VIII
The two woke up. Sunlight entered through a glass window sparkling on the floor beneath them. Lily still lied next to James with her arms wrapped tightly around him. Severus was still in his uncomfortable chair. For a moment he imagined being in the bed with Lily, her arms wrapped around him as she tried to pour her love into him through their skin and clothes. But life wasn't that simple for him. If it were, he would have had Lily in his arms long ago.
His eyes were filled with sorrow as he watched the scene. He had fallen asleep to it, and it didn't do any good for him to wake up to it. He stayed strong, and let his emotions fall to occlusion. But Occlumency couldn't take away the obvious love on his face as he looked at Lily. His usual scowl was gone, replaced by something that not many people had ever had a chance to witness.
Madam Pomfrey stood in the corner and looked at the scene. It was something that was meant to be in movies. A man sat in the corner, watching the person he loved hold the one she loved. Unfortunately for the man in the corner, she never knew how he felt. The woman would stroke her love's hair gently and the man would wince at the pain, which slowly trickled into his heart. At once he would turn away. He would take a peak every few moments, hoping that the scene wasn't real. The man was cold, bitter, unwelcoming, but underneath it all he had a greater capacity to love than most people. The kind of love he held for her was impossible, unfathomable, but worth chasing after until the very end, because if he didn't, he would surely die before he ever got a chance to utter a word to her. He would continue to look at her the same way as she looked at the other man. Something about the scene could shatter a heart with a glance. She smiled; something about it couldn't be ignored.
James started to move, unsettled by something. Lily gasped in surprise. Severus stood from his chair. James opened his eyes, and moaned out in pain. The wand in his wrist was still there. "James!" Lily exclaimed.
Through the pain James pretended to be strong. He smiled. "Hey Lils, how are you?"
"I should be asking you. You hurt yourself terribly yesterday. I was so scarred. You have a concussion. I thought you wouldn't wake up this soon. Oh James, you don't need to be strong right now. You're hand…can you feel it?" Lily was out of the hospital bed. She sat next to James and waited for a response as she stared into his bright hazel eyes. He could only nod.
"Don't overexert the patient Ms. Evans!" Madam Pomfrey yelled. "Mr. Potter, now that you are awake I can access the damage more easily. From what Mr. Snape had diagnosed, you won't be able to play quidditch in quite a while, if ever. I completely agree with him."
The moment she said that Potter's face had fallen into a horrifying look. It was the face Severus had on when he had heard that the Potter's were going to be attacked. For Severus, it was a lovely expression to see on Potter's face, but for Lily it crushed her. "I—I won't be—be able to play quidditch?" he asked, stumbling over his words as he tried to wrap his mind around the fact. "That—that cannot happen. I need to play quidditch! My team is counting on me!" He had jumped up out of bed.
"Mr. Potter I suggest you lie back down in bed or I will have to sedate you! You must listen to me or your hand will never heal."
He did as he was told, for the sake of quidditch. She walked over to him and cast a spell that allowed her to see his bones. His hand was a deadly dark purple color, and it was covered in blood. Her brow furrowed. "I have never seen anything like this. I don't know what I can do. Not even St. Mungo's could possibly have a healer capable of healing this. The extent of your injury is immense. Mr. Potter, I'm sorry, but Mr. Snape was completely correct." She was in complete awe.
"Like Snape would know anything! He's an idiot. There are tons of healers out in the world, and you're saying that there's not one capable of fixing this! You have to be mistaken. I have the money. I'm willing to go through any treatment so I can get my hand fixed."
"Do not take that tone with me. Five points from Gryffindor for your cheek Mr. Potter. I suggest you cooperate, and then I will see what I can do."
Severus had, had enough of their bickering. He stood up and walked toward Lily. He took one look at Potter's hand and knew what he had to do. But he would have to look at it first. "Madame Pomfrey, I think his hand might be salvageable, but you have to take out the wand first." He waited for a reply, but he got none. "Madam Pomfrey, I do hope you know that I am adept in this field. Thus, I believe you should listen to me, if you haven't the slightest idea in that head of yours."
"Snape—"
"Do as I say," he demanded in his cold, velvety voice. She grabbed her wand and plenty of cloth to soak up the blood. There was no denying Severus when his voice could command someone with ease.
"You cannot be serious! How can you listen to that snake? He probably got me this way in the first place. After all he's just a slimy Slytherin." Both Severus' and Lily's patience were running thin, and it was dwindling with every word out of Potter's mouth.
"James, your hand can't get any worse than this. He's your last hope. Either risk it, or ruin your career in quidditch. The choice is yours. If I were you I would pick the latter." She shot him a motherly look that said, "Do as I say, or you'll regret it".
"Okay Lily, but only because you say it won't get any worse. You're lucky I love you." It was evident that he was still furious, but it didn't matter. Sever would end up trying to save his hand, whether he was conscious or not.
"I know." She pecked him on the lips once, satisfied with the answer he had given her. Could Severus even go through with this? It would make Lily happy. I would also make the swine elated if he succeeded.
