XXIV

Alice and Lily were utterly bored. Neither of them has seen their boyfriends in the past week, and they were desperately searching for something to ensnare their minds. They lied on the floor, staring at the ceiling. Alice had nearly dozed off. It was late in the evening.

The rows of long, dark colored tables had been emptied from the hall. The ceiling was a dismal night sky, dotted with sparse stars and a large grey moon in the middle of the scene, which appeared to be shining brightly. The ecru colored floor was had recently been cleaned; it still smelled of peppermint and vervain.

"Why?" Alice asked. She lied on her black, her short hair slightly scattered across the floor. Her brown eyes were clouded with boredom.

"Why, what?" asked Lily. She turned to face Alice, who seemed to be mesmerized by the day's ceiling scheme.

"I know it isn't my place to ask this, but I'm curious…I just hope you don't get mad. Why do you like Snape? Didn't you two have a falling out a few years ago? It's just…unexpected."

Lily hadn't really expected Alice to ask her. Of all the people in the school, Alice wasn't one to ever question anything Lily had done. "I really don't know where to start."

"Anywhere is fine. One thing leads to another…and before you know it, you've been talking for an hour without even knowing it."

"Don't interrupt me while I speak and I will tell you everything I can."

"Fine, fine…"

The easiest place to start was at the beginning. "We met when we were nine. He was the first to tell me that I was a witch. With my parents being muggles, and me living in a muggle neighborhood, I didn't have anyone really. Well, until I met Severus.

"He was an awkward boy—a real oddity. But he was sweet. I know, it isn't the first word you would use to describe him, but he really is sweet, deep down. He was my key to the wizarding world. He made me feel…excepted and normal—very unlike a freak.

"We developed a close friendship quickly. He would go to my house, or we would meet at the park almost every day. He taught me about the wizarding world every day, and showed me books about it. He did all he could to make me feel relaxed and assured.

"Before we knew it, we were on the train to Hogwarts. He talked about how he wanted to be in Slytherin, and at the time I wanted to be one too—not because of the motives and what not. I just wanted to be close to him. The four houses seemed like barriers to me at the time. Now, I see that they are just that.

"Once we were sorted into different houses, we made a pact to never let anything separate us. For most of the time, it was strong, and our friendship blossomed. He was so helpful, and showed me his inner self on a daily basis.

"He defended me when the Slytherins taunted me, and I defended him when the others taunted him. We were like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly.

"It was in third or fourth year when everything began to change. Feelings and crushes started to burst around the school. I'm sure you remember how everyone was chattering about their latest crush, or romantic pursuit.

"At the time everyone was talking about how they wanted to be with James…I couldn't understand it then. And then there was me. Half of the school believed that I liked James, the other half believed that I liked Severus. When they would ask me, I would only blush and deny that I liked anyone. Maybe I had a crush on Severus back then…

"It was also at that time, when Severus had started to get more involved with the group of people who wanted to be Death Eaters. I tried so hard to get him on the right side. Back then, I could only hope, no matter how many things he did or said to prove me otherwise."

She started to cry, but tried her best to wipe away her tears. "In fifth year, it all spiraled out of control. Merlin, I loved him then. But he was so…dark—always talking about He Who Must Not Be Named. There were moments where I thought it could work. It was almost surreal, like there was a light flickering on and off. He and I would study for hours each day, but we had never gotten far. We would kiss each other on the cheek awkwardly every few minutes. I still wonder how we had never kissed each other on the lips that year…

"He was romantic sometimes. It took his every ounce of thought to create even the smallest amount of romance, but I cherished it more than anything. To think that I didn't notice that he fancied me that much…

"We had that falling out of course." She started sobbing harder. Even now, it was painful to talk about it. "It hurt so much then. He was my first real friend, my first crush, the first person who had ever made me feel normal, who ever made me feel beautiful and who ever made me feel truly and utterly wanted.

"I couldn't take it anymore. He had chosen his path and I had chosen mine. So I broke it off. I didn't want to hurt anymore, but I only ended up hurting even more. I decided not to talk to him after that day. I didn't want to break down.

"In the next year and a half we never really spoke to each other. I remember this one project we had. It was for potions—it's always potions with him and me. We were brewing something, I can't even remember. It was only a month or so after the falling out.

"No one was in the library and it was dimly lit. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. We were both so broken. I saw it in his eyes, and I am sure that he had seen it in mine. I broke, unable to hold it in any longer. I hugged him. I told myself it would be the last time. I kissed his cheek and pulled away. I told him I was sorry, before I ran out of the room with all my books. I cried my heart out. We never spoke of that day again.

