Step 13:

The little changes in life

Can also be the most intoxicating

She really should wear bright colors more often. Ryan watched Pam walk in from the kitchen wearing her new red blouse she got with Kelly online shopping. He was no woman, but he could see that her skin did look healthier and less pale than it did when she wore washerwoman grey; almost like she was glowing. Her hair looked less frizzy and nicer and her eyes were brighter too because of it. She didn't smile at him or anything as she carried her small cup of yogurt to her desk; she just stared down at the floor, deep in concentration. It were these little things that jumped out at Ryan as he sat working at his desk...

Wait a minute, shouldn't he be actually working? Ryan looked at the clock and realized, with a small amount of shock, that a good 5 minutes had passed. What had he been doing that whole time? He glanced back at Pam, who was seating herself down at her desk chair. He was going to have to be careful with that...

***

Ryan sighed as he stood up and stretched, a few hours after that little episode with Pam. He blinked a few times as he walked to the kitchen and towards the supply closet, remembering he had to get something for Michael. He just hoped he would be focused enough to actually find something.

Ryan was a little confused when he saw the supply closet door was already open but the lights still off. He peeked in, and suddenly understood: Pam was in there.

Her back was to him, but Ryan just silently looked at her. A few curls spilled down her back but most hung unseen by her face. She was looking at something; Ryan couldn't tell what because of the darkness. All he was focused on was the way she leaned all her weight on one foot and crossed her ankles, her elevated shoe slipping slightly off her heel. That, and how Kelly had such amazing taste in picking out Pam's clothes.

He must have breathed loudly or something, because Pam whipped around. "Ryan!" she said, jumping up in surprise. Ryan, embarrassed at being caught staring, looked away and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Hey Pam," he said awkwardly. Both their faces were bright red, and Pam would look anywhere but him.

"Oh, um... hey" she mumbled. She looked down and, probably thinking she had nothing better to do, slowly turned back to the shelves.

Ryan wandered to the shelf across from her, so their backs were facing each other. He started glancing around the different items in silence, suddenly realizing he had no idea what he was supposed to be getting for Michael. This sudden burst of amnesia could not have come at a worse time for him, but Ryan still just scanned his eyes over the packs of pencils and highlighters and paper and a few home maintenance items. He hoped a revelation would come soon.

He could hear Pam stop shifting items around and the brush of hair against fabric as she turned her head to look at him. "What are you looking for?" she asked.

Ryan chuckled slightly as he turned around to look at Pam's darkened face. "I'm not sure exactly; but it's supposed to be for Michael."

Pam smiled and looked down and the ground, trying to hide her amusement. Ryan watched her finger a few items on the shelf, his heart thumping harder than normal as her fingers grazed over some reams of paper and packs of pens and bottles of bug spray.

"I'm just hiding out in here for a bit." she admitted, bravely in Ryan's opinion.

He didn't really know how to respond to that, so he just looked at her until she looked up from the ground and met his eyes. They looked oddly bright against the darkness of the closet.

She suddenly mentioned, quietly, "The fire last year."

Ryan creased his brow, wondering why she had brought up that horribly embarrassing day, "What about it?"

Pam still stared into his eyes, and his heart kept pumping faster because of it, "That was the day I found you hiding out from Michael. Behind the building."

Ryan was still confused, "Is that what you're doing now?"

Pam shifted uncomfortably, and finally looked away from his eyes, "Yeah... but just not from Michael."

Ryan merely blinked, knowing what she meant by that. He knew he should have been upset by that comment referring to Jim, but he didn't feel angry. In fact, he didn't feel anything. The only thing he could feel was the loud pumping of his heart; it pounded in his ears, hands, and fingertips, sending his brain spinning. All he could see was her: her and her smile and her eyes and her pretty new blouse. There was nothing else he would rather focus on.

In his peripheral vision he saw an extra World's Best Boss mug sitting on the shelf above Pam's left shoulder: now he knew what he was supposed to be getting for Michael. In a trance it seemed, he walked up toward Pam and reached up over her shoulder, grabbing the small box containing the mug. He realized he was pressing up against Pam, feeling her soft skin and the fabric from her clothes against his. He heard her gasp slightly as he pulled away, and he looked into her eyes. They were closed and her mouth was open a little, as if she couldn't control the beating of her heart much more than he could.

She opened her eyes, and looked up at him. Ryan looked right back into her eyes, noticing they almost looked a little wet. He didn't know how long they had stared like that, but it didn't matter anyway.

Because at that moment, they kissed.

He didn't know if he leaned in first or if she did, or even if they both did at the same time. But that didn't matter either, because Ryan was actually kissing her. It was electric; no other way to describe it. Ryan touched her face with his hand, dropping the mug to their feet as he opened his mouth against hers. She responed, God, did she respond. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, and Ryan could only feel a soaring happiness at kissing her. He pushed her up against the shelf causing a few of the small pencil boxes to clatter to the carpeted floor along with the mug. It didn't matter that they were technically still at work and Ryan was technically still dating Kelly from Customer Services and that Pam was technically still in love with the salesman who used to sit in Ryan's desk.

But all that didn't matter in that small, delicate bubble that was Ryan and Pam's first kiss.

Pam was the first to break away from him, probably crashing back into reality. Ryan opened his eyes after she backed away, and saw the utter sadness and heartbreak swimming in her eyes. Without another word, Pam pushed past him and walked out of the closet, toward the bright office outside.

And as soon as the moment had come, it was over.

***

Step 13: Check