"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."
~W.C. Fields

"Zipper. No, Scout. Gah, of course not. Um… Contesse? Tessa for short? What am I thinking? That's not going to work…"

With my chin in my hand, I huffed, blowing air up through my bangs to leave them sitting askew above my eyes. I frowned again, tapping my middle finger against my cheek. From where I sat on the tree stump with lead rope in hand, I watched the mare—no, my mare now—contentedly graze. About an hour ago, after we got back from the first patrol (and after lunch), I had haltered her and taken her out to get some good grass. There was plenty outside of the walls of the Keep, but since there was no paddock anywhere near the walls, the horses were kept penned up until they were needed. I hated the idea, so I was taking this mare out for a bit. She really seemed to appreciate it, happily munching away.

And now I was stuck trying to figure out a name.

"Stepper? No, that's a stupid name." The mare lifted her head to gaze at me with warm, shining chocolate eyes, and I immediately took it back. "I didn't mean that you're stupid! I'm saying that the name 'Stepper' would work for any horse," I told her. "I want a special name for you." Appearing satisfied, she returned to grazing, and I sighed, settling my chin in my hand a little further. "Anne? But a two-syllable name fits you better, I think… Annie? No, that's too… I don't know, a little too informal." The mare sputtered, and I shook my head as my brows came down, trying to find a name she would like.

I had been at this for an hour. When I led the mare out of the Keep behind me after changing her into an old leather rope halter (as opposed to the saddle and bridle), I purposely did it right after Rolith, the rest of the patrol, and I had gotten back so that I would have time to let the mare rest. We'd be heading back out in another hour. At the moment, we were only just out of sight of the gates, but in the sunlight. There was an extensive grassy patch near a big pile of logs, and after scouting it thoroughly, I determined that there were no monsters about at the moment. Besides, from what I understood, the bandits tended to stick to the forest, not the more open ground.

"Jazzy? … No, I didn't think so… something more elegant. Serenade? No, I'm not going to name you after an action… Abracadabra is a mouthful, but Abbie for short? Mm, could work… But we're looking for one name. One name, no nicknames. What about Illusion? What do you think of that?" I finally asked her. The mare lifted her head, then unexpectedly shook out her entire coat. It was more of an involuntary shiver, but at the same time, it reminded me of a dog shaking water out of its coat. A clear dismissal of the name. I smiled. "That's out, then."

The contrast between the mare and the bright green grass was stunning, almost surreal. I took a mental note and filed the image away for a future painting. "Titania? But that sounds too… imposing. Too queenly. Not that you're not graceful and proper like a queen should be, of course, but… I want something a little more familiar than that." I eyed her balefully. "I know naming someone's hard, but this is ridiculous… Equinox? Nah, that's more of a stallion's name. Or a gelding's. Just a male's in general. Fray? But you're not a problem horse… Tango, maybe? I think that fits. One word, two syllables, elegant, but not too formal, and not entirely familiar. What do you think?"

The mare lifted her head again, gazing at me with those eyes that it was impossible to dislike. Her dappled cheeks continued to move as she chewed, and she huffed a breath into my face that spoke of the sweet scent of grass, the joys of running without a care in the world, and the dusty, living smell of horse. I smiled, and reached up to stroke her nose.

"Most people describe a horse's muzzle as being velvety," I whispered to her, as though I were confiding a secret in her. "But I don't think so… it's more like rubbing against the grain of a sanded piece of wood. One way, it's like living satin…" I ran my fingers down her nose slowly. "…And the other way, it's bristly in… y'know, a good way." I leisurely dragged my fingertips up her nose, more in the direction of her eyes. With a gigantic sigh, the mare bumped her nose a little further into my armored palm, and her eyelids drifted downwards a bit.

"Come on, sweet girl," I murmured, brushing her long forelock out of her eyes and standing. "Let's get back." As a general rule, the horses around the Keep had roached manes, uncut tails that were bound and tied up during riding, and their forelocks were left untouched. From what I knew of horses, it was supposed to show off their abilities as warhorses by making their necks look thicker and more muscled. It worked, and quite well, too.

I had the mare sidle up to the stump I had recently vacated, and stepped up on it to get a sort of step up to hop up onto her back. Leaning as far forward as I dared, I tied the other end of her leather lead rope to the same place where it was coming from so that I had a makeshift pair of reins. Leg signals would take care of the rest.

I rode back through the gates to find Rolith missing from his usual spot. Since Sir Valance always seemed to know where everyone was (he was excused from normal knight duties since he was the only one who could keep track of everybody), I dismounted near him, and walked up to the knight.

"Sir Valance," I started, brushing my bangs out of my eyes, "D'you know where the Captain is?"

"I believe he's fixing up his hammer, my lady."

