Chapter 1: Changing
***Flashback***
It had taken a lot of nerve, but today Marco decided that he was going to ask Jean on a date. They had been best friends since third grade and even if Jean didn't see him that way, they'd still be friends. Right? He fiddled with the loose strings on his jacket as the first snowflakes of winter gently floated down. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered faster when Jean strolled up.
It had taken a lot of nerve but today Marco decided that he was going to ask Jean on a date. They had been best friends since third grade and even if Jean didn't see him that way, they'd still be friends. Right? He fiddled with the loose strings on his jacket as the first snowflakes of winter gently floated down. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered faster when Jean strolled up.
"Hey Marco. How are ya?"
Jean states plainly, slinging an arm around Marco's shoulders, using his other hand to ruffle up his friend's hair.
"Hey Jean!"
Marco smiles brightly, while letting his short bangs falls out of place.
"I'm good! I needed to talk to you, so uh. I thought this would be a nice place to meet."He gestured at the empty park with his head.
"I hadn't seen you in a while and I thought it was... More appropriate to ask you away from the computer. " The longer Marco spoke, the more brave he became and ready to pose the question. There was no way this could fail!
Laughing, Jean let Marco go and playfully punched him on the shoulder.
"I'm not THAT electronically addicted!" Putting about two feet's difference between them, Jean crosses his arms, and asks, "What's up?"
Marco took in a deep breath and let it out gently. He was beaming and the snow continued to fall on his face.
"Jean. I know this is probably weird but I. I really like you. Not just as a friend, but. You know. You've always been so nice to me, and you're my best friend! You're really funny, smart, and I've always looked up to you, Jean." The wind picked up a bit and blew the larger falling snow flakes down faster to blanket the brown grass.
"I. I'm in love with you, Jean Kirschstein." Marco was flushed from both the cold and the sheer nerve it took to say all that. His freckled cheeks were bright pink and his smile wide. He trusted and loved the other so much it didn't matter if he said no as long as they could still be friends and be together.
Staring gape jawed, and wide eyed, Jean takes a step back, his dorky grin fading from his face. "M-Marco...I. I don't think that you and I have the same definition for the word 'like'. Marco...I. I don't think I can do this...I'm just gonna go now..."
Jean turns on his heel, pulling his collar up and wrapping his jacket around his shoulders tighter.
Marco's smile faded and his voice began to crack.
"Jean! Please! I didn't! I didn't mean to scare you! Please don't go!" His soft hand grabbed for Jean's jacket.
"Please! I'm sorry! Just forget I said anything! I won't bring it up again!" His body began to quiver as the cold continue to chill him and his eyes built up a dam containing a sea of tears.
"Jean, I-"
Slowing down, Jean reaches up to pry Marco's fingers off his jacket.
"Marco...let me go...I gotta get to class" Jean turns around, then grabs Marco's shoulders
"Look. I know we've been friends for...forever, but this is nuts...I can't do it."
He couldn't hold back the tears that started to fall from his brown eyes.
"Jean...I said I was sorry... Please...I'm so sorry. I just thought... You liked me too... But I know you don't, so let's just forget this happened, right? I'm sorry, Jean."
He couldn't help his bottom lip from quivering but he looked down to avoid Jean's gaze.
"I'm really sorry, Jean..."
"Marco don't cry...you're a man...come on." Pushes Marco's shoulders back, making him stand up straight, and tilt his head up.
"Just...let me be alone for a while...this is too much...Bye" He turns around again, and trudges through the snow back to the building
When Jean turns his back around a tidal wave rushes over Marco and he starts thrashing around for air.
"Jean! Please! I don't wanna be alone! I really love you! Even if you don't feel the same, you mean the world to me!" Marco grabs Jean's hand and this time tries to pull him back.
"Please, Jean! You don't have to feel the same, just let's keep being friends like we were!" His knees buckle sending him down into the snow where all he can do is look up and cry.
"I just wanna be with you..." Tears flooded down his face, and drops landed on his pants. He tried to cover his face from the person he thought would never judge him or make him feel alone.
"Marco...calm down! You're making a scene!" Jean whispers harshly, trying not to raise his voice, or make the situation worse, he pulls away from Marco, attempting to escape the mess of a man in front of him. "Let me go Marco...please let me go..." Pulling away harder, he wrenches his hand out of Marco's, spectators gaping. Marco sobbed in the snow and felt the snow chill his fingers as Jean ripped his hand out of Marco's grasp leaving the boy stranded in the snow.
