A/N: This little one-shot was so fun to write! Focus is Rayne and ZW. Hope those that read take the time to review, because whilst I have this 3rd story (i.e. set of one-shots) all planned, I'm wondering if there is any point me writing/posting the 4th story that I had in mind for this series - did you all get bored of this?
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
5. Men and Women
"I ain't sayin' as I don't like you carin' so much, husband" said Zoe as she strode through the ship and straight into the galley where River and Jayne were sharing a meal, "but it don't change the fact I am going on this mission with the Captain" the warrior woman continued as her husband came hurrying in behind her, baby Alyssa held close in his arms.
"Zoe, you're a mother now!" he told her as if she didn't know, the other couples eyes flitting between the pair as they argued.
"As is River" pointed out Zoe as she poured herself a mug of coffee in the kitchen, "but you don't hear Jayne barking at her about sitting out of work" she waved a hand at the pair sat at the table, whilst her own husband took a seat opposite them.
"Hey, she's only comin' along to get in the fella's head, see if Mal can trust him" the merc pointed out, "She ain't gettin' into no fights, not in her condition" he said firmly.
Whilst River appreciated the fact her man would like to protect her and her unborn child, she was a little affronted by his tone and the way he seemed to feel the need to speak for her.
"Can speak for myself, Jayne-man!" she snapped, her eyes harsh as she glared at her husband.
"I know, bao-bei" he quickly defended himself, knowing her wrath was so not worth incurring, especially when she was all hormones and hollerin' of late, "I didn't mean nothin'..."
He stopped when she held up her hand to silence him, and scraped the chair against the floor as she got to her feet.
"Men are boobs" she said flatly as she passed Zoe, trading places with her in the kitchen.
"Couldn't agree more, mei mei" she agreed, looking towards Wash as she came to sit down at the table opposite her husband.
"Look, come on, Lamby-Toes" he sighed, not wanting this fight anymore than she did, and feeling just a little bad they seemed to have dragged River and Jayne into the furore too, "All I'm saying is maybe you want to keep yourself out of danger some now we have 'Lyssa to think of" he said, bouncing the baby in his arms, as he watched Zoe drink her coffee, "Maybe I could go with Mal..."
"You recall what happened the last time you did that?" she cut in, shooting him a look that you didn't want to mess with.
"Like I could forget" he rolled his eyes, shuddering involuntarily as he recalled the torture he'd taken at the hands of Adelai Niska.
Alyssa must have picked up on the tension in the room or the fear her father recalled all too clearly as she wriggled and cried some in his arms.
"Ssh, baby" her father tried to soothe her, hugging her close and whispering words of comfort that soon had her quiet again.
"See, you cope just fine" his wife noted, as she downed the rest of her hot drink, "You stay with the baby, I'll go out and shoot the bad guys"
"Oh, great plan" Wash all but yelled, indignant in the extreme, "Why don't you just cut off my jan-doh duh ee-kwai-ro altogether!" he declared as Zoe turned away.
"Why do men think they're superior just 'cause they got one of those?" she asked River as she moved through the room now, glaring daggers at Jayne on her way.
"Idiotic" she said simply, "After baby girl comes, I will fight again" she told them all, sitting down at the opposite end of the table from Jayne, "Back to back with sister in arms" she said proudly, sharing a near-triumphant smile with Zoe.
"The hell you will!" her husband all but exploded at that remark, fist slamming against the table, and startling poor Alyssa, though thankfully she didn't make too much noise about it, "And leave me holdin' the baby?"
"Sometimes, yes" River was definite in her response, and Wash could see this fight dividing the whole crew before the day was out, causing nothing but trouble and upset that no-one needed.
"Give it up, Jayne" he sighed, hoping to calm the merc down some before things were said that shouldn't be, "I don't think either of us are gonna win this one" he said, as he looked across at his wife who almost interceptibly shook her head in agreement of what he'd just said.
Wash knew he ought to have learnt by now not to argue with his wife on this subject or any other. She was almost always proved to be right. Plus, if he could stop Jayne getting into deeper trouble with River, he'd do it. After all, menfolk had to stick together on this boat. Unfortunately, it seemed Jayne would not be helped and Wash winced as he heard what the merc would say next.
"Where I come from" he muttered, getting up from the table to toss his eating things in the kitchen sink, "womenfolk raise young 'uns and clean house"
Zoe and River looked stunned at the implication, eyes going wide on both of them as they turned to glare at him.
"Oh, you start in on that and you won't have to worry about having no more kids, Jayne" said the warrior woman most definitely, and if'n she'd had a knife in her hand, the mercenary would've been mindful to cover himself.
"Affirmative" his wife confirmed as he looked at River, seeing the cold steel of her gaze, he knew what she meant too.
"Okay" laughed Wash nervously, "I just..."
"You too, says your lady's eyes" River told him, glancing from her fellow female to the Pilot and back.
The icy glares had not died down any when Kaylee entered the galley with a sunny smile that did not fit at all.
"Well, this ain't family fun" she said, happy expression wavering some when she realised the yelling she'd heard all too clearly from down the hall probably wasn't over yet, "Y'know, I don't see why you can't take turns bein' action heroes and parents both" she shook her head as she encouraged Jayne out of her way so she could get into the kitchen area, "Hell, I'll be happy to be fixin' Serenity's engine when I'm downright ready to pop even, Simon won't stop me neither..." she went on, mind really not on what she was admitting and to whom.
She stopped short, biting her lip the second her brain engaged, and she brought her head up from her would-be hiding place to peer over the counter top at her crewmates.
"Oops?" she offered when she realised they were all staring at her, surprised by the words she hadn't meant to let out.
"Understand now" said River, smiling widely as she moved to take her friends hands and stand her up straight, "Mixed signals, cross-wires. Not alone" she shook her head, still grinning, "You're carrying too"
"Er, might be, yeah" Kaylee giggled, knowing it was too late to take it back now and only hoping Simon wouldn't be mad their news came out this way, after all, she hadn't done it on purpose, just got carried away is all.
"Shiny" agreed Wash, "More kids to fight over" he said pointedly as Zoe looked his way, unable to keep from smiling when she saw his own grin.
A baby was all they'd wanted for so long, and they were so lucky and so happy to have Alyssa. They really shouldn't use her for an excuse to make arguments that they didn't want to have anyhow.
"Husband, if you thought this was a fight, then you don't remember what we was like before we was married" she reminded him, as he got up and rounded the table to stand beside her.
"Hmm, I remember when the fighting stopped" he said as they leant in for a kiss, mindful not to squash the wriggling child between them.
As Kaylee excused herself to go confess to Simon what she'd done, River moved to stand behind Jayne who was sat at the table again now.
"Disagreement is good for relationships" she explained as she leaned over him, arms around his neck as she whispered in his ear, "breaking up means making up" she reminded him with a giggle.
"Ain't gonna argue none with that" he grinned, as he turned around enough grab her and pull her into his lap, kissing her firmly on the lips.
In a moment, it was easy to forget there had been a fight here at all, such was the way with men and women in love.
The End