Disclaimer: I'm sure after four chapters, you get the drill — I don't own 'em.

Chapter 5: Confessions

Down the hall, within the room she and Emmett shared, Rosalie's itching ears listened to each word exchanged between "father" and "son". But the more she did, the more aggravated she became and some part of her kept telling her to stop her eavesdropping but she could not. In some twisted way, she thought that this was the least she could do for Jasper. Should he choose to come and see her – even talk to her (although it was highly unlikely that he would), she would be able to understand him and show her support.

'Support?' she wondered, baffled once again by her own sudden change of attitude. Why did she continue to help Jasper? What did she intend to gain?

She stopped brushing her glossy golden hair, placed the brush down on her ivory-topped dresser and stared at her reflection in the mirror.

'What has changed?'

When her mind could not come up with an answer, she sighed in defeat. Her eyes flicked over to her husband's reflection, right behind her own. He was, as usual, in bed propped up by a dozen or so pillows, watching TV – some late night show which she knew bored him to death, but for some reason, he continued to watch anyway.

Carlisle and Jasper's "private" conversation had just ended and the door of Carlisle's office was slammed shut. The sound reverberated through the whole house and could not have gone unnoticed. Even Emmett briefly lifted his head up in acknowledgement before again sitting back comfortably and continued watching his show as if nothing of importance had happened.

Jasper's footsteps were fading quickly, Rosalie could tell but he was not in fact returning to the room he and Alice shared. Instead he was actually going in the opposite direction.

Out of seer impulse, Rosalie got up and made to leave the room but as she passed the bed, Emmett's strong hand stayed her. "Where are you going?" he asked.

He wasn't being demanding but merely asking out of habit. She did a lot of things that did not concern him. Maybe back when, he had been curious, only trying to look out for her but Rosalie was the type of woman who did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, and Emmett had learned that they were better off if he let her have her way. In exchange though, he merely wanted to be privy of such information. Ninety-nine percent of the time she told him the truth and the one percent would be times just like this one.

"For a walk," she answered him vaguely. He grunted in acquiescence and released his grip on her arm, his focus never really on her but on the TV still.

She slipped on her robe and slippers and abruptly left.

It was a cold night outside. Not like Jasper really cared though. He sat on the lowest of the steps that went up to the front porch, brooding as the wind softly played with his already tousled hair. It could have very well been snowing or there could have been a heat wave for all he cared and it would have meant nothing to him. It was one of the perks of being a vampire after all. Nothing fazed them.

'Except for...' he managed to repress the thought but his mood did not lighten. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the edge of the step with his hands. 'Never again!' He tried to tell himself. But just as the fire from his silent conviction began fade, the same old doubts and fears replaced it.

Who was he kidding? He'd have to lock himself away from the whole world if he wanted to keep himself the least bit sane. Never in his wildest dreams had thought that the rest of his existence would play out like this. Really, was it all worth it?

He bit his bottom lip hard, willing himself to stay calm despite all the pent up emotions just waiting to come out. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry (despite the mere physical impossibility). He wanted to die and stay dead. He wanted the sweet bliss that came with death – an end to his torment and the beginning of an eternity of nothingness. Surely, to feel nothing at all would be infinitely better than being like this!

'Oh, Alice...' he mentally moaned. 'Why did I have to fall in love with you?'

He hated to admit it but there was some truth to it. Had he not met her all those years ago then he wouldn't be where he was now. Could he have been worse off? He could still be doing the same things he had been doing all those many years ago – killing innocent people, treating them no better than animals and far worse, being like a savage beast himself. Those were his darkest days and without Alice he wouldn't have found the normalcy he had craved for. He had yearned for the quiet life and he got it. But why did it have to end now?

So caught up was he with his own brooding thoughts that he hadn't noticed the front door click shut and Rosalie standing beside him until it was too late. He stiffened, still hunched over and his head bent down, cursing himself for not being more alert – for letting his emotions get the better of him yet again. He was sick and tired of his damn wayward emotions.

"You mind?" she asked softly and when he didn't reply, she sat down beside him. He did not dare look at her – not even a glance her way. He felt too ashamed for being caught in such a state and not for the first time!

She must have sense his reluctance to remain seated where they were and he was about to get up and leave without a word said but she caught his arm and began talking again. "I didn't come here for you to talk. I don't give a damn if you say a single word to me but please, just stay a moment, okay?"

He sighed and didn't try to move away again. Her hand slipped into his and he held hers loosely in his palm, not understanding the gesture but secretly glad for it. "I don't know why I give two cents about you and your problems now," she went on to say. "I'm so confused and I don't know why I even went to the trouble of coming all the way out here."

"Then go," he bit back angrily. She frowned and jerked her hand away from his before turning away. Just as soon as she did so, Jasper instantly regretted his words. He knew she was struggling to tell him something – maybe even attempting to console him – and she couldn't help but be her usual patronizing self. His eyes softened upon realizing what his "sister" was trying to do for him. He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder and began to say, "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"If you could please shut up for a while that would be great," she said, cutting him short. She glanced at him and smiled just a little – barely noticeable if Jasper hadn't seen the slight twitch of her lips. "Let me talk for a bit."

