Feliciano was sobbing on the bed, trembling in pain by the time Ludwig entered the room. He stood in the door frame in shock, just staring at Feliciano. At first he was blushing, having a wild fantasy in his mind that Feliciano was laying on his bed (naked might I add) as a surprise birthday present. But then he saw the blood. Then he saw the scratches…then he heard the sobbing, and saw the shaking.

He rushed over to Feliciano, horrified.

"Feliciano! What's the matter!? What has happened to you!?" he yelled. He knew that yelling scared the other senseless, but he didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to help his friend. Feliciano trembled even more from Ludwig's loud voice, so Ludwig just stopped talking.

"I'm calling an ambulance." He said finally, and took out his cell phone. As soon as Ludwig did so, Feliciano screeched in panic, and pounced onto Ludwig, jumping off of the bed, and knocking the other to the ground. He lay on top of him, practically straddling, and snatched the phone from him.

"D-don't you d…dare call them! I don't need their help!" he spat at Ludwig, growing angry.

If you get angry, Ludwig won't love you…he loves people who are calm and collected, just as he is.

He took deep breaths and calmed down. "I just fell down the stairs after getting home to change…the carpet just rubbed really hard on my skin…and peeled off some..er…some of this suntan I had from being on the beaches a month ago." He explained, hoping Ludwig would believe him. He didn't.

"Feli…you have no tan…you were as pale as a ghost this morning." He said firmly, looking up into Feliciano's eyes, blushing furiously from the position he was in underneath Feliciano. He quickly looked down, and saw Feliciano's …well…you know…and then quickly looked back up at Feliciano. Feli didn't even notice, and right now he didn't care. He only cared when this thought came into his mind.

You're naked on him right now…and you know what he's thinking? How terribly fat you are. That's all that's on his mind…he is eyeing all your pudge, all of your flab…ever inch of cellulite on your body, he's judging…and he's hating all of it!

Feliciano sniffled and got off of Ludwig. He wrapped the bloodied sheets around his waist, and walked into the bathroom, shut the door, and locked it. He slid down the bathroom wall, and sobbed. He began breaking down bit by bit again. He couldn't handle this much longer…being around Ludwig made the thoughts worse. Made him hate himself more…

You don't deserve him.

He thinks you're fat

He hates you.

He loves someone else.

Someone skinny

Someone brave

Someone smart

Beautiful

Hot

Sexy

Someone who isn't YOU

Feli sobbed into his hands uncontrollably.

"Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!" he screamed at his own voice in his head. It worked for a moment or two before they came back. He sat there, going from feeling every emotion all at once, to going numb. He didn't want to feel, he couldn't feel, he didn't need to feel. At that moment, he just wanted to be dead…not to kill himself per say…but he just didn't want to exist anymore…

Ludwig was banging on the door, begging for Feliciano to let him in. Feli couldn't reach to open the door, even if he wanted to…which he didn't…but at the same time he did. He wanted to be alone, but at the same time he wanted to be held, and comforted like he was as a small child in his grandpa's protection, safe in his arms.

Ludwig finally managed to find the skeleton key to open the bathroom door from the outside, and carefully opened the door, entering the bathroom. He did his best not to yell, or to seem angry. All he did was sit across from Feliciano, who as soon as Ludwig entered the room, hid his whole body under the sheets. He refused to be seen. He was hideous. A mess. Gross…disgusting. Ludwig didn't deserve to see such a grotesque human being such as him.

Ludwig was too afraid to touch Feliciano, having read in one of the psychology books he owned, that it was a bad idea to touch someone when they were panicking, unless you knew for a fact that it comforted them. He had never seen Feliciano like this before. Sure, he had seen him hide under beds, in closets; under his white flag…all for the sake of not being seen…to stay safe…was that one of these deals? He thought to himself. Was he scared of him? What had Ludwig done aside from yelling, that was so horrifying. He thought back about the events of the day…then he remembered…Feliciano had been absent! How had he missed that…when did Feliciano disappear…where did he go? Why hadn't he noticed…Feli was his most precious person in the world…how did he not notice that he was gone!?

