He laid on the complete other side of the bed, instead of being pressed flush against Ludwig's body like he usually did. He pulled the blankets up, shivering .He was freezing…he always was. He got up to put on some heavy pajamas…and got two extra blankets. He bundled up underneath them, and drifted off into a light sleep, still able to hear what was going on, but too tired to process anything.

Ludwig was so worried, so confused…he just wanted to help Feliciano. When he saw him bundle up under so many covers, he grew even more worried. He remembered when he had felt Feli's forehead…a little too warm…clammy…He remembered his low pulse…it all added up.

Feliciano has the flu! Ludwig decided. He felt proud of himself for finally finding out what was wrong with his best friend…excuse me…super best friend. He rubbed Feliciano's back soothingly, and absent mindedly. He scooted a little closer to Feliciano, and sighed. How badly he wanted to spoon the other, holding him in his arm, his body pressed against Feli's…He had the same exact desires as Feliciano…though neither knew what the other was wanting, nor thinking.

"Feli…" he breathed out. He had only done this a few times when Feliciano was sleeping…it was fun…exciting…it made him feel a bit guilty afterwards…but it was too tempting to resist doing it. He carefully turned Feliciano onto his back, and he sat up. He looked down at Feliciano, his pale-ish face turning bright red. "…Feliciano…ich…ich liebe dich…" he smiled, and leaned down to gently brush his lips against Feliciano's. Just a brush…nothing more, nothing less. After a minute or so, he pulled away, feeling a little bit satisfied…or as satisfied as he could be with that little bit of contact. He laid down, and scooted to Feli, and held him close. He kissed Feliciano's head, and kissed behind his ear, and his jaw…and his neck.

Has Feliciano's skin always been so smooth? He thought to himself, having never gone this far before…his urges to do more were heating up. He crawled out of the bed, and walked to the side Feli was on. He gently slipped his hand into Feliciano's, making his heart flutter. In his sleep, Feliciano squeezed his hand back, and a small smile crept onto the Italian's sad face. Ludwig leaned in again, and pressed their lips together, more than just brushing them together. He couldn't hold back any longer.

He crawled on top of Feliciano, not making much noise, and not shifting the bed that much, so Feliciano kept sleeping peacefully, though he stirred a little bit. He leaned down to kiss him again, and cautiously massaged their lips together. The biggest surprise though, was when Feliciano began kissing back.

As Feliciano slept, he dreamed. Sometimes his dreams were quite vivid, and very explicit. He usually ended up holding his body pillow, and was making out with it. When he woke up from those dreams, he felt…very awkward and embarrassed to say the least.
This dream though…was the most incredible one. It felt so real, so amazing. He felt Ludwig's hands travel across his sides, over his chest, stroking his hair, and brushing his cheeks with his fingers. He kissed Ludwig back, and tiredly brought his hands up, wrapping them around Ludwig's neck, pulling him closer. He slowly opened his mouth, and felt Ludwig's tongue slide in. At the sensation, Feli moaned, and his eyes fluttered open, waking from his dream. His eyes adjusted to see Ludwig on top of him, their lips on one another's. His eyes widened so much he felt they would pop out.

He quickly shoved Ludwig off of him, panicking. Ludwig quickly hopped off of him, and stumbled, landing on his rear on the floor. He looked at Feliciano, his whole face on fire, cheeks so red he looked like a tomato. Feliciano was cowering in the corner of his bed, eyes red and welling with tears. He began yelling and screaming in Italian.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!? WHY ARE YOU TEASING ME! GET OUT! GET OUT! WHY DO YOU WANT TO MAKE ME SUFFER! GO!" He screamed so loudly in Italian, he sounded like a banshee. Feliciano was crying, no…sobbing. He jumped off the bed and ran out of the room. He hid in his bathroom, locking the door, just like he had done a day or so ago. Ludwig collapsed onto the floor, and held his face in his hands. He hated himself so much for doing that to Feliciano.

Feliciano was sobbing on the bathroom floor, and the thoughts began swimming around his mind again.

You know that was just to tease you.

You know he really hates you.

You know he's going to tell everyone what a slut you are for making out with him almost.

You know…

You know…

You know…

You know what you should do.

What you need to do.

Do it Feliciano.

You deserve the pain.

You want to feel better don't you?

You can just wear long sleeves for the rest of your life.

You can hide from the world…no one wants to see you again anyways.

You have this one option…you can't do anything else.

DO IT!

Feliciano stood up on wobbly legs, and walked to his bathroom counter. With a shaky hand he took his shaving razor, and snapped the plastic surrounding the thin blades. Feli pulled the metal out of it, and slumped down against the wall, holding the sharpest one in his hand.

