OHMYGODOHMYGOD I am soooooo sorry it has taken me so long to update… I have had this chapter written for weeks, and I was going to post it right after Christmas but the day after we had a HUGE thunderstorm and it blew up the modem for my computer and only TODAY have we finally got it running again.
So here is chapter 9! How exciting. I really like this chapter :P It was heartbreaking to write lol.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It is all the wonderful creations of Miss Stephanie Meyer.
I took a deep breath and spun around to face him. Yet I couldn't look him in the eye. "I don't want to ever see you again."
I practically choked on the words. The pain in me was crippling. And I found it ironic that my piece of heaven in this world was standing 6 feet away from me, yet I could never hold him again.
Edward looked at me in complete and utter shock. His face was emotionless, nothing even registering in his eyes. His hand was still semi-way out in the air looking for mine. It seemed to me that this had all to quickly happened, and he was still trying to sort through it all and find any sense of reason. Hell – this was so out of blue for him I couldn't ever blame the look I saw on his face. I had practically refused his help and his hand and told him I didn't want him.
But suddenly his eyes dimmed and I saw his face slip for one moment. The look of complete agony, shock and pain his face revealed was overwhelming to me. It looked like he could drown in it- and this made me step back, fearfully, of what I had just done. Instantly he composed his face into that mask of ancient sadness and looked directly to me. His eyes were still distressed and in pain though.
"Bella," he breathed. I knew he wouldn't let me go this easily. He would fight, knowing that something was wrong. I could tell he knew, but I would not let on. "Bella, please – where has this come from? If it's about the wedding, we don't have to go through with it yet – no, never if you don't want to-"
"I don't want you anymore Edward." I said looking away from him. I couldn't bare to see the pain in his eyes which he could not cover up. It was so unbearable to look at, I literally felt like jumping out of his bedroom window to my death so I would not have to continue.
"Bella," Edward said more forceably now. I could tell he was trying a different way to convince me to stay with him. He grabbed my arm. "I know that that's not true. After all the times you have said 'I Love You, Edward' to me, and all the times I have said it back – I know your lying."
"I'm not Edward. I only said that to not upset you. But I can't play that game anymore!" I shook his arm off mine. "Hell! It was effort after the first year with you!"
He dropped his hand back to his side and stepped back again. "Bella," he breathed. "I know that's not true."
"Fine, It isn't Edward. Believe what you want." I was on the urge of tears. This was so painfully agonising. My façade was crumbling. I went to turn to leave the room.
"Is it my family? I know Alice is full on sometimes but she doesn't mean it. I thought you knew that? Oh Bella, I'm sorry – we can go away – leave them and it will just be you and me. I would look after you. Please know that." His mask had fallen and now I was witnessing the full force of his pain that was crippling him.
"Its just everything, Edward! With your family, Alice is just so full on! She doesn't know when to stop! If I wanted any of that I would have asked for my own little sister! Not Yours!" He stepped back again, flinching from my words. They were like tiny little bullets hitting him at a hundred miles an hour, blowing his beautiful body to pieces. "And Jasper – I don't want him in my head! I want to feel whatever I damn well please! Emmett is just psychotic, and well, we all know about Rosalie's vendetta against me! Do you think I like to play happy family with her everyday when I know she want's to murder me in my sleep!"
"Bella," he was practically crying. If he could he would. And I had no clue how I wasn't yet. Although I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "It doesn't have to be like that."
"No Edward, it will never not be. Look at Carlisle and Esme – I know they don't want me in the family, they're worried about you being with me every single day. They're worried about what will happen to you if I die – I know they hate me for that! Me and your family just don't work!"
"Bella," he tried again. "You know how much Carlisle and Esme love you! We all love you!"
"No Edward. You think you do but you don't. And I don't love you." He stared at me but I refused to look at him. It was helping me to not loose it and it was giving Edward the idea I couldn't look at him because I was repulsed. 'If only he knew what I was doing and he could be the one repulsed by me', I thought.
"Bella," he whispered. I turned to look at him for one last time. I could see he was completely broken. He was begging me now. "Please stay. Just for me. You know how I need you Bella. I love you. Please, just stay."
I walked past him to stand in the entry of his bedroom door. "I don't want to ever see you again. I don't love you – leave me be." I said it plainly and flatly, no emotion. And once I had done this, Edward, now in the corner of his room sank to the floor, even though he had been gripping the wall for support.
I took off the ring he had given me, the one that was his mothers and dropped it in the doorway. He watched it fall. His black and empty eyes watched it. It was heart wrenching. I turned around and began to walk down the stairs. I could feel Edward's longing stare bore into my back, but I kept walking. Once I reached to bottom, I felt the tears fall – they felt like they would never stop, and I continued to the front of the house. But as I neared the front door the last thing I heard was Edward's sobbing:
'Bella."
---
I ran out of the front, never once looking back. I ran through the woods that were the front garden of the Cullen mansion. I ran so fast to get away from the destruction I had just left. I felt like a cyclone, a peaceful thing until it releases its full power on you, destroying your life. And I had been like that to Edward. I was gentle to him. I loved him with all my heart – I was peaceful. And then I destroyed him. I left destruction. And I was devastated that I could do that. I felt dirty. I had hurt the one thing I swore I would never hurt. I had just become the person I never wanted to be. A home wrecker – the exact thing that Rosalie thought about me.
