Author's Note: Sorry for the long delay. I had other fics I had to work on that took presedence over this fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
The next day, the next mental simulation is much weirder. In it, I'm locked in a glass box with water rising all around me. My friends and enemies all stand around the box, watching me drown.
At least I'm not Gajeel's simulation, where he had to go on a date with a gay, perverted butler named Grell.
"Won't somebody help me?" I think to myself before I break the glass. As soon as the glass shatters, I'm back in the simulation room. Natsu's jaw is open.
"I know what you are. You're ice cold, and -" Natsu says before I cut him off.
"No, I am not that sparkly jackass!" I yell. Natsu sighs.
"Say it," Natsu demands.
"Say what?" I ask.
"S.O.S. Brigadier," Natsu whispers. I turn pale.
"How... How did you know?" I stutter.
"I saw the tapes of your mental simulations. Just hide it next time, okay? It would make us all happy," Natsu explains.
"Aries, can I talk to you in the back?" I ask as I enter the tattoo shop.
"Sure," Aries says as she leads me to the back room. "What is it, Lucy?"
I sigh.
"What does it mean to be an S.O.S. Brigadier? Besides watching whatever anime you like with no restrictions," I ask. Aries ponders this.
"Well, you can manipulate the simulations. You also know that they're just simulations in your head," Aries explains. "Also, for some reason, people in One Piece faction who end up being S.O.S. Brigadiers end up dying."
"WHAT THE HELL?!" I scream. Aries sweatdrops. "Sorry. Go on."
"My best friend, Capricorn, and I transferred to One Piece faction from Kuroshitsuji faction. Capricorn was also an S.O.S. Brigadier. He was doing so well. That is, until I found his dead body in front of the T.V. while Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was on. To this day, I'm still not sure if he was murdered, or if the trashiness of Honey Boo Boo and her family killed him," Aries explains. I sweatdrop.
"It's possible to die by watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?" I think to myself.
"And, to make matters worse, they used Capricorn's Honey Boo Boo nickname on his headstone instead of his real name - 'Here lies Crybaby'," Aries explains. I turn pale. (1)
"Why did they name him that?!" I cry in terror.
It's been four days since I talked to Aries, and I'm returning to my dorm after another day of simulations. So far, they've included crows pecking at me, me drowing, Loke burning me at the stake while he wears a Spanish Inquisition costume, and me accidentally killing my family. All in all, it's weird.
"Lucy! Lucy!" Levy yells. "You ranked #1 on the mental simulation rankings! You beat Loke by five minutes and fifteen seconds!"
I look to the board. Sure enough, I'm at number one with a simulation time of only two minutes and fourty-five seconds.
"Suck it, Loke!" I yell. Oops, I shouldn't have said that, since he is now blindfolding me while Elfman and Alphonse pick me up.
"Where are we going?!" I cry.
"You'll see, sweetie," Loke says. Before I know it, I hear the water, so we must be on the decks of the Hyperion. I then feel Elfman and Alphonse hold me over the rail by my ankles. "I see London, I see France, I see Lucy's underpants!"
"Falcon Punch!"
I feel Elfman and Alphonse let go of me and I hit my head hard on the railing. The last thing I see before I pass out is pink hair.
Predictably, I wake up in the sick bay, with Natsu standing above me.
"What happened? I know Loke was being an ass, but -" I ask Natsu, who cuts me off.
"I guess they wanted to scare you or something," Natsu explains.
"Can I stay here tonight? I don't feel like putting up with Loke," I ask Natsu.
"Why the hell not?" Natsu says.
Predictably, I ache all over the next morning. But, I'm still required to join everyone else in a field trip to an abandoned skyscraper.
"This will be your Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape. We took the stuff from your mental simulations, and we're going to be using that in the emotional stage of your initiation, which is also the final stage. Each person's Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape will be different, and you will be judged on how quickly you get through it," Natsu explains. Loke raises his hand. "Yes, Loke?"
"Why is it called the Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape? Can't it be called something like 'Impel Down' or 'Punk Hazard'?" Loke asks Natsu, who glares at him.
"You're just jealous because I have a friend with boobs and you don't," Natsu tells Loke with a straight face. All of us either laugh or go "Ooh, burned". "And, besides, I'm the one who picks the name for this place, not you. Now, we will come here in one week for the final part of initiation. Please prepare yourself mentally the best you can."
As we leave, I begin to sense that my quote-unquote "Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape" will have Loke in some way or another.
When I return to my dorm, Alphonse is waiting for me.
"Hey, Lucy... I'm really sorry about last night. Can you... Forgive me?" Alphonse asks me. For a moment, I feel triggered about the events of last night that ended in my concussion. They still seem sketchy at best, but, hey, Loke was involved. If Loke is involved with anything, it's always sketchy. Same goes for Juvia and Elfman.
"Get out," I say in an almost whisper.
"What?" Alphonse asks. Suddenly, I feel a lot of anger over last night, and I need to let it all out.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, YOU PERVERT! YOU ARE SO TOTALLY ON LOKE'S SIDE, AREN'T YOU!" I yell.
"FINE THEN! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Alphonse yells before he runs crying out of the room.
I didn't know metal suits of armor could cry human tears.
The next morning, I awake to a sad-looking Levy standing over my bed.
"Lucy... It's Alphonse. He... He disassembled himself and let Loke drop him off at the dump," Levy says sadly. I sigh.
"Guess I shouldn't have cursed at him," I say. "But, then again, LOKE was involved."
Levy sighs.
"I bet Alphonse did it so he could get away from us," Levy says. We grow silent, since today is going to be a long day.
(1) - Yes, I used the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo nickname generator to get Capricorn's nickname.
Review if you want to see the Super Happy Pirate Fun Landscape!