Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters etc, and I wish SM didn't own them either.

Chapter Fourteen – She Feels Guilty

Kiss her he did. Despite the lightheartedness of the previous moment, his lips were rough and his hands gripped at her tightly. She could feel his anger in the tension of his shoulders and the tightness of his muscles. The door clicked shut as he pressed her against it. Unbidden, the memory of her closet doorknob digging into her back as Jasper's broad chest propped her up flashed into her brain, but she banished it, focusing on the heat of Edward's skin and the insistence of his mouth. His hands slid down, gripping her waist as he lifted her to her tiptoes. Instinctively her legs slid up, wrapping around his waist. As soon as her ankles were hooked behind his back her eyes flew open in shock.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, disengaging from the kiss.

"Shit," Edward grumbled, still holding onto her as her legs hit the floor.

"Um, well…"

"Yeah…"

Bella stood, shifting her weight back and forth from one foot to the other, her chin tucked into her chest and her hair falling down either side of her face, shielding her furious blush from Edward.

"Look, Bella – "

"No, no," she said quickly, still staring at the carpet. "You're a seventeen year old guy. It…well, it happens."

"That's what I was going to say."

"I just wasn't expecting it and it was my fault for…well, it was my fault."

"Be more specific."

Her eyes narrowed at his mocking tone. "That," she said, gesturing to the bulge in his jeans, "was my fault."

His hands went into his hair as he about-faced, walking away from her and then back again as he followed the cream colored line in the large area rug spread out over his floor. She stood her ground, watching as he paced, darting glances at her ever few steps. Finally, after picking up his school bag and stowing it under his desk, he froze.

"I don't know what the hell we're doing, anymore."

"We're fighting."

"Don't fucking make fun of me, Bella."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"No, I'm not. We're fighting. It's what we've been doing. We've been fighting. You wanted me to get away from Jasper and Alice and be my own person but stay as meek and mousey as I was with them. I wanted to be myself for once, and I'm starting to wonder if maybe myself," she said with air quotes, "didn't turn out to be a giant bitch."

"I'm wondering that too."

"Jesus, Edward. I came here to apologize to you."

He froze. "You what?"

"I'm sorry. You were right earlier. Jasper gets to dick me around and I take it all out on you when you make a mistake. I suck."

"Yeah."

"I really am sorry," she sighed.

"I don't know if I believe you," he said, dropping his head after a long pause. "I thought I could do this and it would be no big deal, but it is and it hurts and I'm torn between pouting like a motherfucking girl and punching him in the fucking nuts like a jealous asshole."

The door was still against her back, and she fumbled for the door knob. "I think I should go."

His head snapped up. "What?"

"I just…I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry. I didn't want to – "

His eyes were wide with panic, and her whole body tensed as he opened his mouth to speak.

"You are such an idiot."

"I am," she agreed, starting to turn around. "I'm sorry I wasted your time."

A hand grabbing at her forearm prevented her from leaving the room.

"You're breaking up with me?" he seethed.

"No, you are breaking up with me," Bella corrected.

"No I'm not."

"Well, I'm not either," she huffed, pulling her arm away.

"So why were you leaving?" he asked.

"Because you were breaking up with me?"

"But I wasn't?"

"Well? Why not?"

"Because I like you."

"Even though I'm a bitch?"

"Especially because of that."

"Oh."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "And please don't be insulted."

"I'm not," she said defensively.

His hand closed around her wrist, and she let herself be pulled away from the door and onto the cool black leather of the sofa. Edward tugged her into his lap, arms locked around her waist.

"You are," he whispered into her hair.

"All I know is that I came here to apologize."

"You're doing a super job of it," he smirked.

The reminder of her own scathing comments to him just a few weeks ago made her smile in spite of herself. That was the thing about Edward. He had no problem pointing out all her flaws, but he had no problem pointing out things about himself either. Somehow, it made her feel better that someone as normal and together as Edward with such great role models had as many weird ass issues as she did. Then she felt bad for wishing her weird-ass issues on anyone.

"I wish I wasn't such a mess. I wish we could just go out without all the extra baggage," she said, nestling her face into his shoulder.

"I'm pretty sure you're worth the trouble," he replied, brushing his lips across the top of her head.

"I don't want to be trouble."

He snorted. "You're a girl, Bella. Trouble is pretty much a part of your genetic makeup."

"You're teasing me. Does this mean we're done fighting?"

"I sure as hell hope so."

