Disclaimer: I don't own the office or its affiliates

***

Put all these ingredients together

And you've got an emotional affair.

There are actually hundreds of ways

You can formulate such a task,

But the purest and simplest way

Is the way I've just shown you:

Through the likes of

Ryan Howard

and Pam Beesly.

***

Step 15: I hope that their story

Will help you to truly understand

The meaning of real sacrifice

For the one you love.

It didn't really hit Ryan until the day after at lunch.

The day before he had just walked out of the supply closet and through the kitchen doors and to his desk as if nothing happened. He had made a few calls and finished up for the day, leaving without a glance her direction. He had went home, called his mom back to update her on how business school was going, went out for a beer with some friends, then came home and went to bed. The next day he came to work, as usual, with his overcoat and suitcase in hand, while trying to convince Kelly that he hadn't been ignoring her calls and imploring that her phone didn't receive texts. Michael greeted him in his usual creepy, flamboyant manner, and Ryan wishing the day to be over already.

If wasn't until he sat down for lunch with Oscar and Meredith a few hours later and he was bending his head over, ready to take a bite of his turkey sandwich, when reality suddenly crashed over him like a ton of bricks:

Holy crap. I kissed Pam Beesly yesterday.

It was like a blast of icy water had hit him square in the face, sending his mind into reels of dizziness.

How could he have not come to realize this sooner?

His mind flashed back to yesterday in the supply closet: the way she was fingering the different items on the shelf and how she had brought up, oh so timidly, why she was hiding there. The way he had intentionally and unintentionally walked up close to her and how she looked right up at him. How they had kissed...

No question about it: it had been perfect.

But to think: yesterday he had actually kissed her. Like he had been dreaming about for God knows how long (but never admitting it to anyone, and barely even himself). In the supply closet, he had truly, for real, made-out with Pam Beesly. A sudden wave of panic overtook him when he realized that the door had been open when it occurred, leaving them exposed to the rest of the office. Anyone could have been passing by and would've seen what they were doing. People probably could've even heard them. If someone had been around right then, there would be no mistaking it. And someone like Kelly would make sure that everyone in the office knew too. And, oh God, Kelly...!

"--Ryan?" a voice said from far away, and Ryan snapped back to reality, realizing he was still hovering, frozen, over his turkey sandwich. Oscar was looking at him with concern.

"Are you okay? You were kind of spacing out there for a few minutes."

Ryan blinked, and set his sandwich down, "Yeah I'm fine. I just remembered something, that's all..."

He gathered up his uneaten lunch and threw it in the garbage, suddenly not very hungry. He stood up and walked towards the main part of the office, opening the swinging door to it.

His mind was still reeling, and he didn't see the figure walking towards him from the other side.

"Oomf!"

Ryan had run smack-dab into Pam.

"Sorry," they mumbled at the exact same time, and Pam froze. She had been looking down, but after hearing his voice, her eyes slowly made its way up his feet, then to his torso, then finally landing on his face. Her big, gray eyes looked terrified and nervous and about a billion other emotions Ryan himself was experiencing, plus a rapidly increasing heart-rate. It lasted about two seconds before he came crashing back to reality for the second time in five minutes.

"...Sorry," he mumbled again, standing aside to let her pass. Pam merely looked down at her shoes again and walked past him with a mumbled "thanks."

Well, at least that was over with. Ryan took a deep breath to calm his speeding heart and began walking out the door.

I could live with this, Ryan consoled himself as he made his way to his desk, It might be a little awkward, but I can live with this.

And he could. He was sure of it.

***

Several Weeks Later

Stamord was closing down.

Ryan wasn't really sure how he felt about it. He felt happy that he at least still had a job, but was discouraged by the fact that it was still here. When he thought, for those brief hours, that Dunder-Mifflin Scranton was closing down, he felt an odd sense of freedom. Yes, he knew he was pretty much screwed financial-wise, but he was given an out from Michael's jokes and Kelly's unbearable chattering. And of course from the uncomfortable associations with Pam.

But now, he found out he actually still had his job. And like he said, he didn't really know how to feel about it.

Ryan sighed as he opened the door to the kitchen to grab Kelly to leave for the day.

"Oh. Hello."

Ryan almost jumped a foot in the air when he suddenly noticed Pam sitting by herself at the table. Her eyes and nose were a little red, and her uncharacteristically tied-back hair a little unkempt. She was looking up at him.

"Hey," Ryan said, a little flustered. He suddenly realized who it was and looked away awkwardly. Just great. He managed to put himself in an uncomfortable position with her once again without skipping a beat.

He cleared his throat slightly and kept walking through, trying not to make eye contact.

"You've been avoiding me."

Ryan stopped dead in his tracks, and slowly turned his head towards Pam. She wasn't looking at him; just idly playing with a square paper napkin in her hands. The way she said it, in such a matter-of-fact tone, made Ryan feel suddenly guilty. He didn't want to be avoiding her. He just thought that's how they were going to act around each other from now on.

