VI

Over a week had passed since Severus spoke to Lily, and, yet it seemed like a year had passed. With every passing day he waited for a response. If she said no, he would fight harder. If she said yes, he would do something unimaginable, something many students would think would bring upon the end of the world.

It was dawn. He lied in his bed, sleeping peacefully and completely occluded. It was easier for him to sleep that way. It chased his nightmares away in the middle of the night, so he wouldn't wake; screaming in terror after dreaming of deaths and melancholy fates he had went through in his previous life. Tonight, regardless of the occlusion, he had dreamed. As he slept he stirred in his bed, sometimes smiling and something frowning. Often in his sleep he would cry and drench his pillow throughout the dream. It was quite unlike anything he had ever experienced.

They were at the lake on Spinner's End, at the exact same place that they had first encountered each other. "Sev," Lily spoke, looking at him in the eyes, and he into hers. She had stopped calling him Sev a long time ago. He put his hand to her face and pushed aside her hair, tucking it behind her ear. She smiled. "I don't want to be your friend. I just can't be. It's impossible after everything we've been through." The words were cold.

"But, Lils—" The expression on his face looked as broken as his heart. He had begun to shake as she took his hands into hers.

"Sev, I need you to understand."

"I can't Lily; you know I will never be able to, no matter how hard I try to." He wanted to scream out that he loved her since they were children. But he couldn't, because it wouldn't make a difference. She would never feel the same way.

"I thought you were a genius."

"Lily, what are you trying to say?"

She smiled, and stared deeply into his eyes, trying to access his heart through them. "Sev, I wanted to tell you this for a long time now."

"Tell me what?" he asked, forlorn.

"Ever since fourth year things have been different between us. In fifth year when everything collapsed, I felt lost without you. James came to my rescue. He was like a hero to me—a real live superman. He fancied me, he always did, and then I started liking him back. Things went far, maybe even too far, but I was overjoyed at the time," she paused, clearly seeing that she had hurt Severus. It hurt her seeing him like this; in fact, it tore her heart to shreds. He had begun to tear up, and so did she. But she continued on. "But he was never you. No one could ever replace you, not even for a second. I still missed you. At times everything would spiral out of control and no one could help me. I wanted you to hold me in your arms and for you to say 'everything's going to be alright'. That feeling never stopped. At times it would be barely there, and at others it would weigh me down, until I finally lost all of my strength. I just can't do this anymore. It's too hard. I can't live without you, but Severus we could never be friends, not even for a moment. What I'm trying to say is I love you. I want to be with you."

At that moment he kissed her on the lips passionately, pouring out all of his love into her. She kissed back with the same zeal. He put his arms around her waist, and she put her hands into his silky hair. He eliminated the space between them. There was no greater feeling in the world. Their love was otherworldly, almost heavenly. He nibbled the bottom of her lip and she eagerly accepted the offer. All too soon they both pulled away from each other, gasping for air. "I love you too, ever since we were ten years old. I' will always love you Lily. Always." They kissed again, and the world suddenly erupted in catastrophe, but they didn't notice. The world began to fade into darkness. First, Lily was consumed by light, until Severus was left, screaming for her. He started falling, further and further into the nothingness. She was gone forever.

He awoke to someone shaking him awake. He sat up instantly, opening his mouth to scream, but nothing came out. He was sweating, and in a fever like trance, convinced he wasn't in his bedroom. He was panting. He tried to jump out of bed, but someone restrained him. He was held down by several people. "Severus, don't worry it was just a nightmare! Calm down Severus!" He relaxed at hearing Regulus' voice. It wasn't real. Lily wasn't gone. "Everyone wait out in the hall. I have to talk to him alone. Thank you." They left at his order, leaving the two Slytherin boys in the cold bedroom alone. He looked up at the stone ceiling as Regulus spoke to him. "Severus are you okay? You haven't had a nightmare in so long. This was…unusual."

"I'm fine. After, all it was just a nightmare," he stated blandly. But it wasn't just any nightmare to him. The nightmare was like a fairy tale at first, if it had only stayed that way he would never have awoken.

