Chapter 2: Forgiveness
Marco holds the door only a little way open and prays the small chain can keep Jean away.
"What do you want, Jean...?" Marco asks softly but tries to sound firm.
Marco looks different from the boy he and his group pick on in class. He's pale, with his cheeks bright red; a miserable wreck that Jean used to call his best friend. Startled, Jean flinches backwards momentarily, before regaining his footing. He stares at Marco, and then lowers his gaze.
"M...Marco..." He sighs. "I came here...to...apologize." Looking back up at Marco, he continues.
"I didn't come here because the counselor told me to...I just. I just don't know what I was thinking...I want to apologize for what I did, and...I don't expect you to forgive me, so I'll just go..." He turns to leave.
"Jean. Of course I can't forgive you...why did you all of a sudden think to apologize now? You've been picking on me for a year now...why did you all of a sudden come to this?" Marco looks back at Eren before turning back to Jean.
"Did you come here just to make me feel even worse about myself through some fake apology? I know I'm a weak, cry baby...but I'm not stupid Jean...We're not friends anymore, remember..? Why are you really here?" Marco for the first time in a year feels the same bravery he did back then. Except this time, it's not filled with hope and joy, but resentment and pain.
Meeting Marco's gaze with sullen eyes, Jean turns away to leave then pauses at hearing Marco's words.
"I...I know what happened..." Eren, staring confused, decides to eavesdrop.
"Marco...I came here to see if you were alright...I know what happens in Dazz's office...and I know why you look like shit...believe me..."
Marco begins shaking and his stomach churns violently. How could Jean possibly know?! There was no way he could know what goes on in there...If so...how long had Jean known?
"W-what a-are you t-t-talking about...? N-nothing happens in h-his office..." Marco wanted to slam the door and hide but something kept him standing there at the door about to vomit.
Eren, having thought it a good idea a while ago, had left...climbing out the window to leave the two alone. Jean turned around, realizing that Marco had realized what he was talking about.
"Marco, you're as transparent as a window...You can't lie." Stepping closer, he states quietly,
"I...I walked in one day, and I didn't think he was in the room, but I thought I should check the office in the back...and...Well. You know the rest. No one else knows this but you and me."
Staring at Marco, he confesses,
"I know that what I did back then wasn't a good idea...It was just because I was scared. I didn't know what to do...and I came here today to ask for forgiveness, and you aren't willing to give it, so...I'm going to go...it's late anyway..." Jean waits a few seconds to see if Marco makes any form of response, then turns to leave...
"No one else will know about that hellhole... I promise."
"Jean...Jean...please help me. Please!" Marco was now in hysterics and choking on his tears.
"Please Jean! Oh god, I can't take it! Everything hurts, Jean. I just want it to stop...Jean...Jean...If you really mean it...please help me! Don't walk away...please help me...I can't do this anymore..." Marco fumbles with the jacket's zipper before letting it fall to the floor.
"I'm begging you, Jean...Please help me..." He wrapped his arms around his broken body.
"It never ends. Even now I can... feel him... touching me. Hitting me. I just want it to end. I used to never think about things like this before. I always kept people from hurting themselves...but now what I want more than anything is to just die already... I feel so disgusting...I'm in s-so much pain...I don't want to wake up again tomorrow just for him... just... for him to..."
He was cut off by his own hysterical sobbing.
Stopping in his tracks, Jean walked back to Marco, staring horrified at Marco's bruised body.
"Marco..." Feeling a pang of guilt sweep across him, he pushes Marco back into the dorm room, in an attempt to calm him down.
Being as gentle as possible, he forces Marco to sit down on the bed. Kneeling down in front of him, he asks plainly,
"Why didn't you say anything...?"
Leaning towards a washbasin, he grabs a towel, wets it, and tenuously asks Marco,
"Do you mind if I...?" He gestures towards Marco's wounds with the towel.
Marco nods silently to Jean and cries into his hands.
"I just want to die, Jean...why does this have to happen to me... why...? He won't let me go home for Christmas...I wanna see my mommy...He's gonna make me go home with him and why...why..."
He flinched every time Jean moved to wipe another wound.
"I wanna go home...I'm so scared...Everything hurts...Jean..."
Marco stops talking after a while and sits there silently crying while Jean cleans his wounds.
"Don't say stuff like that Marco..."
Moving from the bottom of Marco's torso to the top, Jean eventually levels with Marco's face.