Mikasa dragged Eren quickly past the park and towards class as he made a snide comment about Jean. He suggested they go back and give Jean the smack down, but Mikasa continued on. Even if Jean had not meant to, Marco fell back into the snow. His coat was thoroughly wet and frosted, and he couldn't stop crying.
"..I-I really thought you were my friend, Jean..." He should have known better. He should never have told Jean that he loved him. He regretted saying anything, but he really regretted the last sentence that sparked anger in Jean rather than the embarrassment he had been feeling.
Jean stops in his tracks...now annoyed and embarrassed. Marco was really making him look bad. Storming back to where Marco was, he pulled Marco up by his collar, pulling him close to his face, his nose almost touching the others, and stated, quietly, but not friendly,
"You should have thought of that before you decided to trust me..." Letting go of Marco's clothing, he pushes angrily through the crowd, and goes inside.
He's left in a pile on the concrete side walk, sobbing. He had been here before on the floor crying, but Jean was always there to make the mean bullies go away. That was how they met after all. He chased away the boys that had made fun of his freckles. But now. Now there was only Marco. Alone and broken on a cold side walk with people passing by now and casting looks of pity. Jean was the only one who made him feel strong. Jean was gone now and it was just weak, cry baby Marco Bodt all alone again.
***current day***
All that's heard in that classroom was laughter. Eren sat and pondered why this was even happening, but slowly decided to give up. Jean was sitting on an arrangement of chairs, desks, and textbooks like it was a throne, laughing with a new group of friends.
Marco generally sat by himself in the back of the classroom. After what happened with Jean in the past, he had lost his spark to be outgoing and happy. It wasn't just because Jean had rejected him and left him in the snow, but because of it all he had become a laughing stock. He stared out the class window and waited for the next insult towards his freckles to come. He had tried really hard to cover them up with makeup he bought on clearance but it just worsened it.
Eren meandered across the room towards Marco. Still being friends with him, he tries to make him feel better when he's down. Telling him not to listen to them...and that they don't know what they're saying. Jean isn't sure what to feel exactly, mixed emotions are the most annoying...He knows he feels like an asshole, but there was another feeling there, that he never wanted to admit was...guilt.
Marco mostly nods at what Eren says without much commenting. It makes him feel a bit better when Eren talks to him but not by a lot.
"Hey Marco!" Eren started, then continued to babble about Jean. "You're upset aren't cha? It's Jean isn't it?"
"Of course not. Haha. Jean is...Just having fun." His laughter was dry and lacking of all the joy that had once been there. Marco looked down at the dirty desk and tried to hold his hands away from his face. His cheeks burned so badly still from last night when he had clawed at the little spots. He continued to do the me thing every night but they were still there. It was last period, but there was of course his meeting next. He knew that when Mr. Dazz came back in for the last ten minutes, and gave a short lecture, he'd stare directly at Marco and make him like a small rodent under the gaze of a cat. He felt sick to his stomach when his teacher looked at him, but there was no one he could confide in or beg for help from.
Staring at Marco, Eren decides he should go back to his seat; there were only a couple minutes before they all knew that Dazz would come back... Sitting down, he continued to plan Jean's demise, for ruining such a happy person...turning him into a wreck.
Right on schedule, Dazz, strolls into his classroom and places down his mug.
"Now you all should have been reading out of your textbooks, chapters six through eight during my absence. This will help you with the assignments that Mr. Bodt will so kindly help me pass out.
Marco obediently walked to the front to take the papers from his teacher and the man that made his skin crawl. A foot stuck out from a desk, tripping him on the way there however, and Jean's friends let out a roar of laughter.
"How can he pass out papers when he can't even walk to the front?" They sneered. Marco quickly picked himself up and took the papers.
"You need to learn to walk properly, Bodt." Dazz sneered when Marco turned his back. The class erupted in laughter with the exception of Eren, and his step sister.
Jumping up from his seat, Eren immediately starts yelling at the people in the room.
"Don't you all have better things to do?! You laugh at people like him, thinking that they're stupid. But they're NOT. Who are the stupid ones here?!" Storming up to Jean's desk, he leans down staring at the one person he knew started this.
