I do not own 'Naruto' or anything related.
Sammy: Hey Prof! Where's the Boss?
Professor: He's currently undergoing a metamorphosis.
(Gestures to the giant egg on the throne)
Sammy: Say wha?
Professor: Well his term to remain in canary form is up, so he's just going through a metamorphosis to revert back into his true form.
(The egg starts to crack)
Professor: Oo it looks like it's starting to finish.
( A hand, another hand, a leg and another leg smash out of the shell. Then it explodes from electrical energy)
Commentator: I HAVE RETUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNED!
Sammy: Oh goodie! Er, where have you been?
(The Commentator knocks Sammy into a wall)
Sammy: Hooray! Everything's back to normal!
Commentator: Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too evil again! For now on, I'll just be me!
Professor: Er, could you perhaps be a little less evil than that?
Commentator: Nope. Now to celebrate my freedom from that canary form, let's read some reviews!
Professor: Righteo, Sir, here's today 's lot.
Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from Master Hut:
lolz narutos lines on his face kept dissapearing! and for some reason everytime the commentator annouces what happens in the fights i say ACTION REPLAY! in a deep voice but i guess thats just me being random. yeah...well great chapter! cant wait for the next installment of naruto abridged!
Commentator: Neither could we, Master Hut. Neither could we.
Professor: Our second review is from Jcogginsa:
goku did win a tournement.
Commentator: We're well aware of this fact. Our point was not that main characters in manga and anime never win tournaments, it was that being a main character doesn't necessarily assure you of victory. Unless you're Yugi Moto who is king of games and therefore losing would contradict his character, except that one time in 'Waking the Dragons' arc where the Pharoah did contradict character.
Sammy: Our third review is from Haruko Kurimasu:
WHOA! It's like hearing the commentary for a hockey game! The Commentator must've been really into it, because he didn't seem that bothered that his Review Special was cancelled!
Commentator: Ah yes, that. Well, originally, given that it was a special and we were commentating on the tournament rather than the episodes, Itachi and Kisame were supposed to respond to reviews instead. We had the idea of the reviews being accidentally sent to them rather than to us and that I'd be all huffed about getting no reviews apparently. Of course none of that matters since we didn't get reviews anyway. HAH! Another review special done under five hundred words without being interrupted by the Clock! Well there's me done ranting, so enjoy the next chapter, "The Invasion of Konoha, Part One"!
Meanwhile, before the end of the Tournament, Sound and Sand ninja had gathered to perform a dastardly plot, and end up arguing.
Sound Ninja: Hey! At least we actually LOOK like ninjas!
Sand Ninja: Sniff! That hurt!
Sound Ninja: -I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean it-
Sand Ninja: That was completely uncalled for!
Sound Ninja: I know, man! I'm sorry!
Sound Ninja: Come. (Leaps into the air) We must fly!
Sound Ninja 2: Fly!
Sound Ninja 3: Fly!
Sound Ninja 4:Fly!
Sound Ninja 2: Hey, how come we're not falling?
Sound Ninja 3: Small world means low gravity, remember?
Kabuto: Now for no reason at all, I, Kabuto, who have somehow come across this ANBU uniform, will heal Hinata for no adequately explored reason, an action that completely contradicts my character.
Kiba: Hold the letter! You're Kabuto!
Kabuto: Ah. I really shouldn't speak my thoughts outloud.
Kabuto: HAH! They've been disabled, even though I didn't do anything to Akumaru, but has passed out anyway.
Just before the invasion begins, Kabuto gives a few tips to the Sound Ninja.
Kabuto: Now whatever you do, do NOT underestimate Naruto Uzumaki!
Sound Ninja: Because of the Nine Tails he carries?
Kabuto: Because every opponent who ever underestimated him ended up being defeated.
When the Sound and Sand ninja attack, Kakashi finds that Sakura is the only one who's awake. Giving her a mission to track down Sasuke, he summons his ninja dog Pakin to help her.
Pakin: What? Whadda you want?
Sakura: Shouldn't I be more shocked that there's a talking dog?
Later that day Sakura uses her powers to wake up Naruto (Who has been now unconscious for the tenth time), and discovers that Shikamaru is already awake.
Sakura: Come on! We have to help Sasuke!
Shikamaru: Here's an idea. Why don't you wake everyone up so we can all go?