"Did we fix anything?"

"Hmmm…well, we've both admitted we were assholes. That's something."

"I'm really glad you moved here."

"Yeah, me too," he agreed after a pause.

They sat together in silence, Bella's ear pressed to Edward's chest. She'd always wondered, whether it was scientific or not, if a person's heartbeat matched their personality. Would Alice's pulse be fast and erratic? Would Emmett's be boisterous and booming? Would Rosalie's heart beat at all? And Jasper…would Jasper's heart echo the steady anger that seemed to thrum through his veins? Edward's heart beat just as she imagined it would. Steady and strong and soothing and unintentionally in time with his fingers running through her hair. Exactly every fourth beat his hand would slide back to the top of her head and then slide its way through her long, thick locks.

The comfortable silence cocooned them, and again she couldn't help but marvel at the brevity of their relationship. There were still so many things she didn't know about him. They'd talked plenty, but it was mostly arguing about books or talking about movies and bands and Forks and how much they both loved the coast. Even after she'd spiller her guts to him, there were fundamental things about him she just didn't know.

"Did you have friends at your old school?" Bella asked as she played with the buttons on his flannel.

"I hung out with some kids, yeah," he said slowly.

"What about, like, a best friend? You know?"

"I guess not. Not really. Seattle was…I kind of kept to myself."

"But you had girlfriends?" She didn't have to look up to know he was blushing.

"Well, I mean, yeah. But it was never anything…it wasn't serious."

Sitting up, Bella stared at him. His lips were pursed and he was staring at his lap, not really looking at her. His shoulders were tense and his jaw set. He looked like he was gearing himself up for another fight, and she couldn't understand why. Her hand found his and squeezed reassuringly.

"I'm just wondering, Edward."

"I know."

"And you can talk to me."

"I know."

"Because I'm not going to judge you."

"I know." This time, though his words were a whisper, she heard guilt in them.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I didn't have friends in Seattle."

"You just said – "

"I said I had people I hung out with. But none of them were friends. They were just other kids from school who hung out with me because my dad had money. I mean, their parents did too…but, well…"

"Your dad's loaded?" she offered.

"Yeah. I mean, well, yeah. But he works hard. Before, when he worked at the hospital, sometimes we'd go days without seeing him. He'd be called across the country to do surgeries and then it would be weeks. He works hard."

"I never said he didn't."

"I know. It's just…I didn't want to make friends here because I didn't want to have to think about people liking me for my dad," he sighed.

Bella bit down on her cheek to keep from giggling, thinking automatically of his American Beauty girlfriend. But she wanted him to keep talking and so she held herself together.

"I've never…I've always just kind of kept to myself. I like watching people. I like staying back and hiding. It was hard to do that in Seattle because of the gossip and everyone knowing how much everyone's parents were worth and who had been at which gala and who had donated what amount to what foundation for what cause du jour."

"And you thought Forks would have less gossip?" she asked incredulously.

"I thought I could hide better."

"A brand new Volvo is not the way to go about that here, in case you hadn't noticed," she said lightly, smiling tentatively.

"I didn't want to be the rich kid, but I knew people would know why my dad was here and where I was living, so like I told you before, I went with the hands off, intimidating vibe."

"Didn't work so well," she said, sliding her hands up his chest and around his neck, her eyes locking with his.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," he said, taking hold of her hips as he pushed her back on the sofa.

"Lame."

"I don't care," he chuckled softly as his lips met her neck.

Her eyes were just sliding closed when she saw a flash of blonde. Marveling at the fact that – despite only making out with a grand total of four guys in her lifetime – she'd been walked in on by parental units twice in the last few days, she pushed Edward off of her, this time managing to do so without sending him crashing to the floor.

"The door was open," Edward said, straightening his shirt and scowling at his father.

"Yes. I appreciate that. Apparently it isn't a deterrent. Perhaps you and Bella should hang out downstairs?" Carlisle said dryly, raising an eyebrow at his son.

"We weren't doing anything," Edward argued. "And besides, it's not like it wouldn't take you twenty minutes to find us downstairs. At least up here you know where we are."

"I miss the days when you were young, adorable, and impressionable enough to do whatever I asked of you just to make me happy."

Bella choked on a laugh, earning herself a wink from the father and a glare from the son.

"I miss the old days when you didn't automatically assume I was a devil child," Edward seethed.

"Well, back then you weren't."

"Um, maybe I should go?" Bella asked as she watched Edward's eyes narrow in anger.

