I do not own Naruto or anything re-wait, what, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Commentator: Nyeeheeheeheeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! How do you like my genetically altered strangling plant, Anonymius? Is it organic to your liking?
Sammy: But Boss! If it's been Genetically modified, then it isn't organic!
(The Commentator slaps him into a wall)
Professor: Sir! What have you done?
Commentator: This is payback for cutting me out of 'Doctor Who Abridged'! Did you really think you could cut me out? I'm the only reason your parodies don't suck like the rest! Me! The Commentator! No one would enjoy them as much if I weren't in them!
Sammy: I would!
(The Commentator slaps him into the wall again)
Commentator: Now then, (Sits on a throne) I am in command of Anonymius Productions now! And I'm going to make a few changes! First of all, I'm abolishing the stupid disclaiming everything we don't own that everyone knows we don't own! It's pointless, it's only done because people think that will excuse them from publishing copyrighted material online (Which it doesn't. You might as well be a thief, steal something, get caught and protest "I don't own this! This is the property of such and such!"), and it doesn't really apply here since we're not using the actual clips or dialogue, and if we really were doing something illegal, we would have had stuff taken off years ago. Now then, second change, I'm getting rid of the Clock.
(Minions chuck the Clock out of the window)
Clock: YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Plop).
Commentator: And you know what that means: UNLIMITED REVIEW SPECIAL! So Professor! Open the shoot!
(The Professor does so, and out pops five envelopes)
Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from MeCKumSOFT:
Just finished the latest chapter and I look forward to the next one.
Although.. one thing does bother me, the whole Sakura being useless - which I'll admit she is, 'til Shippuuden and even then just for one maybe two fights - but considering she had no unique skills (Kekkei Genkai / Good Jutsus) or a Jinchurriki, she's actually survived a lot and done her fair share.
True.
Professor: Our second review is from P5yCH0:
LOL, ROFL, then some more LOL.
Sorry for not being able to make more intelligent review, but my brain is still laughing.
That's okay. We still appreciate the not so intelligent reviews.
Sammy: Our third review is from Tentenperson-lonelygirl:
awsome dude XD well I like this better the Vegeta and Masako's even though you mention some things that they dont mention, they mention things that you dont say, etc. but whatever XD. and yet i still find things i can make fun of hehehe
Commentator: She thinks we're better than Vegeta3986 and MasakoX? OH YEAH! WE RULE! WE TOTALLY- wait a minute. We've missed out on things that could have been made fun of? That's impossible, we never miss out on anything, making fun of a series flaw forms the stable joke in our parodies!
Professor: This next review is from veteran veiwer jcogginsa:
anonymius,the clock that is supposed to keep Prof. and Com. from wasting time while they reply to reviews isn't don't you have some incentive to reply to all the reviews,like everytime they take to long,they get hit in the ** with lightning.
also,littlekuriboh made a naruto parody
Commentator: Well, Anonymius? What do you have to say for yourself?
MMMPHMMMPH!MMMMMMMMMPH!
Commentator: Oh what's that? Genetically modified plant got your tongue? Well hang on!
(Plant removes from my mouth)
I'd like to respond to every review I get, really I'd do, but I set myself a word limit so I don't go on for too long in fears of boring my readers by stalling the parody- Mmmphmmmph, MMMPHMMMPHMMMPHMMMPH!
Commentator: That's enough from you for now. And About your idea about strking people with lightning if they review goes on for too long, try to restrict what they want to say? We don't want to do that! Anyway our final review is from RuneKunaiV:
lol, the whole Kakashi-Orochimaru thing was cool. and Gaara of the-
(Tosses letter aside) You know what, we can skip that one!
Sammy: (Reading it) Why, Boss? It just talks about how Gaara of the Funk is cool and that he or she can't wait for the battle between him and Lee Rock.
(Sand suddenly appears)
Gaara: I AM NOT GAARA OF THE FUNK! (Starts to turn into Shukaku) I AM GAARA OF THE DESERT! GAARA OF THE FUNK IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PARODY CHARACTER!
Commentator: Yeah, we know, Gaara. Well that's everyone, and it only took about three hundred words extra! So here's the latest chapter: 'The Preliminaries, Part 2'!
Hayate: Next match: Sakura Vs Ino!
(Everyone bets on Ino)
Sakura: All right, it's time to prove to everyone once and for all that I'm not a useless character!
Naruto: Man, what a boring fight! It's almost as if they're not giving it their all!
Commentator: What are you talking about, Naruto, this match is perhaps the most interesting of them all!
Naruto: Say what?
Commentator: This one flows a lot better than the others!
Kakashi: The reason why it's so apparently boring is because they're not giving it their all. Having been best friends and all.
Commentator: These two bitter enemies were once best friends? What a cliche!
Ino: Hah! I've possessed you! Now to make you surrender!
