I do not own 'Naruto' or anything related.
Commentator: ALRIGHT! IT'S FINALLY OUT! 'NARUTO THE ABRIDGED SERIES EPISODE TWENTY-THREE'! I've been waiting ages for this to come out! Is the popcorn ready Professor?
Professor: Yes Sir.
Commentator: Right then! Is everyone seated comfortably?
Sammy: Yeah Boss!
Commentator: Right then! Let's begin!
(Clicks image)
EIGHT MINUTES LATER…
(Silence)
Professor: Well…that was definitely…amusing…
Sammy: My favourite bit was Kisame's voice!
Commentator: I have been waiting-for over seven months- FOR THAT PIECE OF CRAP?
Professor: Sir! It wasn't that bad!
Commentator: Not that bad? It was like watching something from the lesser abridgers that you try to avoid, not the work of the abridging giants! There goes Anonymius' theory that the longer you wait, the better the episode!
Professor: Sir! Don't be so ungrateful! They went through all the effort of making it for the viewers!
Commentator: The viewers wanted something great!
Professor: Well at least it's out now.
Commentator: That's-
Professor: (Checking watch) By the way, Sir, we've only got a hundred and fifty words left, so if you want to respond to some of our reviews, now would be the best time.
Commentator: Oh fine then! Our first review is from- hey; this is in a red envelope. We've never got red envelopes before! I wonder if it's very important! Anyway, it's from 'The Ninth Layer':
Reported. Scriptfics are not allowed on FFnet. Please read the submission
guidelines before posting.
Commentator: Hey! This isn't a review! This isn't a review at all! What the Hell is this?
Professor: Apparently our format isn't allowed on .
Commentator: WHAT? That can't be right. Let me see this! (Logs onto the website) no non-stories, no one or two liners, no MST, no non-historical or non-fictional characters, no interactive entry, aww crap, here it is! 'No chat/script format.' How did Anonymius miss that?
Clock: TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK-
Commentator: Well it looks like we've run out of time! Enjoy our latest chapter, 'Voldetongue'!
Kakashi: Oh crap! You all actually showed up? Hey Sakura, I thought that you'd find the Chuunin Exams to be too much of a challenge?
Sakura: I did until this mysterious ninja attacked me and boosted my confidence!
Kakashi: What, you beat him?
Sakura: No, he turned out to be an illusion.
Kakashi: Uhuh. And this boosted your confidence HOW?
Sakura: It just did!
Kakashi: Uhuh.
Kabuto: Hello there. My name is Kabuto.
Naruto: Oh! Like the pokemon?
Kabuto: NO! NOT LIKE THE POKEMON! Why does everyone keep saying that?
Kakashi: So Asuma, Kurenai, I've got to ask. How come you've got your pupils to enter the Chuunin Exams?
Asuma: Isn't it obvious? We feel that they have great skill and have the potential to become chuunin!
Kakashi: They kept asking you annoying questions about the 'Naruto' Universe, didn't they?
Asuma: They kept asking me why our world was so small.
Kurenai: My lot pestered me about what time period we were in! Personally I blame MasakoX and Vegeta 4986.
Kakashi: Why?
Kurenai: Well, if they did their job as parodiers and addressed the flaws of the series instead of ranting about flashbacks and making really obscure anime references that only complete otaku would ever get, we wouldn't have to explain it ourselves!
Asuma: That's why I think 'Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series' is the best abridged series ever. I don't think there's a single flaw in 'Yu-Gi-Oh' that Littlekuriboh doesn't miss out on! And he does it so well that making a different 'Yu-Gi-Oh' parody would be highly unnecessary! Even more amazing is that he hasn't made any flaws or inconsistencies up in order to get laughs! Well except for Kaiba summoning three Blue White Dragons in one turn but then that does happen in the parody so it's still funny.
Kakashi: You know Kurenai, 'Naruto the Abridged Series' did address the ambiguous time period.
Kurenai: I guess.
Asuma: By the way, have you heard about the proctor for the first exam?
Kakashi: No. Who is he?
Asuma: His name's Ebiki, and he's a sadist.
Kakashi: A sadist? Do tell.
Asuma: He's a former interrogator.
Kakashi: Oh. Really? (They have an interrogator for an exam instructor, do they? Mwahahahaha. Mwhahahahaa. MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!)
Kiba: Man. That first exam was a load of b***!
Ino: Wait, did you just say 'b***' in a children's cartoon?
Kiba: Yeah. So?
Ino: Isn't that S-rank swearing that shouldn't be in a children's cartoon?
Naruto: Didn't you hear? This adaptation doesn't bother with any kind of 'shielding the kids' from things meant for adults! None at all! Now who wants to share this bottle of grapefruit juice to celebrate our success?
Sakura: Grapefruit juice? Wait, isn't that-
Kakashi: So? How was the first exam? Pretty scarring, was it?
Naruto: Well it was stressful. But we pulled through!
Sakura and Sasuke: Yeah!
Kakashi: (Damnit. I was hoping that they would get permanently scarred for life in there! Oh well. Maybe one of the animals in the next exam will eat one of them.)