She looked up at him when he didn't say anything, and smiled softly. "I'm not blaming you."

He watched her lie the napkin down flat on the table and fold it in half, then fold two corners in. She pulled out a pocket and pressed it flat; a complicated fold that Ryan was sure he couldn't learn to do.

"Where did you find time to learn that?" Ryan asked, not really sure what else to say. He made his way toward her and sat down across from her.

"Automatic voice mail." She explained, a ghost of a grin still playing on her lips. She flipped the napkin over and folded two other corners in, making it look almost like a tiny kite. She was concentrating on her work, but glanced up at Ryan like peeking up over a pair of sunglasses.

"So, you mind explaining to me why you've been avoiding me?"

Ryan looked at her, marveling how cool and collected she sounded, as if none of these past weeks had fazed her in the slightest. And maybe they hadn't, but Ryan couldn't be sure.

"I just... I don't want things to be awkward." Ryan said, shrugging. He figured if Pam was cool with putting it all out in the open, he should be too. "After... what happened."

Pam nodded understandably, still focusing on her napkin. "Our kiss." she said simply, her tongue stuck out of her mouth a little bit as she tried to reverse a complicated fold, making Ryan smile slightly.

His heart was pounding even harder now. "Yeah."

Pam finally looked up from her work and into Ryan's eyes, a little sadly. "Can I tell you something?"

Ryan raised his eyebrows, "Sure."

"Jim kissed me last May."

Ryan could've feigned surprise, but really he wasn't. "Really?"

Pam nodded, smirking slightly. "Yeah, right over there." she looked up and nodded toward the main office. "Right by your desk."

This actually surprised Ryan. "Seriously? Couldn't you guys have found a more romantic spot to share a kiss?"

Pam grinned at him, raising an eyebrow, "Like where? A supply closet?"

Ryan chuckled and looked down. "Touch e."

Pam shook her head and began making tiny little folds on her napkin. "The kiss Jim and I shared last May was real, and it made me make some life-changing decisions that night. He left the day after, and I haven't seen or heard from him since, other than a phone-call last month." she pressed the abstractly-folded napkin to the table and looked at Ryan seriously. "You say that right now it's awkward? Imagine what it's going to be like if and when Jim comes back from Stamford to work in this office again."

Ryan couldn't help it, and laughed. He felt a sudden sobering of this situation he'd been obsessing over for nearly a month. Pam's problem's actually seemed real compared to his minor ones, and he once again, felt a little guilty.

"Do you know if Jim's coming back from Stamford?"

"No idea," Pam was back to her creation, folding the two ends up and making it almost distinguishable. "But I have a feeling he is."

Ryan cocked an eyebrow, "How do you know?"

Pam shrugged, "I just know. I can always sense some things about him: when he's bored, or when he's having a bad day, and apparently when he's coming back after a five-month vacation." She put the finishing touches on her masterpiece, grinning down at it.

Pam set it down on the table, and looked Ryan in the eye. "Ryan, I like you. You're a good person, and I've loved getting to know you over the years. You're sweet, and Kelly's a very lucky girl." Pam put her hand over his. "That kiss we shared in the closet was wonderful; I'm not going to deny that. But when I look back on it, when I try to remember it, I think of..." she hesitated, looking guilty, "I think of Jim and our kiss. I think about how much I miss him and how I wish I could talk to him again." She took a deep breath and looked down, taking her hand off of his, "I can't move on."

Ryan felt a sinking sense of sadness, feeling as if he was little and had lost one of his favorite toys. He understood what she was saying and, even though he knew it was coming, he still felt his heart break a little.

Pam stood up, and Ryan did the same. She reached down to the table and picked up her artwork: an origami swan. She handed it to him, making Ryan smile when he took it.

"I belong to Jim. No matter how much I want to hate him for breaking my heart or about what we shared while he was away... I'm sorry." her eyes showed nothing but pure remorse.

Ryan, taking a deep breath, looked down at his swan, and smiled quietly. "I always knew you belonged to him. I just didn't really like it."

She gave him a watery smile as she cupped his face in her hand kissed him softly on the cheek, and Ryan couldn't help but smile at her.

He didn't know if this was a breakup, or if it wasn't. Maybe it was just an understanding. Whatever it was, he knew the evening would be ending with going out for drinks with Kelly, thinking about school the next night and dreading work the next day.

It would be like any other night, but with no thoughts of Pam Beesly hanging in the back of his brain. And for once, the idea of that made him feel good.

The End

A/N: Life has been completely crazy lately with school and homework, so I have decided to end this one a little early. I plan on writing more office stories in the future, so don't worry:) This story has run it's course, even though I have loved every minute of it. Please review and tell me what you thought about it! Thanks:)

-StrawPohj