"And then there was James. He filled the hole for a time. In sixth year I agreed to go out with him. I didn't have Severus' sense of what is right and what is wrong. It was amazing for a time…I thought it would work. It made me forget about him. I let myself get lost." Lily was sitting up now, her fists were clenched tightly, and tears dripped down her cheeks, landing on her lap and the floor. Her head was down, and her hair in curtains around her face.

"This year he came to me. Something about him changed. I could feel it in the air around him. He saved me when we were helping Hagrid. He risked his life for the person he called a—a Mudblood. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I told myself that it was just a reflex and that he hadn't changed. The next thing I know, I accept his offer and talk to him.

"He—he told me that he changed. He told me that he didn't want to be a Death Eater. He came to me with promises. He came to me on his own, and wholeheartedly apologized for everything and even more. I saw him cry for me, for everything. I had never seen him cry before.

"Everything that died inside of me came back to life. But it was so confusing, because I loved James, or at least I thought I did. I accepted his friendship eventually. We grew close over the next few months. Every time I was with James I thought about him. It felt so wrong, but so fantastic.

"When James proposed, I couldn't accept it. I had already fallen in love with Severus. He is intelligent and talented. Most people see him as quiet and cranky, but I love him for his quietness and sarcastic and sometimes morbid humor. If I fall he is always be behind me and he will always catch me. I doubted him once, but now everything seems so clear when I am with him.

"We kissed for the first time on Christmas Eve and it was…everything and even more. After that we hit it off. I know most people say he has greasy hair, but it is usually extremely soft. His nose is a bit crooked, but it doesn't bother me. His teeth are crooked as well, but he isn't the only one. And if you look into his eyes you see his heart and his soul in them. I think he is handsome in his own way.

"I'm not looking for perfect. I'm looking for someone who can love me, and someone I can love back just the same. Severus is just that. To me, he is perfection. I couldn't ask for more."

Alice flung her arms around Lily as she finished her spiel. "I'm so happy for you!" she exclaimed.

"Thank you."

Mindlessly, he became a robot. Mechanically, he worked for one goal, completely lacking in morals. He was programmed, so well that he could listen to two masters. It was a horrendous way to work.

Severus Snape looked over his notes once more, trying to rack his brain one more time, before creating the damned potion. He knew he wouldn't get it wrong. He had that certain flare, the subtle art, the meticulous mind, all in him. He knew which combination of ingredients would work together well and had already predetermined the measures. But he had hoped, above all things, that for once in his life, he was wrong.

In a mortar and pestle he crushed the snake fangs which were dipped in a viper's poison. He added it to the cauldron, and on the lowest heat he stirred them: Two stirs clockwise and seventeen counterclockwise. He added a full cup of whole Deathcamas flowers to the cauldron and let them sit for five minutes before stirring twice clockwise. For a torturous measure, he added hyacinths—seven bulbs, finely chopped. He added copious amounts of blood, and several other disturbing ingredients, before he left it to steep.

Half an hour passed, the foggy mist from the potion had engulfed the entire room. Severus could only see a meter in front of him. The scents of the room had changed various times, from metallic to vomit, from vomit to bitter almonds, and from bitter almonds to toasted coconut. In the end, it smelled oddly pleasant.

He turned the cauldron off, his hand shaking. Carefully, he put the contents of it into an overly large phial. He stowed it in his cloak for the time being. He felt reviled with himself. What kind of person does this? None of this is for a good person, nor is it for the weak of heart. He felt the blood drip down his hands, before he was even aware that he had caused them to , he wrapped his bleeding hands in layers upon layers of black gauze.

This is the last time I will make a potion like this. This will be the last time I will use the creative art for something so malevolent. This will be the last time, because it will all end soon. This will be the last time, because if it isn't I would rather die than continue to do this for the rest of my life. This will be the last time…because I'm foolish enough to hope it will be.

He was lost and needed to be found. He had gone for so long without so much as a whisper of love or a dip in the light. He relished the thoughts of just a moment, or even a simple, small kiss from Lily.

"Albus," he muttered as he entered the headmaster's office.

"I wasn't expecting you today, Severus." The headmaster had returned soon after the conversation he had with Severus roughly a month ago. "What has happened?" he asked, curiously, but worriedly.

Severus slammed the potion on the spindle-legged table nearest to him. "I've done it. I do not know if it will work, but I cannot have it with me. It must stay here until the next meeting." He walked over to the chair across from Albus' desk, sat down and folded his hands on his lap.

"I will keep it safe until then. However, have you created a cure for it? You must hurry if you haven't. It is of vital importance."