"Marco...You're going to be okay." Cupping Marco's head between his hands, his touch as soft as he could make it, he planted a light kiss on top of his head.
"You're gonna get through this...And I'm going to be here with you from now on...I promise. I'm never leaving you again..." Dabbing at a couple wounds that were oozing clear liquid, Jean snatches some gauze and tape and covers them. When he finishes, he stands, helping Marco up with him and states matter-of-factly,
"You remember that winter..?" Jean then pulls Marco into a hug, "I lied..."
"I...lied too...I forgive you. I'm sorry for scaring you. Just please save me...I'm so scared..." Marco held on to Jean tightly as if he was the only thing keeping him from slipping.
"I don't want to be alone, Jean...I'm so scared...He's going to hurt me again tomorrow..." His knees were trying to buckle and send them both falling, but his shaking arms held him to Jean.
"I...I just want to go home...I don't want to be in pain anymore..." Marco's fingers dug into Jean's back and the tears ceased but the left overs dripped onto Jean.
"W-what did you see that day you walked in, Jean..?"
Knees not going to hold them up any longer, Jean sits down again bringing Marco with him. Still cradling the broken boy in his arms, he whispers quietly,
"I know..." Reaching around Marcos quivering form, Jean wraps a blanket around them in the hopes of keeping Marco calm. Hearing the boy's question he immediately pushes Marco far enough away so that he can look him in the eyes. Momentarily perplexed by Marco's inquiry, he hesitantly answers...
"I'm not quite sure... I know I saw most of what looks like happened to you." Going into further detail he describes what he saw. Once he finished he asked Marco, worry dripping from his words,
"Where do you hurt..?" He pauses, unsure of how to pose his next question,
"I know that what happened isn't a pleasant experience and I'm worried for you..."
"I...It hurts to sit...I didn't want him to...to...fuck me again...but because I tried to run today...he made sure it was worse and that I couldn't run away. He wouldn't stop hitting my legs...he broke... he broke my ankle. I don't know how I walked back to my room..." Marco gripped Jean's shirt while he tried not to scream and sob while remembering the earlier events.
"It was easier for him ...because everything hurt so bad...I couldn't move...I just lay there and he kept going..." He quivers like a small leaf about to be whisked off its branch by the wind. Marco was starting to calm down a bit as Jean held him close.
"Jean...ever since you left me in the snow...and he started...I haven't slept...every time I close my eyes... I can see his face..." Marco was finally no longer in hysterics but was instead in a very frail state that just wanted to feel love.
Jean holds Marco closer, the boys own feelings starting to meld with his. He didn't know which were his anymore...all he knew was that he had to do something. "Marco, listen to me..." Tilting Marco's head up so he had to look at him, he continued,
"First, we need to go to the hospital; I'll drive you there, and even pay for it..." Wrapping Marco tighter in the blanket, he helps him up and they head for the door.
"Jean, we really shouldn't... I'll be okay! I don't want to cause any more trouble than I already have." He says moving away from the door.
"We agreed that this was going to stay between us, right? If we go there, won't they call my parents since I'm not an adult?" Marco looks at Jean unsure of what to do anymore. He had been hiding what was going on for so long he wasn't sure of what all needed to be fixed.
Sighing, Jean helps Marco back to the bed.
"At least let me wrap it up so you don't make it worse." Wrapping it up, he asks Marco.
"Do you still have feelings for me...?" It was blunt, but it would get the answer Jean was looking for.
"..Of course I do." He reached for his stuffed giraffe that had been laying on his pillow and held it close.
"You mean the world to me...do you have feelings for me?" His brown eyes were puffy from crying but a bit of the spark that had been lost for so long was back.
Looking down at the ground, Jean stays silent for a moment before whispering under his breath,
"I always have..." He looks back up at Marco, noticing the spark in his eyes.
"M-Marco...I-" He huffs out a breath, "I think I love you..." Feeling warmth spread across his cheeks, buries his face in his hands hiding the blush that had so quickly covered his face.
"Jean...I wish you would have told me back then." Marco's lips pulled into a smile which felt weird since he hadn't had anything to really smile about in so long. He pulled Jean's hands away from his face.
"You don't need to hide, Jean. I love you too..."
Jean stared at Marco for a moment, and then lightly kissed Marco on the lips.
Marco smiled and kissed Jean back.
"I've always wanted to do that..." In their small place of sanctuary, Marco, for the first time felt safe and happy.
"I missed you so much..."