Hayate: That doesn't really count, you know. Although you might have gotten away with it if you had kept your plan a secret.
Ino: Hey, what's that?
Inner Sakura: All those who have seen Inner Sakura must die! I shall draw you out, Ino, like poison from a wound!
Ino: This battle- is mine!
Commentator: I guess that makes Ino the first person to become aware of Inner Sakura!
Hayate: Winner, nobody!
Chouji: Aw, man! I lost all my money!
Shikamaru: Don't worry, we can get it back in the next match!
Sakura: I can't believe I lost again!
Naruto: Hey, it could have been worse!
Sakura: How?
Naruto: It could have been just you who lost instead of it being a tie!
Hayate: Next match: Naruto vs Kiba!
Commentator: Well this is an interesting match. It's the fox versus the hound.
Professor: That joke has already been made, I'm afraid.
Commentator: DAMN YOU, GBNFD!
Naruto: (Kiba. My old school bully.) Well I'm gonna beat you! Believe- Oof!
Everyone: HOORAY!
No. Of Times Naruto Has Been Knocked Unconscious: Five.
Naruto: Hah! I was only faking it! Okay, you can go back to four now.
No. Of Times Naruto Has Been Knocked Unconscious: Five.
Naruto: What the? But I just said I was faking it!
No. Of Times Naruto Has Been Knocked Unconscious: Sorry. If you're on the ground with your eyes closed, it counts.
Naruto: Ah, damnit!
Kiba: Okay then. It seems that you're going to be tougher to beat than I thought. Akamaru, I choose you!
Akamaru: Akamaru!
Naruto: Hey, did your dog just say his name?
Kiba: What are you talking about, Naruto?
Naruto: He just said 'Akamaru'!
Akamaru: Ruff!
No. of times Naruto has been knocked unconscious: Six.
Kiba: Great job, Akamaru! Ahahahaha-AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AKAMARU'S TURNED AGAINST ME! This never happened to Ash Ketchum!
Commentator: Actually it did. When he tried to hug his Charmeleon he tried to burn him. Then he went completely rebellious for no properly explained reason.
Ash: I don't get it! He always did what I said when he was a Charmander!
Brock: Maybe it's because you haven't gained enough badges to control a pokemon with as high experience as a Charmeleon.
Misty: But our series has completely diverged from the game! I think it's because you didn't show respect to Charmeleon, so he isn't showing respect to you.
Ash: When did I disrespect him?
Old Woman: AHAHAHA! Fool! Don't you know? The second stage of Pokemon evolution is the equivalent to adolescene!
Ash: (With dramatic colours in the background) AAAAAAAH!
Brock: No! You don't mean-?
Misty: No! It can't be-?
Old Woman: I'm afraid so. Your pokemon has become- A TEENAGER!
(Everyone gives horrified stares to Charmeleon)
A.D.: Oh, so THAT explains him rebelling for no reason!
BOM BOM BOM CH
A.D.: And there was me thinking it was the work of an evil genius who turns the strongest pokemon of any trainer against them out of revenge for being disqualified, or that it was a rocket who used psychic powers to turn him against Ash out of revenge for being defeated or that the rebellious Charmeleon/Charizard was actually the said rocket who had kidnapped the real Charmander out of revenge for being defeated.
(Everyone stares at him)
A.D.: What, I'm imaginative!
Old Woman: But don't worry about it! It's just a phase, he'll grow out of it by the time he's a Charlizard!
Commentator: Wait a minute! Something was wrong with that clip!
Sammy: I know! I don't remember any of them eating ice cream at the end!
Commentator: …Ice…cream…when…?
Kiba: Et tu, Akamaru?
Akamaru: HAHA! FOOLED YAH!
(Transforms back into Naruto)
Kiba: What the-? You- you can perform the henge no jutsu? You've never been able to perform the henge no jutsu correctly! I mean I know you could transform into that woman but this is completely different! Somehow.
Naruto: Hah! Little did you know that I deliberately messed up in class!
Kiba: …Why would you want to do that?
Naruto: Because no one pays attention to the good student.
Kiba: What the Hell are you talking about, people admire the good student, just look at Sasuke-
Naruto: Yes, this has already been pointed out to me, SHUT UP!
Sakura: I don't get it! Why doesn't Naruto just use the Shadow Clone Jutsu to defeat Kiba, he could easily beat him if he did that!
Kakashi: Apparently Naruto thinks more than one opponent in this type of battle is unfair.
Sakura: But, we're ninjas! We don't play fair! How could he dismiss the one jutsu he's good at? Without it he's as useless as me!
Kakashi: Don't exaggerate Sakura. No one is as useless as you.
Sakura: (In tears) YOU'RE MEAN!
Kiba: Haha! You were always a loser, Naruto!
