The tents were pitched and the fire lit, and an air of merriment settled over the camp. Eomer stood off to the side, watching his people settle in for the evening. Dusk was falling, and several of the women were laughing as they cooked the evening meal over the fire, and based on the jesting he could hear coming from some of his men loitering near by, the laughter had to do with expectations that the fare would be far more edible than what the men were used to while on the trail. Others of his men were stationed out by the road and around the perimeter, of course, but none of them expected problems. Heartened by the laughter, he sighed, and stretched. Perhaps his efforts not to allow his mood to affect others were a success, after all. If only those efforts could have the same results for him.
Near the fire, Eowyn laughed at something one of the other women said. Watching, Eomer smiled in spite of himself. But then, even as he watched, her image changed and was replaced by the one ever in his mind these days – that of her lifeless body on the battlefield. As always, grief rose in response, swiftly followed by anger that he could not force himself to concentrate on the truth: that she went to Gondor in joy where she would be loved and well-cherished.
Blocking the vision from his mind, he distracted himself by hunting for Lisswyn. As weak as it seemed to him, he was lonely for her. But he could not bring himself to tell her of his fears, or to confess to the memories that seemed bent on driving him mad. How could he, when it was so foolish? But to be with her and pretend all was well…he'd not managed that, either.
Still, the yearning for her quiet presence was there, and he frowned as he realized that while he could see Ceolwyn, Brynwyn and Jocosa now talking with his sister, he did not see Lisswyn. Starting forward, he nearly bumped into Hilde, who was making her way toward the fire. "Hilde, where is Lisswyn?"
"She has already retired to your tent, my lord." The older woman motioned. "She is very tired." As an afterthought, she said, "Brynwyn and Jocosa are sleeping in the Lady Eowyn's tent tonight."
Eomer nodded, and turned toward their tent, a frown on his face. Lisswyn had appeared tired that day, every time he'd looked at her. But to go to bed before the meal? Was she ill? Would she say something if she were? Perhaps not, if she feared it would slow their trip to Gondor. But surely she would have then chosen to ride in one of the carts? Concerned, he started toward the tent, noting candlelight inside as he did so. She must still be awake.
The candle went out even as he pulled the cloth back and stepped inside, but it the torch not far from the tent's entrance gave light enough for him to see the figure stretched out on the furs. "Lisswyn?" he called softly.
With an obvious effort, she rolled over and sat up, her head dropping into her hand. "Am I needed at the fire?"
"No, it's nothing like that. Are you well?"
On a sigh, she laid back, but was now turned toward him, so he could see her face in the shadows. "I'm fine. The ride took more out of me than I'd hoped." The humor in her tone sounded forced.
He had planned to be present by the fire, at the meal. To make another effort to prove to his people – and his sister – that was all was well. But suddenly he wanted nothing more than a time of peace with his lady. His own sleepless nights were catching up with him.
He bent and removed his boots, then pulled off his tunic. Crossing to the furs, he settled next to her, and then said, "Perhaps a back rub will help?"
Despite her weariness, she indicated her willingness in the speed in which she rolled over, and a smile tugged at his lips at her enthusiasm. Pulling the covers back, he began with her shoulders, gradually working his way down. She sighed in contentment, and Eomer felt some of his own tension drain away.
He reached her lower back, and at first, clearly relaxed, she continued to make soft noises of approval. But gradually, tension came back, and she trembled. Eomer, understanding completely, nearly groaned himself as competing desires made themselves known. They both needed to sleep.
She pulled away slightly and shifted to her side, this time facing away from him. "Thank you. That helped." Her voice was quiet, as if she was trying to make herself sound sleepy. But he didn't quite believe it.
He stood, pulled off his leggings, then stretched out next to her before pulling her against him. He knew when she felt the desire he couldn't hide.
She went still, and then twined her fingers with his. Confusion evident in her voice, she said, "Eomer, will you not tell me what's wrong?"
The plea in her voice moved him, but he couldn't answer, he didn't know how. Instead, he pulled her closer, leaned down and kissed her. Desperate to love her, but not to talk, he poured everything he was feeling into the kiss.
He'd been afraid she'd resist him, would try and demand he explain things for which he had no words. But her love and knowledge of him was deeper than that, apparently. She wrapped her arms around him and gave into what was between them.
In silence, he loved her.
Instinctively, Lisswyn knew the night was far gone when she awoke. Eomer was holding her so close to him she could barely breathe. She shifted carefully until his arms relaxed a bit, and then, as she'd done earlier, she entwined her fingers with his. He seemed deeply asleep, for which she was grateful.
He'd needed her tonight. Not just to make love, but to be with her, even though he couldn't, or wouldn't, tell her what was wrong. She'd believed she was helping him by trying to get him to talk to her about what was disturbing him. But now she rather thought that not only had that not helped, it had made things worse. It had made him hesitate to be with her, when he plainly wanted her company. From now on, then, she'd make a point of not asking.