He felt awful for not paying as much attention as he should have, and shook his head, hanging it down.

"Feliciano…please…I'm so sorry…I didn't …I didn't mean to not notice something was wrong…I…I just got so caught up in everything happening…I wasn't expecting any of this…I was so surprised! Please…Feliciano…look at me…you need to calm down…take deep breaths…please…let me see your face. "

Don't you dare look up you ugly fatty.

Feli did what his head said. He remained silent, not saying a word, or really moving aside from the slight vibrations he was making from shaking so much. Ludwig reached out a hand to touch Feli's back softly, but through the sheet's, Feli could see what Ludwig was doing.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"he screamed in a hoarse voice, sounding almost like a banshee.

"J-just leave me…a-alone…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…please…don't hate me…I'm sorry..I didn't mean to forget…I..I didn't mean…I'm sorry I cause you s-so much trouble…I …I'm so sorry, Germany…I…I've g-got to …" before he could finish saying anything else, he rushed to the toilet, and began coughing, and dry heaving. He felt so sick from all the anxiety, but nothing came up food wise, only water and bile came up and into the toilet. He trembled, but smiled.

The smile scared Ludwig quite a bit. It wasn't Feli's normal happy smile…it was …indescribable. A mix between pride, and self loathing, and everything in between those two categories.

The smile soon faded when he saw Ludwig looking at him.

"P-please…Ludw-…Germany…please don't look at me.."

You're too ugly to be looked at. You'd make everyone who see's you blind.

"Feli…please…" he begged, so confused and scared for his best friend…for the man he secretly loved.

"You can call me 'Ludwig'…okay? I'm…I'm not Germany to you…remember? I'm Ludwig…and you're Feliciano…remember when we decided that? When we became friends all those years ago?" he tried to remind the other. Feliciano nodded, remembering…how could have forgotten one of the best days of his entire life?

"…Germany..we're not friends…" he said firmly. "F-friend's don't forget each other's birthdays…or put them through as much as I put you through. I'm a burden, and I'm a mess, and I just get in the way of everything you try to do!" he screamed, now Ludwig wasn't the only one who was scared, Feli was too. Scared of himself…scared of his head.

Ludwig looked at him, totally baffled. He didn't know what to say, he was so taken aback. He reached out to try and touch Feliciano again, to reassure him, but he quickly drew his hand away as he remembered how much that angered Feliciano before.

Feli stood up, head down, eyes shut tight, shoulders slumped, and walked out of the bathroom, and down the stairs so he could wash the sheets in the laundry room. He totally ignored Ludwig, just leaving him there in the bathroom. He didn't know what to do exactly. Scratch that…he didn't know what to do at all. What had caused all of this…was it that Feliciano had forgotten his birthday? Is that what the Italian had said? Ludwig gave a sad smile to no one. He had even forgotten it was his own birthday, he was so caught up on being with Feliciano that he couldn't even tell. The only thing that reminded him it was his birthday, was the cake and the presents.

Ludwig walked down the stairs slowly after leaving the bathroom. He walked over to Feliciano in the laundry room, and stood in the doorframe of it.

"Feliciano…please…tell me what's wrong…you need to talk to me! Where's the old, hyper, crazy, random, talkative Feliciano? Who are you?" He asked. He didn't realize how rude that sounded until it came out. Feliciano looked at him with heartbroken eyes. His eyebrows moved up and inward, and his bottom lip began to tremble, bottom lip trembling. But he didn't cry. Instead he burst into laughter. He clutched his stomach as he began to tear up from laughing so hard.

"Ludwig! You're so silly! I'm fine, I'm fine…I'm still the same old me…I'm just.." he yawned. "Really out of it today..that's all…okay? Nothing to worry about. " he comforted the other. Oh how badly they wanted to stroke the other's face gently, and nod their hand…but they both know they couldn't…or they'd ruin their friendship…or at least thought that that would happen.