Sakura: Er, because Ninjas work best in teams of four?
Shikamaru: -OH! Right! Heheh. That does make a lot of sense.
Naruto: Man. I thought you were supposed to be a strategic genius-
Shikamaru: SHUT UP!
Orochimaru: The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the genin, now I am the kage.
Third: Only the kage of snakes, Orochimaru.
Orochimaru: We'll see about that! Resurrection no Jutsu! You see, Sarutobi? I have the power to raise and command the dead!
Third: You can command the dead? (Groan) I should have expected this from a Michael Jackson look-alike.
Orochimaru: WAIT, WHAT?
Third: Oh you are, Voldetongue! You even like him have hit fifty yet you don't look it! Plus you both look e-
Orochimaru: DUDE!
Third: What?
Orochimaru: The man just recently died, show him some respect!
Third: Oh very well. At least I didn't make any slanderous paedophile jokes.
Orochimaru: True. Now watch as I randomly take off my face!
Third: GASP! It can't be! You're-you're-
Orochimaru: Yes.
Third: HULK HOGAN!
Orochimaru: Yes I'm Hulk Hogan WAIT WHAT NO, NO I'M NOT! Hold on. (Tears off face)
Third: Gasp! YOU'RE BEN AFFLICK, I never would have guessed!
Orochimaru: What that isn't right either! Look, stop me when I get to a girl.
Third: Right, you're there!
Orochimaru: Good.
Third: I mean, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, mysterious girl who has the exact same powers, personality and memories of Voldetongue?
Orochimaru: Sorry, that was a bit random, wasn't it? It's me. Orochimaru. Bascially I've perfected an immortality jutsu where I take over other people's bodies.
Third: And out of all the bodies in the world, you chose a little girl's? Why?????? Why couldn't you have just split your soul like a normal villain?
Orochimaru: Duh, splitting your soul doesn't make you immortal! All it does is weaken your health and lessen your consciousness.
Third: Eh?
Orochimaru: Hello? The soul's your life force and your consciousness? You don't really think that all that happens when splitting it is lessen your conscience and turn you into a monster did you?
Third: Apparently. Well, on a different topic. I know how to defeat you.
Orochimaru: How is that?
Third: Behold! I have summoned: THE REAPER!
Orochimaru: Don't you mean the god of death?
Third: No, I mean the Reaper. Anyway it doesn't really make much of a difference, does it? I mean shinigami are basically Japanese Grim Reapers.
Orochimaru: I guess.
(The Reaper devours the First and Second Hokages)
Reaper: Mmm. First and Second Hokages. (Druels)
Third: This is the very jutsu that the Fourth used to seal the Nine-Tails.
Orochimaru: Okay, hold it, that just brings up so many questions I don't know where to start.
Third: Try me.
Orochimaru: Okay, first of all why didn't the Fourth seal the fox with him instead of in some apparent poor innocent bystander? And secondly ff you can seal people in shadow clones then why didn't he sacrifice a clone instead of himself?
Third: Okay, to answer your first question, I'm sure he had a good reason for sealing it in someone who was alive rather than himself who was fated to die. And to answer your second, maybe you need to sacrifice at least yourself to perform the jutsu? Well anyway, BE SEALED!
Orochimaru: Never!
And so the Third and Orochimaru struggle. Meanwhile while searching for Sasuke, Pakin has said something to Sakura that has quite distressed her.
Sakura: I smell like a dog. (Turns into a spectre and floats away) I smell like a dog. I smell like a dog.
Naruto: (After her), HEY, SAKURA! IT'S 'YOU SHARE THE SAME SHAMPOO AS A DOG', NOT THAT YOU SMELL LIKE ONE!
Meanwhile Sasuke battles Gaara.
Gaara: Now I think for no reason at all I shall have a flashback in order to explain my character. When I was growing up, much was expected of me. Already Vegeta4986 and MasakoX had produced their parody version of Gaara, so much was expected of me to be as unique and funny as possible. However, then idiots on Youtube created their own Shippuden abridged series and instead of coming up with their own takes on Gaara decided to shamelessly rip off on Vegeta's one instead. And so, everyone now expected me to be just as funky as Gaara of the Funk.
Ninja 1: Hey Gaara of the Funk! Why doesn't everything change colour when someone says your name?
