Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything from his realm belongs to its creator, J.K. ROWLING. I make absolutely no money with it. Like you didn't know that already.
A/N: I don't mind bad reviews, I really don't, especially if they're well-argued. (Although I'd be lying if I said they didn't hurt a little.) But I would really like it if they were not anonymous so I can discuss it with you. Bad reviews are always anonymous, which I don't understand, I'm not going to rip you apart because I disagree with you, you know. But for your information, I found no reference that Augusta Longbottom doesn't trust / like Albus Dumbledore, on the contrary, she's always been very supportive of him.
Also, sorry for the delay in updating...you know...real life and all comes in the way sometimes.
And my eternal thanks to my beta, Fredrika, too, who's always there for me :)
Chapter 11: Confessions
Hermione wasn't gone for more than a couple hour, strolling aimlessly through muggle London under a light drizzle, when the first compelling spell that linked her to her parchment hit her and she quickly found a quiet spot on an isolated and out of the way bench. She discretely checked her parchment, doubting it would be a summons for a Death-Eater attack this early in the morning. Voldemort's followers were not morning people, and who could blame them with all those dark revels and sessions of torture they had to attend that went well into the night. And as she expected, it was a message from Remus.
"Where are you? I'm worried."
"Muggle London. Won't be long." she answered back immediately, not wanting him to alert everyone and send off a man-hunt because she had desperately needed some fresh air and time alone.
She needed to think and sort things through.
First, Remus' retreat from the library that morning had hurt her more than it should have. If it had been Harry, she would have simply laughed it off. But Remus, he was much more important to her now, she realised with a start. When had that begun? True, they did spend a fair amount of time together now they were both confined to the mouldy old house that was their home but that couldn't be the only explanation, could it? To top it off, they were in the middle of a war, and now was definitely not the time to harbour silly crushes.
Except Hermione Granger didn't do silly crushes. Not since the Gilderoy Lockheart fiasco in her second year. In fact she had never even fallen in love with anyone. Not with Viktor whose arm she had adorned at the Yull Ball in her fourth year, not even with Ron or Harry who she had spent an inordinate amount of time with despite them being boys, but who were like brothers to her and nothing more.
Adding to her emotional turmoil a meddling old man did not help her make any sense of all this mess. Why was Dumbledore playing match-maker, or in her case, un-maker? The witch couldn't believe he was doing it just to exert more control over them. If anything, it would make them stand against him, which he undoubtedly wanted to avoid as Remus and she were his only functional patroni. It had to be something else. But what? Think, think, think...
Hermione didn't know how long she had been moodily staring at the Thames that flowed sluggishly before the bench she had chosen as refuge. The slow movement and brownish colour did nothing to raise her spirits, nor did the grey cloudy sky. Even the few passer-bys she had seen looked miserable. The parchment demanded her attention once more, veering her mind away from her depressing thoughts. The young woman frowned, she hadn't expected another message from Remus so soon, and it turned out it wasn't.
"Come back. Dumbledore is looking for you." Severus' neat spiky writing spelled out.
She sighed, she just couldn't be left alone, could she? She wondered for a moment if she could just ignore them, but knew it would only make matters worse in the end. She got up reluctantly, made her way into a dark -and smelly- alleyway and disapparated to number 12, Grimmauld Place, where two stern faces awaited her.
"Headmaster. Professor Snape." she greeted the two men formally, if somewhat coldly.
"Miss Granger. I am so very glad you are well. But may I remind you that it isn't safe to be out, let alone on your own. You should have asked for someone to accompany you at least." Dumbledore admonished her as soon as she had stepped inside, not even giving her a minute to take off her damp cloak.
"I think avoiding to attract attention to myself in the middle of muggle London is safe enough. And easier to accomplish on my own." she countered with a frown.
"Was there a particular reason you needed to be out there?" he interrogated.
"Apart from escaping this prison? No, not really." she dismissed him.
Dumbledore took on a pinched expression, as if he had finally come across a lemon drop that was too sour for his taste, but chose not to let himself be lead into that slippery slope, probably knowing he'd lose the argument.
