IV

Severus walked toward Hagrid's cottage. He didn't see Lily anywhere. Maybe, this was a trick. Hagrid might have caught on. No, Hagrid wouldn't abuse emotions like that. Maybe, she's running late. After all, she was never on time.

The half-giant suddenly appeared in front of the house carrying bags, pots and a few other herbology related items. He hadn't given him any details about what they were to do in the Forbidden Forest, but Hagrid would never make them do anything dangerous. Seeing the Herbology tools automatically made Severus inclined to believe that they would be gathering ingredients, possibly for a potion of some sort. Luckily, he loved doing this kind of thing. After years of collecting potions ingredients, it was still fun for him. This was something exceptional, seeing that he considered very few things to be "fun".

"Ay, Sev'rus!" the half-giant greeted him cheerfully. "'Ave yah seen Lily?"

"I was about to ask you the same," he replied as he crossed his arms. "She has a tendency to let time just…slip away."

"She'll be 'ere soon then!" Severus nodded. "Good! I don' wan' it ter get too late, otherwise we won't finish." He was right. It wasn't good to stay in the forest too long. In the Wizarding world night is more dangerous than most people believe, especially when a war was being fought.

The long waiting period had begun. If Lily didn't show up in the next fifteen minutes he knew she forgot that she had somewhere to be, although, it was extremely unlikely. Slowly the minutes passed as the darkness began to engulf the outside world. Every sound had begun to annoy Severus. The music the birds made which took its form as genius, the sounds of two animals confessing their love for each other in the midst of the night and even the sounds of footsteps slowly, but mysteriously edging toward him from a distance all seemed to put him on edge.

He sat on a stump, taping his fingers on its bark. He didn't want to go into the forest without her. There was no reason for him to be Hagrid's "willful" servant at this hour. Everything about the night seemed to remind him about Lily. The way the night's light made the grass turn a dark shade of green reminded him of her eyes. The memories of the nights he spent with her, sneaking out of their dorms to go on some silly escapade they endeavored came back to him. He was frowning, but on the inside he was smiling widely, waiting for Lily to suddenly appear before him. She'll be here soon. He thought to himself, not all too clearly in the in his reminiscence.

Suddenly, he heard her beautiful voice rising above the air, floating to his ears; the singing tone intoxicating him, like a fine aged red wine. He hadn't heard her voice in nearly two decades. He longed to hear her voice for so long, and now he had heard it. He looked at her—seventeen years old and just as beautiful as he had remembered her, and possibly, if he could dare admit it, even more.

"Hello Hagrid, how are you this evening?" she asked, smiling happily at him. She hadn't noticed Severus yet. It was a good thing. He wanted to see her happy, not disappointed, or even furious beyond comprehension. Her smiling face, striking beauty and haunting green eyes had brought back every single memory he had suppressed. His eyes began to water, but he never let a single tear spill over his lower eyelids. His heart was drenched in melancholy, but at the core of it all was love, pure, untainted love. His love for her was perhaps the only thing which remained untainted in his entire being. I love you. The word screamed at him. He heard them so loudly in his dead that he almost screamed them out loud. But he kept his composure, trying to falsely relax himself for the time being.

He only heard the words she spoke. He blocked out every word Hagrid had uttered, until he mentioned his name. Suddenly apprehension filled him as he feared for Lily's reaction. "Lily, yeh can sit down. I need ta tell yeh two wha' yeh signed up fer." Hagrid said, in his normally cheerful voice.

"What do you mean by us two? I thought it was just me."

"Oh, I thought yeh saw Sev'rus over there," he said, pointing at the lanky boy siting on an old disheveled stump. The way Lily looked at him pained Severus. It was like a knife repeatedly stabbing his chest, but never killing him. Was it hate, pain, resent, lost love, or was it all of them combined? He wanted to look away, but something kept him from taking his eyes off of her. He almost wanted to walk up to her and fall to his knees, but it wasn't the time for it. "Go on, sit next ter im'," he said, winking at Severus.

