XVIV
Severus sat in the living room of his home in his black leather reclining chair; the recliner was up, his feet spread out on it. He flipped a page of his book silently, moving onto the next enticing passage. His father sat across from him, his eyes bloodshot and his head throbbing. He had not drunk any alcohol, due to its mysterious disappearance several days before. He had grown aggravated by his son, who was doing nothing wrong.
It was December 22nd, and things had slipped out of attention quickly. Severus was caught up in his younger self's life, thus causing him to lurch from one importance to another annoyingly. It was almost too hard to keep up with his life. But that day nothing had happened, and surprisingly it was not a relief, instead it was bothersome. His mind was ensnared with thoughts of how any second, orders could possibly come from Dumbledore, or how a letter could mysteriously pop up from Regulus.
There was a knocking on the door. Three knocks, it stopped. "Behave," he scoffed as he got up from his recliner.
"And if I don't?" his father asked rather stupidly.
"I have yet to decide what your punishment will be. But I am sure it will be no less that degrading, and possibly painful. But whatever it is, I will gladly watch you suffer." He smiled cynically. He walked over to the door. He opened it, only to see Lily standing there hopefully.
It took her a few moments to say anything to Severus; she was preoccupied with gazing at him in wonderment. "I know you forgot about our agreement. I told mum you would be over sometime today. I haven't seen her so excited in a long time…" She continued on mumbling things that Severus had lost interest in listening to. Someone was eager—no—excited to see him—how odd it was for him to hear those exact words.
"I haven't forgotten. I've been preoccupied with the on goings inside of my home." Lily looked over his shoulder to see his father standing silently in the living room. She nodded at Severus. She had gotten the basic gist of what it was like in the Snape household, but it remained a mystery to her on some level.
He grabbed a black coat from the hanger and turned to Lily once more. He took Lily's hand and escaped from his house, closing the door behind him. He let go of her hand quickly. They walked over to the lake they had met at. Lily lived on the other side of it. As the frozen lake entered her vision she felt her heart swell at the memory of meeting Severus. He was an awkward boy and no less than an oddball of one too. But she didn't ridicule him for it. She loved his odd tendencies. Suddenly she felt a great urge go sweep through her. She grabbed his hand and held it. She blushed once she realized what she did. Before she could embarrassingly take her hand back he gripped it tighter, not wanting to let go of it.
They reached her house. It was just as he remembered it. It was a midsized white home, with a black roof. The only difference was that it wasn't as happy as he had remembered it, but that was to be expected. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go in," she announced. She was excited that he had come over to her house for the first time in two years. She hadn't figured out a way to explain to her mom what had happened, and why the sudden change of heart made her so willing to let her back into her family's life once more, but it didn't matter to her. They were friends—best friends, and how they both secretly hoped for so much more.
Lily opened the red door slowly. Silence: There was only silence in the house. There was not the usual sound of boiling water, or of a large wooden spoon stirring the contents of large pot. He missed the smell of whatever meal was cooking on the stove. This time, house smelled of oranges and lilacs. He turned toward Lily who thought this was completely normal. "Is she home?"
"She was when I left. Maybe she's busy in the basement. She usually does the laundry around this time," she replied simply. "Let's go to the living room and wait for my mum there. She's bound to show up soon."
Before Severus sat on the couch he heard the motherly voice of Mrs. Evans call his name. "Severus!" she exclaimed happily; for the first time in a long time she seemed happy. The woman in a blue dress with white polka dots threw her arms around him. "My! How you've grown. And you've filled out a bit too!" She kept on hugging him, tears streaming down her face.
"Why are you crying?" He wasn't used to crying woman. However, the Evans family seemed to be full of them now.
"Oh it's nothing really… I'm a sentimental fool. I just haven't seen you in so long." She finally let go of him. He sat down slowly, afraid that Lily's crying mother would once again embrace him. "Would you care for a cuppa?"
He got a full view of the woman. She had aged so much in the past two years. Her hair was entirely grey, there were fine lines on her forehead and underneath her eyes were large dark circles. He felt pity for the woman.
"That would be fine, thank you." She walked away into the kitchen. She looked back at him, trying to take in this older Severus. Two years had passed. It was far too much for her. She never knew what happened between the two.
Lily made herself comfortable: She laid her head on his lap. He looked down at her smiling. "Hi," she said.
"Hi." What he would do to kiss her at that moment—he didn't know. But he was sure it lied along the lines of anything.
They both stayed like that on the brown leather couch in the living room. The lights in the room were dim. The main source of light was the remaining sunlight from the setting sun. They faced the window, both more interested in each other than the sublime sunset through it. To their left the fireplace was barely lit, only a few logs remained slowly smoldering between the ashes.