"Very well, but please remember people are counting on you. Losing you could very well cost us this war." he concluded dramatically, using the guilt card to repress her rebellion.
Hermione only nodded before heading off to the library where she could hear people gathered, and supposed it was an Order meeting about to begin, rather than a personal berating, Dumbledore had come for. All the patroni and her less successful pupils, as well as the headquarter's residents and a few more prominent Order members were comfortably seated on an odd assortment of conjured chairs, chatting animatedly around a cup of tea and sponge cake. Severus ushered her forward as he caught up with her, closing and warding the door behind him and Dumbledore.
The young woman sat down in a vacant armchair that faced Remus, trying to catch his eye, but he stubbornly kept his gaze riveted to the ground, so she waited instead for Dumbledore to announce what he had gathered them for.
"Severus has brought us terrible and alarming news. We had been expecting a move from Voldemort's troops on Halloween, as you all know, which was and remains a symbolical date for Tom and an excuse for him to unleash his most vicious attacks in both the magical and muggle worlds. However, for an unknown reason, nothing of the sort came to pass. Severus gathered information that he is instead discretely planning a massive attack on the winter solstice, just before Christmas."
"Do we know what his target is this time?" Alastor Moody asked. "We've been utterly useless against him since he started harvesting muggles to feed his dark creatures. It' a wonder muggle authorities haven't started suspecting our world."
"That's just it." Severus answered. "The Dark Lord does not care about the statute of secrecy. In fact, he has wanted to breach it entirely for a very long time, and I cannot convince him otherwise any longer lest he starts doubting my allegiance."
"That's a convenient excuse for you, isn't it?" the battle-scarred auror said snidely.
"Alastor..." Dumbledore warned. "The target is unknown as of now, but this leaves us time, almost a month, to prepare ourselves for a massive operation and Severus will continue doing his best to gather more information."
Severus bowed his head just a fraction in acknowledgement to the headmaster's words and graciously returned to his seat under Mad-Eye's baleful glare.
"Aurors, I want you to continue recruiting discretely amongst the ministry employees. Except for Miss Tonks, and you, Kinglsey. You two will be in charge of practice drills at headquarters for the rest of the Order. But I am concerned." he added gravely, looking at her, Remus, Luna and a quivering Neville "You four are our only hope against the dark creatures that have gathered around Voldemort, and only two of you can help us at the moment. It is my immediate concern that none of you lose this ability."
"But how could we lose it. I mean, it's a spell... once we've learned it, we can't unlearn it." Neville interrupted the headmaster, sounding perplexed, in what Hermione thought was a very astute question, even if a bit awkwardly worded.
"It is only suppositions on my part, of course. But I suspect this particular spell needs one or more requirements to function, and if these specifications are not met any more, the spell will cease to work. Just like wizards need to have seen Death in order to see Thestrals, it is conditional magic"
Hermione thought this made sense, she had wondered herself why talented people like Harry and Shacklebolt had not mastered the Patronus Totalus when Neville had. She also noticed Remus was imperceptibly nodding his head and she gathered he had probably given this strange occurrence some thought too.
"What do you think these conditions are, headmaster?" Luna asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.
"As I said, I can't be absolutely certain. Before Remus mastered it himself," he said eyeing the former werewolf with a pointed stare. "I had thought it simply had something to do with youth and projecting ideals. None of which apply to our dear Remus, quite a bit older and too cynical to believe in such ideals any longer." he continued, looking expectantly at Hermione this time. But she refused to be flustered by the old man and held his stare. "So, I will have to ask all of you, as long as Tom is not disposed of, not to make any rash, life-changing decisions." This last statement was met by a puzzled silence, everyone wondering what exactly the old wizard meant.
"Miss Granger?" Dumbledore, who had been stroking his long bear in thought, addressed her directly after a while, " Have any of your brilliant arithmancy equations yielded any explanations concerning this issue?"
Hermione hesitated for a second, blinking uncomprehendingly: Dumbledore knew very well her arithmancy had not given any results, Professor Fredrik having taken her notes a few days ago to review them with the headmaster. But maybe he only wanted to present her work to the rest of the Order.