She reluctantly walked toward him, scowling at him the best she could, though she really wasn't capable of it. Even when she gives me that look she's absolutely breathtaking. The teenage hormones started taking over for a moment. He wished he was an adult again, so he would no longer have to feel the teenage hormones torturing him. Oh, but what a feeling they were. He never thought he would feel that way again. She sat a meter away from, trying to keep her distance from him, but not enough to make Hagrid upset.

Why is he here? All of a sudden he decides to be Mr. Helpful. Merlin, I can't stand this. It's too much. Why did I sign up for this? If I had only known… No, I did this for Hagrid. I don't want Hagrid to work too hard, he deserves to be treated well, unlike, unlike… She couldn't say it.

What would it be like now if we still had our friendship? What would it be like if you never said that word? Impossible. You would still be following the path you're on. I never had control over you. I was a fool to think it. I just can't help, but wonder where did the old Severus go? I still remember when we were young. The day I met you was the happiest day of my life. That day was the first day I truly didn't feel different any more. I fit in finally. I was a part of something. But now, all of that's gone. Was all of this a waste of time? No, of course not. It was fun while it lasted. Now, it's just something that used to be.

He's far too pale. He isn't eating well. I hope he won't die of starvation. Maybe, I should secretly sneak food for him. I'll leave it anonymously. I hope he isn't starving himself, just to die, a slow painful death. I don't know him anymore. He could just let go of life at any given moment. I hope he's okay…

I don't care for him anymore. It's passed. But why do I still worry about him? I have James. James isn't a Death Eater in training. James is good. Severus is bad. James is on the side of light. Severus is on the side of dark. Things are completely different. It's just black and white now. I love James. I hate Severus.

I wish I could hold my old friend in my arms and never let him go.

I wish I could just forget him completely, and move on with my life. Lily was confused. So many things had been left open, never to fully close for her. The past was too hard to let go of. She wanted to let go of it so badly, but a part of her would always remain attached to Severus in some way. There was a time where thought they would be together forever, but that had been broken too many times. Seeing him again, fully, not with just a glance made her heart swell with pain.

"I know it's unlike yeh two, ter 'elp me without knowin' what yer gettin' yerselves inter. And I thank ya fer yer bravery and such. So gettin' ter what yeh two will be doin fer me… The Headmaster said I could round up a couple of trustworthy students ter 'elp me in the Forest. I need yeh ter gather some of these plants," he instructed as he handed them the list. "I trust yeh two are smart enough ter gather 'em." The list didn't contain any hard to find ingredients. After all, the Forbidden Forest contained ninety percent of the known magical plants, and the other ten percent has yet to be found. "Yeh two 'al be searchin' fer those plants, while I search fer me list of potions ingredients and such." Lily was about to put up a fight, but Hagrid cut in before she could say anything against his plan. "I put yeh two together 'cause it's better fer one ter see the other don't get killed. Do yeh understand?" They both nodded. "Right. We better get a move on then."

Lily had not spoken a word to Severus as they had begun to enter the forest. He didn't expect her to. When the time would come, one or the other would get sick of the forest's insistent noise that they would end up blurting out whatever was on their minds. The group winded through the tall evergreen trees following no clear path. The forest had begun to swallow them, causing them to become an unwelcomed disturbance to its peace. For now they were safe. But in a matter of moments it could all change.

Thousands of thoughts infested Lily's and Severus' minds, while Hagrid seemed to have the absence of thought. He hummed happily as they walked through the forest. It was quite annoying to the other two, who were trying to focus on completely different goals. Severus: apologize to Lily and get her to see reason. Lily: Don't talk to Severus, unless he is about to die, which is unlikely to happen.

The soil was wet. A musky sent filled the air. The waning moon was above their heads, and the stars gazed upon them eagerly, as if something momentous was about to happen. The October night's air was cold, causing their fingers to shake. Grass sparsely covered the ground. Roots and twigs were abundant and easy to trip over. The sounds of wolves investigating the forest edged closer to them. Meanwhile, a lone nightingale had begun to sing a beautiful ballade. The forest was a beautifully dangerous place. It was intimidating, intriguing, breathtaking and unexpectedly, tranquil.

