II
Severus awoke in a cold room filled with a bitter medicinal sent, which he had grown to love over the years. The scent reminded him of the times he made potions with Lily. A small smile appeared on his lips as he floated in his memory.
Suddenly his eyes flew open. He fell off his chair, crashing to the floor. Potions filled the room. A few cauldrons sat on a desk. Random potions ingredients were scattered across the room in the most disorganized fashion. He would never have kept the potions classroom like this. This was a monstrosity. And then it hit him, like a piano crashing to the ground from the top of a ten story building. Slughorn—it was his potions classroom. A thread of hope sewed itself into his heart.
He must have fallen asleep in the classroom. Slughorn always let his favorites "experiment" in the potions classroom. But Severus was the only one who ever experimented; the others used it as a place to snog. He remembered everything clearly. The memories of Hogwarts he had suppressed came back, throwing themselves at him. He was completely aware of everything, and, yet it all seemed otherworldly. It was so different to him.
He scanned the entire classroom. Why is this so different? Everything felt foreign to him, but somehow it was all too familiar. His hand began to pulsate; his heart heavily beat in his chest, his lungs filled with thick air. Something began to stir inside of him, something he couldn't quite name. No longer did he feel Nagini's poison firing through his veins. It was an odd feeling. Little did he know that the odd feeling was to live He curled his fingers as he lied on the wet floor of the potions classroom. He stared at the ceiling wondering what had just happened. Was it all a dream?
And then he suffered another blow from reminiscence. Words began to echo in his mind. "You would go back to the point in time where you could have changed your life. You will have a second chance to right all of your wrongs. But, before you say anything I must warn you. You may not like were you end up. I cannot say what point in time you shall awake, but I promise you that you will be horribly dissatisfied…in my opinion. Anything you change could end up being horribly wrong. I need you to keep that in mind. But anything you change, also, could end up terribly right. You will hold the key in Voldemort's destruction. If you go back, there is a strong possibility that you might completely change the future. But Severus, do it for good, not bad. Do not seek power. Do it for Lily."
He was alive again. Dumbledore helped him. Dumbledore gave him a second chance. But why—he would ask himself. Why would Dumbledore, the man he always knew to be manipulative give him a second chance? It wasn't obvious to him at the moment. He could do everything over again. It was a terrible burden to have, oh but he wanted it so much, and now he had it. Thank you, for everything. He had a second chance, so it didn't matter if Dumbledore wanted to mettle with things. He wouldn't let him. He won't fall to his knees this time, and beg for a way to fix things.
Severus had to see Lily again—alive. He would never say that word again. He could make it as if it never happened. He ran out of the classroom. No one was in the halls. It was too early in the morning. He found himself walking to the Slytherin common room. He had to see Lily, but first he had to see if all of this was in fact, real. If it wasn't, he wouldn't know what to do. He couldn't kill himself if it wasn't.
He whispered the password. Somehow, he remembered it after all these years. Then again, Slughorn's passwords were always the names of alcoholic drinks. "Fire whiskey." He entered the dungeon swiftly, but quietly, very Slytherin like, trying not to wake anyone one up in the next room. He didn't bother to look at the room. It remained the same since he started Hogwarts up until his death.
He walked into the bathroom, silently shutting the door behind him. He stared into the mirror. It was unbelievable. It was almost too much. He looked younger—20 years younger. He wore his Hogwarts uniform again. His large nose was still hooked. His skin sickly pale, but smooth, no longer inhabited by the few wrinkles he had developed over the years. He was thinner. His hair was greasy looking, probably because he was experimenting the night before. The only thing that didn't remain the same was his eyes. They were filled with years of pain. "Unbelievable," he whispered under his breathe.
A calendar caught his eye. October 1st, 1977. His body filled with anger, disappointment, and dejection. It was too late. He had already said the word. Their friendship was already gone. He was in too deep. "…I promise you that you will be horribly dissatisfied." Dumbledore's words echoed in his mind. It was more than dissatisfaction. He was broken—completely shattered into millions of unsalvageable pieces. He was seventeen. Lily was already deeply in love with James. Severus was already considered a Death Eater in training, despite the fact that he never met the Dark Lord. He hadn't become a Death Eater until the day after Lily had gotten married. Everything was so wrong. Things were supposed to happen the right way. Why, why does everything go wrong when it comes to me? When he realized this, he felt as if a fifty pound weight crashed against his chest, cracking his ribs, rendering his lungs useless and smashing into his heart, until it could no longer bleed.