"You do know there's a pillow right there." He pointed to the right side of the couch.
"I have a perfect pillow right here." She snuggled further into his lap. "I wish I could lie here forever," she said demurely. It was awkward for them both. Her relationship with James had never been awkward like this. She chastised herself for even comparing the two. She wasn't in any sort of relationship with Severus.
Her mother came back into the room carrying a tray of tea and its accessories. She was startled by the scene in front of her. Lily was comfortable in Severus' lap, and Severus was more than keenly happy to have her there. Both their eyes were filled with want, need, lust, and presumably unrequited love. She sat the tray down. "Is anything going on here?" She asked when they were too caught up with each other to notice.
They both shot up. Lily nearly knocked her head against Severus'. "No nothing!" Lily replied quickly. The speed of the reply startled both Severus and her mother. "I was just tired and Severus was here…" She felt too guilty to not explain. Though it wasn't any crime of sorts, Lily felt like a prisoner for a moment, trying to testify for her innocence.
"Lily, don't worry. I was only joking." She poured tea for the three of them, adding sugar and milk to each of their tastes. Her mother had memorized the way Severus had liked his—one cube of sugar and two splashes of milk. "Now then, Severus how have you been?" She took a long sip of her tea and then crossed her legs.
"I've been…better than usual as of recently." He crossed his arms and leaned far into the couch. "In other words I've been doing well. Thank you."
"What happened between you two? I haven't seen you in the past two years, and now all of a sudden you're here. I'm happy to see you, but I need to know what has been going on between the both of you." The dreaded question—they both knew it would have come up sooner or later.
"Nothing happened between us mum. It really isn't important. We've gotten passed it. It's all that matters really." Lily hoped her mother wouldn't pry further.
"Mrs. Evans, as much as I would hate to admit it, I was an idiot. I've made many abysmal mistakes in my life. I apologize for the indirectness of this explanation, and I wish I could clarify, but I will leave it up to Lily if she chooses to tell you." But Severus wanted it to remain hidden, and then slowly get forgotten in the abruptness of the world's events.
"Forgive a mother for worrying." They both finished their tea with lively chatter. For once in the past six months Mrs. Evans was happy. Severus was like a son to her, and having him back in her life when she had such emptiness in it helped her through the loneliness that she had felt.
Severus left around ten. Lily and he were both tired. They agreed to see each other the next day, and would hopefully have a bit of privacy then too. She had a perfect idea of how they would spend the day—that is if the world allowed them to finally spend it in peace and tranquility.
Lily watched through a window; the dark figure blended in with the blackness of the night. His silky strands of black hair would blow with the wind. He would walk—cautiously almost; every now and he again he would turn from one side to the other, as if he knew someone were watching him. Her heart beat faster as he turned into a simple silhouette. When he disappeared she let out a sigh. But her back to the wall, she turned her head, hoping he would come back and tell her good night. She imagined various scenes—all of them like a vastly romantic movie or novel. She watched the stars shining in the night sky brightly. There were only two. The sky reminded her of his obsidian eyes. Everything about the night—it's mystery, its allure, its magnificent captivating quality—all of it made her think of him, even its black vortex which could make you lose yourself in it so quickly.
Mrs. Evans watched her daughter in secret. There was no denying it anymore. Lily and Severus had something between them. But they were both too scared to see it. More so, Lily was too blind and Severus too accustomed to the acerbic ways of his life to know what they possessed for each other. "When are you going to tell him? Things like that shouldn't wait."
She heard her mother's pronouncement. "I don't know." Would she tell him: Only if she ever allowed herself to. Sometimes the so-called Gryffindor bravery was useless.
Mrs. Evans left the room. She was consumed by her thoughts. Either she tells him, or he tells her. There is no other way. I've seen that look in his eyes ever since he was fourteen. What is it about those two? They can put two and two together for everything, but this one obvious thing. I won't meddle with this. Lily still might have feelings for the Potter boy. She only sent a seven worded letter—'James and I are no longer together.' Maybe, that's why she's afraid. Her mother couldn't have been more right in her life. Love was such an odd thing. If only this was predeterminable…
Severus thought of impossible fantasies. They beckoned for him. His eyes were open; emotion surged through them powerfully. But his face was blank. He was completely gone from the world, having escaped into another more frivolous and awing one. Ironically, Lily looked dazed, and her eyes too were filled with fiery passion, but her face was not blank, for it was a deep shade of red. Her fantasies carried her with them, taking her in their depths of unattainable love and most adventurous spontaneity that she longed for. Each other's name was on their lips, silently leaving their mouths as they had begun to slowly return to reality.