"You. You did this. You turned him into a wreck, and you still have absolutely NOTHING to say about it?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Grabbing Jean's shirt, he pulls him up out of his seat, pushing him against the wall next to it.
"You better watch out Kirschtein...because I'm going to raise hell. I've had enough of you all traumatizing him." The room is silent except for Eren. A hand touches his shoulder.
"Jaeger. Kirschstein. I think you two need to go see the counselor. Please take your things and see yourselves there. Okey doke?" His unnerving smile stays planted there, wide and all teeth bared. The bell rings and he claps his hands together.
"Alright guys! I'll see you on Monday. I expect those assignments to be done, are we all clear?"
Yeahs, and yeses echo through the room as kids grab their backpacks and leave the room.
Mr. Dazz leads Eren and Jean towards the counselor's but not before shooting Marco a look. He knows that look all too well and knows exactly what to expect when his teacher returns. The door shuts, and Marco begins to sob. He cries into his school uniform and pleads with whatever powers that be to not let it happen and to just let him leave here.
After disposing of Eren and Jean at the counselor's, he opens his door back to his favorite freckled child. He locks the door behind him and smile at the boy.
"You know, Marco. You caused quite a lot of trouble today in class. I'm not sure what we're going to do about that." He says while tsking at a long ruler. His shoes clacked against the floor as he walked to the back desk.
"You're such a trouble maker, aren't you?" The bite of the ruler stings his already burning cheeks and Marco lets out a pained whimper.
"No. No. Shhh. Don't cry. I still love you, Marco. Don't cry, my precious boy." His tongue traces its way up his cheek and stops at the bright pink marking.
"We're just gonna make sure that you stay on your curricular path, darling. I wouldn't want one of my students straying off their path." He grabs a hand of Marco's short hair and pushes him towards a small dark office in the back of the class room.
The room is small and smells of leftover food to most students. To Marco the room reeked of shed tears and a broken innocence.
"Why don't you be a dear and get that bothersome school uniform off, alright? If you do it quickly, I won't have to hit you." The door clicks behind and locks the two in. Dazz leans against the door and watches the boy cry and unbutton his shirt. The fifty nine year old would never tire of this.
Later that night Eren decided to go and visit Marco, and see how he was doing. It was only about 8 pm, so he assumed Marco would be up still, since he was constantly doing homework. He knocks on the door, and waits for an answer,
"Marco?"
A knock on his dorm door was the only thing that convinced Marco to leave the safety of his covers. He doesn't want to leave his stuffed giraffe that he had been crying into for the past two hours but a second knock comes followed by his name and he does. He leaves the chain on the door but opens it enough to see Eren.
"Hey Eren...is something wrong?"
He had mostly covered up the bruises and markings from earlier with his sweat pants and jacket. He had trouble with the markings on his face however and had a large band aid over his swollen right eye. Marco had taken two showers that night to scrub the filth away but he still felt dirty in front of his friend.
"Marco? I'm fine...But what happened? Partially embarrassed, Eren stops questioning Marco, and says, "Sorry...too many questions...Can I come in? I brought some tea. Heichou will kill me if he finds out, so I thought I'd come over and see if you wanted some."
"Y-yeah... Yeah. Come on in, Eren. "He undoes the chain and let's it fall to the side.
He used to wear shorts all the time like Eren now but was thankful for the sweat pants covering the bruises trailing all the way up his thighs. He was in so much pain and went to sit on his bed.
"Thanks for coming over..."
"Thanks" Eren walks into the dorm room, flopping down next to Marco, staring up at the ceiling.
"You're welcome...? So...what happened to you? I don't know anything outside of when I left. I got a detention." Rolling over onto his stomach, he buries his face into the comforter, exhausted
Marco quickly made up a lie.
"Oh. Well I had to go to the nurse because I hit my head when I fell during class. I was really clumsy today. I not only hit my head but hurt my eye on the way down." He said pointing to the band aid. He kept his hands close together and stared downward at the floor.
"I'm sorry I made you get a dentition, Eren. You're the only friend I have left and made you get in trouble..."
"Marco, we all know that you're as transparent as a-" Eren was interrupted with a knock to the door. Looking at Marco questioningly, he waits for another knock, possibly giving away who it was. Nothing came, so Marco stood, and answered the door. The person standing in front of him, was the last person he ever thought he would see...Jean Kirschtein.