Not wanting her to become angry and leave him (for he hoped she would stay now), he slowly removed his hand from her shoulder and waited for her to talk. He steeled himself to the rebukes she would most likely throw at him that it was a big surprise to hear what actually came out her mouth.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "And if I could only speak for the rest of them, I would." She sighed deeply and Jasper watched the warm breath swirl in the cold night air until it disappeared. "Don't think I can though. I doubt they really understand why you acted the way you did.

"But I'm trying to. When I stopped to think about it a bit, I realized how pig-headed and stupid we were being. How judgmental we were of you over such a small thing compared to..."

Jasper looked at her straight in the eye, "Compared to what I could have done?"

Rosalie did not look away but closed her eyes and nodded. "Yes. Compared to what you could have done. You could have done far worse. You must have felt awful. Edward...he was being bastard for allowing that girl to sit with us. Didn't he know how you felt about her? I could sense your aggression and how uncomfortable you were with having her so close. I'm sure everyone at the table did. Even that girl knew that something wrong even though she hadn't had clue about what was really going on." Rosalie paused and let out another sigh. "It wasn't the right time to let you go through with all that."

Jasper turned away and buried his head in his hands. His body wracked with emotions and if he were able to cry he would have. "I could have killed her. I would have taken her by the throat, snapped her little throat and...oh God...I can't take much more of this."

"There's something about her. I'm not sure what but she's different. I can't say she's special. She isn't in the common sense. She's so plain and average looking that Edward or any of use wouldn't have given her a second glance if it were for that damn sweet-smelling blood of hers."

Jasper raised his head and stared at Rosalie. What she had told him was a bit of a revelation. "What...what does she...I mean her blood...?" he tried asking but was to flabbergasted to finish.

She arched an eyebrow in bemusement. "Her blood, what does it smell like to me? I dunno. Something sweet like cinnamon or vanilla. Emmett says she smells like a big juicy steak that was cooked on a grill to perfection."

Jasper gave a small chuckle at that but sobered again a moment later. "She smells like the richest, most delicious chocolate you have ever tasted or imagined. If only to taste a little bit..." he trailed off and frowned. Deep lines creased his forehead as he was in deep thought.

"It'll be fine once we have our feeding excursion next week. It won't be long and it won't be as hard to resist," she tried reassuring him.

"I've been thinking a lot lately. And it's not just her you know. Maybe it's more about me than anything else. I'm sick and tired of it, Rosalie. Sick and tired of it all."

Confused, Rosalie stared at her so-called sibling but said nothing. He looked away again and stared up at the moon peeping out behind a wall of clouds.

"Sometimes I wish..." he smiled wryly and shook his head. "No, there's more to it than that...more than simply wishing...that I could just leave this place. Go out on my own. This "family"we have going on here is restraining me, choking me, and no matter what I do, I can never be happy."

Now it was Rosalie's turn to frown and neither said anything for a long while until she whispered slowly as if afraid and reluctant to say it all, "Then why don't you leave?"

Jasper let out a short, harsh laugh before answering, "I would if it weren't for Alice! I've thought about it hundreds, thousands of times. I've thought of going off on my own but I couldn't bear being separated from her. I do this all for her you know."

Rosalie nodded, solemn. "I know. But sometimes it isn't enough, is it? Like now." She willed him to look at her but he wouldn't, too ashamed because what she had told him was true. Sometimes love wasn't enough for him anymore. He envied the love Carlise and Esme or Rosalie and Emmett or – dare he say it? – what Edward and his human girl shared. It was unconditional, unchanging, constant and forever. Why did his waver? Why couldn't his love for Alice be just as easy?

Sure, everyone even Carlise and Esme have their little squabbles and petty fights but this was different – he was different! And it damn didn't sit well with him at all. Everyone around him seemed perfect and it unnerved him that maybe because of his past he was tainted and too used to his old ways that he was just unable to live a lifestyle that was good even if he so wanted to.

Maybe he should...

No, that wasn't the answer either. He couldn't bear that either — not again.

"You know what you need?" Rosalie's voice pierced his thoughts like a shaft of sunlight through the dark. He turned to see her smiling at him. Her eyes did not reflect their usual haughtiness and pride but a genuine sense of encouragement and...hopefulness?

"What?" he prodded.

She smiled brightly. "A vacation," she said pointedly, poking him on the arm for good measure. "You should go on a cruise to Alaska or something. Of course you'd have to go in the months were it's almost perpetual darkness up there."

Jasper blinked and stared at her a full minute before registering what she had just said. Rosalie just made a joke! And he laughed, loud and full. He was shaking all over from utter amusement before he managed to calm himself quite a bit.

'I can trust her,' he decided and an unusual warmth spread through his body and he felt calm again.

He stood up and held out his hand to her. Rosalie cocked her head to the side, confused. "Let's go," he said.

"Where?" she asked.

He pointed with the turn of his head to the direction of the cliff he had frequented so often before. "To our secret place."

She smiled, took his hand, and dashed off together into the night.

THE END

A/n: So there. It is done. I've read over it a few times and I know I could have done better but I'm really happy with how I've written it so far. I know there's a lot of OOCness going on but I did warn you guys in the beginning that there would be. I might go back on it again in the distant future (surely not in the near future) and make it better. But only once I've gotten more experience as a writer, I guess. So until that time, this is "The End". Thank you for all who have read and have enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing for you all. :)