Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his universe all belong to the delightful JK Rowling.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews, I love how you are all hating Tonks with me! And many thanks to my beta Fredrika who works really fast at correcting my chapters so you can read them as soon as possible!
Chapter 5: Light Therapy
Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey and Severus met Hermione in the kitchen early the next morning to discuss how they would deal with Remus and convince him to accept what they thought would be his best chance at recovery.
"I don't think I should be the one talking to him." Hermione said dejectedly. "He'll hate me for being responsible in the first place and he'll probably refuse to listen to anything more I have to say."
The others all nodded their agreement. Now was not the time to take unnecessary chances: once they had roused the werewolf from his dormant state, there was no telling how long he would remain conscious.
"Lupin and I already hate each other, so I'm out." Severus smirked.
Hermione doubted it very much, but the other two seemed to accept his words without a second thought, probably because they had witnessed their childhood "rivalry" first-hand.
"I think it would be best..." started the headmaster but was cut off by a cheery greeting as Harry bustled across the kitchen like a hungry hippogriff, throwing himself on the bench next to Hermione, before lurching out for the coffee and plate of warm crumpets.
"I'll talk to Remus." he announced happily at the small gathering that looked at him strangely. "What? You didn't think I wouldn't come, did you? Well, I'm not waiting for an invitation, and I can't wait to tell Remus he got taken down by a girl."
Hermione smiled fondly at her friend. Harry had taken on more and more characteristics of a Marauder the longer he spent in Remus' company, and he had bloomed from an angry, depressive teenager to a happy-go-lucky adult who never shirked his responsibilities and fascinated people with his sparkling personality. Hermione was convinced that most of the witches, and even a few wizards, had joined the Order of the Phoenix only for an opportunity to be close to their beloved Boy-who-lived. Personally, Harry found it creepy, but accepted it grudgingly, for the greater good.
"Harry, my boy." Dumbledore replied sternly, gazing at him over his glasses. "You do realize we are not certain our solution will work?"
"Of course it will! It's Hermione doing it after all. I'd trust her with my life, and so would Remus. I think she should talk to him..."
"I-I just can't, Harry." the young witch blurted out, almost panicked at the very idea.
"...so I'm the next best thing." the cheery green-eyed wizard concluded without missing a beat.
"Bleeding Gryffindors. So nauseating this early in the morning." Severus grumbled from his cup of coffee, being largely ignored by everyone, while Dumbledore gave his assent to Harry's proposal of being the one to speak to Remus.
Hermione led the group up the dark creaky stairs, all the way to the attic where Remus still slept under the influence of the draught of the living death, and into what she had started to consider as their room. She had done her best to clean out the place, but it had been empty for too many years, accumulating years of dust before housing Buckbeak and then serving once a month as a werewolf's playground. Suffice it to say the drab place would never know enough scourgifies.
Hermione dismissed Sturgis, who had kindly accepted to look after the sick wizard while she was busy downstairs with the others, and she automatically went over to Remus' bed to check on him, just as she had done many times over the last week. Madam Pomfrey interrupted her routine by nudging her aside.
"I'll take over from here if you don't mind, Hermione."
Blushing at her presumptuousness, having momentarily forgotten the mediwitch was there to take over her duties as care-giver, Hermione was about to apologize to the older woman when she saw her winking with a knowing smile. Madam Pomfrey then cast a general mediscan.
"He's just the same as he was a week ago, Albus. Rouse him, but be prepared to use a stasis spell on him if his condition gets any worse. Harry, come here, the closer, the better. Hermione and Severus, you may want to stand back, in case he really does get angry." The nurse ordered everyone around, used to having people obey without too much complaint.
Hermione stood next to Severus, feeling a bit like a pariah standing on the sidelines, but she knew she may be called upon very soon to use her Patronus Totalus so she gathered her wits and began thinking happy thoughts to be in the right set of mind. Severus, picking up on her change in posture, placed an encouraging hand on her shoulder, just like he had done when Tonks had verbally attacked her. A gesture she was starting to appreciate and could draw strength from. And she sorely needed the support when her heart started beating wildly at the sight of Dumbledore twirling his pale wand in the air: any second now, Remus would be awoken from his forced slumber and she wasn't sure what to expect.
She heard a guttural moan first, and then Harry, who had her back to her, was encouraging Remus to wake up. The wounded wizard shifted in the bed, trying to push himself up but Madam Pomfrey easily pushed the man back into the cushions, ordering him to stay still.
