I do not own Naruto or anything related.
Commentator: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ………
Hey Com! Wake up!
Commentator: SPLUH- Huh? Anonymius! you're back! Where the Hell have you been?
Sorry Com, and everyone, I've been busy with work and bleach fan wikies and planning out Heroes and Jumper Commentaries and headaches. But I'm back now! You know how I don't like leaving anything unfinished!
Commentator: *Cough* Rider Saga *Cough*Epic of Mellegor *Cough* Nightwalker *Cough* Revenge of a Warrior-
Shut up!
Commentator: Sorry Anon! (Pats chest) Had bit of a cough spasm there.
Grrrr. Maybe you're right. Perhaps I should return writing original stuff and forget all about parodies?
Commentator: …WHOA WHOA WHOA! Let's not be hasty here! Think about your readers! You wouldn't want to be one of these people who creates something then leaves it unfinished, do you?
No of course not. Now then how about responding to a few reviews?
Commentator: I thought you'd never ask! Professor! Open the shoot! Professor?
Professor: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Commentator: WAKE UP!
WHACK
Professor: Ow! You didn't have to hit me, Sir! What's going on?
Commentator: Anonymius is back!
Professor: -For real? I thought he'd gave up on fanfiction.
Commentator: No, no, he just abandoned us so that he could write other fanfiction. Now how about opening that shoot?
Professor: The what now?
Commentator: Come on, Prof, it hasn't been THAT long!
Professor: I know, Sir. That was my attempt at humour.
(Opens the shoot. Three envelopes fall out.)
Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from jcogginsa:
lee is actually his first name,as the japanese put their surnames with futher ado-
Commentator: Wait, what-?
BANG
Professor and Sammy: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
Commentator: (Wipes soot from face), Yes, thank you for that guys. About Lee's name, Anonymius assumed that since in the U.S. version everyone's name is in the western order, and that Rock Lee's name in the U.S. version is 'Rock Lee', that Rock is his first name and Lee is his last. Of course, I'm not entirely sure what kind of name is 'Rock'.
Professor: Perhaps it is the same as calling someone 'Light'. People in Japan may not really think of the English meaning.
Commentator: I guess. So in western order it would actually be 'Lee Rock?' What kind of a last name is 'Rock'? Actually is it his last name or just a nickname? Well anyway, on to the next review. This is from Selena Antares:
Oh my gosh, this is great! I absolutely love Orochimaru's description of his poison, very original. Actually, I love basically every parody you've written, even the ones for series that I haven't actually watched. Oh... um... by the way, is it okay if I borrow the Commentator for a story I'm working on? I promise I'll give you credit and everything. Keep up-
Clock: TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK-
Commentator: Uh oh, we're running out of time! Again. So here's the next chapter, "Sakura Blossoms?"! (Unfortunately we couldn't put a question mark in the actual title since it wouldn't allow it)
Sakura: (Can't go to sleep. Must stay awake to protect Naruto and Sasuke)
Commentator: I fear you staying either awake or asleep won't make much of a difference.
Sakura: SHUT UP! The title of this chapter is 'Sakura Blossoms!'
Commentator: Actually it's 'Sakura Blossoms?', which suggests that-
Sakura: ZZZZZZZZZZ.
Commentator: Man. Everyone seems tired today!
Shut up!
Naruto: Man, that was a good nap!
Sakura: Naruto!
Sasuke: Sakura, you looked after and protected us? I think I love you! I want to marry you!
Orochimaru: And so the prey remain unaware that the predator is stalking them.
Commentator: What, are you, narrating an animal documentary, or something? Huh. Usually they would have responded right about now.
Sakura: (Oh no! Orochimaru's about to attack us! And I've lost my voice!)
Professor: Something's very perculiar about this scene.
Commentator: No kidding. What's with the man with the cheese?
Cheese man: I've made some room for the cheese slices!
Sakura: Oh, it was only a dream!
Naruto: Damnit! I was sure that I had woken up!
Sound Ninja: Hello there. We're here to kill Sasuke.
Sakura: Well I won't let you! I'll stop you!
Sound Ninja: HAHA! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Sakura: What, I'm serious! I can take all three of you-
Dosu: Oh STOP IT YOU'RE KILLING ME! Which is probably how you intended to fight us, right?
Sound Ninja: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
FIVE MINUTES LATER..
Sound Ninja: -HAHAHAHAHA-
Dosu: Okay, HA, okay –HA- I've got- a hold of myself. There. That was the most hilarious thing I've ever heard. Now then, where were we?
Lee: Hold it right there! I won't let you harm Sakura-chan!
Sakura: Lee? Why are you saving me?
Lee: Because I love you, Sakura, and I will protect you, even if I was to lose my life!
Sakura: But, we barely know each other!
Lee: Even if it were for an acquaintance, I'd still sacrifice my life.
Zaku: You're a fool to fight me. I can do things you've never even dreamed of.
Lee: Can you do more than spinning at a high velocity?
Zaku: -Well no-
Lee: Then don't utter complete crap like 'I can do things you've never even dreamed of'!
(After knocking out Lee, Zaku advances at Sakura)
Sakura: (All right! Time to defend and prove myself!)
Lee: (Appears out of nowhere) Don't worry, Sakura-Chan! I'll protect you!
Sakura: Lee, get out of the way! I had this one!
Lee: You can thank me all you want later-
Sakura: (Punches Lee) GET OUT OF MY WAY!