"No," they both said at once.

"I just came up to tell you that your mother made steak and potatoes, and that if you two have made up you should come eat. And judging by what I just – "

"Can it, old man," Edward said, reaching for Bella's hand.

"Call me old again and you can have a head cheese sandwich."

"Head cheese?" Bella asked, nose wrinkling in distate.

"You don't wanna know," Edward said. "We're coming, Dad," he continued when Carlisle showed no sign of moving from his post against the door frame.

"Now, Edward."

"I heard you."

"Well, after you."

He gestured toward the door, and with an annoyed huff, Edward stood and took her hand, pulling her to her feet.

"Tell your mother I need to return a call to Dr. Alexander in Seattle and that I'll be right down."

"Aye aye," Edward replied, giving a mocking salute with his free hand.

"And keep in mind that the car in the garage is owned by me, kiddo."

"Yes, sir." The reply was immediate and respectful, all traces of teasing gone.

"Way to wuss out," she said when Dr. Cullen had disappeared out of ear shot.

"I'd die without my car in this town. I'd shrivel up and die."

"You could ride with me," she pointed out, smiling innocently.

"Well, then my dying would be literal. Think about how sad my mom would be."

"What would make me sad, dearest heart?" Esme asked as she placed a butter bell on the table.

"Losing your only son in a horrifying car crash caused by riding around in a bucket of rust not fit to hold garbage."

"That is my bucket of rust you are talking about! And I love it!" she exclaimed.

"Not everyone needs shiny and new," Esme laughed.

"Neither do I!" Edward claimed, looking affronted. "Classic cars are like…they're awesome. When they aren't allowed to crumble into crap."

"So I let my truck crumble into crap," Bella glared.

"I didn't say that," Edward backtracked, holding his hands up defensively.

"Are they back to fighting so soon?" Carlisle asked, strolling in and taking his seat.

"This isn't arguing."

"It's disagreeing."

"Pardon me," Carlisle chuckled as he smeared butter on his potato. "Pass the chives."

"You know," Edward said quietly as he sat next to Bella. "Dad's mechanic, Marty, is pretty amazing. I could have him look – "

"No." Bella shook her head once. "I couldn't…my truck runs fine."

"It's not a big deal," he argued. "I'd feel better – "

"I really appreciate it, Edward. But – "

"Speaking of Marty," Esme interrupted, smiling reassuringly at Bella, "when are you taking your father's car to Seattle?"

"Oh, right!" Edward said, his face lighting up at once. "I almost forgot! We'll go this weekend. We'll drive it in and then hang out in the city while we wait. If, I mean…you're ok with that, right?"

"Of course," Bella replied, thinking that she wouldn't have plans otherwise since Edward was officially the only person in Forks besides his parents and Charlie that she was talking to at the moment.

"Oh, Bellisima, that reminds me," Esme said after a sip of wine. "There is a festival coming and – "

"No way, mom. No tulips this year. Please. I'm begging."

"I was not asking you," Esme continued calmly. "I am asking Bella. I have never had a girl to bring along before. Now, you may send a substitute!"

"Mom, she doesn't – "

"I'd love to," Bella cut in.

"Splendid."

"You don't have to do that," Edward whispered when Esme's attention had diverted back to Carlisle.

"I know. I wanted to."

And she did. It was easy for her to forget what it would have been like to have a mother around. Renee had abandoned her too young to really remember, and Jasper and Alice's mother's were too self-involved to ever pay attention to her. She didn't even have grandparents or aunts or cousins she could look too. Alice had really been her only source of female companionship, and that was completely shot to hell. It was nice to think that Esme, one of the most genuinely nice and motherly women she'd ever met, was showing an interest in her.

When dinner ended, Edward walked her to the door, eyeing her truck distastefully as it sat parked behind his shiny new Volvo.

"It may be a rusty deathbucket, but it's mine," she scolded.

"It's unsafe."

"You mean it's not European."

"That would be a start."

"You do know that Volvo is manufactured by Ford right?"

"Yes, I did," he chuckled. "The question is, how did you?"

"I might've looked it up," she said, biting her lip and looking away as Edward's chuckle turned into a laugh.

"Can I pick you up in the morning?"

"Of course."

"I'll trade you baked goods for hot chocolate?"

"Some of those lemon cookie things?"

He nodded his head, pulling her to his chest when they'd reached the truck. She reached up to kiss his cheek before wrenching open the door. His fingers caught her under her chin, holding her in place as his lips met hers and his arms locked around her waist.