"Remus? It's me, Harry. Can you hear me?"
He was answered by a growl that could have been a yes or a no, it was hard to tell. Hermione wondered if his vocal cords had been damaged, or if it was his mouth's deformity that encumbered his speech. She heard a few more grunts and snarls, moans and wails.
"I'm sorry mate, I didn't get that. I think we'll have to stick to nodding and shaking. Agreed?" Harry said lightly but Hermione perceived a strain in his voice: he was obviously forcing himself to remain cheerful, but seeing Remus so badly crippled must cost him dearly. "We think something happened to you, or rather to Moony, when Hermione went through you in her Patronus shape. Albus thinks that by doing it again, what remains of the wolf will disappear and you'll be... like yourself again, except for your furry little problem. We want to know if you'll do it?"
Hermione held her breath, she couldn't see Remus from her vantage point since he was mostly hidden by Harry, but she hoped he agreed, that he would trust her just one more time. Craning her neck to see his response, she was startled when a partly distorted hand pushed Harry aside. Her attention was immediately captured by a set of eyes that were obviously searching for her: one eye was his usual greyish blue while the other was a larger orb of molten gold, but both were suffused with pain. He motioned for her to come closer, so she went without hesitation. When she was at arm's length, Remus' arm shot up and pulled her closer still, but she wasn't afraid he would hurt her, only that he could hate her, so she didn't even flinch at his sudden actions. Remus cocked his head to one side in a very canine way, she had to admit, and looked deep into her eyes, before giving a single firm nod and releasing her.
"I need to take your clothes off." she told him, trying not to blush at saying something so forward and she swore Remus managed a chuckle before he nodded his consent. Hermione would need to see the progress of the healing so she pushed the blanket aside and Madam Pomfrey helped her take his pants and tee-shirt off, doing their best to hurt him as little as possible.
"All right." she said, taking a deep breath. "Everyone stand back, my hair tends to get a bit crazy."
"We already knew that, Mione." Harry jested despite the seriousness of the situation. Marauder indeed.
"I meant in my patronus form, Harry. And you're a fine one to talk about messy hair." she replied reprovingly. Really there was time and a place for jokes, and in her books, this wasn't one. She stood besides Remus' bed, looking down at him, and filled her being with her love of life, feeling it build up rapidly.
"Patronus Totalus!" she called out, seeing the werewolf's eyes widen slightly as he recognised his own incantation, before she felt the pure white light course all over her body. Hermione's ghostly body naturally drifted upwards so she decided to hover just above Remus who hadn't taken his eyes off of her.
She vaguely made out Madam Pomfrey's exclamation of surprise at the sight of her, but her gaze was riveted to the wizard laying in bed with a hopeful gleam in his own mismatched eyes.
"Ready?" she asked in her resonant voice.
At his nod, she unleashed what little control she had over her tendrils of hair and they all moved simultaneously to latch onto the wizard. She thrust her arms forward and lay her unsubstantial hands upon his chest. Remus shivered almost imperceptibly at first, but the next moment he was twitching and then shaking as if overcome by convulsions. She couldn't tear her eyes away, she knew she was hurting him, but she could also see the dark magic, the curse that is lycanthropy, leave his body. Tears fell from her wide-open eyes, rolling down her cheeks and she saw the droplets of water, that shone like little stars, land on Remus as if they were solid. It had an unforeseen effect: Remus' skin seemed to glow on the surface very briefly where the tears had been absorbed and the healing in those places was much quicker. It also seemed to calm him down, as if he too was feeling some of her bliss seep into him with her tears -actually she wouldn't be surprised if he could. She cried some more, but from joy this time at seeing their plan work, the emotional roller-coaster was taxing however and she had trouble maintaining her patronus shape. She flew closer to him, hovering just above his body. Just a little more time, she thought to herself, seeing much more of the handsome wizard and almost nothing of the deformed wolf. However, the healing was much more taxing than she had thought. In comparison, destroying a hundred dementors was easy so it probably had to do with the nature of the wolf, she'd have to ask the headmaster about it.
Just a little more, she encouraged herself, still mesmerized by Remus' eyes. There was still a peck of gold in one of his eyes and then he would be completely healed. Just a few more seconds.
Hermione never knew if she had managed it as she lost consciousness, having drained herself once more of her magic.