"Okay, that's good. At least you don't think you're in that nightmare anymore. Anyway, it was good that we got you to wake you up. We would have in a few minutes anyway. It's getting late."

"What time is it?" He was not one to sleep in. He would usually wake up at six, but never after seven. He couldn't sleep longer than that. He had suffered from insomnia for over a decade.

"It's five. We have to get going to the quidditch pitch. You didn't forget did you? You agreed to this a few weeks ago. You know how much we need to find new players!"

Did this even happen last time? Of course it did. I must not have made it last time, so I had forgotten. It doesn't matter. I despise the sport. Sweaty pigs, flying on brooms, hitting balls with clubs like primitive barbarians, and two people chasing after some flying ball for points—what kind of game is that? It's idiotic. "I can't…"

"Severus, you promised! Come on, you might like it! You might even be good at it. You will never know until you try. This is harmless. Please Severus?"

"Fine, I'll try out. But I guarantee that I will me horrible at the sport. I'll probably end up falling off the broom. If I get hurt in any way I'm holding you accountable. Do you understand?"

"That's the spirit! Now come on, we can't waste any more time. We lost three players last month, including the seeker, to their mischief. We have to make up for it. You never know who's got some hidden talent!" Severus envied his cheerful disposition. He wished he could have that, but darkness had consumed him long ago, to a certain point where he could never truly feel the full extent of happiness.

He dragged Severus out of bed, and left him in the room to change. Before he could fully process anything he ended up on the quidditch pitch. He was fully uniformed along with the other Slytherins. He looked ridiculous. He frowned in disgust. Looking around him, he noticed that everyone looked ridiculous. How fitting.

"Alright everybody, I'm glad you showed up!" Regulus shouted. Only on the quidditch pitch was he in complete control. He had a certain leadership quality that many people couldn't match. "This time around tryouts are going to be a bit different. I've decided that we'll be taking the Gryffindor-route of things this year." Everyone but Severus sighed in disappointment. "Anyone care to do that again and I'll make sure you never get on the field. Now, I'm going to divide you into two teams. From there on we'll play several games and I'll access your strengths and weaknesses. We only need three players, so this is going to be tough. After that, I'll decide who's backup. Now the three players we need are a Seeker, a Keeper and a beater. I'm a chaser. So if any of you thought you would be getting the position, you're sorely mistaken."

After dividing them into two groups, everyone got on their brooms and started the game, without any explanation. It was a good thing that during his first year as a teacher he had learned the rules of the game. In the first game Severus played as a beater. To put it lightly, a brain dead paralyzed troll would have been a better beater. The next game he was moved to the keeper position. He was better at it than being a beater. He didn't like it much though. It got a bit boring to him after a long while. Two games later he finally got to the seeker position.

He stayed still for most of the game. He analyzed the field carefully, trying to see if he could catch a glimpse of it. Twenty minutes passed and he saw nothing. He closed his eyes and began to listen to the world around him. The loudest sounds were of the game going on, the next loudest the birds singing in the morning and finally he heard a pestering buzzing sound somewhere behind the stands. The buzzing drew closer to him. Finally, after so much time had passed he found it. He raced toward it, flying as fast as he could on the broom. A bludger hit him just before he got a meter away from it. He started to fall, but quickly got back into the air.

He had lost sight of the snitch. Once again, it was a waiting game, but it was one he enjoyed. The seeker position was perfect for him. He was analytical, swift, a good thinker and above all he wasn't one who gets distracted easily. The snitch was beneath him, low on the ground, almost impossible to catch. He flew as close as to the ground as he could. The other seeker tailed him. The other seeker had a fast broom, but he was careless. Then again, Avery was one to be that way. "Hello, Snape," he said as he passed him to get to the snitch.

Snape sped up, catching up with Avery. It was a heated battle. Never once in his life did Severus think he would ever have any interest in quidditch, but playing as a seeker sparked something inside of him. Avery pushed him aside and Severus tumbled once near the ground. He caught his balance and then flew directly beneath Avery. Avery reached for the snitch first, but then, Severus used his lightning fast reflexes and grabbed the snitch. He crashed to the ground holding the snitch to his chest. The game was over.

