The scene opens on Chris, standing on the pier. "Last time on Total Drama All Stars." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "While I ensured the continuation of the show, Chef took over, and made the contestants compete in a series of gruelling, dangerous, and difficult challenges, most of which were considered too cruel for Guantanamo Bay. One by one, each contestant fell by Chef's hand, eventually leaving Light and Kim as the final two to wrestle it out. Light gained immunity, leaving Katniss in a frustrated position of being unable to eliminate him. However, the elimination went to Wallace, something that probably should have happened weeks ago. And in an even more shocking turn of events, Kim broke up with Light after finally realising he was evil." The camera cuts back to Chris on the pier. "The competition is really heating up . . ."
"No more fire jokes," called someone off-screen.
Chris glared at the person. "As I was saying, who will sink? Who will swim? And who will fire that jerk that interrupted me? The answer to the last one is me . . ."
"Hey," yelled the person.
". . . but you can find out the answer to the other two, right here, on Total Drama All Stars."
Intro song plays.
Katniss, Zidane, Ash and Kim were gathered outside the cabins. "Alright, I'd like to call this meeting to order," said Katniss. "First order of business, welcome Kim. Because of you joining us, we now have a majority on our side, and therefore should be able to win."
"Are you sure about this?" asked Zidane. "I mean, I'm fine with having all the remaining girls here. In fact, I wholeheartedly support the motion." Katniss and Kim glared at him before he continued. "But she was helping Light. Are we sure we can trust her?"
"Light has been lying and manipulating his way through the whole competition," said Kim. "No more. He has to go."
"I trust her," said Katniss. "I just don't think she'd turn on Light like that unless she was seriously ticked off at him."
"I guess I'll trust her too," said Ash. "We could always keep an eye on her, in case she tries something."
"I volunteer to watch her at all times," said Zidane immediately. The other three glared at him.
"Look, I really don't think Kim is a threat," said Katniss. "Let's focus on Light. If he goes, and Bart follows soon, I think I could accept losing to anyone else."
"Do I still get to watch Kim?" asked Zidane.
"Campers, join me on the beach for this week's challenge," said Chris over the loudspeakers.
"Great, another water challenge," said Marty. "When's he just going to admit he wants to drown us?"
Later, on the beach . . .
"Okay campers," said Chris. "Today's challenge comes from the classic board game Battleship . . ."
"No good can become of this," said Light.
"Which is why I'm staying right out of the way," said Chris. "As you can see behind you, there are seven boats." Behind them, seven wooden boats were lined up along the beach. It was questionable as to whether they would float. "You guys will sail them out into the bay, where we have a ten by ten grid set out. You guys will take turns firing at each other until there is only one left."
"But it's a perfectly clear day today," said Light. "We'll be able to see each other quite easily."
"That's where Chef comes in," said Chris as he pulled out a walkie talkie. "Chef? Do it." At that moment, the contestants heard a helicopter coming. They watched as a helicopter (flown by Chef) lowered a large fog machine onto a platform set in the middle of the bay. Suddenly, a thick fog covered the water. "Still think you can see everyone?" asked Chris. Light shook his head. "Okay, you guys go and pick a boat. There's a computer on board that you can enter your preferred co-ordinates into. And don't try and tell your friends where you're going." He added this hastily as Bart turned to talk to Light and Marty. "Off you go."
The contestants picked their boats and entered the co-ordinates they wanted to play from. Ash ended up at B1; Bart chose J8; Katniss went to C5; Kim's location was D3; Light sat at G8; Marty was at C9; and Zidane decided on H6.
"Okay campers, your positions have been set," said Chris. "In order to attack one another, enter the co-ordinates you intend to strike into the computer, then hit the red button. All spots that have been attacked will show up on your screens, including whether someone was there."
"Hey man, what happens if we get hit?" asked Bart.
"Your ship sinks, and if you don't get off in time, you drown," said Chris. "Okay campers, fire at will."
"What did Will ever do to us?" asked Zidane.
"It means attack you dolt," said Chris.
At this, seven missiles launched from seven boats. Ash fired at C6; Bart at E1; Katniss chose F9; Kim went for F6; Light aimed at D8; Marty blasted I1; and Zidane hit J5. If you're keeping track of which spots have been hit, you would know that no-one hit anyone.
"Well, those explosions were pretty entertaining," said Chris. "Unfortunately, none of you were in them. Round two. Go."