He sobbed as he did this. Not from pain, but from the thought. He slid the blade across his wrists. Blood began slowly rising to the surface of his skin, and Feliciano was entranced by the sight. He wanted to see it again. Feliciano pressed the blade to him, and did it not just once, not twice, not just three times…but more than he could count. He glided the blades across his arms for over ten minutes. The sobbing had stopped, and the blood gushed all over his arms. He wiped his eyes, getting blood on his face.

Ludwig had been listening the whole time. He grew worried when he heard Feliciano stop crying. Had he passed out? He went to the bathroom door, and said Feliciano's name. He didn't answer. He called his name for five minutes, banging on the door. "FELICIANO!" he screamed. Feli didn't want to answer. He wasn't passed out, but he was laying on the floor, feeling very dizzy. Ludwig finally managed to ram into the door, breaking the lock, and opened the door.

He stared at Feliciano in horror.

"F…Fe…" he couldn't even get the man's name out. He fell to his knees beside the Italian, and shook his shoulder. "Feli! C-can you hear me! Feliciano…please answer me!" All Feli did though was blink. He felt so numb…which satisfied him. The voices in his head were being nice for once.

You did good, Feliciano…

You're so brave for doing what needs to be done.

You're strong for doing this.

I'm proud of you.

Do it again whenever things get too tough to handle.

Let the stress leave your body with the blood.

Feliciano felt so much better because he wasn't feeling anything. He didn't feel pain, he didn't feel sadness…just numbness. Ludwig took the blinking as a sign that Feliciano was alive. Tears escaped from the larger man's eyes, and he stood up. He wet a wash cloth with hot water, and sat next to Feliciano. He took each arm one at a time, and cleaned them. He sopped up all the blood that was flowing out of him, and even applied disinfectant cream to each deep and shallow cut on him.

As a nation, he would heal much faster than humans…but it was still dangerous for him that he had lost so much blood. Ludwig was shaking as he wrapped Feliciano's arms up in gauze.

He picked Feliciano up bridal style, and laid him down on his bed. There was no way he was going to leave the other now.

He sat on a chair, and brought it over to the bed. He held Feliciano's hand in his own, rubbing his palm softly. He managed to hold back his own tears now, and just stared at his feet.

This is all my fault…if…if Feli died from this…it would have been because I killed him…I'm such a terrible person…I attacked him in his sleep…that's practically rape almost…b-but he kissed me back…he..he was probably dreaming…probably about kissing some girl he was crushing on recently…like always…

The thoughts were getting bad in Ludwig's mind, blaming everything on himself, but when Feliciano moved and twitched a bit his face lit up, gaining some color back.

"Feli…er…Italien…I'm…I'm so sorry…It's all my fault…I shouldn't have done what I did…I shouldn't have even touched you..but…" he didn't know how to say it.

"Feliciano…listen to me…I…I just couldn't help myself…you looked so sweet, and at ease…you were so incredibly gorgeous…I just wanted to take you and make you mine…to claim you…Feliciano I love you!" he blurted, shaking as he squeezed Feliciano's hand.

Feli stared up at the ceiling. He blinked, and his heart fluttered, before it sank.

Love you?! Ha! How the hell could someone as perfect as Ludwig ever love you! You don't deserve him…and he deserves better than a pathetic fat ass like you. Right now as he's touching you, he's probably getting your nasty germs all over him. He's probably disgusted with you. He hates you.

HE'S LYING TO YOU ABOUT EVERYTHING!

Feliciano didn't cry, he didn't do anything. His hand went limp in Ludwig's, and he opened his mouth to speak.

"I never …ever want to see you again." He whispered.

Ludwig was shocked…he had honestly expected Feliciano to say he loved him back…but no…his heart shattered in his chest, and he stood up out of the chair. He leaned over to kiss Feliciano's hand sweetly, and left the room, looking back at the sick Feliciano.

When he left the room, he pulled out his cell phone and called Romano. It rang for about three minutes, till Lovino answered.

"Pronot, potato bastard." Lovi said gruffly.

"….Umm…hallo…Lovino…I…" he stuttered nervously. How was he supposed to tell this to Lovino?

"What the hell is it? Spit it out you idiot."

"Feliciano is …very sick…he doesn't want to see me right now…but I'm afraid to leave him alone…if…if you wouldn't mind would yo-"

"I'm coming over…" he said firmly.

"I was already on the way over anyways to see him..he sounded depressed when he called me telling me he was going home…so…I'll make sure he's okay…"

Ludwig sighed in relief. He decided he'd wait in the living room till Lovi arrived.