Ninja 2: Hey Gaara of The Funk! Do you have any tips on how to play DDR?
Ninja 3: Hey Gaara of The Funk! Could you teach me in the ways of the Funk?
Gaara: Eventually all these confusions with another parody character drove me mad, and I swore that when I was popular enough, I would exact my revenge on all who made my life miserable! Oh yes and my uncle tried to kill me then he disappeared along with the ground he was laying on. I suspect aliens were behind it. Now then, DIE!
Fortunately, however, Naruto and co. arrive on the scene!
Naruto: Gamabunta, I choose you!
(Psyduck appears)
Psyduck: Psyyyy?
Naruto: What? Psyduck, what are you doing here?
Psyduck: Psyaiyai?
Naruto: I so did not summon you!
Temari: (Impressive. He summoned a character from a whole other anime!)
Gaara: Sandstorm no Jutsu!
(Blows Naruto and Psyduck away)
Psyduck: PSYAIYAIIIIIIIIIIII!
Sakura: Don't worry, guys, I'll defeat Gaara of the Funk-AH!
Gaara: After I kill this girl, I'm going to kill everyone in this world who mistook me for Gaara of the Funk. Then I'm going to kill everyone in the real world who expected everyone to have their own Gaara of the Funk. Then I'm going to kill the abridgers who made it okay to rip off Gaara of the Funk, and then, I'm going to kill Vegeta5986 and MasakoX for creating the character in the first place!
Naruto: Okay, that's it; you've just crossed the line! No one threatens Vegeta9639 and Masko-
Commentator: 3986! IT'S 3986!
Naruto: Oh how is anyone supposed to remember those numbers?
Fuelled by rage, Naruto defeats Gaara.
Gaara: (Damn. I underestimated him, and ended up defeated)
Commentator: Yes, villains have a knack of doing that. He's like Columbo. You don't take him seriously, and by the time you do, it's too late.
Gaara: Well, I'm not gonna let this happen! SHUKAKU NO JUTSU!
Naruto: Wh-what is that?
Professor: It appears that Gaara has transformed himself into a giant raccoon dog made of sand.
Commentator: …..I thought I recognised that hand. That Gaara…HE'S THE HOST OF THE MUTANT SHUKAKU!
(DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUUUUM!)
Professor: -The what now?
Commentator: The Mutant Shukaku. The Nine Tails wasn't the only one I experimented on. I captured like nine of the strongest pokemon that weren't of legendary status and tested on them, hoping to create super soldiers. Unfortunately, due to the 'incident', they all mutated and ran amok.
Sammy: The Incident? You mean the time when some scientist on a lost island drilled into its core hoping to acquire its magnetic power then it all went horribly wrong and started to pull everything magnetic towards the place where he burst the pocket?
(The Commentator stares at Sammy. Then he whacks him with a baseball bat into the air)
Sammy: LOOKS LIKE SAMMY THE SLUG IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN! TWINKLE.
Professor: Sir, I've never even heard of a pokemon called Shukaku.
Commentator: Oh yes, it was an extremely rare ground slash rock type pokemon, the last of its kind, there's no chance of anyone finding it in the pokemon world now.
Professor: That seems kinda convenient.
Commentator: Hey it's not my fault that out of all the mythological creatures that Satoshi whathisname based his pokemon on he happened to leave out the animal whose popularity rivalled the fox!
Professor: Sir will you stop trying to make yourself the cause of everything?
Commentator: Sorry Prof, you know one of my earliest functions was to be the cause behind all wrongdoing!
Naruto: I don't know what you guys are talking about, but right now I don't care! GAMABUNTA, I CHOOSE YOU!
Gamabunta: GAMABUNTA!
Can Naruto defeat Gaara? Will the Third Hokage seal Orochimaru? Will the characters EVER get Vegeta3986's name right? Join us next time for the exciting conclusion of 'Naruto Abridged (With Commentary): The Chuunin Exams'!
Commentator: So Sam, how well has Anonymius done abridging compared to MasakoX and Vegeta3986? Sam? Sammy? Hey Prof, where's Sam?
Professor: You hit him with a baseball bat, remember?
Commentator: You mean he hasn't come back yet?
Professor: (Looking through telescope) No, he's just entered the vacuum of space.
Sammy: (Flying through the vacuum of space) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Nearby Flying Saucer: Ooooooo. Bizarre.