"Why is he so bent on horrifically injuring us?" wondered Marty as he fired his missile. The co-ordinates the contestants chose were as follows: Ash, F5; Bart, H3; Katniss, F7; Kim, D7; Light, E6; Marty, E8; and Zidane, D4. So again, no losses.
"It's only a matter of time before you hit someone," said Chris. "Hopefully, it's one of your allies. Round three. Go."
Unfortunately for Chris, this round was another round of misses, with the contestants hitting A5, F2, B8, C3, E7, G2 and B6.
"Come on people, HIT SOMETHING," yelled Chris. "Round four."
Targets this round included: Ash hitting E3, Bart hitting C2, Katniss hitting G7, Kim hitting E5, Light hitting B5, Marty hitting D5, and . . .
"What the hell was that," said Light as his ship lurched sideways.
"That, Light, was Zidane hitting your ship at G8," said Chris. "Finally, one of you shows some competence at hitting a target."
"Maybe if we could actually see where the others were," said Katniss.
"Not gonna happen," said Chris. "Time for round five. Go."
Ash's target this time was I9, Bart's was E10, Katniss chose G9, and Marty chose F4. Oh, did I forget Kim and Zidane? Well . . .
"Congratulations Kim, you just sunk Katniss," said Chris. "Kinda makes what Zidane's done a tragedy."
"What do you mean?" asked Kim as her boat suddenly rocked to the side.
"Two from one. That more than makes up for the lack of action from before," said Chris. "Let's move on to round six. Go."
But the campers went back to their old patterns, with their targets being I5, F10, H8, and I4.
"Was it so much to hope for four exploded contestants?" asked Chris. "Oh well. Maybe round seven will cheer me up."
It didn't. The contestants hit the co-ordinates B4, J7, A4, and E4.
"BOR-ING," said Chris. "Come on guys, you can't win unless you HIT SOMETHING."
"How are we meant to hit something we can't see?" demanded Zidane.
"By blasting blindly into areas that have yet to be hit," said Chris. "Now, let's see what round eight has in store for us."
Well, with targets like G10, G4, B2, and D6, not much.
Chris sighed deeply. "Round nine," he said.
Still no luck, with C8, B7, G5, and A8 getting hit.
"Come on people," said Chris angrily. "Round ten."
This time, something happened. Ash fired at spot C4, which immediately set off a large explosion. "Congratulations Ash," said Chris. "You've just hit our secret explosives stash. You missed the other contestants, but you at least you caused a beautiful explosion for those of us on land."
"Glad I'm not still in my boat," said Katniss, trying to swim back to shore.
Meanwhile, the shockwave from the explosion had just hit Marty's boat. He'd already entered the letter C, but just as his boat rocked to the side, he accidentally hit a button. When he looked at what he pressed, his response was something to the effect of gosh darn it, because he had hit the number 9. As for Bart and Zidane, they got nothing again, hitting F3 and E2.
"Alright, three to go," said Chris. "Round eleven."
Ash hit C7, Bart hit D2, and Zidane hit E9, so no-one went boom.
"I swear to God, the guy writing this is just trying to lengthen what would otherwise be an extremely short chapter," said Chris. "Round twelve."
Ash's next choice was B10, Bart went J6, and Zidane went I8. In other words, nothing.
"Damn it, the audience wants explosions," said Chris. "Round thirteen."
"How much ammo do those things have?" asked Chef.
"Enough, I hope," said Chris.
Ash decided to target C1 (miss), Bart to J9 (miss), and Zidane to H9 (miss).
"Oh for *beep* sake," said Chris. "Round fourteen."
Ash targeted A1, Bart chose G6, and Zidane chose H2. Still nothing.
"We get it kierandell1409," said Chris. "You needed more content, so you're planning to list every *beep* co-ordinate on the *beep* map. Please just put me out of my misery."
"No," said a deep booming voice from somewhere. Chris and Chef looked around the room, but couldn't see where the voice had come from.
"Okay . . ." said Chris, confused. "Round fifteen, I guess."
Ash's choice was H4, Bart had I6, and Zidane went for I10.
"YOU'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE," yelled Chris accusingly. Chef gave Chris a confused look. "Chef, active Plan B."
"You mean . . ." started Chef.
"Yes," said Chris. "We finish this. Now."
A few minutes (and several rounds of missed shots later), the contestants heard the helicopter again. On-board the helicopter, Chris held a giant fan out the door. Within seconds, the fog had lifted, clearly revealing to the remaining contestants where everyone was. "Now, kill each other," said Chris.