"Oh. Any idea when he'll be back?" I asked, looking back at my mare. A devious plan was beginning to form, and I would need some time to carry it out. 'Time' meaning at least ten minutes. And maybe Maya's help.

"Most likely by the time the next patrol is ready to head out," he replied. I nodded, grinning.

"Okay, thank you!" I chirped, smirking as I all but pranced back towards the gate where the horses were kept. After swiftly brushing off the gray mare, I tied her to one of the many tying posts in this section of the Keep, and hunted down Sir Donic.

After all, I had an evil prank to carry out, and it would be difficult to reverse.

It was absolutely harmless, but the damage to his reputation would be more difficult to reduce. A grin starting to grow on my mouth, I hurriedly put my mare back in her stall (with a whispered promise in her slender ear that I wouldn't be long) and ran off to Maya's library to enlist her help.

Six and a half minutes later, I was attempting to sneakily replace Rolith's bridle on the hook outside of his horse's stall, and barely managed to get back to my mare before running into the Captain.

"Oh! Captain!" I piped up, grinning brightly. "Time to head out again?"

"Yep," he replied. He was well used to my shadowless smiles and random good moods, so I saw nothing that would suggest anything relating to suspicion. "You'd better go tack up."

"Am doing!" I shot back cheerfully as I walked backwards to my mare's stall. Slipping through the doorway as soon as I had it unlatched, I cradled her head for a moment. "He doesn't suspect a thing," I revealed softly, using the heel of my gloved palm to rub at her spiral gently. "All is going to plan."

Secure in the knowledge that he would be completely surprised, I went about my business in rushing to tack up. I meant what I said to Rolith yesterday—I couldn't remember a time when I had been late that it was entirely my fault. I tossed the black saddle blanket up on the mare's back, following up a moment later with the leather saddle. I tightened the girth and let down the stirrups before moving on to the bridle. My mare accepted the bit without complaint, and as I pulled her forelock out from under her browband, I smiled again. Rolith had no idea what was coming to him.

I exited the stall leading my horse behind me, and as soon as we were clear, I hopped up into the saddle, wiggling my butt a little to get settled in the seat. With a small click of my tongue to get the mare walking, we trotted over to the main gates in the Keep. It was a generally accepted rule that if you were going out in a matter of minutes with a handful of others, if you were ready before they were, you were to wait by the gate.

My mare must have sensed my excitement, because she was a bit more lively than usual. She wasn't misbehaving by any means, but she kept looking around with her ears up and swishing her tail. For her, it was the equivalent of what one of the stallions a ways away from us were doing—dancing around and crabbing, refusing to keep still. I couldn't wait to see Rolith's face… if he even noticed. There was only one way he couldn't, and that would be if he was absolutely blind. And he wasn't. The Captain was actually more observant than a lot of people that I had known throughout my life. I could only wonder how he managed to notice every small detail in every day of his life.

"I'm gonna have to ask him about it sometime," I mused aloud, absently stroking the base of my mare's smooth gray neck. She abruptly turned her head and snorted, tossing her muzzle a bit in the opposite direction of the way we were facing. Turning my head, I saw Rolith riding his bay stallion in the direction of the gates, and he looked mad. Not just angry, but positively livid. I offered him a bright grin as he drew level with me, and I swear it looked like he was about to strangle me. I'd seen the look before, so I wasn't overly alarmed.

"Calliope."

Ooh, he really is mad.

"I take it you did this?" His voice was tight, and he was giving me a 'look.' The kind of look that said 'You will pay for this.' It was hard to keep an eye on Rolith when the sparkly rhinestones that now studded the browband of the bay's bridle automatically drew the eye, though.

"Can you prove that?" I questioned innocently, blinking adorably and swiping my bangs out of my line of sight again. I couldn't even stop myself from smiling, even if it was just a smirk.

"Do I have to?" he responded dryly, and he did appear to be slightly ticked.

"Nah," I told him, quite enjoying myself now, "I admit to it freely."

Rolith ran a hand through his hair. It seemed to be something he did when he was exasperated. Me being me, I decided to just make it a bit worse.

"I personalized it!" I announced happily. I was proud of myself, and it was impossible to keep a straight face. "I think it suits you!"

Behind me, I could hear one or two of the knights trying unsuccessfully to stifle their chuckles. The Captain caught this, and immediately, his murderous glare shifted over from me to them. I couldn't have brought myself to regret that jab, even if I had wanted to—it was worth it.

The actual rhinestones—three or four gold.

The bridle (at some point in time)—ten gold.

Rolith's reaction to the prank—priceless.

"We're almost late as it is, Captain," Sir Anade chortled. "There's no time to take them off."

"Also, they're permanently fixed on there," I added thoughtfully, my grin widening. "Can we go now?"