"I am researching. The one flaw is that I seem to have created it so well, that a cure may be exceedingly difficult to find."

"Yes, I am aware." Albus eyes flashed at the corner at a moving object in the corner of the room. "When is the attack?"

"It's in a fortnight. I believe that we will be attacking just before the midnight hour. Our forces are not large in numbers, but there are a handful of competent wizards among us. If you do unleash the aurors upon us, they must attack us in secrecy. There are many mistakes they had made when I was much older, and unfortunately I was not in control of their actions. However, I believe that you will be able to take my suggestion to them."

"I had never thought of that…" Albus grumbled, angered by the fact that he couldn't have come up with such a simple, nay obvious idea. "I will suggest it. It will lessen the casualties on our side."

"It will indeed…"

James sat alone, angered by what he had seen in the past few months. Lily, snogging Snivellus—it irked him to the point where he started to gag. He had lost the ongoing battle for Lily's love. At one time, it was amazing with Lily. Everything was perfect until Snape had shown up again, and made himself her supposed friend.

James was broken, but was healing rather slowly. His heart heaved whenever he had thought of her. He hadn't slept or ate very well in the past month and a half. It was all a very different experience to him. He was used to being the one who broke hearts, not the one who had their heart broken.

He shuddered as he felt a hand upon his shoulder. When he turned to see who was there, he saw no one. But once he turned back, there stood a short, attractive woman, with short blond hair and striking eyes which resembled a vast turquoise ocean. She smiled widely, her teeth perfectly straight against her pale pink lips. Her skin was wonderfully olive-toned. She was a bit podgy and held voluptuous curves. "Hello," her voice was pleasant.

"Hi," he smiled slightly.

"You seem as if you're in need of company." She sat next to him. "Here," she said as she handed him a large cookie.

"Thanks." He only held it in his hands, not particularly hungry. "I'm sorry, but I didn't catch you name."

"Selene Murray, I'm in Hufflepuff. I'm a sixth year."

He suddenly remembered seeing her on the Quidditch pitch. "You play Quidditch right?"

"I used to…I broke my arm last year. It isn't good for Quidditch anymore."

"You're not alone." He smiled wider, but sadly.

As he munched on the cookie, not a single word as said between them. After a while, though she was still there, he looked down at his feet and commenced grieving over Lily.

"Whoever broke your heart didn't deserve you," she finally said.

"Sometimes I wish that were true…" They spent the rest of the evening talking mostly about Quidditch.

Regulus walked with Sirius, Lily walked with Severus and James walked with Selene into the great hall. They never faced each other. Dumbledore stood up on his podium, prattled a bit and then sat down for dinner.

Owls flied into the room, newspapers scattered onto the tables in front of nearly everyone. At first, Lily and Severus ignored it. Eventually they opened it, expecting a mundane occurrence to be on the front page. Instead, they saw something heart shattering on the front page.

The headline read: Twenty Eight Muggles Dead

Beneath it, a picture showing a great pile of dead bodies bleeding onto each other was placed. There were screams coming from the great hall as more and more scanned over the article.

Lily buried in Severus' shoulder as she started to cry. She chanted "Why," over and over. Severus could not comfort her. He sat frozen, his arms wrapped around Lily, but he weakly held onto her.

He could not whisper words of comfort to her, because they would only be lies. There was no room for optimism, nor space for comfort. At that moment there was only life, and those who had lost it ever so swiftly. At that moment, those who lived saw a massacre larger than they had thought would have happened.

Lily turned her head once more, to see if it were indeed true. The one thing the newspaper article hadn't accounted for was the one half-blooded witch, laying on the top of the pile, motionless, a smile on her face and her eyes rolled back into the sunken sockets of her skull. Her once long, beautiful brown hair had been completely cut of, and a large, deep gash marred her once pink cheek. She was no longer alive to spread gossip around the school. So many had detested her, but so many had loved her like a sister as well.

The students pushed their meals away. In silence, they raised their wands. No one had a word to say, nor the strength to come up with something. They threw their newspapers into one large pile in the center, unable to look at it any longer. They mourned, completely grief stricken by the loss of one of the students.

Lily's eyes grew dry, and her vocal chords tired of screaming. But Severus stayed completely frozen, still hugging her in his statuesque manner. The teachers found no words to say. Dumbledore had been the most silent of all. The sound of pouring rain filled the hall. Severus looked up to see that the ceiling had taken the form of a storm. The sky was an ugly green, filled with sickly clouds.

Mary MacDonald was dead.

A/N: Tell me how I'm doing. I know, it's sad. If you are weak hearted keep reading, because that is how you will gain the strength in your heart.

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