Chapter 15: Make You Happy
"Welcome to my humble abode." I say and throw the door to my apartment open. I bow and throw my arm out to the entrance, gesturing for Santana to enter. I hear a little giggle and look up to see Santana holding her right hand over her mouth. "What?"
"I've been here before." She giggles some more. "And you're a dork." Santana steps past me and into the apartment. "But it's cute, charming even." She says without turning around.
I follow her in with a shy smile on my face. She thinks I'm cute. I shut the door behind me and shuffle my shoes off. Santana is already sitting, across the room, on the couch, petting Lord Tubbington.
From here I can see him blink lazily at her. I'm sure he was probably sleeping on the couch when Santana went over there and sat down next to him.
I slip through the apartment to the kitchen and grab two bottles of water before going to sit next to Santana on the couch. Lord Tubbington is on one end and I am on the other with Santana on the middle cushion in between us.
"So, did it hurt?" I have been thinking about everything that Santana told me. My first questions are about her hand. After that more about the details of what happened when she returned home from my place last Saturday night. And then I want to know what she did the rest of the week and why I didn't hear from her.
I know I shouldn't let this sort of behavior continue but there's something in me that just can't help it. I have this confidence in Santana. I believe that she is misunderstood by a lot of people in her life. She needs someone to believe in her and I feel like I'm that person. I understand people and I understand her.
"Like a bitch. I thought I could tough it out, ya know. I went to bed that night and thought 'it will feel better in the morning'. But, it was quite the opposite. It hurt even more in the morning. See this bone right here." She points down to her right hand with the tip of her fingers on her left. "On the x-ray it was over here. Out of place. I even cringed when I saw it. But, yeah, it fucking hurt. It didn't help when the doctor was prodding at it with his man hands."
"And your hand doesn't hurt now?" I want to make sure. I know she said that the doctor gave her some pain killers but I guess I just don't want her to be in any pain.
"Not really." She shrugs. "If anything, it's just a dull ache. But, already, I can tell with each day that passes that it doesn't hurt as much, even with the drugs."
"Good." I have to look down at the casted hand that is in her lap. "I wouldn't want you to be in any pain." I feel a little shy saying something like that, but it's the honestly to god truth. I can't look at her so I change the subject. Sort of. "What about the wall? Is there still a Santana fist shaped hole in the wall?"
Santana laughs and I look up. That big smile is gracing her face again and damn is it so good to see. So beautiful. "No. The day after my surgery a repair man came and fixed it. Actually you might know him."
"What? Who?" She lost me there.
"The repair man."
"Oh?" I tilt my head to the side.
"Yeah, um, so my mother told me that I had to pay for the damage and call a repair man. So, I got the phone book out and looked over all the repair and handy man services. I called one up and they said someone would be over in the afternoon. I waited and waited and then this guy showed up at my front door."
She looks at me. All over my face and then smiles again. "He seemed oddly familiar or I should say looked oddly familiar. It was when he introduced myself that I knew who he was. Blue eyes, a warm welcoming smile, dirty blonde hair. Sounds familiar?" I shake my head. A lot of people look like that. "A tiny little scar under his left eye." Santana adds on.
Realization hits me and I jump up from my seat and turn to stand in front of Santana. "No way?"
"Yes way." She grins up at me. Her casted hand reaches out and grabs mine. I think my heart skips a beat or two or twenty. "Sit." She asks or says. I do either way.
Santana lets go of my hand as I sit back down. "But, he didn't say anything about it. I mean my dad knows who you are, he's seen you in the bar. Why didn't my dad say that he came and fixed your wall?"
"Because I asked him not to say anything. I said that I wanted to talk to you first and asked if he wouldn't say anything about the hole in the wall or this." She lift her left hand from her lap and sets it on my right thigh.
"Oh." I breathe out.
There is silence for a few moments. I am processing this new piece of information. My dad knew. Maybe he didn't know the details but he knew something. He knew more than I did. "Why didn't you call me or come see me then?" That's the next thing that pops into my head. If she didn't want my dad to say anything and wanted to talk to me herself why did she wait so long.
"I-I didn't want to call. I mean, I did, but this conversation- I felt needed to happen in person. But, like most things in my life I was avoiding having it. I wasn't avoiding you, well, technically, I was. But that was because of this conversation."
"That doesn't make much sense."