He couldn't take it anymore. He smashed the mirror with his fist, making large cracks up and down it. Seven years of bad luck was nothing. He had a whole life of bad luck. What did it matter? In a matter of minutes he destroyed the whole bathroom. His hands bled onto the floor and stained his clothing.
He threw the door open and walked out with a scowl on his face. Everyone in Slytherin was awake, and staring in awe at him. He didn't care. It didn't matter to him one bit. He sat down on the black leather couch, completely oblivious to the world around him. He stared at the floor, waiting, once again, to die. It was all real, all horribly real. He was a fool to believe everything would be right again.
The room was completely silent. Nobody knew what to say. The next few things that happened were inevitable, but nobody ever saw it coming. "Snape!" yelled an infuriated Avery. His cold, pale grey eyes bored into Severus. He took his hand out of his dark chocolate colored hair. He reached for his wand and pointed it at Snape. "What the hell have you done? You moron, what's upset you now? Did you see that filthy little Mudblood of yours with the Potter git? Unbelievable."
One thing had certainly changed. He was no longer a shy, quiet, defenseless boy. He knew how to make people quiver beneath him. Severus stood up, towering above him. "Avery, you insipid moron, you have no idea what a complete and utter idiot you are. You are a spineless coward. Don't you dare call her that! Your blood is of less worth than any muggle-born on the face of this planet. If you dare to say another word, I will shove your foot up your mouth, before you get a chance to hex me. One word and I swear you will have more to fear, than that precious Dark Lord of yours." Everybody was slightly trembling, not just because of fear, but because no one ever stood up to Avery—no one. They never saw him like this. Where had he gotten it from? Years of his hardening heart, made him cold, bitter and above everything, somebody to fear. Even as a student he still felt as if her were a Professor, but some things you cannot change.
"How dare you think you—"
"Langlock," he thought, and suddenly Avery's tongue was stuck to the top of his mouth. "You are nothing, but a swine—a pig for slaughter." Snape threw Avery violently against the wall. Avery's head smashed against first, but he still remained conscious. "If any of you utter a word of what just happened… I will hang you, by your underwear… on the astronomy tower." Severus started walking toward the bathroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" Mulciber spat. He had forgotten how Mulciber had looked like, but it didn't come as a surprise to him. He had dark blonde hair, and amber colored eyes. Severus hadn't seen him since the last day of school. He had heard that Mulciber died a pitiful death, by Voldemort's hand.
"The shower." he muttered.
"In the bathroom…that you destroyed?
"You dunderheads aren't even capable of a simple reparo spell. I don't know how you made it to seventh year, much less passed the first," he sneered. Some of the third and fourth year girls snickered as Severus stepped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He cast the reparo spell several times, until the room was back to its original state.
He stepped into the shower rather slowly. He showered in cold water, hoping that the ice cold water would make him forget. He took his time, hoping he wouldn't catch a cold after this. Slowly tears began to spill from his eyes as they mixed with the shower water. He began to pound his fist against the wall, making his bloody hand bleed even more. The blood dripped down slowly into the water. All he could feel was pain tearing away at him. "Why," he said over and over again. He wanted answers.
Dumbledore's words kept echoing in his mind. What's done was done. He couldn't change anything. It was too late. "You would go back to the point in time where you could have changed your life. You will have a second chance to right all of your wrongs."
He was willing to give up so easily. After all this time, would he give it all up again? No. I have to fight for Lily. I will fight harder this time. I'll fix everything. Somehow, I will, I just…know. I have to piece our friendship together somehow. I have to do that first. I can't make her love me. I need her, even if it's only her friendship. I won't ask for more. I don't deserve more.
"You will hold the key in Voldemort's destruction." He almost forgot about Voldemort as he thought about Lily. While Voldemort was still alive he could take away Lily's life at any given moment. Severus wouldn't let that happen, not again.