"Now, you two will need to go to the other corner of the room, until I say you can come back here. Mr. Potter I will have to take your wand out of your wrist now, so if you will allow me I will put anesthesia on your wound right now." he nodded.
Lily and Severus turned around and walked to the corner of the room. They sat on a bed next to each other, keeping their distance. She so badly wanted to hold James' hand through the whole process, but she couldn't. She found comfort standing next to Severus. "When did you get here? I thought you had left last night."
He shook his head. "I slept in a chair here the whole night. I didn't want to leave you here…alone." He was trying to form his sentences carefully.
She looked at him in disbelief. 'I'm sorry," was all she could think of to say. He seemed to understand what she meant. "Can you really fix his hand?"
"I believe so. He will have to cooperate in order for me to accomplish anything. I can't guarantee anything though."
"Thank you." With every scream that escaped Potter Lily looked a little more broken down. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay, but it wasn't his job to do so. No matter what he wanted, he could never have it, because she would never want the same. She tried to distract herself by talking to him. "Severus, I didn't know you joined the quidditch team. I thought you hated the sport."
"I do. That much hasn't changed. The reason why I made it is…beyond me."
"You are good seeker, fantastic actually."
"Lily, did you decide, yet?" He looked at the room's pale yellow walls. The question had just flew threw his mouth before he ever had a chance to think about it. He felt like a dunderhead.
"I can't—not right now. It, it just isn't right." After all of this, after he said he would help the Potter brat she still can't agree? This was begging to look like a lost cause. "I'm sorry. It would have been easier if—" She had cut herself off. Easier if what—if you hadn't said those words to me? Easier if I didn't love James? Why is this driving me up a wall? Why do I care? This shouldn't happen.
He looked at her expecting her to finish. Would this have been easier if we had never met each other? He was sure she was going to say something along those lines. He felt broken, just as he did every day. If he hadn't come back to this time, then life would have been easier for him. If he had only told her he loved her the first time… No, he was wrong, nothing would have changed. Fantasies and reality are two completely different things, just as the dark and the light. It was on of the hardest lessons to learn. It was also one of the hardest things to do. Separating the two and being able to tell the difference between the two were impossible, only because the heart would never allow it. "It's okay Lily." But it really wasn't.
"Please, don't call me that." They were back where they started. His efforts had gone to waste. How hard did he have to try? Could he even do it? He had lost faith in himself quickly. He was so used to feeling terrible that it hadn't made a difference to him. "Sorry." She had said it once again, but she didn't mean it. All that was left was a pool of apologies and a river of tears that drifted away from them.
"Mr. Snape, you can examine him now." Madam Pomfrey called. He held his head low as he counted the pale grey tiles that led to Potter. He couldn't get there soon enough. Lily had followed him. Lily sat on the right of Potter, while Severus on the left. "Mr. Potter, I will be supervising this whole operation so you do not need to worry. I will not let him harm you."
"Like I could ever trust Snape." A sharp pain had erupted from Potter's head. He screamed. Snape had smacked his head hard.
"One more comment like that and I will cease this whole worthless cause. Or rather, I will operate on your brain and then I'll see if you can hold onto any information."
"Five points from Slytherin! Potter, trust Snape. He is all you have left. So you better pray that he will fix your hand." It was so unlike Madam Pomfrey. But she had trusted Severus to keep a steady supply of potions in her infirmary. Without a shadow of a doubt, she had trusted him with this.
"How can you trust him?" Lily had asked automatically.
"You never know until you try." She was right. Lily had an epiphany, and suddenly she had every reason not to deny his offer. She had to talk to Severus after all of this ended.
Severus casted the same spell Madam Pomfrey had earlier. He knew what was wrong the moment he had seen the inside of his hand. He lifted Potter's hand from the bloody cloth and turned it the other way. It was just as he expected. "His metacarpals are broken. His phalanges are surprisingly fine. His extensor indicis, as well as his extensor digitorum communis are both completely shattered. His carpals and wrist are shattered, and it is missing fragments of the bone. The injury is extensive."
"Can you fix it?" James asked, completely unsure of what he had said, if it was in English at all.
"Yes, I believe I can." He sighed in relief. "But it will take at least a weak. This isn't going to be a walk in the park. If you haven't noticed…life isn't easy. So you will have to get it through your head that this is something that cannot be quickened with money." he enjoyed taking his time to make snide comments at Potter. He nodded. "Good, now, Madam Pomfrey I need the following potions: Dreamless Sleep, Draught of the Living Death, a bone regrowth serum, a bone repair serum, a blood replenisher and lastly I will need pain dulling serum. I will also need essence of dittany. For now that will be all."
"Potter I'm putting you to sleep whether you like it or not. You'll be out for at least a week. Good thing for you, because you won't have to use your brain at all." He sighed before looking at Lily. "I'm sure Lily will stay by your side as much as she can. I will unfortunately monitor your progress."