"Yeah, it does. But, it doesn't matter. I should have came to see you sooner. It's not like I don't know where to find you. I was just really embarrassed I think. Or ashamed. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to have to tell you what I did. I don't. And I still don't know how you feel about it." She's talking really fast.
"What do you mean?" I'm confused as to what she means. "How I feel about what?"
"About what I did." Santana ducks her chin to her chest. "I punched a wall Brittany. That's not- that's scary."
"Scary?"
"Yeah. Scary." She says again. Slow, very slowly I watch as she lifts her head and looks over at me with big scared eyes. "It could have easily been a person. That wall could have been anyone. It could have been my mother. It could have been someone else. It's scary that I didn't even think twice before I did it. I had no control over my actions in that moment and that's scary."
"Hmm." I hum. I guess she is right. That is a little scary but- "I'm not scared or afraid of you Santana. If that's what your thinking. " I think that's what she was really getting at and she needs to hear me say that. That I'm not afraid of her or what she did. "I know you'd never punch anybody."
"You can't know that, Brittany." She grumbles and ducks her head again.
"But I do. You had a moment of weakness brought on by anger and frustration and you had to take your aggression out somewhere, somehow. But I think- no, I know, that you won't ever be doing something like that again. I think the proof is right here." I tap the hard material that covers her hand. "You and this cast on your hand. Proof that this won't happen again. You have learned from this. I can see that already." I rest my right hand on top of her hand on my thigh.
She lets out a big sigh. I lean forward and grab one of the bottles of water off the coffee table and open it. "Here." I hold the water out for her and Santana takes it and gives me a small smile in thanks and then takes a big gulp of it. She downs nearly half the water bottle before handing it back to me. "Wow, someone was thirsty." I chuckle a little.
"I'm nervous." She admits in a small voice.
"Don't be. So, other than hanging out with my dad on Tuesday afternoon, what did you do the rest of the week?" I joke trying to lighten the mood.
She shrugs again. "Not much. I stayed home from work Tuesday and Wednesday and then on Thursday I went back. That was a huge mistake though. Everyone was asking me what happened and I really didn't want to talk about it so I lied. I told all my co-workers that I slipped and fell in the shower."
"Santana." It comes out before I can stop it. She turns to look at me and I feel my eyes widen. "Sorry." I whisper.
"No. I probably deserved that. I need someone to call me out on my shit." Her fingertips are doing this little dance on my leg and it's hella distracting.
"Okay. Go on." I am in a trance or something. I don't think I am blinking. Just staring at her. Her fingers bouncing nervously on my leg. It's putting my senses into overdrive. I am listening though. I hear every single word that she says.
"I went back to work on Thursday and lied to my co-workers. I worked Thursday and Friday but it was so hard. I'm left handed as you may or may not kn-"
I cut her off. "I know." I smirk at her and she smiles back.
"Right. So, it's not too easy to do anything with a cast on my dominant hand. Work was a disaster. I can barely write anything and typing on the computer has turned into pecking one key at a time. What a pain in the ass. I was pretty much fed up and exhausted at the end of the day so I just went home ate dinner and went to bed."
"Really?" I don't know why that surprises me.
"Yeah. I know. The best part is that my mother can't say any crap about me. I have been home every night for a week. Well, with the exception of right now. But, I told her where I was going and that I would be home by midnight. She hasn't even bitched at me all week."
"Progress." This is the best news I've heard today. Santana and her mom actually living and cohabitating together in relative peace.
She laughs. "I know. It's crazy. But, that's how all this started so-"
"Right. That must have been one hell of a fight."
"I did punch a wall and break my hand so..."
We both laughs. It's not really something to be laughing at but it is kind of funny, in a way.
I don't know when or how it happened, but at some point Santana must have turned her hand over and now my palm rests in hers. Well, not actually. More like my hand is holding her cast covered hand. Her fingertips wrapping around and gripping onto my hand as best as they can.
"I didn't know that your mom thought about you like that. I am just getting to know you, but I don't think that she's right in what she is doing or saying to you, about you. Please, don't take any offense, but the first couple of times I saw you, the first couple of times you came into the bar, you weren't the nicest and you drank yourself into oblivion, but your not a bad person Santana. But, from what I know now- now I know the reason behind your actions- your not a bad person and nothing you do is bad. Drinking a ton isn't good but-" I trail off because I know I am rambling. I realize I am staring down on our hands, and when I do, I look up to her.
Santana's lips are curled in a shy smile. A light blush dusts her cheeks. She looks at me with soft, big, brown eyes. Content would be a word to describe her right now, or maybe happy works, too.