He held the snitch up in the air as he lied on the cold, dew filled grass. He stayed there, too tired to get up and too caught up in the fact that he gotten through the whole try out process without killing himself. He let the snitch fly out of his hand once more as exhaustion began to take over his body. He felt somewhat proud of himself, though he hated the sport; at least he had accomplished something.

Regulus rushed over to Severus. He bent down and examined him. "Severus, are you okay? Say something." He said nothing. "Oh, Merlin, I killed him!"

"Regulus," he wheezed, "there are only two bigger idiots than you…"

"Okay, now say an insult about anyone, but me."

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

"The only prat who could ever love their hair more than Potter would be the cursed woman that gave birth to that vile child."

Regulus laughed uncontrollably. He choked on his laughter, pounding on his chest. He gasped for air. The fact the laughter could kill made Severus shudder. "I'm glad that you're okay Severus." He helped him get up. He lifted up his arm and shouted, "This man right here is our new Seeker." Everyone but Avery cheered. It was a completely strange moment for Severus. Not once in his life had a group of people cheered for him. Was he really good? He doubted it. Was he better than the rest of the inadequately skilled Slytherins? It was impossible. But he somehow had been made Seeker. It didn't matter much to him; although, he didn't mind it. He liked the way it kept him on his toes, and the way he had to analyze every aspect of the field, before getting into the real action. He wouldn't disagree, yet, at least not in front of them.

Regulus began to announce the other people who made the cut, but Severus didn't care. He walked away, hoping no one would stop him. Quidditch was just another way to waste his time. He had never participated in anything classified as "fun". Maybe, when he could talk to Regulus alone later on in the day he could get out of it. After all, Slytherins are sly, some more so than others.

He walked the halls to the Slytherin corridor alone once again, like the day he had arrived back in this time period. Could he even call this time travel? He had come back to life. It was definitely a second chance, but what could he call it? He would decide later. When the time comes to explain this to someone he would know how to call it.

He walked to Slughorn's potions classroom. He had class today. As he inched toward the door he noticed Lily talking to Dumbledore. Is she already a member of the Order? I would have kept her feet from getting wet in it if I could have. I just hope she isn't neck deep in those dangerous waters. They were having some private conversation he couldn't overhear. He could only guess.

A pale green light flashed before his eyes and he remember the words Dumbledore had said to him. He had completely forgotten about some of his goals. He was wasting his time. He has to talk to Dumbledore. He has to be friends with Lily again. He has to save Regulus. He has to defeat Lord Voldemort. But how could you do all of this when you had an education to worry about? He had already arrived back in time too late. Why couldn't he have arrived on the day of graduation? Luck was something he never possessed. He just kept standing at the doorway, completely overcome by the epiphany. He had to use his time wisely. He couldn't wait much longer. He has to talk to Dumbledore while he waits for Lily. It is the only way.

He slowly walked in the classroom sitting in the seat closest to the back of the room. He never liked sitting up front where Slughorn could keep on praising him. Lily always said that Slughorn never gave him enough credit, but in truth he liked things to be kept in secrecy. It was the way he always was and will be. The problem was that he couldn't keep all his secrets, because the last time he had done that catastrophe struck.

As he stirred his potion he had decided that he would talk to Lily again in a week if she wouldn't come to him with an answer. By the end of the year he has to have Lily back. By the end of the year I will have her back. I won't force her, but I know her. Or at least, I do, if she hasn't changed too much. If she believes I stopped lingering in the darkness she won't be able to completely ignore it much longer. One thing hadn't changed about Severus. He would always be a Slytherin, no matter how much Gryffindor lied within him.

After class he spotted Reg walking in the halls. Luckily he was walking toward him. "Severus, why did you run off like that earlier?"

"Trivial things like that do not interest me."

Regulus sighed. "We have Quidditch practice tomorrow morning, at the same time. Just please come. We have to beat Gryffindor next week or we won't win the cup." He nodded. It didn't matter if he won the cup or not. To him this whole thing was ridiculous.

