I'm posting this now because I'm going to be gone all weekend without computer access. Going to the northwoods. Enough about me. I hope you guys enjoy this installment. As always, thanks for reading.
Chapter 16: Thinking
Santana's POV
"Mom, I'm home." I call into the house as I shut the front door.
"In the kitchen." I hear her voice, faintly.
Walking down the hallway I glance at the wall where I had punched it a week ago. The spot now patched by Brittany's dad. I smile. It's funny that he was the one that came to fix it. It's funny how life goes sometimes.
I need to talk to my mom before I go up to bed. I just need to.
"Hey, mom."
She raises an eyebrow at me. "You're home early." Of course that's the first thing she would say to me.
I sigh. "I told you that I was going to see Brittany and that I would be home before midnight."
"So, it seems. What is going on with you, Santana? Turning a new leaf, all of a sudden?"
"You should be happy. I am doing what you wanted. Not staying out all night. Not getting drunk. Not hooking up with random girls, not that I was doing that before."
"I suppose."
"Don't sound too excited." I roll my eyes. "Listen, mom, I need to talk to you."
"About what?" She asks and looks up from her seat at me curiously.
"First of all, I need to apologize." The shocked look on her face is priceless. "I am sorry for arguing with you all of the time. I am sorry for the fight we had last Saturday that ended in me punching a hole in the wall of your house. So, I'm sorry for all that crap." I shrug. I'm really not good with apologizes.
"Okay, but what makes you apologize, now."
That really is a good question and a very difficult one to answer. I think it has to do with a lot of things. Some I don't want to tell my mom about. And some I might not be ready to admit to myself yet.
"I've been doing some thinking and I've had some people give me some good advice recently. I think it's time for me to makes some changes in my life. Which leads me to my next topics."
She doesn't say anything. Just looks at me like I have two heads or something so I continue.
"I know that your plan is to retire and have me take over the insurance business after you leave, but I'm not sure that I want to do that. I'm not sure that I want the responsibility of being in charge of a company. I'm not sure that I want to even sell insurance. I'm not sure what I want right now. But, I am thinking about possibly quitting and looking for another job. I just wanted to let you know so it doesn't come as a big surprise if something happens."
I stop talking and my mom just stare at me like she can't believe the words coming from my mouth.
"Are you serious right now?" She finally asks after a few tense seconds.
"Completely." I nod. "A very smart person told me recently that I should do what makes me happy. That I should have a job that I love. And I don't think that running an insurance company is going to make me happy."
"Oh." My mom mumbles. I can see the realization cross her face at what I am saying. "I- I don't know what to say to you, Santana. I thought you wanted to do insurance. I thought you wanted to take over for me. I thought that's what was going to happen. You went to school for business. What-"
"I know mom." I cut her off. "I know you are disappointed and you can nag me all you want about it but that's not going to change anything. I just don't think my heart is in it. I don't know if I could ever been happy running a business and selling insurance for a living."
"You're right. I am disappointed. Santana, please think about this long and hard before you make a drastic decision to just up and quit something that could be so good for you. I do want you to do what is going to make you happy but I just- I- can't it be running my insurance business?"
My mom sounds sad and scared and nervous all at the same time. I didn't think I would see so much emotion out of her when I told her that I was thinking about quitting my job. I thought she would just shrug and say whatever and tell me to scamper off. It kinda makes me feel guilty. Like I am letting her down.
"I will think about it, I promise." Boy, I am making a lot of promises tonight. "I just wanted to let you know what I was thinking so that you weren't blindsided by anything."
"Thank you, Santana. I appreciate it." My mom nods solemnly.
"Your welcome. I'm going up to my room now. I have lots to think about."
"Goodnight Santana."
"Goodnight mom." I say and turn for the stairs.
"I love you." I hear her whisper behind me and I stop in my tracks.
I turn around halfway, the tiniest of smiles on my face. "I love you, too, mom. Goodnight."
Brittany POV
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Pause.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
I groan and roll over.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
I open my sleepy eyes and sit up and look around my bedroom. What's that noise? It's the first thing I think. It seems to have stopped though. A banging or knocking or thumping noise.
Some sort of noise. I flinch. There it is again.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Except, it's not a bang and more of a knock. My sleepy brain makes the connection and I hop out of bed and scramble towards the bedroom door. I fumble with the handle, but on the second try I manage to pull the door open.