(Someone badly disguised as the floor crawls up behind Naruto)
Sammy: Huh? Hey! It's the One-Foot Tall Brick Wall!
Teneko: The One-Foot tall brick wall? I LOVE THAT CHARACTER!
Commentator: Teneko? What are you doing here?
Teneko: I heard that the One-Foot Tall Brick Wall was in town, so I came over to check it out. Oo, oo! Hey One-Foot Tall Brick Wall, can I have your autograph?
Naruto, Konohamaru and friends: AAAAH! IT'S A MONSTER! RUN AWAY!
Teneko: No wait, come back! I think you're one of the best 'Naruto Abridged' characters ever, you could defeat the Log any day!
Commentator: This is why I never choose Teneko as an assistant commentator. Hey, Professor, are you getting this odd feeling of déjà vu?
Sammy: Deja who?
Commentator: Like present happenings have already occurred!
Professor: I'm more concerned why no one has moved while Naruto, Konohamaru and friends have been having a comical scene! It's almost like they and the surrounding background are fake!
(As Teneko chases after Konohamaru, his tail hits the background and knocks it over)
Professor: What do you know? It really was fake after all!
Director: Hey! Cut!
(Commentators freeze, and look at the television crew)
Director: What do you think you are doing? Get that dinosaur out of here!
Commentator: Hey! Teneko can roam free wherever he likes!
Teneko: I'm sorry! I only wanted to get an autograph from the One-Foot Tall Brick Wall!
Director: There's no such thing as the One-Foot Tall Brick Wall!
Teneko: (Pointing at Konohamaru and friends) Ahem. I beg to differ.
Konohamaru: Please don't let him eat me!
Teneko: Gasp! It's evolved into Konohamaru and friends!
Commentator: Hey? How come we've never noticed this television crew before?
Professor: I think it's a one off gag.
Naruto: Okay Konohamaru, badly camouflaging yourself with the floor was one thing, but using that same disguise when on grass? Even you aren't that stupid!
Professor: Didn't you know? Fillers are by nature stupid!
Naruto: Wait, this is a filler episode?
Konohamaru: It's more than that, Naruto Nii-san. It's a clip show!
Naruto: But why do we even need a clip show, didn't we already recap everything about five episodes ago?
Professor: This show is strangely fond of flashbacks. It's another sign that J.J Abrams writes for 'Naruto'.
Konohamaru: We'd like to interview those in the Chuunin Exams!
Sasuke: I'll give Naruto's. Hi, I'm Naruto. I'm a typical Shonen hero- meaning that I'm completely thick and gluttonous! Believe it!
Naruto: Okay, that does it! You've just crossed the line! NOBODY MAKES FUN OF MY CATCHPHRASE!
Commentator: Too late, the rest of the world already has!
Sasuke: Watch out, Sakura! That Naruto is a fake!
Sakura: But Sasuke! We've already had a fake Naruto! Surely the mangaka isn't so uncreative as to repeat the exact same scenario right after he already did it?
Sasuke: But that's what makes it so ingenious, Sakura! It's the last thing anyone would ever expect!
Grass Ninja: What cunning prey you are. To see through the camouflage of the predator stalking you.
Sasuke: Gasp! The Naruto phony's actually a woman!
Grass Ninja: I'M A MAN!
Sasuke: Wait, really? But you look like a-
Grass Ninja: I can prove it if you like. Would you like me to do it above the equator or below?
Sasuke: ABOVE THE EQUATOR, ABOVE!
Sasuke Slashers: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Sakura: I'd go for below!
(Sasuke and the Grass Ninja stare at her)
Sakura: If I was the world's greatest slut, HAHAHAHAHA. Seriously, though, take off your pants.
Sasuke: Why is it that the bishonen in our series actually look like women? Seriously, they make bishonen in other series look like drag queens!
Bishonen from other anime: HEY!
Grass Ninja: You prey are too confident against the predator. But the predator will break your spirit.
Sasuke and Sakura: AAAH!
Sasuke: Wha-what manner of jutsu was that?
Grass Ninja: Foolish prey, that was no jutsu. It was a literary representation of a murderous glare!
Sasuke: That doesn't make any sense!
Grass Ninja: What, and everything else in this series does?
Naruto: Don't worry everyone; I'm here to save the day!
Sasuke: No Naruto! I'll give him the scroll!
Naruto: Him? Who's him? All I see is this woman!
Sasuke: We've already gone through this, Naruto!
Grass Ninja: I see. You plan to appease the predator by giving something precious to him? I mean me? How very typical of prey-
Sakura: Will you stop it with the whole predator/prey analogy already? What, did Viz Media write your lines or something?
Grass Ninja: No, the analogy is straight from the manga.
Sakura: Oh. Well that's okay then!
Sasuke: Wait, how does being from the manga make bad analogies okay?
Sakura: Oh I only thought it was bad because I thought it was from the dub. But it's okay if it's from the manga!
Naruto: Don't do it, Sasuke!
Sasuke: Shut up, Naruto! Appeasement stopped the Nazis and Mussolini in the Thirties, right? Right?
Naruto: Screw you, I'm taking it!