"Severus, you will make a fine healer someday." Madam Pomfrey wasn't lying. He had to remember that for when he searched for jobs. He wouldn't become a teacher once more. He couldn't stand being locked up in a classroom full of idiots for another lifetime.
Madam Pomfrey had arrived with an armful of potions and set them down on the table next to Severus. Severus took his wand out of his quidditch uniform, which he had secured well in his pocket, so something like that wouldn't have happened to him. "James," Lily whispered. "Be strong. Severus is going to heal you. I love you." Severus winced at the last three words. He had longed for her to say them to him. It hurt more than knives cutting through your heart slowly.
"I love you too." With those words said Severus shoved the Dreamless Sleep potion and Draught of the Living Death down Potter's throat. In seconds he fell asleep. He transfigured useless objects into several IV's. He poured the remainder of the potions, except dittany into them. He stuck the needles into Potter and hoped for the best, for Lily's sake. He used his wand and began to cast a spell. "Vulnera Sanentur," he had chanted almost song like in his beautiful baritone voice. The wound in his wrist began to heal. Afterwards he applied dittany to the scar that was left.
He looked toward Lily and Madam Pomfrey who stared at awe in him. "I've never heard of that spell before," they both stated simultaneously. "Who created it?" Lily asked. He didn't reply. He didn't want them to know that he had. It was terrible enough that he had let another spell of his leak out. "Severus—"
"Not right now. I am preoccupied by your—your boyfriend," he sneered, barely being able to admit it. He threw away the potions bottle and returned to his position. He watched Potter breathe. He didn't want him to wake up, unlike Lily who wished the best for the git. He stood up out of his chair and began to leave. "Madam Pomfrey, I believe you can take over from here. I will be back this evening to check up on him."
As he walked away Lily watched him. He wasn't as bad as she thought. A part of her wanted to chase after him, but another part of her wanted to keep sitting next to James. Just before Severus exited the room Sirius Black burst in, Remus Lupin was not far behind him. Peter Pettigrew was nowhere to be found, as usual. You could never trust that rat. "Oi, what's wrong with Prongs?" Sirius exclaimed.
"Your friend is injured. I helped him. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way." Severus had scowled at the two of them.
"Snivellus wasn't playing with his chemistry set for once! Who would have thought the snake would ever leave it! You helped James! That's it, I must be dreaming!"
"Muts don't have the brains to believe anything, much less dream."
"Oh look Moony, I got Snivelly mad!" He laughed hard, while Remus stayed quite. Sirius pulled out his wand. Remus stood there unresponsive, just as he always did. "So Snivellus, what made you help Potter today? Is it because of your cru—"
He took out his wand as well. "Black, this doesn't make sense. I help your friend, and you react like this?" He had deliberately cut him off so he wouldn't say a word about how he felt toward Lily.
"Death Eater scum like you never helps anyone. Snivellus I thought you would know that."
"The thing is; you're completely incorrect. This makes no sense at all. I am not a Death Eater, nor do I have the intention of reducing myself to such status. As for that name—can you tell me, when have you ever seen me snivel?"
Black was taken aback. "All Slytherins become Death Eaters. It's the way these things work."
"Stereotypes…clearly aren't meant to be used by idiots. Saying that is like saying all Gryffindors fight for the right cause. It's like saying Gryffindors are always brave. But your house is full of cowards."
"Enough!" Madam Pomfrey finally interrupted them. "You two have got to learn how to control yourselves. I cannot believe that either of you are still standing. Severus you may leave. You two make your visit short. I don't have all day!" Within her order, she always liked a little bit of chaos, but this was too much.
Severus walked out of the room, his green quidditch robes flowing behind him. Some things will never change. But how could they when he had returned to the time where they were still the same? He turned, not wanting to return to his common room. There would only be a group of angry Slytherins waiting to punish him. He walked into an empty classroom and sat at the teacher's desk. He liked sitting there in front. He imagined a group of students sitting in front of him while he made snide comments about their intellectual inferiority. He missed having that kind of control, but he would never return to it.
He turned toward the chalkboard behind him. He picked up a stick of white chalk and began to write onto the blackened board. The white against the black reminded him of how opposites could always find a way to complement each other. Without putting much thought into what he wrote on the board he poured his heart onto it. If the light and the dark could intertwine we would have it all. If it were that way life would be simple. To simply put it, life should be the shades in between the light and the dark and nothing more.
He starred at what he wrote for what felt like hours. Was this really on his mind? What did he mean by it? He had quickly copied it down onto a piece of parchment before erasing it. Something inside of him knew that he meant more by it, but in all of it he had no clue what he had meant. His subconscious was silently screaming at him, but he could not hear. He thought of Lily when he read it and her love of James. He thought of how he could never be with her because he was blackened, never truly on any side, but she was pure, untainted, completely on the side of light.
A/N: Please review, it would be greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to PM me with any questions, as I will not be answering them in any Author's Notes.
In addition to this, I would be grateful if my readers would take the time to review. I want to know whether or not you like this, so far. I know I found a terrible chapter to request for this, but look past it.
Thank you.
-Elaine