"I'm afraid not. Nothing conclusive, at least." the young woman was loath to admit. She leaned over to reach for a muggle notebook in a nearby shelf and shuffled through it, frowning at its scribbled pages, before handing it open to Dumbledore. "The equations make sense, up to a point. The four sphere of influences that belong to us patroni all cross in one single point here, whereas all the others who are training to become one, but haven't succeeded yet, are excluded, no matter what variables I add or leave out. I've been trying to identify what binds us four, as opposed to the others... without any luck. I even tried cheating with the input." Hermione added sheepishly, and, for the first time since the meeting began, Remus met her eyes and smiled.
"What is this line here, Miss Granger?" Dumbledore asked her as one of his gnarled finger traced a half-erased streak that perfectly met all four patroni spheres.
"Oh, that's the representation of one of my false inputs. But it can't possibly be correct." she said dismissively.
"Why ever not? It seems so perfect." the headmaster insisted.
"Because it can't possibly apply to Remus, although it does apply to Luna, Neville and I... I know, I checked with them." Hermione answered, glancing nervously at Luna and a blushing Neville.
"What is it then?" Dumbledore quizzed again.
"Something that is too private to discuss here." she retorted sharply, feeling all eyes on her and tired of the old man's insistence at poking his long pointy nose where it didn't belong. But the wizard only looked more excited and eager to get the truth out of her, while all the other Order members were watching this near-shouting match in awe. Most of them had never seen the serious rule-abiding witch defy a figure of authority before, much less the very respected Albus Dumbledore.
"My dear girl," the leader of the Light told her sternly and somewhat menacingly, "nothing is too private or personal for any of us if it helps us win this war."
Hermione glared at him mutinously, gripping her chair's armrests in a death-grip.
"You took a vow to obey me and I command you to tell me the truth!" he bellowed at last, making everyone jump in their seat.
Taken aback by the sudden outburst, Hermione shrank back in her armchair and glimpsed the other Order members. Severus was slightly cocking his head to the right, probably wondering what she was so adamant to hide she was overtly defying Dumbledore. Remus looked troubled but she couldn't blame him since she had not shared her findings or lack thereof with him. Like a bright gaudy neon sign, Hermione couldn't miss the bubble-gum haired Tonks who was enjoying the show so much her smirk spread from one ear to the next. But it was on Luna and Neville that her gaze lingered the longest, worry evident in her eyes.
"Go ahead, Hermione." Luna said in her sing-song voice, understanding her dilemma. "I don't mind, if it helps. I don't think Neville will either."
Neville was white as a sheet and staring at his feet, but effectively nodding his head. She had to admire their courage, she wasn't sure he wanted to share this piece of information herself, certainly not to such a vast assembly, and certainly not to Tonks and Dumbledore. But judging by the old wizard's triumphant smile, she was given little choice in the matter. She rose from her seat to attract everyone's gaze, she could at least try to shield Luna and Neville, if only a little.
"I..." she started, but her voice sounded shaky and feeble even to her ears, so she cleared her throat and took on her lecture voice to make this ordeal a bit less personal. "As I said, I've been tweaking the information input to isolate similarities between the four patroni, basing the variables on my own specificities..." She paused and drew a deep breath before continuing, unable to meet anyone's gaze. "Luna, Neville and I happen to lack experience...romantically, and that is what that arithmantic line represents, headmaster."
A guffaw, no doubt Tonks', met the end of her explanation. She could feel the blush starting to creep up her neck and crossed her arms before her in a futile attempt to protect herself. Now would start the questioning, but she refused to sit down, lest Luna and Neville be asked embarrassing questions too.
"So..." Dumbledore said, stroking his beard as the cogwheels turned furiously behind his half-moon glasses, "Can I assume then that you three are virgins?" And he was so quick to jump to that conclusion that she wondered if the old wizard had already given this venue some thought.
"Yes." Hermione answered simply, because there was no reason to go into details after all, it just so happened that none of them had found someone special to be intimate with and that they weren't the kind of people to be satisfied with one-night stands. "So you see now why this is not the information you're looking for, as it doesn't apply to Remus."
She could see the headmaster's calculating eyes jumping from one of her pupils to the next, whether they had mastered her spell or not.