It hurt. She wanted to know, wanted to believe she could help if she did know what was wrong. But if all she could do was to let him be with her in peace, she would give him that.
She rolled over and wrapped her arms around him, willing the dreams – whatever they were – to stay away. And then in silence, kept watch over him until day lightened the interior of the tent and he stirred against her.
Lisswyn sighed and stretched in the saddle. Although not as stiff and sore as she's been on the first day of the journey, she was still more tired than she'd expected to be. Apparently, riding for at least a short period of time nearly every day – as she'd been doing as often as possible before the trip – didn't do much to prepare you for entire days in the saddle.
They were six days into the trip, but it felt like they'd been traveling for weeks. It wasn't unpleasant, exactly, particularly early in the morning when everything appeared so fresh and new, or in the evenings, when the sun set behind the mountains. And she thought it would be more interesting, yet, when the scenery changed, as it surely would before they reached Minas Tirith.
But much of the time just felt dull and plodding. She'd kept to her decision not to question Eomer about what was wrong, and had been rewarded for that, as he'd increasingly chosen to ride next to her rather than elsewhere in the group. But his silence wore on her, and she didn't know what to say to him in the absence of asking about what was bothering him. With others in the group, his effort to hide his mood was apparently succeeding, and the party was merry more often than not.
Eowyn, of course, knew that things weren't as he was trying to make them appear and frequently shot him troubled glances, but she'd apparently decided she wasn't going to allow Eomer's grimness to affect her. But still others in their large party were simply too sensitive to his moods not to be affected. She glanced over at toward the cart on her left, where Brynwyn rode with Ceolwyn's children and Hilde. Her sister's gaze was fixed on Eomer, currently riding toward the back of the group, a sad expression on her face.
She'd still not asked for a ride on Firefoot, and to Lisswyn's way of thinking, that indicated more clearly than anything else just how bad things were. They'd both slept well the night they'd made love, but the last two nights, he'd been restless again, though at least he was spending more time trying to sleep. And having his presence with her in their tent was helping her to sleep – even if he was still refusing to tell her what was wrong.
Shifting again, she looked up, trying to gauge how much longer they'd ride before stopping for the evening. With the carts, and so many people on horseback who weren't used to spending so many hours in the saddle, they were keeping the days short, Eomer having dryly noted that the wedding would wait for their arrival.
Should she try again to get him to discuss what was troubling him? She knew men often didn't like to talk, but shouldn't she keep trying, anyway? Loving him as she did, she couldn't see how she could do anything else. In the meanwhile, desperate for a distraction from her exhaustion and discomfort, she glanced to her right, where Brecka rode silently beside her.
The young woman had always been quiet, and that had only increased after the death of her family, especially her twin sister, the previous fall. Recently, though, she'd started opening up some, and Lisswyn had rather thought it was due to her relationship with Thedhelm. But the two of them hadn't been together much on the trip, and Brecka had once again retreated to silence. Not unlike Eomer, really, but Lisswyn hoped she might have more success in getting to the root of the young woman's distress. Brecka had been filling the position of maid/attendant for Lisswyn since the wedding, and as a result, they'd grown closer than even when they'd lived together in the caves.
"Will you not tell me what's troubling you?" she asked softly.
Brecka looked over at her, and then looked down at the reins in her hand. A long moment passed before she spoke. "Thedhelm and I are no longer courting," she finally said baldly.
Dismayed, Lisswyn could only stare at her. The young man had seemed devoted to Brecka, and she to him. In fact, Lisswyn had been expecting news of their betrothal to come at any time. "What happened?"
In a flat voice, Brecka said, "His uncle is chieftain of one of the larger eoreds in the Westfold. Thedhelm's cousin, the man's only son, died in the war, and he desires Thedhelm to take up his position as second, and lead in the man's stead some day. His mother very much wants him to agree. It is a great honor."
"And they do not approve of you?" Lisswyn's temper stirred.
Brecka looked over at her. "On the contrary," said somewhat dryly. "Even having never met me, his mother sees great prestige in having her son wed a member of the king's household."
Thoroughly puzzled, Lisswyn said, 'Then what is the problem?" She would miss the young woman desperately and rather thought Eomer and Eothain would both miss Thedhelm. But none of them would offer a barrier to the young couple
On pretense of guiding the mare she rode, Brecka looked away, but not before Lisswyn had seen shame settle on her face. "I can not live there," she muttered.
"What?"