Lily lied on a small cream colored bed on top of the light green sheets. She was looking at Severus, and Severus noticed. She looked like she was calling for him. Her image tantalized him, taking away every sense of what was wrong and what was right. Lust and love—what a dreadful combination it is to feel. He whispered a swear word as he took his eyes off of her. He was losing his mind.
Meanwhile, Lily watched as Severus sat in the chair by her desk in the peach colored room. It was hard for her to be so close to him, yet so far. It was clear to her about what she wanted, but she did not know how to get it. Like a lone lioness, she would examine the lion. She was sure she wanted him, needed him in fact. Momentarily she hoped he would come to her bed side and kiss her passionately and envelop them in a curtain of love. It was these types of hopes that drove both of them to madness.
An owl's claws scratched against a window, and then entered through the small opening. It dropped a letter on the space in between Severus and Lily on the parquet. Severus picked up the letter. "Slughorn," he said in a menacing tone.
"Care to read it?"
He nodded and tore the envelope carelessly. He cleared his throat and held the thin parchment up to his face. "Dear student," he began.
"There will be a party on December 24th beginning at 7:00pm, to celebrate the eve of Christmas. It has been cleared with the Headmaster that any student invited, despite location will be allowed to attend. But you may not bring a guest.
"The party will be held at the usual meeting place of the Slug Club. This is a formal event, and as such you will be required to wear formal clothing.
"The Hogwarts express will be available to those who are in need of it. But you are also allowed to apparate to Hogsmeade and walk to the castle from there.
"Enjoy the rest of your break, Professor H. Slughorn." He looked up at Lily, who was intrigued and delighted by the invitation.
Another owl appeared soon after and dropped another letter at Severus' feet. It was the same invitation as Lily had gotten. "Are you going?" he asked, hoping she would say no.
"I do enjoy his parties…You will come with me, right Severus? It will be fun. We can come back here afterwards and celebrate Christmas." She automatically thought that he would say no. She despondently waited for his reply.
He considered this, entering a deep contemplation. Christmas with Lily—an actual Christmas—it was unheard of to him. In his adult life he would spend Christmas alone, sitting by a fireplace, trying to stop feeling the cold loneliness which would never go away; with a bottle of fire whiskey in hand and the absence of care, he would waste away in his chair unable to shake the feeling of lust—lust for human relationship and lust for the past, where he could only pretend that it didn't matter.
Lily thought it was strange that Severus remained silent and that it was taking him so long reply to the simple question. But everything about her friend was strange and it would take a life time, if not more, to understand him, if only a little. "Severus?"
Maybe if I go, we will both get drinks, supposedly absent of any trace of alcohol, I will be able to drunkenly declare my love for her, without her mocking me. He laughed inwardly. A fool can only hope. "I will be a bore there," he answered.
"Ah yes, just make sure to laugh every once in a while and nod your head. No one will notice how big of a bore you really are," she replied jokingly.
He smirked. Lily got up into a sitting position and lightly tapped the bed, signaling for Severus to come sit next to her. "This is vastly inappropriate," he stated.
"Everything at our age is considered inappropriate."
He was well aware that he viewed things as an adult, rather than a teenager, but his mental superiority suited him. At Lily's comment, he chuckled, smiling slightly. It was something he thought of when he was a bit older than he already was.
Just let me enjoy this while it lasts… She thought. Lovingly, she held Severus' hand while they sat on the bed. Using her magic, she turned the radio on. "Lean On Me" began to play. She leaned on Severus playfully. She sighed deeply, thinking about the words. He had been there most of the time (in exception for the end of her fifth year and the entire sixth year of Hogwarts). She could always 'lean on' him. He would always listen to her, embrace her awkwardly or stumble over each optimistic word he failed to give her. She smiled. He was her rock and so much more. How she got through the past two years without him, she would never know. "You're my best friend, Sev."
"As you are mine," He squeezed her hand and turned his head, smiling back at her. Secretly, he was imagining it as a cheesy love song in the background playing as he and Lily would finally kiss. A romantic Hufflepuff was he. Love did incredible things—unbelievable things—torturous things.
She lied down on her bed, her feet hanging off of it. Severus soon followed. "Promise me you'll never leave me Sev." She wouldn't be able to live through life again if he were to go. She wouldn't let him fall to the dark once more, no matter what.
"I will never leave you. I will always be here. Always."
"Good, because I'm holding you to it." He was sure Lily wouldn't go back on it. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to hold his promise. But he wanted to try and he wanted to succeed, even if it were the death of him.
A/N: Yes, it is not going on hiatus. I'm sorry for the scare. How did you like this? Sorry for the reposting. There were too many errors.
-E.S. Grey