(Sends Lee rolling into the ground)
Zaku: Mwahaha! Now that your protector is out, there is no one who can protect you!
Sakura: I'm the one who knocked him out!
Ino: Don't worry! We're here to protect Team 7!
Sakura: WILL PEOPLE STOP COMING TO MY RESCUE?
Ino: Sorry Sakura, it's just that you suck at fighting.
Sakura: If I seem to suck, it's because over-zealous fighters like you always usurp the action!
Sakura: All right! Time to prove myself!
Sasuke: Don't worry Sakura! I'll protect you!
Sakura: Sasuke, I had this one!
Sasuke: You can thank me all you want later!
Sakura: For once will people let me fight my own battles?
Ino: Oh fine, we'll just stand over here in case you need us!
Sakura: That won't be necessary!
(Kin grabs Sakura by the hair)
Kin: Out of ideas yet, little girl?
Sakura: Well, there is one technique I can use. But it's so powerful that I can only use it once.
Kin: Oh, what is it? Is it the fainting no jutsu? Oh wait, that can't be it, you use that all the time! I've got it; it's the summoning log jutsu, isn't it?
Sakura: No.
Kin: -Well what is it?
Sakura: It's- (Cuts her hair) THE EPIPHANY NO JUTSU!
Kin: Oh! We're actually f****ked, aren't we?
Dosu: There is a slight possibility.
Sakura: Ever since the series began, I've always stood outside of the action, watching Naruto and Sasuke do all the work. Well not this time! This time- I shall become- USEFUL!
Zaku: You know what, she might just be able to pull it off!
Sakura: INFINITE SUBSTITUTION NO JUTSU!
Commentator: Where is she getting all those logs?
Zaku: Oh no! That's the real one! This looks like this is the end!
(Sakura bites Zaku's arm. Everyone stares. Zaku knocks her off)
Dosu: Dear God, woman, even when you've had an epiphany you're still completely useless! What does that say about you?
Kin: Seriously, it's characters like you that give shonen heroines a bad reputation!
Ino: Okay, now can we come to your rescue?
Sakura: No! I've got this!
Ino: Sakura, you were biting the man's arm for crying out loud, you're clearly bad at this!
Sakura: I said I've got this!
Ino: Come on Sakura, you-
Naruto: I can't believe it's already been the equivalent of three episodes and I'm still unconscious! I'm the main character, yet I'm out of it for most of the action?
Goku: Welcome to my world.
Sakura: Ino, I don't need any help-
Sasuke: AAAAAAH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'm waking up and joining the fight!
One EPIC FIGHT LATER
Sasuke: There. That wasn't so hard.
Chouji: Man, Naruto's still asleep. What should we do?
Shikamaru: I know! Let's be total jerks and hit him awake!
Chouji: Sweet!
Commentator: Ahem. Allow me to do the honours.
WHACK
Naruto: Ow, my head! And I didn't even use my catchphrase!
Professor: Hey, I thought your brother confiscated that mallet?
Commentator: What he doesn't know can't hurt him! Hey speaking of your catchphrase, Naruto, I haven't heard you use it in a while. What's up with that? Not that I'm complaining, I'm just curious.
Naruto: Oh ever since Sasuke made fun of my catchphrase I've lost any will to use it.
Commentator: -Sasuke achieved ridding the anime of your catchphrase with just making fun of it once what my constant whacking failed to achieve?
Professor: It appears that Sasuke has the same ability as Nathan Petrelli to completely change people with single horrid remarks.
Commentator: I thought his ability was to fly?
Professor: This is his other ability. I believe it's called the 'Altering Character's Personalities With Single Horrid Remarks No Jutsu'.
Naruto: What happened here?
Shikamaru: We could tell you, but it would be too complicated for you to understand!
Commentator: How complicated could it be to say 'Three Sound ninja attacked you and your team, and Lee and us came to your rescue?'
Shikamaru: (Shh! We're acting like total jerks!)
Chouji: Yeah! Naruto's a loser!
Commentator: Wow. You guys really are jerks. I mean what has Naruto ever done to you two?
Shikamaru: Hey, don't blame us! Blame our highly prejudicial parents whose prejudice we've inherited!
Commentator: Hey, their prejudice I can understand! You're just hating him for no reason!
Sakura: Well this was a good battle! Thanks to it, my confidence has been boosted and I have become less useless than before!
Ino: No, Sakura, you just went ahead and proved you're as useless as everyone thought!
Kiba: Hey, what's going on over there?
Shigure: Hah! You may think you're tough, Garra, but I've got news for you! I've been planning for this battle my whole life. I get the top scores on DDR!
Gaara: What.
Shigure: So no matter how much funk you have, you can't beat me!
Gaara: That's it. I've had it up to here with people mistaking me for Gaara of the Funk! DIE!
Shigure: GAK!
Random Grass Ninja 1: Oh no!
Random Grass Ninja 2: Shigure got killed by Gaara of the Funk!
Gaara: (Clutches head) I am not Gaara of the Funk!
Random Grass Ninjas: GAK!
Will Gaara's frustration at being confused with another parody character pose a threat to our heroes? Will Naruto ever gain the respect of his peers? And will Sakura finally become a useful character in a fight?
Commentator: Not for another hundred and seventy-nine episodes.
………..?
Commentator: Yeah, manga based anime does everything slow. Even when there's filler episodes involved.
…Ahem, join us next time on Naruto Abridged (With Commentary)!
P.S. I do not own the cheese man either!