Her shoulders hunched, the other woman appeared to struggle with her answer before she finally said again, "I can not live there." She finally looked up, misery on her face. "Lisswyn, their eored is based not far from where our village was. Indeed, since our eored fell, Thedhelm's uncle now guards and oversees the entire region." Tears came into her voice as she continued. "I have managed to make a life for myself without my twin because there are no reminders of her in Edoras. I always think of her, but there are not the constant reminders there would be if I were to dwell again in the Westfold.
"In addition, Thedhelm would often be away from home. I would be there, alone, with no one I knew, nothing but memories of the night the wildmen burned the village, or what I know she and my family suffered at the hands of the orcs." She shuddered. "I wake with nightmares as it is. How can I live there again, and be all alone? At least in Edoras, I have you, and Hilde, and the others."
Her voice broke and she wiped her face. "I know I am a coward. I know that. But even now, all these months later, it's nearly unbearable to me that she's gone, that she suffered so. I can not face living there. I simply can not, no matter how weak it makes me, or how it shames me."
"Brecka," Lisswyn's voice was sharp. "You are no coward. You have built a new life for yourself in Edoras without your family, without your sister. In the attack at the caves, you offered your life so that others would have a chance at life. I will not hear you call yourself weak for being unable to live with such constant reminders of your losses." She thought of Maegwen and said, "I'm not sure I could live there now."
Her shoulders slumped, Brecka nodded but didn't respond. After a moment, Lisswyn asked, "Have you told Thedhelm this? Does he know the reason you will not go to the Westfold?"
"Yes. He immediately said he would refuse his uncle's offer. But I do not wish to be the source of strife between him and his family. His mother very much wishes her son to be chieftain of the eored some day."
"As if there were no honor in being in the King's guard," Lisswyn muttered.
For just a moment, something approaching a smile touched Brecka's face, then fled, and she sighed. "There is honor in it. But according to his mother, there is greater honor in being a former member of the king's guard who now leads an eored. Eothain has a second already, and there are other men in the guard who rank much higher than Thedhelm, even if something should happen to Ceorl. If we had already wed, I think it would be easier for him to refuse them. The fact that we are unable to do so only adds to the reasons they give for why we should leave Edoras."
Lisswyn frowned. "What do you mean? Why can't you wed?"
Brecka looked uncomfortable. "Since the attack on Edoras, there are no cottages available, and Thedhelm does not rank high enough for us to be given land for us to build one of our own."
Momentarily speechless, Lisswyn just stared at her. "You've not wed before now due to the lack of a cottage, and you didn't tell me?"
"Thedhelm did not want to be accused of trading on our relationship," she said, her shoulders hunched again.
Now her temper was directed at Brecka, but Lisswyn bit it back. "You don't think that the fact that not only is he in the king's guard but that you're serving as my attendant makes it reasonable that the King would provide a place for you to live?"
"We have places to live."
"You in the hall, and he in the common barracks! Brecka, the Riddermark needs families, needs children. We need more of our surviving young people to wed and provide for our future! The only reason no additional cottages have been built yet is because the need hasn't been made known to Eomer." But it would be before the day was out.
"Oh." Brecka ducked her head again. "Still, there are others in the guard who are higher placed than Thedhelm."
"Beyond the fact that there are a number of lots vacant in Edoras since the fires, none of the other members of the guard wish to wed my attendant!"
At her tone, Brecka gave her a brief grin before it once more faltered. "He should still go to the Westfold. You speak of families, and the stability the Mark needs as we recover from the war. I would not wish to come between him and his mother."
"What does Thedhelm wish?"
She was slow to answer. "He wishes to wed me and stay in Edoras, regardless of his family. But I fear he will regret that some day. He still has his mother," she said sadly. "He should cherish her."
Understanding the other woman was thinking of her own mother, Lisswyn tread carefully. "Yes, but not at the cost of his future. Will he be happy there, without you? And what of his duty to the King? Has he discussed this with Eothain?"
"No," Brecka said on a sigh, "because we've still been arguing over it. I finally managed to convince him the night before we left that I would not wed him, even if he stays in Edoras."
"In hopes that would force him to go?" At Brecka's nod, Lisswyn turned her face so the other woman wouldn't see her smile. If Thedhelm was half the man Eomer believed him to be, he wouldn't leave Brecka regardless.
"Let me discuss the matter of the cottage with Eomer," she said, then added, "and not just for you and Thedhelm. I take it there are others in the guard in the same situation?"
Brecka nodded. "And not just in the King's guard, but also the city guard, under Elfhelm."
Lisswyn sighed. How had they missed this? The Gondorians had helped rebuild many of the homes lost to the orcs prior to her and Eomer's wedding, but some of the buildings burned had been standing empty before the attack, due to losses in the war, and those had not been viewed as a priority to rebuild. It was obviously time to do so. Maybe realizing that their people were truly starting to recover from the war – and what was a better indication of that than young couples wishing to wed and start families? – would help Eomer, as well.