Each of them carried a lantern and a magical device—Severus and Lily had wands, while Hagrid had his ridiculously pink umbrella. At what seemed like the middle of the forest Hagrid stopped, and looked at the other two. 'We best separate now." There was no reply. He took that time to hand them a map of the forest. "We're 'ere," he said, pointing a place near the middle of the map. "In an hour we meet up back 'ere. After that we go back ter Hogwarts." They nodded. "Best of luck ter yehs."

"Thanks." Lily muttered. Hagrid branched off to the left, and Severus and Lily to the right. They intently searched the forest floor, looking for what they needed to get. The both saw the same belladonna plant, and reached for it, bumping into one another's head.

Severus let out a breath of air and sighed. He ripped the list in half horizontally. The plants were split equally between the two of them. "Here," he said, handing the list to her. "You take this half, and I'll take the other. We'll be done faster this way." She nodded. He hoped she would have said something—a simple okay maybe? He wasn't going to get anywhere by not talking to her. But if he forced her to talk to him, then they would take several steps back.

They picked, cut and harvested their various plants. It was growing a bit tedious, accounting for the fact that Hagrid had given them no gloves. The silence had driven Severus to insanity. It felt as if he were banging his head on the wall, waiting for it to smash open. Lily enjoyed the silence. She was overjoyed that he hadn't spoken much. He only said what was needed. She thought herself to be lucky. He finished gathering his half rather quickly, while Lily was only three quarters of the way through. Most of the plants grew next to each other now, so it wasn't a huge issue. He sat against a tree, watching Lily pick plants. He smiled.

In his peripheral vision he could see a group of centaurs rushing towards Lily. His heart rate began to increase, and adrenaline had begun to kick in. He sat up and rushed towards Lily, pushing her aside. A centaur ran over where she used to kneel. One trampled over his leg, causing him to horribly shriek. Lily had screamed loudly. It terrified him and worried him more than his injured leg. Was she hurt? Please, let her be uninjured. Lily, just be okay.

She starred at Severus, her eyes wide and filled with tears. She was in shock. He saved me. Why? He injured himself for me. Why? I'm just a filthy—a—a—a filthy—Mudblood. Why would he save me? I'm not worth saving in his eyes. I'm nothing to him. So, why?

"Snape," she whispered. "You saved me." He didn't know how to respond. He could make a snarky comment, but that would start them off on a bad foot. He could say you're welcome, but it could come of sarcastic. Anything that came out of his mouth could be taken the wrong way. So instead of saying anything, he just nodded. "You saved my life," she repeated it over and over. Lily couldn't believe it. Finally, after repeating it several dozen times, she finally said something different. "Why?"

Because I love you. Because I cannot live life without you. Because I would rather die a thousand deaths than to see you die again. Because I would rather cut my heart out, than to live in a world without you. I've always loved you Lily. Always. Without you, I'm dead. "I just had to," he broadly explained. There was something in her eyes he couldn't quite explain. It looked like confusion, but it was laced with something else—something he couldn't quite fathom. She was crying. Unlike himself, he lifted his hand to her face and he began to wipe her tears away. He longed to able to touch Lily. They were close to each other, but not close enough. What he would do to just kiss her right then and there on the forest floor at midnight. But he couldn't. He wouldn't. He shouldn't. It was only space, and the space between them could be so easily eliminated. The sheer want was enough for him to do it, but something inside his head told him not to. Sometimes, a conscience didn't know right from wrong, because a conscience has known no love.

"Severus," she whispered with the same hopefulness, and joy she had before. He imagined pressing his lips against hers, kissing her passionately, immersing them both in a fever of love. She hadn't called him by his first name in a long time. It was always Snape from the end of fifth year and on. To hear his name escape from her lips was to hear an angel sing from the heavens and bless your life eternally. All too soon she had moved away from him.

She examined his leg, trying to focus her thoughts. He saved me. Is he really on the side of dark? Have things changed? Last time something like this happened he didn't care. Something is different about him now. It's like the old Severus came back for a moment. His eyes didn't seem so dead anymore. There was something in them. But what was it?