I'll tell Dumbledore. Somehow, he will have to believe me. I'm the only thing he's got that's of any use. I'll save him time. He trusted me once. He can trust me again. Once Voldemort is gone, I can live carefree. No, I'll never be able to live carefree. It's impossible. Carefree is for the light, not for the dark. My heart had turned dark long ago. Once Voldemort is gone, I can have Lily.
Eventually Severus got out of the shower, wearing the same clothing he had worn before the shower—he would change later. He sat in the common room, alone, thinking about how to fix everything. If only a book could tell him how to do this. Books could tell you everything, everything, but what is the most important. It never had taken this long for Severus to form a plan, he was a quick thinker. But this was completely different. He couldn't make mistakes now. One mistake and everything would come crumbling down.
In the middle of his thoughts a lone figure appeared in the corner. Severus hadn't seen him in so long. He died, because he made even more mistakes than himself. He never thought he would see the day that the only other sane person, which became a Death Eater would breathe again. He was alive now. He stared at the boy, with the pale face, dark hair, and unmistakable deep blue eyes. Regulus Black was alive now. "Severus," he whispered. "Are you okay?"
No. I'll never be "okay". What kind of question is that? My whole life I've never been "okay". "Yes, I'm fine Reg." Merlin Reg, I never thought I would see you again. I'm not letting you die this time. You don't have to find out about the Horcruxes. I know about them now. You'll be safe. You'll live the life you deserve.
His goals just kept growing. How could one man handle all of this? It was impossible. No, nothing is impossible. He might need some help. He certainly intended to get it. He can't promise anything, but he will try, until it ends up as he did.
"Severus, despite that fact that you're the best liar in all of Hogwarts, possibly even on the whole planet, I know you're lying this time." Reg, you don't know how right you are. Severus didn't say anything. After a few moments of silence Reg opened his mouth. "You still have a chance. It isn't too late until one or the other is gone. You can still be with her." For a sixteen year old, Regulus was smart, smarter than he would ever give himself credit for.
"Thank you Reg." Severus knew that now, only if he knew it before. But the truth was he could never truly be with her. She was with Potter. He couldn't change that. I wouldn't take a miracle. It would take something even greater—something this world hadn't witnessed yet. The question was—just what would it take?
"It took you long enough!" Regulus announced proudly.
"Long enough for what?" Severus asked, confused.
"To realize you still had feeling for Evans, to realize that you can follow a different path, but most importantly realize that you could put Avery in his place." He was smiling. Severus hadn't seen him like this in his Hogwarts years. He only lived to be eighteen years old, but not this time. He'll save him. He'll keep him away from the Dark.
"Regulus, you have to promise me something."
"Sure, what?" he asked curiously.
"Don't join them. Don't. You don't know how much you will regret it."
"Severus—I don't—have you?"
"No. Just stay away from them. Stay far away from them."
"I can't promise anything," he said as he walked away.
Severus shook his head as he watched him walk away. I'll make sure he doesn't join them. One way or another, he has to live. But for now I can only do one thing at a time. I can only save one person at time. This is going to be impossible. I'll do it somehow. With Lily, I'll do it with her. I'll do it all for her.
The moment Regulus disappeared he formed a plan in his head. He knew how to do everything. It wasn't fool proof, nothing was, but it would work. Or at least, he hoped it would. But he had to see Lily first. He would beg if he had to. He would do it in front of everyone if need be. He would kneel at her feet, with James Potter watching him beg for forgiveness if it meant he could have her back. He would suffer the pain of a thousand shards of glass cutting through his skin. He would poison his being. He would give his soul to her. He would give his heart to her. No one, but Lily could have him. People could call him desperate, a fool, an idiot, but they arguably could call him a genius for that fact that it dawned upon him, before it was too late. People wouldn't know about his second chance, at least, not yet.
He had a chance. It was too late to never have said that word. It was too late to change that day. But it wasn't too late to fight for her. It would never be too late. He would fight, even if it killed him. He died once for her, and surely, he would die infinitely for her if it meant he could have her, just once. This time he would be on the side of light, not dark. This time he would do right, not wrong. This time he would do what he thinks is right, and not what anyone else tells him is.
This time everything will be perfect.
A/N: Please review, it would be greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to PM me with any questions, as I will not be answering them in any Author's Notes.