"What?" I ask after a few seconds of silence and her just looking at me.
"Nothing." She says. "You're just- you're- I don't even know." She sighs.
"Umm, okay." I mumble unintelligibly.
"You're like the nicest person I've ever met. Have I ever told you that?" Santana whispers and rests her head on my shoulder. Wow. Just wow. That's all I can think, right now.
"Yeah, actually you have." I whisper back. I don't know why we are whispering. "And, thank you."
We fall into a gap of silence and I just sit and take in the atmosphere. The room is quiet, but at the same time buzzing. Santana's hand in mine and her head on my shoulder. It's quiet, and peaceful, and I couldn't be happier, right now.
A lot has happened in the last few hours, and it's a lot to take in, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job with it. I don't feel overwhelmed. I feel a little more in the know in regards to Santana and her relationship with her parents. I think I understand everything that is happening now. I know the situation now and can prepare for the possible things to come in the future. Whatever the future might hold, that, I don't know. But, sitting here with Santana, it feels right, like it's suppose to be like this.
I break the silence after a while. "Do you like your job or not?" I must know. I can feel Santana flinch a little against my side. "Sorry." I mumble. I didn't mean to startle her or anything.
"I don't know anymore. I did. At one point. But, now- it's boring and it's the same thing over and over everyday." She speaks and her voice is quiet and slow. "I used to think that I wanted to follow in my mom's footsteps and run the family business, but I don't know anymore. I don't know anything anymore."
"Oh. Well, do you want to know what I think?" I ask her. I won't give her my opinion if she doesn't want it, but I really think it might help her.
I feel her nod slightly against my shoulder. "Yes, please."
"Okay. Let me preface this by saying that this is just my opinion on the situation and you can do with that information whatever you want."
"I know, Britt." She giggles and it makes me smile.
"Okay. So, I think, that you should quit your job if you don't like it or if you don't want to take over the business when your mom retires."
"What?" Santana sits up straight, taking her head off my shoulder, pulling her hand out of mine, and away from where it rested on my leg.
I look down at my feet and shrug. "That's my opinion. I'm just telling you what I think. I said that you can do whatever you want with my opinion. If you don't like it then forget that I said anything."
"It's not that. It's just- what?"
"If you aren't doing something that you want to do, or like to do, then you should quit your job, and look for something else to do. Something that you really want to do." I just said that. Does Santana not understand? I don't know if I can be anymore clear than that.
"I can't just quit my job Brittany." She turns her body, in her spot, so she is facing me more.
I look up from my feet. "Why not?"
"First of all, it's my mother's business. I'm suppose to take over for her. I can't just quit. And second, what would I do. I need a job."
"I'm sure you'd find something. You are a very intelligent girl. You went to college, for goodness sake."
"I can't. I just can't. I think my mother would disown me if I quit and turned down the opportunity to run her business."
"Well, if it were me, I would quit if I didn't like what I was doing." I say and shrug my shoulders. It would be as simple as that for me. If I was doing something I didn't like, I would just quit.
"Well, I can't do that." Santana huffs and stands up from the couch. She grabs the half empty water bottle off the coffee table. "I have to use the bathroom." She grumbles and walks out of the room towards the bathroom.
I slump down into the couch and frown. I look around the room for something to distract myself with. I knew I shouldn't have told Santana my opinion. That was a disaster. My eyes fall on Lord Tubbington.
His head is tilted to the side, slightly, and is looking over at me like he can't believe what just happened either. "I know. I know." He just meows and jumps off the couch. If a cat could roll their eyes, I think Lord Tubbington would have just done that.
A few minutes pass and I sit and wait for Santana to come back. When she does she sets the empty water bottle on the table and resumes her seat next to me. She could have sat on the opposite end of the couch, now that Lord Tubbington is gone, and I half-expected her to, but she doesn't.
"Hey." I say quietly.
"Hey." She says back. "Sorry."
"For what?"
"For snapping at you about your opinion. It's your opinion to have and thank you for sharing it with me but-" She trails off.
"But what?"
She lets out a long sigh. "Nothing. I just have some thinking to do, I think."
Movement catches to corner of my eye. I look over to see what it is and I see Santana playing with the material on her cast. My hand goes over, almost automatically, and stills her movements. "What's wrong?" Comes out of my mouth.
She looks up at me through her eyelashes. "What if you're right?" She asks timidly.