Feliciano's best cover up for his little fits of crazy emotions all bottled up was to laugh about it…to pretend like the whole thing was just a big joke. It usually worked well…and it sort of did today. Ludwig didn't want to pry and make Feliciano uncomfortable, but as he took a closer look at the scratches on Feliciano's body, and he saw how prominent his friend's collar bones were, he decided to pry for Feli's own safety.

"Feliciano…you're not okay…I need to take you to the doctors….you're sick…there's something wrong with you…" he said firmly, leaving no room for questions or if's, and's, or but's. But that didn't stop Feliciano from getting out of the situation.

"Ludwig…I am not going to the doctors…you can't make me! In…in fact…I'm leaving! I'm going home right now!" he yelled, and shoved past Ludwig, storming up the stairs, got dressed, and closed his suit case up again, before dragging it down the stairs, and he stood by the door. "I'll see you at the next meeting…" he muttered as he left.

"B-but that's not for –" the door slammed shut. "…another month…" he sighed. He couldn't go that long without seeing the other…but …if it's what Feliciano wanted, then that as okay…so long as the Italian was happy, Ludwig was happy…but today, Ludwig realized, was hot a happy day for Feliciano.

Feliciano was walking down the roads, until he finally got to the train station. He paid for a ticket, and lugged his suit case onto the train, where he managed to lay down. It'd be a couple of hours to get back to Italy, so he'd just sleep. He was too tired to do anything else. He thought though, that he'd better call his brother first. He pulls his phone out and dials his brother's number.

Ring….ring….ring….ring…

"Pronto." Lovino answered firmly.

"Ciao, Lovi…this is Feli…I-I just wanted to say that I'm going back to Venice…so if you need to find me…I'll be at home…" he smiled, so used to faking it that he did it all the time. Feliciano talked to Romano for a long while, about fourty five minutes.

"So you're finally leaving that potato head!?" Lovino asked excitedly.

"Lovi…we were never together…it's a bit hard to leave a relationship that doesn't exist.." he sighed sadly, looking at the floor.

"Fine…that's true…but we all know you like him…so are you over him yet? When will you be over him? And what can I do to help? I seriously believe that while you were under the Axis's power, that they brain washed you to like Germany or something like that." He explained, Lovino was definitely one to believe in conspiracy theories like that. Anyways, Feliciano stayed on the train talking to Lovi, and then Antonio, then back to Lovi after Lovi took the phone back from Antonio.

He finally arrived at the Italian train station, and then caught another taxi to take him over to Venice, where he lived, right in the heart of it all. When he arrived home, he entered his house, and smiled at the familiar warmth. He was comfortable here…he loved it here. This is the place where he has all of his paintings, all of the photos of his friends. Everything that he'd ever loved was there…all but Ludwig that is.

When he got situated, and put all of his things back in his room, he ran down to the bottom floor, and walked over to his treadmill. Yes. Feliciano Vargas has a treadmill, and contrary to popular belief among everyone he knew, he actually uses it. By now, Feli was dressed in his sweat suit, and got onto the running machine, and did just that. Run. He ran for the whole rest of the day, skipping dinner completely. That was good, in his opinion. He burned more calories, missed dinner so he couldn't and wouldn't binge…it was going good for him.

When he was done, he was so tired and sore. He did some light stretching after he finished, and then walked up to his room. He laid down on his bed, stripped, and curled up under the blankets. He whimpered a little bit, feeling fat, feeling horrible and useless…feeling a million things at once. He didn't know how to handle it all so he just cried.

Crying is for babies…for weaklings…for girls.

"I'm not a baby…I'm not weak…I'm not a girl…"he cried softly, holding himself in a ball. He snuggled the blankets and the pillows, and slowly fell asleep. He was too tired to hear the phone buzzing as Ludwig tried to call him.

He ended up leaving a message.

"Hallo, Feli…this is Ludwig…I'm coming over…I need to make sure you're safe… "he said. "No arguing." He said, but of course Feli didn't hear any of that, he just kept on sleeping, dreaming of the day he'd be perfect, marry Ludwig, and be the best country in the world.