"Danke…danke so much…" he said softly.

"It's nothing…er…grazie …for calling me…I know my brother annoys you a lot…but …you're being a good friend to him…grazie…can …can I ask what happened to him? Our economy is fine…he shouldn't be sick."

"….Lovino…I think he's mentally sick…there's something wrong with him…." He explaind softly and sadly.

When he said that, the door opened and Lovino stepped inside.

"Oi…potato bastard, you can go now…I can take care of him…" he said, closing his phone.

"And I'm not an idiot…I know my brother has mental issues…he always has…but he refuses to see a doctor because he doesn't want to be diagnosed..he feels that if he's not diagnosed then he has nothing wrong with him." He explained sadly. He walked past Ludwig, and pointed to the door.

"You can go now…if he says not to see you again…then honestly…never see him again." He said in a dark voice, though it hinted that he was a little sad for Ludwig.

Ludwig sighed and left the house when he heard that Lovino made it to Feliciano's room.

"DAMMIT! Again Feliciano!?" he yelled, and Ludwig heard him as he left.

Again? He's done this before?

He racked his brain, but nothing came to mind…he couldn't think of anything…Feli would never do such things…but he has…

Ludwig left the house, and left the beautiful, sinking city.

Lovino sat in the chair Ludwig was sitting in next to Feliciano's bed, talking to him softly in Italian. Feliciano didn't say anything till the end of his speech.

"Lovino…I want to die…" he whispered in a tiered, soft voice.

Lovino blinked.

"What? What the hell did you just say? You want to die? What the hell happened to you that you leave the potato bastard out to dry, and now you want to kill yourself!?"

"…he…he kissed me…" Feli whispered again.

"…he what!?" he screamed, and began pacing, but then paused.

"Wait…I thought you were in love with the sick bastard…what..what changed your mind…do you not like him anymore?" he asked in confusion.

"Non…I still love him…but he doesn't love me…he'd never really love me…it was just a prank…he's going to go tell everyone about it now…about how crazy I am…how screwed up I am…how desperate and slutty I am around Ludwig…He's going to tell everyone…he's going to make fun of me…how ugly I am…how fat I am…" he said in the softest tone he'd ever spoken in…a heart broken tone.

Lovino was silent. He didn't know what to say.

"I wish I was just like you, Lovino…So beautiful…so skinny, yet strong…You've got Antonio…you're together with the one you love who loves you back…I don't have that…I want that so badly." He cried out, tears spilling down his face.

"Lovino…I hate myself so much…I just don't deserve to live anymore…" he said in a choked voice.

"Oh, Feliciano…you've got it all wrong you fucking idiot!" he whimpered.

"You think all those things…but you don't realize how perfect you are! We all love you with all our hearts." He said, being serious, trying to convey his feelings of brotherly love for the other.

"Lovino…it doesn't matter…even if that was true.."

Which it wasn't.

"it wouldn't change how much I hate myself…"

Lovino just shook his head, and held his brother's hand.

"Feliciano…you're …you're so kind and sweet, and you're not fa-"

"Shut the hell up Lovino. You have no right to lie to me…as my fratello you should actually be the most honest person in my life…and now you're lying too!? GET OUT AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" he screamed, pointing to the door.

"Oh boo hoo…because you don't look how you want to look doesn't mean shit, you fucking thick head. You listen to me…you're going to get out of this bed, and call Ludwig, apologizing for being such an ass to him!" he said…something he never thought he'd say. He was defending the German. If Ludwig could honestly make his brother happy, he could tolerate the man (possibly) .

Feli didn't say anything, and just rolled onto his side, his back to Lovino.

"Fine..you can stay…but just…leave me alone..go read a book or something…I want to sleep.. "he gave a fake yawn, and closed his eyes, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Lovino frowned, and went down stairs to make some pasta for him and his brother. It took about five hours to cook it from scratch, and make it perfect. When he was done, he brought the bowl up to Feliciano, and shook him awake.

"Fratello…wake up…I've brought you some food." He said gruffly.

He looked up. The expression on his face one of anger and hatred.

"I'm. Not. Eating." He growled, glaring at the bowl of pasta.

"I feel too sick. I feel too full from breakfast. I feel horrible…food is just going to make things worse." He explained, trying to slap on a smile. He succeeded and somehow managed to convince Lovino to leave him alone.

Lovino understood that when you feel sick, you can't eat, so he left the room, and ate by himself in the living room, watching television.

Feliciano's stomach growled, but he smiled.

I only feel beautiful when I my stomach is empty.