"I don't know. You quit your job." If I'm right that's what will happen, right?
"But, if you are right I don't think I can do that."
"Listen, Santana." I take her left hand in mine again. "I don't want to you to think about that right now. I shouldn't have said anything. But- I am going to say one more thing and whatever happens happens, okay?"
She nods. "Okay." I turn a little more towards her and take her other hand in mine. I squeeze that hand, the one without the cast on it. She smiles a little.
"I think you need to do what will make you happy. And not what your mom wants, or what your dad wants, or what anyone else wants. You need to do what you want, and perhaps more importantly, what will make you happy."
She nods again but doesn't say anything. Santana is looking down at our double handhold. It's quiet and I rub my thumbs over the backs of her hands.
"Santana?"
"Hmm." She looks up at me.
"What will make you happy?" It's the question that I've wanted to ask her for a long long time. Since that second Friday that she came into the bar.
Santana doesn't give me an answer. Her eyes flit around the room. I can't tell if she is nervous or scared, but something is going on behind those beautiful brown eyes. About a minute goes by and I just wait.
She squeezes my hands and looks straight at me. "You." She whispers and bites on her bottom lip.
"Wha-?" I lean in a little closer to her. I'm not sure that I heard, or maybe I heard, but don't know if my mind is playing a trick on me.
"You, Brittany. You."
"Oh." I mumble dumbly. I didn't expect that. I had hoped that maybe I could be part of what made her happy, but I didn't expect that she would come out and say just that.
Santana leans towards me a little. Her hand squeezing mine again. "I'm gonna kiss you now." She says, and I barely hear it, it's so quiet.
"Okay." I say back just as quietly.
She tilts forward the last few inches. Her lips graze mine gentle and soft. It's quick just a press of the lips together and then she's gone. Pulled back a few inches and just staring at me. Santana leans in again and it happens again. Except this time after the first kiss comes another and another. Small little kisses one after the other. Our lips pressing together continuously.
"Wow." I say a little breathless when Santana pulls her lips away from mine. She rests her forehead against mine instead. We are still holding hands in between our bodies and I feel like my whole being is alit.
"Wow indeed." She whispers. Her breath tickling the skin on my face, from my upper lip all the way down my chin. It sends a shiver through my body.
I smile like a like kid on Christmas morning. This has to be one of the best feelings in the whole wide world. I don't know what any of this means, the kissing, but I'm not going to worry about that right now. Right now, I am just going to soak up as much of Santana as I possible can before this glorious moment ends.
"I should probably go home before my mom throws a hissing fit." Santana breathes out. And there goes my moment.
"Yeah." I say a little dejectedly. "Probably." I sigh too.
"Hey." I feel her hand let go of mine, and in the next moment it is up, and cupping my cheek. "I need to think over some of the things that we talked about and I can't do that here. You are too much of a distraction. I need to go home and think about what I should do. Okay?" Her thumb stroking over my cheekbone.
I smile weakly at her. "Yeah, I get it. I just wish that you didn't have to go."
"Well, how about I call you tomorrow afternoon after I've had some time to think. I promise this time. Like, really really promise. I won't go punching any walls or breaking any bones this time."
I giggle. "Okay." I feel a little better knowing that. She drops her hand from my face and sits back. "I'll walk you down."
I get up and she follows me. I grab my keys out of the bowl by the door and open said door. I let Santana go first and follow her down the stairs. She pushes the building door open and steps out into the night. It's crisp and cool out now.
"I'll see you soon?" I ask as I turn to face Santana. We both stand on the sidewalk in front of my apartment building.
"Yep." She says. I open my arms for a hug and Santana steps forward into my embrace. I wrap my arms around her and bury my face into her neck and take a deep breath in, taking in her scent. Her arms slip around my back and she gives me a squeeze and then pulls away.
"Bye, Britt."
"Bye, Santana." I wave at her as she backs away from me. A little bashful smile graces her lips as she walks backwards, over to where her car is parked, in the bar parking lot. "Don't trip." I yell over to her and her smile widens.
I smile and shake my head at her. She finally turns around when she is about 50 yards away from me and almost to her car. I watch as Santana walks quicker now over to her car. She gets to her car and unlocks the door and pulls it open. She waves at me as she gets in and I wave back smiling like an idiot. After a few seconds Santana drives off and I head back inside feeling on top of the world.
I appreciate all the readers and all the reviews and comments. I still can't believe there are so many of you out there in this big wide world who are reading this story.