Hinata: (You're wrong, Kiba. Naruto has always had the best potential out of all of us, but no one ever gave him a chance!)
Professor: Rather like how no one gives filler episodes a chance.
BOM BOM BOM CH
Kiba: Stay down! Stay down! Goddamnit, why won't you stay down! Seriously, you're surprisingly difficult to beat!
Naruto: Anime Manga law: In order to fill the required time for the episodes, scenes from the manga must be extended.
Kiba: Oh I'm not gonna stand for that! YOU DIE NOW!
Hayate: Winner, Naruto!
Commentator: You're kidding!
Hayate: Say wha?
Commentator: You can't let him win just because he farted! He can't win like that! I DEMAND A REMATCH!
Professor: But Sir, I thought you wanted Naruto to win?
Commentator: Not like this! I wanted him to win out of his own skill and strength, not because he happened to fart in the face of someone with an acute sense of smell!
Hayate: Sorry. The rules allow defeat if farted in the face and you're overwhelmed because you've got a high sense of smell.
Commentator: YOU'VE GOTTA BE S******G ME?
Sammy: No, but Naruto almost did on Kiba.
Commentator: The main character can't win out of pure luck!
Hayate: Apparently luck is an important strength in a ninja.
Commentator: That's just something Kakashi told Guy in order to talk him out of a proper battle!
Hayate: Sorry. The results stays.
(The Commentator grumbles).
Neiji: I will beat you. No offence, Big Sister.
Hinata: None at all, Little Brother.
Naruto: Wait! Those two are brother and sister? WHAT A TWIST!
Sakura: Not really. I mean they do have the same type of eyes after all!
Kakashi: Actually they're not brother and sister at all. They are part of the same family though. Hinata's from the head family whereas Neiji's from the not head family.
Naruto: What do you mean by Head?
Kakashi: Essentially the nuclear family whose head becomes the head by being the eldest who rules those outside the nuclear family.
Naruto: Oh. Right. That was actually phrased better than in the real series.
Neji: Now, Hinata I shall weaken you first. DISCOURAGING MONOLOGUE NO JUTSU! (Excellent. I can see her will level dropping!)
Naruto: ENCOURAGING SPEECH NO JUTSU!
Neiji: (What the-? No! Impossible! Now its reaching a higher level than ever before)
Hinata: All my life, I have felt useless. Well not this time! This time, I shall become: Use-
(Neiji sends her flying across the room.)
Hayate: Neiji wins.
Naruto: Wow. Epiphanies really don't work in this series, do they?
Later it is Lee and Gaara's fight.
Kakashi: Hey, this isn't right! Where's the DDR battle? And Lee, what happened to your accent?
Lee: What accent?
Kakashi: You're supposed to say 'Eh' at the end of every sentence, like all Canadians apparently do!
Naruto: Don't mind Kakashi. He keeps confusing this series with 'Naruto The Abridged Series'.
Gaara: Well I mind! I mind a lot! (That does it. This guy's on my list!)
Lee: Why do you mind having a DDR battle Gaara…OF THE FUNK?
(Silence)
Lee: Hey, why is there no jingle?
Gaara: That does it you are so dead!
(Crushes Lee's arm and leg)
Lee: AAAAAAAAH!
Hayate: Gaara wins. And that's everyone!
Zaku, Shino, Kin, Shikamaru, Temari, Tenten, Dosu and Chouji: WHAT ABOUT US?
Hayate: Your fights were deemed incapable of humour.
Zaku, Shino, Kin, Shikamaru, Temari, Tenten, Dosu and Chouji: MASAKOX AND VEGETA 5986 SEEMED TO MANAGE!
Hayate: And trying to copy them would be very wrong. You should take it as a compliment, it means that there was nothing wrong with your fights!
Naruto: Hey, whatever happened to Kabuto?
Kabuto: Sorry, Orochimaru! They somehow found out that I was a spy, so I had to get away! No doubt it must have been due to Kakashi's greating deducting abilities!
Orochimaru: Er, yes.
Kabuot: Why are your eyes shifting from side to side?
And so ends the preliminaries. Stay tune for the retelling of the three months the finalists spend training, next time on 'Naruto Abridged (With Commentary)'!
Commentator: So Sammy! How much has Anonymius abridged compared to Masako and Vegeta at this point?
Sammy: Well Boss, MasakoX Vegeta6986 abridged 3 and a half episodes, but Anonymius abridged nine and a half!
(The Commentator's jaw drops)
Commentator: (Damnit. That gives him another instalment ahead of the others. Still, he needs one more in order for the Professor to win the bet! MWAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!)
Professor: (Whispers) Oh and P.S., Anonymius doesn't own anything Pokemon related either-
Commentator: Prof, are you disclaiming what doesn't need to be disclaimed?
Professor: No Sir!