"I wish you didn't have to go," he grumbled, his hand sliding just under her shirt to rest on the small of her back.

"It's only 'til tomorrow."

"Yeah. I'm being a girl."

Silence hung between them, and she could feel Edward ready himself to say something.

"So…my mom'll be gone tomorrow after school," he said. "And, judging by the phone call he said he had to make, my dad's probably doing a surgery in Seattle."

Her whole body warmed at his words, and subconsciously she pressed herself tighter to him. Bella didn't say anything, just burrowed her face into the collar of his flannel. The implication behind his words was obvious, and desire trumped her nerves just enough for her to pull away and look up, scanning the calm expression that didn't match the sparking in his eyes.

"Where's Esme going?" she asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

"Portland. She's picking up a sculpture."

"So she'll be gone a while?"

"Probably all night."

"Oh…um…well…"

"Bella, I'm not…I just thought it'd be nice to…hang out…without worrying about my parents."

She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Well, I mean…if…"

"The fact that this is kind of awkward means that – "

"Yeah, no, I get it," he mumbled, his hand running once through his hair and then settling to rest on the back of his neck. "I'm an idiot."

"You're not," she disagreed. "I just…it's…shit."

"Pretty much. I'll see you in the morning."

"Cookies?" she reminded him.

"For a fee," he smiled.

She slid across the well-worn leather of her bench seat, buckling up as she pulled the door shut. As soon as the engine rumbled to life, Edward gave her a stern thumbs down. An eye roll and the bird were her farewell. With a strong pull of the wheel, she pulled out from behind the Volvo and made her way down the driveway and back toward town.

The cruiser parked in the driveway left her stomach clenching in guilt. With all the time she'd been spending mooning over Edward and stressing over Jasper and pulling her hair out over the situation with the two of them, she'd been seriously neglecting Charlie. When she walked in and saw him sitting at the kitchen table eating a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in silence, she wanted to shrivel up and hide forever.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I was out and I just – "

"Don't worry about it, kiddo. Mrs. Cullen called and told me you and Edward were having a fight and that you'd probably eat over there."

"She what?" Bella gasped.

Charlie chuckled. "Yeah. I told her to keep her son in line or I'd stick him in the slammer. She asked me to dinner but…well, I didn't want to impose and…I didn't want to impose."

"I should've taken care of your dinner before I left."

"Believe it or not, Bella, I'm a grown man. I'm perfectly capable of making my own dinner."

"Yeah, like scrambled eggs?" she said, gesturing to his plate. "Easy mac? Cereal?"

"Quit tryin' to take care of me. I should…you and Edward had a fight?" he said, switching abruptly from one awkward subject to another.

"Um, yeah."

"Do you…do you want to talk about it?"

She collapsed into the chair across from him, stealing a piece of his bacon. She took a bite, buying time to figure out how she could talk about this with Charlie without turning them both into stuttering, blushing messes, and if she even wanted to.

"I just messed up. It was my fault," she said at last.

"Did you say you were sorry?"

"Yeah."

"Did he take it?"

"Um, yeah," she said, flushing pink as she remembered Edward's way of accepting her apology.

"Good."

"Hey, dad, I was thinking…Edward's parents are gonna be out of town tomorrow. Maybe…maybe we could have him over for dinner?"

The words were out of her mouth before she really thought about them. All she knew was that the guilt of abandoning Charlie more even than usual combined with her nerves about Edward's invitation had compelled her to speak, and she was glad she had.

"That'd be good. I should meet him."

"And you'll behave?"

"Of course."

"Dad," she said slowly.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"No guns please. No large knives. No uniform. Just be dad, ok?"

"A dad would use all of those things creatively and for the purposes of intimidation."

"Please? Please? He's…I care about him a lot, ok?"

"All right, all right," he said, shooing her away with his hands.

"Thanks, Dad," she said, giving him an awkward hug on her way out of the kitchen. "I'll make you whatever you want."

"Meatloaf," he said immediately. "I want meatloaf."

"Done," she promised.

She walked down the tall, placing her hand on the banister and spinning herself around to the stairs which she went up two at a time. She almost called Edward to ask him to dinner, but instead she changed into her pjs, ran across the hall to brush her teeth, and collapsed into her bed. Almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was passed out, exhaustion she didn't realize she was suffering taking over and sending her into the deepest sleep she'd had in weeks.