I was glad she hated me. That she did not trust me or let me in. She saw the side of me that I promised I would never unleash. But I did.
I ran and ran til I was near the treaty boundary line of La Push. Only once did I stop and that was when I swore I heard a snarl – which sounded painfully familiar. I knew then that the family had come home and found a broken Edward. I knew Rosalie would be shaking limb from limb wanting to destroy me. I knew that it was her I heard.
I thought about how devastated Alice would be – especially that she couldn't have helped work things out between Edward and I seeing it in a vision. But I didn't decide to do that to him till the last minute. I thought about how she would rush to a limp Edward's side, and try to comfort him. And I thought about how she would cry because she lost a best friend. I thought about how she would see the pain in Edward's black eyes.
Then I thought about Jasper. I thought about he pain he would be in from all the emotions. I thought how he would feel like he was drowning in Edward's sorrow. I thought about the pain he would be in trying to comfort his wife.
I thought about Emmett, how he would watch in horror that his brother was crippled in pain. That all he wanted was his Bella. How he would watch his furious wife, his crying sister, his worried brother and most of all, his devastated parents.
It was painful to think of Carlisle and Esme. The lovely pair that had offered everything to me – a family, a home and a life. I thought about how there worst fears would happen, that their son was broken and could not be fixed without Bella. And the worst thing of all was that I could take all of that away, but it would result in the death of my world.
I reached the boundary line. And I kept on walking. I looked back hoping for Edward, but I knew he would not be there. But I did, eager anyway. And then I broke down in tears. I had never cried that hard in my life, or lost someone that important to me either.
---
I walked for what seemed like hours. But I knew it was only minutes, because Jacob's house from the boundary line was only 10 minutes by car. I knew it seemed like hours because I had time to think. And that was not a good thing. But all too soon, I reached Jacob's house on the Reservation. It was now dark. I was not looking forward to this. After all, I had just gone through Hell, and I knew I was about to enter my own new personal one.
I crossed the lane and turned onto the driveway to his property - it was a short walk, I thought the quicker I got there the quicker I would be punished for Edward's pain. I reached the house and walked up the steps to the doorway.
Strangely enough, the lights for the house were off. I knocked, but there was no answer. I knocked again. This time, a light flickered on in the lounge room and I heard Billy Black's familiar wheelchair rolling to the front door. He opened it and I took a deep breath.
"Bella," he breathed. "It's so lovely to see you here! I'm so glad to see you. Jacob hasn't stopped talking about you."
I looked at him uneasily. He opened the door widely and welcomed me in. He sat me down on the lounge with him. We sat in an awkward silence but he was the first to break it. "It's so nice that you both are finally together. I knew that Cullen was no good for you. I'm pleased you broke up with him."
I stared at him, dumbfounded. What had Jacob been feeding him? I didn't realise how gullible this old man was. Jacob was feeding him pure lies. Where was the part I was forced to break up with my one and only love, and I was being blackmailed into staying here? That his 'precious' son was threatening to kill him and my parents?
Where was that?
I looked over at Billy. He was so innocent, I couldn't judge him according to his son's actions. "Um, well" was all I managed to spit out. I tried to manage a smile along with it but I was far beyond being hospitable for one night.
We sat there in silence again.
"Ah, Billy, I'm kind of, you know, I think I need to-" But I was interrupted by Jacob very ungracefully storming into the house with Jared. He looked at the two of us and smiled evilly.
Jacob walked over to me and pulled me up into a hug. He crushed me, and whispered in my ear, "Tell him anything, and I will personally break your bones in another one of these lovely embraces." He let go of me and sat down pulling me into his lap.
Jared sat across the room from us smiling awkwardly. I think he knew something was going down. But he wouldn't say anything. 'Stupid boy', I thought.
---
I was beginning to nod off. Jacob had insisted we have a huge dinner and then watch TV with Billy and the rest of the pack. He held me, quite painfully to him the whole time, obviously warning me to play happy family. "Jacob," Billy said after a small while. He could obviously see I was physically and emotionally spent and said, "I think Bella needs to lie down."
He looked at me and smiled. I could see that Jacob did somehow care for me, but it was only through force or anger that he expressed it. He helped me up and walked me to the stairs. I wobbled, and he bent down and picked me up. My body went rigid, only Edward could carry me. He noticed this too and when we were out of eye and ear sight he slapped me across the face saying, "Your in my house now. You love me, not him. And you're my girlfriend. So I will pick you up when ever you like."
My eyes stared at him in pure hatred. He stopped in front of a door and shoved it open. He chucked me in the room, not being at gentle at all. "Goodnight, honey. I hope you like your room. See you later." He shut the door.
I waited till I knew he was gone. And then I once again broke down in tears. I looked at my arm to inspect the bruises I knew would appear. And then, going to the mirror, looking at the one appearing on my face. I cried for this. I cried for how my life would now be like – please Jacob or get in trouble and then please him anyway, I also cried for Edward, and I cried for my broken heart. But mostly I cried for Edward and what I had done.
I eventually made my way to the windowsill and sat, still crying. "Goodnight Edward," I sobbed. "I love you, Edward. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Please understand."
And that was where I fell asleep.
How did you like it? I wrote a lot more than usual because I couldn't stop. Let me know how you think it is going.
Review.
Oh and if there is anything you think Bella should do, or Edward, or Jacob… Let me know.
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Many thanks,
E-dog