Very quickly, three missiles were launched. Two at one target, one at another. "There we go," said Chris, and then started speaking through a megaphone. "We have a winner." Chris leaned away from it to talk to Chef. "Whose boat is that?"
Chef looked down at the one still floating boat. "Whoever was at H6," said Chef.
"So, that means . . ." said Chris.
"I won," yelled Zidane, for everyone to hear.
"Yeah, you," said Chris. "Zidane is immune from tonight's vote. Everyone else, pick your victim."
Several hours later, Kim was just about to enter the girl's cabin when she saw Light waiting there for him. "What are you doing here Light?" demanded Kim.
"Kim, come on, can't we be a little more civil than that," said Light calmly.
"Not to you," said Kim. "You're a lying, cheating, *beep*. You are so going down at tonight's vote."
"Kim, please," said Light, stepping closer to her. "Even if I did intentionally get those people eliminated, do you really think I'd stoop so low as to play with a girl's emotions?"
"Yes, you would" said Kim.
"God you're beautiful when you're angry," said Light, who then leaned in and kissed her. Kim stood there shocked for a minute while Light pinned her arms to her body. Light looked over her shoulder at something, watched it for a moment, and then let her go.
Kim gaped at him for a moment, then slapped him across the face. "You are the worst human being on the planet," said Kim, before turning to leave.
Confession Cam: Light
He laughed for a moment before speaking. "Exactly as planned. Kim, you are outta here."
Later, at the elimination ceremony . . .
"Campers," started Chris. "Seven of you sit over there, but only six marshmallows sit over here. Receiving a marshmallow is good. It means you're safe. For now. Not receiving a marshmallow is bad. It means a one way trip home via the Blast of Shame. And you can never, ever, EVER, return. EV. ER. The following contestants are safe." As Chris read each name, he threw them a marshmallow. "Zidane. Marty. Katniss. Bart. And Light amazingly." The camera cut the Ash and Kim, both looking nervous. "Campers, there is only one marshmallow left on this plate," said Chris. "One of you is going home tonight. The final marshmallow of the night goes to . . ." The camera cut rapidly between Ash and Kim for several seconds. "Ash." The final marshmallow landed on Ash's lap.
"WHAT THE *beep*?!" demanded Kim. "Katniss, Ash, Zidane. I thought we agreed to boot Light?"
"We did," said Zidane. "Before I caught you in your afternoon make-out session with him."
"My afternoon WHAT?!" she demanded, before realisation dawned on her. He turned to Light and glared at him. "You dirty *beeeeep* *beep* *beeeeep* *beep*, rotten *beep* *beep* *beeeeep*, lousy*beeeeep* beep*, son of a *beeeeep*," said Kim, shocking everyone present as well as anyone who can read Morse Code. "You *beep* set this up, didn't you?"
"What are you talking about?" demanded Katniss. "Zidane said you gave him a note . . ."
"What note?" demanded Kim.
"This one," said Ash, producing a piece of paper.
Kim read it carefully, a look of horror spreading across her face. "I didn't write this," she said coldly. "This was Light's work."
Realisation dawned on Ash, Katniss and Zidane, who looked over to Light, grinning like a madman. "Yeah, it was me," he said cockily. "I wrote that 'note' for Zidane to meet Kim outside the girl's cabin, where I guessed I would meet Kim eventually. Luckily, Kim was there before Zidane, so all I had to do was make sure I kept Kim there until I saw Zidane arrive, and make him watch me kiss her."
"Wait a sec," said Katniss. "Zidane, you said Kim gave you that note."
"It . . . might have been on my pillow," said Zidane.
"Which, being in the boys cabin, means I have plenty of access to it," said Light. "So, I've just levelled the playing field again."
"Oh, you are GOOD," said Chris as Kim was dragged away.
"Wait, Chris," said Ash. "I retract my vote."
"Sorry, no retractions," said Chris.
"I volunteer as loser," said Katniss.
"No replacements either," said Chris.
"Don't worry about me guys," said Kim. "Just stop Light, for God sake." Chef then loaded her into the cannon, and blasted her over the horizon.
"And another one bites the dust," said Chris. "Who will be the champion? Who will be the killer queen? And whose rhapsody will be of bohemian proportions? Well, Katniss is biologically the only one left who can fill the second one, but you can find out the answers to the others, right here, on Total Drama All Stars."