The group assisting Remus' healing all watched in morbid fascination as the ethereal Hermione seemed to be draining the anguished wizard beneath her of the dark magic that twisted his body. Only when the witch dropped like a dead weight right on top of the now-human Remus did they snap out of their trance.
"What happened?" asked Harry as he precipitately ran to his friends' side. "Are they all right?"
"Exhaustion." came Madam Pomfrey's response after having checked on the two inert Gryffindors. "Both magical and physical, they'll need to rest a few days. But it seems to have worked, Remus appears entirely human now, although I'll need to do a complete check-up when he wakes up. Of her too." she added, pointing at the curly haired witch, now curled up against Remus.
Harry whooped and tried to high-five Dumbledore, who looked uncomprehendingly at the young man's antics. Harry looked hopefully at his old potions professor but only received his usual sneer. The grinning young wizard settled for shrugging good-naturedly and ran back out of the attic, babbling something about having to tell Ron.
"If my job is done here, headmaster? I do have copies to grade, lessons to plan and a murdering psychopath to serve." Snape announced in his most bored voice, picking imaginary fleece off his impeccable black robes.
"Of course, Severus. I wouldn't dream of ruining your plans for the week-end." the old man chuckled. He had always enjoyed Severus' dark humour, he found it refreshing.
The nurse and the headmaster watched the retreating billowing black robes of their colleague with bemused expressions.
"Well, Poppy, would you like to join me for a celebratory cup of tea?" asked Dumbledore, seeing no reason to waste his time in the bleak attic any longer.
"You go ahead, Albus. I'll just make young Hermione and Remus more comfortable before I leave."
she answered dismissively, using a mobilicorpus to lift the witch into her own bed. She plucked the wand out of the young woman's hand, nodding in approval at her unconscious effort to hold unto it, no matter what. The nurse then undressed the young witch into the nightdress she found stashed under her pillow, and covered Remus with his previously discarded clothes, marvelling that he did not have so much as a scratch on him now. She tucked their blankets around them and closed the door quietly behind her, leaving the two Gryffindors to a well deserved rest.
When Hermione woke up, her ears picked up the familiar sounds of a game of exploding snap and the banter of the two boys she called her best friends. They really didn't have any common sense to be playing such a nosy game right next to someone who was supposed to be sleeping. Checking herself over, she felt healthy and rested but was famished. She sat up on the side of her bed, and peered over at Remus' bed. She was a bit surprised to find it empty, but concluded he must be well since the boys sounded as cheerful as ever.
As a matter of fact, they were too engrossed in their game to even notice her, so she decided to slip quietly out of the attic to teach them a lesson about "Constant vigilance!", knowing that Alastor would approve.
Finding her way down to the basement-kitchen, she wondered how long she had been out this time: she had been hoping that the more she got to practice the spell, the shorter the after-effects would last. She felt nowhere near as weak as the last time she had used her Patronus Totalus, but maybe it depended on the number, or species of the dark creature she faced. Or maybe she had just slept longer than the last time. She groaned, thinking of the waste of time that would mean: she could have been reading so many books instead.
Opening the door, the scent of breakfast hit her nose, complete with fresh coffee, bacon and eggs. Her stomach complained at not being fed immediately with a loud gurgle. At least, she now knew it must be morning, although not too early since both Ron and Harry were fully awake and functional. As she stepped in, ready to throw a general "Good morning!" as she usually did, she discovered that there was only one late breakfaster, who was none other than Remus Lupin, and the greeting died on her lips.
Hermione realised she should have talked to Harry before, to sound him out about Remus: Was the wizard completely healed? Did he hate her for what she'd done? Did he want her to leave Grimmauld Place?
Remus did not seem to notice her, which was unusual. He would normally hear or smell her long before she even entered the kitchen and say hello without so much as having to turn in his seat to see who had entered. It had been unnerving at first when they had all started living together at headquarters. But now, it was the fact that he appeared completely oblivious of her presence that jarred her. She wasn't sure if it meant he had lost his werewolf acute senses or if he was ignoring her on purpose.
Hermione couldn't guess the wizard's mood as he was sitting with his back to her, but she noticed that he was still wearing the clothes she had picked up for him and that he had been wearing when she had healed him. So he had probably just awakened too: Was that a good or a bad thing for her? He probably needed time to sort through his own thoughts. But, deciding she couldn't very well stand there all day, Hermione plucked up her vaunted Gryffindor courage and cleared her throat in the distinctive false cough that calls for attention.