"Listen Reg, I have to talk to you about something important."

"I'll meet you in the common room in five."

"Okay."

They faced each other in the green tinted room. One sat on a black velvet couch and the other on a stool. For a long while silence engulfed them. He couldn't just tell him. He had to do it in a convincing way. Finally someone snapped. "Is this about quidditch?"

"Not everything is about quidditch."

"You don't want to be on the team do you? You can't quit I won't let you. You're the best Seeker I've seen since I started Hogwarts! Just stay on the team and give it a try. Please Severus do it for me." His tone was angry, yet pleading.

"Reg, this isn't about quidditch! I'll tell you what I think about that later!"

"No tell me now." He is impossible.

"Okay, I don't want to be on the team. It's a waste of time. I have much better things to do."

"Yeah, like sit in your bat cave all day…" He crossed his arms. Severus stood up and hit his head with a book.

"Look, there are more important things in life. I need you talk to you about—"

"No, we are talking about quidditch now." Regulus was just as immature as has brother. Who knew he could be so quidditch obsessed?

"I'll come to practice tomorrow, but I don't guarantee anything after that. We'll talk about this tomorrow. Disagree with me and…" he was about to say "I'll have you serve detention with me gutting fish for potions. I'm taking away ten points for you cheek," but he stopped himself right in his tracks. "…and I won't show up for practice," he finally said.

"Okay."

"Good, now for the more important matter at hand." He gave him a look that said, 'nothing is more important than quidditch'. "Reg, I cannot let you succumb to them anymore. You do not know how you are endangering your life. One false move and you'll be gone forever. I cannot allow that to happen!"

"What about you? At one time you wanted the same thing. What has changed? People don't change in an instant. Just two weeks ago you were talking about how you couldn't wait to join the ranks, and now this? Do you think I'm not good enough? What is it? Tell me!"

"You have it completely wrong. I think you are too good. You are not one who should be placed with those idiotic brutes. You don't know what their real goals are. If you knew you would greatly regret ever wanting to be a part of their ranks. I changed because I finally opened my eyes to see what was really going on. The words they say about how they will change the government, about how they will bring this world to order, all of it is trash! They have no aspirations to do so. Their ambitions are far worse, and far more ludicrous than you could ever imagine!"

"I can't believe you Severus. I thought you were one of the few who would understand. I don't know you anymore. I don't like the way you are right now. You're trying to keep me from achieving my best. You used to support me." He couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth. They were the same words he had told Lily a few days, before the incident. It was astounding how lies could really do that to a person. It was incomprehensible how one person could hold them so close and hope for those lies to be true. He saw himself at that age as he looked at Regulus. If he weren't occluded he would surely have collapsed. But all Severus could do was grip the edges of his stool and hope for Reg to say he has changed his mind.

"Please Reg; I need you to listen to me. I need you to consider what I'm saying. There are two sides to every story, and you have to find out which is the right one. I can assure you, the things they say aren't. Please—" His voice was airy.

"You were like a big brother to me before." He said, before he left Severus in the room, alone once again. Severus always ended up alone in the end.

I was like a big brother to you. If I really was then why don't you listen to a word I say? If I was then how can you turn away so quickly when I'm giving you my hand, so I can drag you out? I won't let you sink any further. You should already know that. I'm doing this to protect you, not to spite you.

He sat there in awe. Was Reg really a lost cause? He had no way of finding out until he takes the Dark Mark. I'll try again. But that is all I'm doing. I'm trying—not accomplishing anything. Dumbledore once said, 'Do or do not. There is no try.' Every word out of that old man's mouth is not a waste after all. I'll do something, even if it's microscopic in worth. I'll break through that barrier like Lily broke through mine, but all too late. Fate had already set itself in stone as Severus had put his goals in mind. The one thing about fate is that not many people can change things, because they don't believe that they can.

A/N: Please review, it would be greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to PM me with any questions, as I will not be answering them in any Author's Notes.