"Yes, it would be logical... it would take both purity and maturity to unleash such a powerful light spell as the Patronus Totalus. I've been wondering myself if... " he said, as his piercing blue eyes came to rest on Remus last.
"You can't be serious." Hermione scoffed, understanding what he meant.
"No?" the old wizard replied snidely, "You haven't actually asked Remus, have you?"
She looked uncertainly at her friend, who was quite pale, but the notion was just too ridiculous: he was quite older, so handsome and kind. And if Tonks' was anything to go by, women literally threw themselves at him, there was just no way...
"Well, no. It's too personal, I can't go asking everyone that. I only asked Luna and Neville because we've been close for years. And others, I know aren't virgins any more." she explained trying hard not too glance at Harry and Ginny, especially because Mrs Weasley was there and staring suspiciously at her daughter. Ron, on the other hand, had boasted so much about his feminine conquests that it was a secret to no one. "But I can't go asking that point blank to my elders, they'd be right to tell me off."
"Well, I'm the eldest here, I'll just have to ask myself, won't I? Remus?" Dumbledore prompted and suddenly all eyes left her to focus on the poor Gryffindor wizard, who looked miserable and positively green.
But why would he? Unless...
"You've got to be kidding me!" Severus exclaimed mockingly. "The famous Marauders, always surrounded by flocks of brainless fan-girls, and you want us to believe you've never taken advantage of it?"
"That would be Sirius and James." Remus answered coolly. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."
"So it's true?" the Slytherin sniggered. "You've never bed a woman? That is just so-"
"So what, Severus?" Hermione interrupted him angrily. "I fail to see why we should be ashamed of it."
Now that she knew Remus was a virgin, and although she still had trouble coming to grasps with it, she felt bad for being responsible of bringing it out in the open. She should have told him or even asked him, but she had been too embarrassed and sincerely thought this couldn't be the solution to the Patronus Totalus requirements. But she wouldn't let Dumbledore, or even Severus, make things worse between her and Remus.
"No, not you, obviously." Severus replied, taken aback by her outburst. "But Lupin..."
"Lupin, nothing at all! It's none of your concern! Any of you." Hermione told the room at large, sweeping her arm to include them all. "It just so happens to be, and a damn good thing it is too or we'd be one patronus shorter. Now, those of you who don't fulfil the requirement, I don't expect you to attend the next lessons, but I'm sure Professor Dumbledore will provide enough virgins to replace you."
The contempt and sarcasm that dripped from her were hard to miss, and no one dared say anything so she huffed exasperatedly, turned to take Remus' limp hand, leading him out in the direction of the kitchen. Not the most private of places to seek refuge but she knew a hot chocolate would do her friend good, and by the time the members of the Order of the Phoenix finished bickering about what had just happened, they would be left well alone. Mrs Weasley in particular would be working herself into a snitch by now. Poor Ginny.
Remus sat motionless on the kitchen's bench while she prepared two mugs. He didn't react even when she pushed the warm drink into his hands, so she started talking.
"I'm sorry Remus. I didn't know. I didn't mean to hurt you, although that seems all I'm capable of..." she said, thinking of the recent past where she had transformed the poor wizard into a nightmarish suffering monster, nearly killing him in the process. "I just assumed... it was so ludicrous to think that you... Oh, Gods, I'm no better than Severus."
The young woman hid her face in her hands, intent on not crying. Remus needed a strong friend to support him, not a snivelling whiny witch. Her resolve strengthened, she looked her friend in the eye and reached for his hand across the table, clasping it tightly.
"I won't judge you, Remus." she told him softly. "Merlin knows I don't have a reason to. I meant what I told the others, it's nobody's business, but if you do want to talk to someone, I'm here for you, and if you don't... I'll understand."
She felt his hand shift lightly under her own, and his eyes that seemed so lost just a second earlier focused on her own. He tried smiling at her but it turned into a sour grimace.
"I... It's just... I was a werewolf. Before." he tried explaining. "I never wanted to get intimate with another woman because of it. And the only one who breached the defences I'd built around my heart, fled when I did tell her about my lycantropie."
Hermione had never considered him being a werewolf would impact his personal life just as much as it had his professional one. She didn't know what to say, but Remus went on.