In answer, Rolith maneuvered his stallion past us with little difficulty and trotted stiffly through the now-open gates. Feeling strangely proud of myself, I nudged my mare into a jog after them, and the knights followed us. At the fork in the trail a few hundred yards from the walls of the Keep, Rolith gently pulled back on the reins, coming to a stop.

"Split up. Sir Prize, Sir Anade," he said curtly, "You two head towards the cliff and make sure that no new adventurers have gotten stuck out there. We—" He motioned between himself and me, and I tilted my head. "—Will be going deeper into the forest. Meet back here in…" Rolith paused, looking up to try and see the sun through the leaves that formed a canopy over our heads. "…Two hours."

"Yes, sir!"

I trailed after him on my gray mare, feeling satisfied but quiet. So I let my hips stay loose in the saddle, feeling my torso rock gently back and forth as we walked. The silence was oppressive, and I had never been good with silence. It was for this reason that I decided to absolutely shatter it.

"I hope you know that those are permanent," I repeated, referring to the eye-catching rhinestones fixed to the bay's browband. Rolith grunted moodily as he pushed a low-hanging branch out of his way.

"I guessed that much."

"Your horse doesn't seem to mind," I reasoned as I gestured at the thick-necked battle horse, my smile never fading. "Leastwise, he's not complaining…"

"Not audibly," he muttered, but even I could tell his mood was beginning to lighten. From the looks of things, he couldn't hold a grudge for very long. Of course, neither could I, but I had the attention span of a—

"Get them!"

"What the hell!?" Rolith swore.

Out of nowhere, four black figures sprang onto the path ahead of us. Something told me that they didn't want to chat—maybe it was the fact that each of them carried a mace. Shocked, I dug my right heel into the mare's side, spinning her around to the left so my right arm, sword in hand, was free to move around. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rolith already turned in the opposite direction of the way we had been headed, his horse's front half partway off the ground. He seemed to be dealing with a similar problem, but there were many more black-clothed men on his end.

"Another ambush?!" I exclaimed a little breathlessly as I directed the mare to shy to her left in order to avoid an out-of-control mace swipe from one of the bandits on my side. I whipped my longsword around to bury it halfway through the man's head, having to use the sole of my boot to assist me in jerking my blade out of his skull. "Pleasant," I mumbled, inadvertently flinching as flying droplets of blood spattered against my right cheek.

"Somehow, I don't think they're trying to k—ugh!"

The sentence wasn't even out of the Captain's mouth before I heard a wordless exclamation from him that didn't exactly sound good. Sliding my sword through the junction of a bandit's shoulder and neck before anxiously looking over, I saw the broad-shouldered man slowly slipping sideways out of his saddle to crash to the ground. Another man's club was still up in the air, and from the fact that Rolith did nothing to stop himself from hitting the grass, I could guess that his mind had a 'Back in five minutes' sign on it.

"Captain!"

By the way, I don't think I've said that my short attention span allows me to altogether forget current events. Such as the fact that, oh, I don't know, that there were still a couple of (potentially) dangerous men out to attack me less than two yards from where I sat on top of my mare.

Well, now that it's out there, I think I can safely say that right at that moment, I felt a heavy pain in the back of my head, and like water swirling down a drain or a funnel, my world spun into an ever-smaller point until it disappeared completely into blackness.

Hey, all. I thought a little bit of excitement was in order. :) Don't worry, this is all part of the plan! It just gets better from here! So act like you know what's happening and go along with it. Smile and wave, ladies and gents, smile and wave...

Another thing that I think all of you will approve of! I'm changing the "monthly" chapter to a "biweekly" chapter! :D I was getting a bit bored sitting around, waiting to update, and I realized that if I was unhappy with it, then maybe I ought to do something about it. So I am. ^^ BE HAPPEH. Chapter every two weeks!

Now, reviews! God, you people are starving me! I thought I had more DF romance fans on here! D'x

Arieta41: I'm glad you like their personalities—Calliope went through about four different attitudes before I found one that just suited her. :) Granted, this happens a lot to me in character development, but it still happens.
And yes, I will be inserting a section (if not an entire chapter—probably not) in Rolith's POV. It won't be for a long while yet, roughly one or two chapters from the end, I'd wager, but there will definitely be a "Captain POV." ^^

Time to share a blooper! :D I love doing these! In the original plot line, Calliope (I've always loved that name) never pranked Rolith in any way, shape, or form. So I was going along with my business, writing the story and all… and I realized that Calliope was too good for… well, for her own good. So she needed to pull one or two jokes on Rolith. She was all goody-two-shoes and the perfect little princess, and every girl needs a dark side, am I right? Bwahahaha!
The best way I could think of on the fly was for her to—essentially—bedazzle Rolith's bridle. :)

Anyway, I hope you're all having a good day/week/month! See you all next time! :D

Juliet