Sasuke: Naruto! What are you doing you idi-
(Naruto punches him)
Sakura: Well done Naruto for knocking some sense into him!
Naruto: No actually I punched him because I always wanted to do it. You had it coming, Sasuke! Now I guess it's up to me to fight the mysterious Grass Ninja-
(Grass Ninja knocks him away)
Naruto: -Ow…
Sakura: Naruto, stop trying to be the hero! Honestly, you've been more useless than me this whole arc! And that's saying something!
Sasuke: That's a little harsh, Sakura. No one is as useless as you.
Sakura: Well it's nice that you're-HEY!
Naruto/Kyuubi: I'm not quite done yet.
Sasuke and Sakura: Eh?
Grass Ninja: (So. The Kyuubi Jinchuuriki lives.)
Commentator: He's supposed to be dead?
Grass Ninja: Apparently.
Commentator: Is this a dubbing continuity error, like him apparently remembering a time when he was happy before all the persecution, suggesting that he was raised by someone who loved him when he was little?
Grass Ninja: No, it's in the manga and everything.
Commentator: Wow! I wonder what story is behind what Oro-
Grass Ninja: AHEM!
Commentator: Sorry. What the Grass Ninja just said!
Grass Ninja: (I see now. Whenever Naruto is apparently beaten and all hope is lost, his inner power emerges in deus ex machina fashion and defeats the villain with a 100% chance of victory. It's just like the spirit bomb at the end of every Dragonball Z movie or the Mega Sword in Power Rangers. The good season, not the later ones or the crappy sequels! Well, I just know how to deal with this!) FIVE PALM SEAL!
Naruto/Kyuubi: GAK!
Grass Ninja: (Heh heh. Bet Rita Repulsa never thought of stopping the Power Rangers from using the Mega Sword. That would have saved a lot of formulaic episodes every week!)
Commentator: Good grief, how many times has this poor boy been knocked unconscious already in this series?
No. Of Times That Naruto Has Been Knocked Unconscious: Five.
Commentator: Thank you!
Sasuke: Naruto's attempt to defeat you have encouraged me to attack you!
(Uses a fire jutsu aimed at the Grass Ninja)
Grass Ninja: Ohhhh sh-
BOOM
Sasuke: There! That's him taken care of!
Grass Ninja: Not quite.
Sasuke: Hey, what happened to your voice?
Grass Ninja: This is what I really sound like.
Sasuke: Wait, if that's your real voice then how come your thoughts sounded like the voice you just had?
Grass Ninja: To throw off anyone who could have possibly been listening to my thoughts.
Sasuke: Wait, who would-
(Grass Ninja pulls off face)
Sasuke: Gasp! It's Voldemort's Great, Great Grandfather or something!
Sakura: What, Salazar Slytherin? I thought he looks more like Wormtongue!
Grass Ninja: Actually, you're both half right. My name is Voldetongue! But you can call me Orochimaru.
Sasuke: What do you want, Voldetongue?
Orochimaru: I'm here for you, Sasuke.
Sasuke: EWW!
Orochimaru: (Groan) I hate 'Naruto the Abridged series'. No, I'm here to save your character!
Sasuke: …My character?
Orochimaru: At the moment you are a Rival type character, and it is the destiny of all Rivals to eventually be eclipsed by the Hero. Once that happens, they can never regain their position and no one takes them seriously. I however can change your fate. (Neck extends and Orochimaru bites Sasuke)
Sakura: What have you done to Sasuke?
Orochimaru: I have injected Sasuke with a venom that will corrupt his soul, and turn him to the dark side of Chakra. (Starts to sink in the ground) Eventually he will be drawn to me, and become my apprentice. Then he will try to kill and set up his own evil organisation dedicated to killing his brother, before joining a powerful organisation that will later serve as the main antagonists of the series, manoeuvring him to attack his own home village, and the entire process should be complete in about a hundred and fifty issues. (Sakura stares at him) Hey! It's a very slow acting poison!
Is Sasuke doomed to become a villain? Will Sakura prove herself as a useful character? And will Naruto stop getting knocked unconscious so frequently? Join us next time on 'Naruto Abridged (With Commentar-'
Commentator: Hey! Nameless Narrator Guy from 'Heroes Abridged'! This is MY territory! Go back to your own!
I don't want to. Besides I think I do a much better job concluding chapters than you.
Commentator: -That's it. (Takes out pen) You've just made my list! (Writes on piece of paper entitled 'Enemies', with 'Nameless Narrator Guy' at the bottom. On the list are names from 'One' to 'Five', 'Darren', 'The Lawyer', 'The Clock', 'The Ninth Layer', and 'The Writing Staff')
TO BE CONTINUED...
The views of Kurenai and the Commentator on 'Naruto The Abridged Series' do not reflect my own views. I have no desire in telling MasakoX and Vegeta3986 how to do a parody, and their latest video was funny.
However, it was not the best episode.
And the creators do go on about flashbacks a bit.
And there are a few obscure anime references that I never got.
And there are a lot of flaws or things to make fun of that I think they've missed out on.
Oh yeah and before I forget, the whole 'deja who' thing was adopted from a 'Casper' episode!