Leftover Alphabet Soup

A/N: LET'S GET IT ON!!!

Disclaimer: My mom won't stop harping about my sweatshirts. Maybe if I was James Patterson I'd have a house, where she'd never be able to find me EVER.

U is for: Ultimate Unicorns
By Ninja C

"MAAAAAAAAAX!"

Ah, peace. Why do you evade me?

Angel skittered into the room, pointing an accusing finger behind her. I prepared my eardrums.

"Max, Iggy says unicorns aren't real!!!" (Imagine four more exclamation points behind those, and you'll understand my physical anguish whenever Angel decides to be anything but.)

I almost yelled for Iggy to get his sorry butt into the living room, until I saw that look. That look that Angel gets when she's picking a fight. Now fights, as you may infer, are a bit more theatrical in this family than is the case with most others, so I had to find a way, any way, to avert one.

"Now, Angel," I implored, getting down to her eye level, "this is something that you had to find out soon enough. And I think four is a perfectly good age to - "

"No," Angel mandated. "I'm five."

"Five or not," Iggy put in, sauntering past the door, "unicorns still aren't real."

Nudge, sitting on the couch, wearing, of course, her favorite unicorn tee-shirt, looked sharply at Iggy.

"Iggy! Did you just tell Angel that unicorns aren't real?!" she demanded. Without waiting for an answer (when does she?), Nudge came over to Angel, whose eyes were glistening now with the horrid news. "Sweetie, unicorns are real! If you just believe, anything can be real! Wait – no – that's not what I… Unicorns rock! See?" Nudge pulled out her shirt, proffering it for Angel to observe.

I hopped up onto the couch between Gazzy and Fang, waiting for Nudge to get her foot out of her mouth. Fang got up and left, and the cushion shifted so I fell headfirst into Gazzy's lap. I was jostled again by Gazzy's snort of contemptuous laughter. I momentarily wondered if Gazzy knew he was being "contemptuous", and then decided I didn't care.

"Angel," Gasman began, shaking his head condescendingly, as if a six-year-old had that kind of experience. "Everyone knows that unicorns were left off the Ark for a reason!"

At which point Angel promptly began to cry.

I glared up at the Gasman from his lap. He took the defensive.

"What? I thought it was funny! I heard it from Ig – oh, wait." Comprehension dawned in his eyes. I raised my eyebrows, as if to say, You think?

Of course, Mommy Max was triggered by Angel's crying, so I rushed back over to her, a tiny bit of me feeling pitiful for being so weak but most of me just wanting her to stop crying. "Angel, honey," I wheedled, taking her into my lap. "You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to make you some nice hot chocolate, and we'll read a story, and then I'll get back at these mean, horrid boys by finding solid proof that unicorns are real! How does that sound?"

Internally, I smacked myself. Where was I going to find evidence of the existence of unicorns?

Iggy scoffed. "Where're you going to find evidence of the existence – "

"NEEEEIIIIIGHHH!"

Iggy turned. "What was that?"

But none of us could answer. We were too busy staring at a thoroughbred-sized, purple unicorn.

The unicorn bent its head, and I mindlessly put Angel on its back. The unicorn and Angel trotted off, Angel sticking her tongue out at Iggy, which was kind of ineffective, but still. It's the thought that counts.

"Hey, where's Gasman?" Nudge asked, turning the TV back on.

The unicorn farted.

A/N: Also, I feel stupid. For Q, we got a lot of reviews talking about how Iggy's blind and wouldn't be able to see either Nicole or Erin in National Celeb magazine. And I spent a while coming up with a theory for how he could do that, and then forgot to put it in my A/N. I've been mutilating myself over my own stupidity for quite some time now.

So here goes. Iggy can feel colors, right? So if he ran his hand over the whole picture, he could see all the colors, and where they're located. It's like reading Braille. He'd be able to construct a true image in his mind by feeling the whole picture and focusing really hard. I could swear I had a conversation with either Tassel or Akira about this. But then I forgot to put it in my fic. So, hope that cleared things up.

Next up shall be V is for Voyage, for Tassel. HAVE A WONDERFUL HALLOWEEN!