff out before I agree to anything. It wouldn't be fair to you otherwise."

"I'm sorry too, and I really don't care about it being fair to me or not."

"I…I want you, Edward. But I want him too. Maybe that makes me the biggest idiot alive, but I can't just stop wanting him. Would you really be ok with that?"

"No, I wouldn't."

She wanted to answer, but he prevented it by tilting her chin up and pressing his lips to hers, not bothering to wait for permission. It wouldn't have mattered if he had – she would have given it to him. Selfish or not, she needed the reassurance and comfort that his kiss could provide. Her whole body relaxed against his. Edward's hands were firm on her back, but she could feel the slightest sense of desperation in the strength of his grip, the only sign he gave away of how much these moments meant to him.

When he finally pulled away, Bella felt completely soothed. She knew it should have been a sign, but, sign or not, she'd meant what she'd said. For as much as she knew she wanted Edward, needed him even, she wanted Jasper just as much.

"Come on, I'll drive you home," he said, sliding her off his lap and back to the seat next to him.

"Can we stay, just a little longer?" she asked, staring out at the water.

"Won't people start to show up soon?"

"Does it matter?"

"No," he said, pulling her back to his side at once.

The water was still rough and the sunlight had slipped back behind the clouds, but it was peaceful. An eagle flew back and forth in the distance, hopping from tree to tree, and a family of ducks ambled along the docks edge. The serenity of her surroundings embraced Bella, and she once again let herself forget.

"Thanks for bringing me here," Edward whispered, interrupting the moment.

Bella found that she didn't care at all. "Thank you for letting me."