There it is again.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The building is always locked and the only two people who have keys into the building are me and Mr. Carlson. Well, that and my parents but- It's got to be Mr. Carlson knocking on my door then, right? I hope nothing serious is wrong. Maybe he just ran out of milk or something. That happens sometimes he will run out of milk or sugar or something and come upstairs and ask if he can borrow some. Although, I guess it's not really borrowing if he uses it. But, he always buys me some to replace what he borrowed.
"It's like eight o'clock in the morning, Mr. Carlson. I was sleeping. What do you need?" I yell towards the door before I get to it.
I don't get any response from the man. He probably didn't hear me. I hope nothing is seriously wrong.
After what feels like ages, I finally reach the door. I grab the handle and turn and pull. My eyes widen once the door swings open. I think my jaw is probably on the floor, too. It's not Mr. Carlson standing there.
"How did you get into my building?" It's the first coherent thing that comes out of my mouth after a few mumbling and stutters.
She is standing there. Bashful, shy, little smile and her hands clasped together behind her back. She is rotating back and forth at the hips.
"Well, basically, I was sitting outside on the step hoping that you would come downstairs sooner or later. I know it sounds stupid but I didn't know what else to do. I just got it in my head and I did it." Santana shrugs and looks down at her feet.
"Okay, but that doesn't answer my question." I lean into the open door with my shoulder, my right hand holding onto it so that I don't fall over. I look over her and what she is wearing and-
She looks up. "Mr. Carlson let me in. He came out to get his morning paper and almost stepped on me. I guess he recognized who I was and asked if I'd like to come in. I mean, I'm glad that he let me in- uh- but I hope that he doesn't just let anyone into your building."
I smile and shake my head. "No. This is definitely a first. I very unexpected first, but a very good first, nonetheless. You know you could have called or texted instead of sitting outside for- how long?"
Santana ducks her head to her chin. "Like two hours." She shrugs and my eye widen for a second time in the few minutes that I've been awake. "And I did text you. I didn't get a response so I just came over. I hope that's okay. I mean I don't want to intrude on your life." She looks up to me again. Her big brown eyes unsure. "You were probably sleeping and I didn't mean to be a nuisance. I can go, if you want." She half turns away from me. Waiting to might a quick getaway if she needs to.
God, she is adorable. "Santana." I reach out and grab the hem of her shirt. Her eyes snap down to my hand. I giggle and pull on her shirt. "Get in here, you goofball."
She stumbles into my apartment and I shut the door. Santana nearly trips and spills the contents in her hands. What looks like two drinks in one of those little drink carries and a brown paper bag.
"What do you have there?" I nod towards the bag in her left hand.
"Breakfast?" She offers.
"I don't know." I tease. It's just too easy with her sometimes. "You did wake me up from my beauty rest. I don't know if I want to have breakfast with you." I fold my arms over my t-shirt clad chest in mock offense.
"An apology then. For waking you. I just- please." She practically begs. Those big brown eyes begging me to say I'll have breakfast with her.
"Come on." I turn around and head towards the kitchen. I don't hear her following me and stop. I turn around and she is just standing there by the front door. "Well?"
"I- I-" She stutters. "Britt." Santana sighs out my name, nickname.
"Come on. Let's sit down and eat. At the table. In the kitchen. A proper breakfast." I say. She nods and then takes a step a second later. I turn around and lead the way.
We both sit down next to each other and she opens the little paper bag and pulls out two giant muffins. "I thought I would bring breakfast seeing as you have made me breakfast on more than one occasion. Muffins and coffee. I hope that's alright?"
"That sounds awesome." She hands me a muffin and coffee.
We sit and eat in silence for a few minutes. I'm halfway through my muffin when Santana speaks up.
"I talked to my mom last night."
"Oh?"
"Yeah." She nods and pops a pinch of muffin into her mouth and chews on it. She swallows. "Mostly about work and what I am think about. I didn't want to make a decision, one way or another, and then just drop it on her like a bomb. I think that would be worse."
"Yeah, probably." I agree. "So how did it go? Did she like- understand?"
"I'm honestly not sure. I told her that I wasn't sure that I wanted to take over her business when she retires and I told her that I was thinking of quitting and doing what makes me happy."