"Sirius would be laughing his head off if he knew I was still clueless about women at my age. He was such a womanizer, he kept teasing me about it, saying I should just keep my lycantropie to myself. But that wouldn't be right."
The two friends shared a small smile, that was so like Remus to do what was right rather than what he wanted. The wizard's smile grew larger.
"You're going to be in so much trouble with the old man." he told her in a teasing tone. "You as good as accused him of being a pimp... 'providing virgins'."
"Not so far from the truth, mind you. I bet you a galleon we will have new volunteers for the Patronus Totalus before long."
The wizard nodded his agreement while he sipped his hot chocolate, colour finally returning to his cheeks as the shock of being exposed gradually wore off.
"You know, I think he actually knew why we could perform the spell, when others couldn't." Remus told her uneasily. "I wouldn't be surprised if he had heard Sirius' taunts in fact..."
"And that's why he set Fudge on us! To keep us apart!" she exclaimed as the realisation dawned on her. "Not that we..." she blushed, looking away.
"No." he chuckled, but it sounded a bit sorrowful to her ears.
"Damn that old man! I feel like he played me for a fool!" Hermione muttered angrily, and only Remus' comforting presence prevented her from storming out and yelling at the manipulative old coot.
It was only about midday when the first Order members began to trickle back into the kitchen. Remus had refused to shut himself away in his room, arguing that he would have to face them all sooner or later anyway.
"I've gotta say I'm relieved." Shacklebolt told them in his deep booming voice. "I was getting quite frustrated not managing to master that spell of yours, Hermione. I was even starting to think I'd have to resign as an auror for incompetence."
"Merlin forbids." The young witch laughed. "Everyone knows you're the best auror out there: the whole department would have to resign with you, and now is not a good time. Speaking of which, I didn't think the meeting would end so early." she asked with a discreet nod toward Mrs Weasley who was banging pots and pans so loudly over the stove that her fiery temper must have reached new heights.
"Oh, it shouldn't have, " he answered in hushed tones, "Molly started berating her daughter not long after you'd gone, but Dumbledore told her -and I quote- to stuff a sock in it."
"Oh!" Remus ad Hermione both exclaimed at the same time. That was either very brave or very foolish of the old wizard. Molly Weasley was a formidable witch with, at best, an unpredictable and fierce temper.
"I think you'd better stay out of Dumbledore's beard for awhile though, Hermione, I've never seen him quite so angry before." the auror added, prompting her to look over her shoulder for his whereabouts. "Don't worry, he stayed behind with Snape, but a Weasley-alert might be in order."
A sullen Ginny was fast approaching, Harry, Ron, Luna and Neville in tow.
"I ought to be mad at you." the red-head told her, pouting. "Mom is going to be such a pain to deal with now. But if that's the price to pay for getting my Harry back, I'm more than willing to pay it." Seeing their puzzled expressions, she added: "He came to my rescue, you know. Stood right between me and mom when she was going purple in the face from yelling."
"He's bonkers, if you ask me" Ron supplied.
"She's scarier than my gran." Neville agreed.
Hermione smiled at the shy boy.
"So you're staying with us now, Neville? I'm surprised Dumbledore managed to convince your grandmother to let you go." she asked.
"After what happened in the library, I'm starting to think Professor Dumbledore obtains whatever he wants, by any means possible." the young Gryffindor countered, smiling apologetically at her and Remus as if it had been his fault, and she was once more agreeably surprised by the young wizard's analytical mind that was, once more, spot on. "But this time, I think he got more than he bargained for." He grinned without giving further explanations but the loud voices coming from the hallway seemed to illustrate what Neville was hinting at. One of the angry voices was evidently Dumbledore's, while the other she didn't recognize but belonged to a very angry woman. Was the headmaster having an argument with Mrs Black's portrait? That seemed uncanny. All of the kitchen occupants had fallen silent, straining their ears to hear bribes of the heated argument, when the kitchen's door slammed open, pushed by a pointy leather boot preceding a stuffed vulture sitting on a hat and a bright red handbag.
"Everyone, this is my gran." Neville announced nervously.