CHAPTER II

Getting Acquainted

Tuesday, September 23, 2008... 10:15am

The interviewer – a nameless man in a nondescript black suit – crumpled to the ground without a peep, his face frozen in a strange mixture of horror and amazement. The full body bind would ensure his silence as well as an inability to give chase. Squelching the uneasy feeling developing in the pit of her stomach, Agatha armed herself with a few standard stealth spells before slipping out of the room with a muttered 'alohomora'.

"Please state your name for the record."

"Agatha Lynn Thomas."

"And what is your occupation, Agatha?"

"I'm a detective for the Tranquility police department."

"Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself."

"Just ask your questions. This isn't a video submission for 'The Bachelor'."

Her footsteps were muted by magic as she sprinted across the catwalk. The pair of soldiers milling around at the bottom of the stairs never knew what was coming. Two body-binding curses were thrown at them in rapid succession. Their guns dropped to the ground next to them with a clatter.

"All right, detective, calm down. We'll start off with where you grew up. Can you tell us about your childhood?"

"Yes, I can."

"Okay, Thomas... would you please tell us about your childhood?"

"Sure. What do you want to know?"

"Detective. The better you cooperate with me, the sooner this interview is over. Now, please..."

"Fine. I was born on January 1, 1976. My family has lived in or outside of Tranquility for my entire life. I went through the public school system. Anything else you wanna know?"

And there it was – another mechanical monster, just like Witwicky's Camaro. Seeing the Hummer as soon as she rounded the corner had pins prickling up and down her arms, but the moment it just stood up and unfolded into a bipedal masterpiece of machinery chilled her to the bone. It wasn't magic – she didn't know what it was, and that was probably the thing that scared her most.

"What schools in particular did you attend?"

"Emerson Elementary, Tranquility Junior High, and then Tranquility Senior High."

"Any extracurricular activities?"

"I fail to see what recreational sports have to do with this discussion." It was an answer, albeit a very indirect one.

"Just answer the question, detective."

"Look, if my childhood is a matter of national security, this government is way more fucked up than I thought it was. I refuse to say anything else until I speak with my superiors."

Without stopping to think, Agatha summoned the most powerful Light spell she knew and cast it at what she assumed to be the giant's ankle. A silvery figure streaked out from the tip of her wand with a roar; once, twice, three times her tiger patronus struck at the machine, but nothing happened.

"Your superiors already know about your containment. You have been temporarily suspended from duty."

"What! You've got to be kidding!"

"My people contacted the department – "

"You fucking bastard, you're bluffing – "

"Would you like to contact Sergeant Dogwood and ask him yourself?"

"...no."

Great booming footsteps rattled her. Again and again the tiger lashed out, but to no avail. She was surrounded on all sides by looming mechanical monsters. Hexes and jinxes did absolutely nothing to damage them. Knocking out the interviewer and the two soldiers had been bad enough without throwing any illegal spells into the mix. The boy – Sam – walked slowly toward her from between the ankles of the big blue and red one, his hands held up in the universal sign of peace. Agatha knew she didn't stand a chance; she surrendered.

"Can you tell me what this is?"

"It looks like a stick."

"Yes, but I think one would be hard-pressed to find a stick nearly as perfect as this when wandering through the woods. Please, detective... I'm not stupid. What is this?"

"It could be a baton."

"I know you know what this. Now, I'm losing my patience with you. This is the last time I'll ask nicely – what is this?"

"PETRIFICUS TOTALIS!"