Santana stops and looks away from me and I know why. She's embarrassed, or at the very least, unsure. My smile only grows because she did think about what I told her. About doing what makes her happy and all that jazz. "Santana." I whisper and she turns her attention back to me. I reach out and lay my hand on top of hers on the countertop.
"She was disappointed. She told me to think about it for a while before I make my final decision."
"That's a good idea. Don't want to do anything hasty."
"Right." Santana nods. "But, I really came over here this morning to thank you. You really made me think about my future and what I want to happen and what I want to do and where I am going with my life. Thank you for supporting me and pushing me to think about what I really want."
"Well, you are very welcome." I squeeze the hand that is under mine but Santana pulls her hand away. She turns in her seat to face me. I tilt my head to the side in curiosity. She leans forward, inching closer and closer to me, to my face. Her right hand comes up and cups my cheek and I lean into the touch. And she leans in and presses her lips to mine. I go to kiss her back but she is gone before I can. I blink my eyes open slowly. I don't know when they closed. "What was that for?"
Santana shrugs and slumps in her chair. "I don't know." She looks around the room nervously. "For you being you. For you helping me out. For you being the greatest friend."
I stand from my chair and reach for her. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her up out of the chair. "Brittany." She says. I pull her into my body, into a tight hug. "I wasn't done."
"By all means, continue. Tell me how much you love me."
Whoops. The room is suddenly eerily silent. I let her go and take a step back. I stare at her and she is staring back at me with those big brown eyes. But they look skittish and unsure. I shouldn't have said that. I really shouldn't have but-
"Brittany." Santana cuts my thoughts off. "You're the nicest, most generous person, ever."
"I doubt that."
"Don't. It's true. I have never met anyone who has been so nice to me. It's not everyday that a- a- It's not everyday that- ah, fuck it. I really like you Brittany. Like really really like you and it's scary how much."
Slowly, a smile creeps it's way onto my face. The corner's of my lips twitch and then curl up, my cheeks lift, and- she likes me. It sounds so good. My immediate thought is I love you but I can't tell her that. Not now. Not after what I just said a few seconds ago. "I really like you, too." That's more appropriate to the situation.
"Yeah?" She asks like she doesn't believe me.
Instead of answering her I step forward again. My eyes on hers the whole time. Silently communicating that, yes, I like her. I nod and she nods. I lean in and wrap my arms around her again. I kiss her on the end of the nose and then on each cheek and she giggles that heavenly giggle of hers. My heart beats a little faster and my head screams at me. I don't know how it happened but somehow I fell in love with this girl.
As we stand in the kitchen, Santana's head resting on my shoulder and me swaying us back and forth slowly. It's perfect. Well, almost perfect. But, it is definitely a great feeling. That warm fuzzy, fluffy feeling takes over my whole body. I sigh contently.
A meow breaks me out of my reverie. Lord Tubbington jumps up on the counter top and comes over by us. I look over at him.
"Good morning, Lord T." I whisper. I don't want to startle Santana, or the cat. He meows in response. Santana lifts her head and looks over at the cat too.
"How the hell does he get up there?" She questions.
"I honestly don't know. Cat are very agile creatures."
"But he's so damn fat." She whispers the last word.
I releases my hold on Santana. "Come on Lord Tubbington lets get you some breakfast, too."
"I think he could stand to skip a few meals, no offense."
I chuckle. "Yeah, but then he would be super crabby. And I don't want to have to deal with a crabby cat. Do you?"
She shakes her head. "Definitely not."
"Alright, breakfast it is then." I go to feed Lord Tubbington and I can feel Santana's eyes on my back. I bend over and scoop some food into the cat dish. She's watching me and I can totally feel it. It's weird but I kinda like it. I spin around back to her when I am finished. She's just staring. I smirk. "Santana?"
She flinches. "Huh, what?" She blinks rapidly.
"Wow. Okay." So I'm pretty sure she was just staring at my ass. "I was wondering what your plans for the day were?"
"Oh. I don't really have any. I had to come over here and tell you about talking to my mom but other than that I don't have anywhere that I need to be."
"Does that mean you are free to hang out with me?"
"I guess." Santana nods.
"Does that mean you want to hang out with me?"
She sighs. A happy sigh. "Yes, Britt, I want to hang out with you."