We were so close to each other. He wiped my tears away. What if we had been closer? What if we had eliminated the space between us? What would it have been like if he had kissed me? She blushed at the thought of it. She felt as if something that had died long ago came back to her fully alive. It abruptly flickered on like a candle's light, but suddenly blew itself out in the midst of its heat.

I love James. He's the only one I should kiss. I can't disrespect that. He's my boyfriend. After all, when Severus was gone he was always there to help me up when I fell down. I can't trust Severus. He's evil. He aspires to be a dark wizard. He searches for the weakness that is power. This was just a coincidence. It was just a reflex. He did it out of adrenaline and the pure logic. He never intended on this happening. I'm an idiot for thinking otherwise. I know him. No, I don't know him anymore. That's why I can't trust him.

She put her complete attention on his leg. It was bruised badly, and bleeding. "You're hurt."

"It's nothing."

"What do you mean it's nothing? You broke your bloody leg!"

"At least you aren't dead," he said softly, in his deep smooth, velvety voice. Something was different about Severus, and not just the way he's behaving. Lily just couldn't quite figure out what it was. "I need to talk to you."

"Do you have any bandages or gauze?" He nodded. He learned a long time ago that Madame Pomfrey didn't have the time to tend to his many constant injuries. He took them out of his pocket and handed them to Lily. She took out her wand and casted Episkey on his leg. She covered some of the smaller cuts with bandages, but most of his lower leg was covered by gauze.

"Thanks," he murmured.

"It's no big deal. You saved my life after all."

"Lily I need to talk to you about something."

"No, Severus, we ended our friendship a long time ago."

"I know," he muttered sadly, his voice full of regret. "Lily, I'm not asking you to say anything to me. You can fight me. You can embarrass me. I don't care. All I ask for you is to listen, until I finish what I have to say; nothing more. The rest is up to you."

"I can't," she barely managed, without choking through tears.

"Please, I just need to talk to you. I won't hurt you. Meet me tomorrow at the astronomy tower around eight. We don't have the time now. If you don't like what I say you can push me off of it if you want to." God knows I deserve it.

"Okay." He was relieved that she agreed. Maybe, she felt as if she owed him. For now, everything was falling into place. "We have to go meet up with Hagrid. He's probably half way to our meeting spot by now." She helped Severus up. "Your leg is going to hurt for a while, but at least it isn't broken anymore." She helped him walk through the forest. It was an arduous task, even more so, because she wasn't fond of having to touch him in order to help hem limp through the forest.

Half way through the forest it struck Severus. They could apparate. This wasn't exactly his finest hour, seeing that it took him so long to find an easy way out. Without warning he apparated them both to Hagrid. The moment they flashed before Hagrid he felt a sharp pain erupt from his head. "You could have told me we were going to apparate! You should know it's dangerous for an injured person to apparate!" Lily was furious.

"Don't yeh hit Sev'rus. And what do yeh mean he's injured. What 'appened?"

"You were right Hagrid. If Severus didn't come along I would have been dead. He saved my life, but hurt his bloody leg."

"I'm fine really."

"Oh stop neglecting yourself!" Even when they weren't friends they acted like an old married couple.

"We better get to Hogwarts, before yeh two kill each other." Hagrid laughed.

They made their way toward Hogwarts. He had tomorrow to look forward to. He knew every word he would say to her. He knew he would tell her as much of the truth he could. He would tell her the rest when she was ready. He couldn't just tell her he was from the future or something like that. He would look insane.

Lily had gone to bed that night confused. But more than anything she felt hurt, because after all this time he had chosen to act differently. After everything that he had done to her, he had finally turned her world upside down once more. Things couldn't remain the way they were. She had finally gotten used to the way things were headed, and all of a sudden he changed it. She cried herself to sleep that night, though she could only sleep for an hour. The rest of the night she starred at the ceiling, remembering all of the good times she had with Severus. Where had it all gone to?

He went to sleep that night with a smile on his face. He was thankful no one could see it. In his dreams he dreamed of Lily. He always had her in his mind. He just wished that his dreams were reality, and that his nightmares didn't exist. In his dreams everything made sense. In his dreams everything was perfect.

A/N: Please review, it would be greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to PM me with any questions, as I will not be answering them in any Author's Notes.