I crossed the threshold into mine and Trace's home, a place we have quickly adjusted to over the past week and a half. It was so amazing to have him here with me, supporting me taking me to doctor's appointments. And he was here for me in my lower points, when I needed to cry, all day if necessary Trace would sit there and whisper soothing words to me as I cried. Which is exactly what I need at the moment, I was beyond worn out. My mind could not leave the idea of Nicholas at home, Nick taking care of Joe, MY Joe, who I knew was a complete mess trying to understand his feelings about Marcy. We hadn't spoke since before we left, but I knew Joe when it came to his love life and I knew he was struggling. I also knew that Nick was coming soon, it was time. So as I dropped everything in my hands on the kitchen counter and slid out of my shoes I crossed the floor towards my brother who was lazily lying on the couch. Waddling over towards him the waddle itself made me want to cry, I was getting closer and closer to my due date, I was huge and I was living with my brother. Everything in me said it was time to go home.
Soon enough I stopped sobbing on my brother's shoulder, my words were a constant repeat of how much I loved him but I didn't know how to handle the situation. I came here to figure everything out, and I was still at a loss, all I knew is that I loved him. Through it all Trace was his kind giving self letting me have my time to sort things out through tears. Lifting my head off of Trace's stomach, I take a deep breath about to tell Trace I think I might be ready for him to come, when the TV grows louder and Ryan Secrets appears on the screen, talking about the latest scandal. Until this moment I had no idea the TV was even on, let alone on E! News. Just as I'm about to click the whole thing off, the story filters though.
"Today Nick Jonas, a good boy in the media eyes for years now threw a real curve ball for all media and fans late yesterday when he punched three paparazzi in downtown L.A. Rumor has it that the paparazzi were pressuring him for information about pregnant wife Miley Cyrus who has been M.I.A. for the past two weeks. No word yet from Nick or his management, same goes for Miley Cyrus. We are also waiting for word on if any lawsuits will be filed…" At that point I actually turn the TV off and continue to sob onto my brothers' stomach, much more violently than before. Now not only upset over my passion and absence from my love but worried about who he may be becoming.
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I looked at my older brother sitting across from me on his couch. His hair completely disheveled, repeatedly looking up from the hands cradling his face to the doorway to the clock. His appearance I originally thought was due to Miley's absence, Miley who now that she was gone I could feel in this apartment, once hers once a place I visited to take her on sweet dates. But Joe appeared to be worried over Kevin who was on a date with his now official girlfriend Marcy. "Alright, I give up what is with you tonight?" I finally spoke up.
"I just, he can't with Marcy, I and she and..." he stuttered shaking his head. "I can't share this with you, I need Miley. Jesus Nick how much longer do we let her live out this fantasy? Besides don't even get into what's wrong with me, do I need to bring up your little show yesterday? " He looked up from his hands and cocked an eyebrow as he realized he had something to throw in my face.
"Alright, alright, point taken. Subject officially dropped." I sighed bringing my head down and between my knees in an attempt to suppress my sudden nausea.
"Exactly, now please dear god tell me that it's time to go get her." His voice was shaky again, as it raised an octave at the end of his question.
"Yes big brother, it is time to go get her, which is why I have booked a flight out of here tomorrow morning." I stood up my world spinning; I needed to get back down stairs to my home. The ghosts of past were overwhelming in here. As I reached for the door handle, I already knew the words about to leave Joe's lips. "And yes Joe, I have an extra ticket. See you in a few hours." I closed the door before he could speak anymore.
It was easy to hate her for leaving; it is even harder to love her because she left. She stood up for what she thought was right; she left everyone and everything she knew for our child. The only thing I can do is love her that much more, for what she has done. It is awful to think about, I love her even more because of the pain she has put me through, because she has stayed true to everything she believes in. She is still the girl I feel in love with twelve years ago. Pain or no pain she was mine. All of this is what led me to the airport exactly two weeks and five days after she left me. And thirty minutes later with Joe sitting next to me on the plane, tapping his foot to the rhythm of a song I wrote last November, I tried to put my mind to rest. Sleeping I quickly realized is the only way to make it through this flight sane.