"Sweet." I do a fist pump.
She laughs. I really need to try all of the time to get her to laugh because it's one of the best sounds I've ever heard.
"What are we going to do?" Santana asks.
It's then that I remembered that I promised Sugar that I would hang out with her today. "Crap." I mumble.
"What?"
"It's just- I promised Sugar that I would hang with her today. But, you can totally hang out with us."
"I don't know about that. No offense, but that girl is a little strange."
I chuckle. "She is but I love her." Santana raises an eyebrow at me. "As a friend." I clarify. "Please, come with me. Sugar won't mind. Actually, I think she would like it better if I showed up with you then if I showed up by myself."
"I really don't know. Are you sure it will be alright if I come. I don't want to impose on your time with Sugar."
"No. She'll fuckin love it. I'm telling ya. Come on. Please." I sound so desperate right now but I don't care. I just want to spend the day with Santana. If she says no I don't get to do that.
"Okay, only if your sure." I can tell that Santana is a little apprehensive about this but I know it will be great.
"I'm absolute sure." I assure her with my most brilliant smile.
"Okay. I'll come with you." She agrees.
The car ride over to Sugar's place is quiet. The sound of the radio plays in the background. I'm driving and Santana is sitting in the passenger's seat. I glance over at her every now and then. And every time is she looking out the side window.
"Are you nervous?" I say when I see that she is picking at the material of her cast.
"No." She turns to look at me. "Why would you say that?"
I nod down to her hands. "You probably shouldn't pick at that."
She snaps her right hand away from her cast and tucks it under her leg and sits on it. "It's okay. I am a little nervous, too. I don't really know why but I just am."
I hear her sigh and know that she is in fact nervous. "Sugar can be intimidating. She's got a loud mouth and she always needs to know everything about everyone. It's a little, what's the word?"
"Scary."
I chuckle. "Yeah. Scary. You'll be fine. I promise."
I ring the doorbell and wait. A few seconds pass and I'm about to ring it again when the door swings open and Sugar appears.
"Hello Brittan- well, well, well, what do we have here?"
"I brought Santana with me." I thumb over my shoulder to the smaller girl behind me. "I hope that's okay?"
Sugar grins that evil, little, scheming grin that she has. "That's more than okay. Come in." She stands aside and gestures into the hall with her arm. "I did not know you would be coming with a guest Brittany but I can adjust our plans accordingly."
"What plans, Sugar?" I question. "We were just going to hang out and talk shit and gossip about other people. Like usual." I roll my eyes. She can't be serious. We always do the same thing. I love the girl but she is obsessed about the same things. Gossip and fashion. And that's all we ever talk about.
"Come, ladies." She completely ignores me and starts for the living room, I assume. I let Santana go first. She gives me a smile and walks after Sugar. I follow behind them.
"Have a seat. Make yourselves at home." Sugar says as soon as we hit the living room. I go over and sit down on the big couch, where I always sit. I watch Santana to see where she is going to sit. Sugar takes the seat in the recliner across from me. It leaves the only other option for Santana, the couch.
I smile and pat the spot next to me. She smiles shyly and comes to sit next to me.
"Well, isn't that just adorable." Sugar has to open her big mouth.
"Shut your face, Sugar." I yell. My face probably looks the color of a tomato. Great.
"What?" She throws her arms in the air. "I'm just observing what I see. That's all." She holds her head high, her nose in the air. Well, she is correct there. "That being said. Are you two finally together then? Like dating or girlfriends or oooh have you guys done the dirty?"
I hold my head in my hands. God, Sugar is so embarrassing sometimes. I turn my head to the side and peck through my fingers to check on Santana's status. Her head is ducked and I can she the tinge of red that splashes her cheeks.
"No."
"No, what? No you haven't had sex or no you aren't dating or no you aren't together."
"All of it. Just. No." I sigh. Sugar is such a pain in the ass sometimes. "I don't want to here anything more about me and Santana from you."
"So, there is a you and Santana?"
"No. Just- lets get to our usual subjects. I don't want to talk about myself anymore. Okay?"
"Fine." Sugar just shrugs. "Did you see who Jason brought into the bar with him on Saturday?" And just like that Sugar changed the subject completely.
"Yeah. Crazy Mindy. Who would have thought?" At least we are not talking about me anymore.