"Hermione?" he asked, looking surprised, as he shifted in his seat. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here? Where's Harry?"
Then, Remus' face turned angry, hitting her like a metaphorical bludger and sending her thoughts in a panicked frenzy: Oh, Gods! She was right! He was furious with her, he was going to throw her out of the house.
"Damnit, I asked him to look after you. This is exactly why I told him he can't have a new pet."
The wizard was confusing her, what was he going on about now? She stared at him uncomprehendingly, too afraid to speak up now.
"Hermione, are you sure you're all right? You haven't said a word yet."
"I- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" she blurted out the first thing that she had in mind, probably because it had been hanging in there for over a week. Her guilt at what she had done to her friend haunting her days as well as her nights. She hung her head in shame, ready to take on anything he would throw at her, whether it be words or hexes, she would take it all without a complaint, she deserved it thrice over.
"Do you have a fever?" she heard him say and all of a sudden he was standing right before her -she could see his naked feet close to hers- and a callused warm hand was resting on her forehead.
"What? No! Why?" she blabbered, not understanding why he was angry with her one moment and caring the next. Looking up at him through her lashes, she saw he now looked amused.
"Well, you're here when you should be in bed, and you're sprouting nonsense in what I can only assume is a muggle nightshirt, because it is way too revealing to the taste of your average witch." He looked her up and down with a wriggling of his eyebrows Sirius would have been proud of.
Blushing, Hermione looked down at her skimpy white cotton nightie that held up with two thin straps. It wasn't her fault, she had really tried the more traditional pyjamas but she couldn't fall asleep, feeling too hot and smothered in them. So, she had resorted to the lighter muggle nightwear, something she might come to regret as she hoped it had been Madam Pomfrey who had changed her into more comfortable clothing before she left and not Harry or Ron, or Merlin forbid, Dumbledore or Severus. There was a distinct lack of women living at Grimmauld Place and she promised herself to enlist the first woman she could put her hands on. Except Tonks, she rapidly amended with a moue of distaste.
Just then, they heard a stampede of hurried footsteps and cries of distress storming down the ancient staircase, soon joined by Mrs Black's shrieks of outrage.
"That would be your watchful guards I presume." Remus said ironically.
He didn't need an answer as the old door slammed open against the wall and a panting Harry, holding Hermione's wand and robes with one hand while he held his own wand in the other, shouted that she had been kidnapped.
"Hardly." Hermione answered amused. "But thanks for bringing me these."
Her friend's eyes snapped over to her accusingly and then quickly away as he blushed from seeing her in her short nightie. She snatched her belongings from his hand and threw her robe over herself, relishing in the warmth. She really needed that cup of coffee if she hadn't noticed until now that she had walked across the entire house wearing barely a stitch of clothes on.
"Why don't we all sit down? I'm thinking we all have a lot of questions?" Remus suggested, returning to his seat.
Harry and Ron shrugged, dropping down next to each other on the opposite bench, leaving her to sit next to Remus. Oh, boy... this talk was going to be even more embarrassing than she had initially thought.
"Sooo..." Ron said, unsure of where this was going but feeling uncomfortable in the lingering silence. "I heard you were bloody brilliant, Hermione. I wish I'd been there to see that, but even Harry had to crash the party."
"It was hardly a party, Ronald." she snapped angrily, grabbing a piece of toast to calm her stomach's rumblings but too queasy to eat anything else now.
"Yeah, you would probably have puked, Ron." Harry chuckled. "If we kept Remus hidden in the attic, it was for a good reason."
"That bad, huh?" Remus asked, laughing it off. Peeking at his profile, Hermione saw he had a twinkle dancing in his eyes and a quirky smile playing on his lips. Damn the wizard, what was he playing at? Wasn't he furious at her? How could he find what he had endured amusing in any way?
"Yeah!" Harry answered, snickering. "You would have lost a beauty contest competing against one of Hagrid's blast-ended skrewt."
"Harry!" she finally cried out, outraged by his insensitivity, she was standing up, her fists clenched so tight her knuckles were white and she was shaking from suppressed fear, anger and guilt. She had kept all those emotions bottled up while she had taken care of Remus. At first, she hadn't broken down out of remorse when she was given a chance to help the one she had wronged. But those emotions had just kept building up, and now she felt she had finally reached breaking point. Knowing none of them felt comfortable around a crying witch, she fled the kitchen without a word.