His and Hers Fears….
Charlie was dreaming, he knew it but he couldn't stop it. This was always the way they began, it was dark and he was alone, when the demons came. It was dark, he could feel them there waiting for him in it, armed with shivs or maybe if he was lucky just fists and feet.
They would strike at him suddenly and he'd feel the air forced from his lungs as he hit the floor, and then the beating, punching and kicking would start. If they pinned him faced down he couldn't even fight back. He was under water; well below the surface, so deep even sunlight couldn't reach him. He couldn't breathe, he could barely move.
He wriggled and resisted and then gentle hands stilled him with patience and a calm soothing voice. There were no curses or threats, there was only his partner's voice calling him back. "Crews" she kept saying. That was him, he had a name, he was not a number, then the language that brought him to the surface "Charlie, come back to me." But it wasn't his wife's voice - it was Dani's. She was there and she was holding him, his head on her chest and her hands in his hair, on his back, soothing him, holding him.
"Charlie, come on. You're scaring me here. Talk to me." Dani said in a voice softer and gentler than he'd believed imaginable coming from her. She spoke to him they way you would a small child or a wild animal, with a calm, even tone, but when that didn't get through he heard her voice break. "Crews dammit" she swore softly "please Charlie come back to me." She pleaded.
"Reese?" his voice croaked. Charlie felt like he'd swallowed a bucket of sand.
"Shhhh" was all she said; holding him and Charlie's muscles slowly untensed and held her back. He could hear her heartbeat, lulling him into a deep sleep. He was safe here with Dani. She buoyed him and held on, with her at his side Charlie felt himself float on the surface and not slip beneath it.
Dani lay still holding her partner. He held her like she would break and yet he released in her pent up energy and desire unlike anything or anyone she'd ever known. Charlie could make her feel so many things, but everything she felt for him, whether it was fear, anger or concern, rage, lust or love she felt it more intensely than she'd felt anywhere else in her life. He was like some kind of fantastic new drug that made everything taste better, feel better, smell better – and it scared the shit out her.
Dani knew the draw of drugs, the haze and the ultimate crash from the pinnacle of euphoria to the depths of its darkness. She understood demons because they surrounded her, spoke to her, hoarse whispers coaching her and encouraging her. One more high, one more time and then we'll let you go – but they never let you go. They held you with an unbreakable, thin, sometimes-invisible leash, but they always owned you – they knew it and you knew it. There was no such thing as a former alcoholic or drug user, there were only those out of practice, because once you were in, you were in for good. It was the reason she resisted the pain meds so stubbornly.
Dani did not realize those demons also visited Charlie Crews, but she could see now they did. And she could see they were as real to him as they were to her, but she also knew she could bring him back. He listened to the sound of her voice and he recognized her. He scared her in a way she thought was almost impossible, because at that moment, she was more concerned for him than for herself. Dani began to appreciate the depth of her love of, affection for and her unplanned, but strong connection to the fair skinned man who held her as though she might break.
He was strong in the sunlight, but in the dark he lost some of his power. But Dani knew the dark, she liked the dark, she lived there – it no longer scared her. She drew strength from it. She realized that perhaps only standing back to back in the darkness; the two of them together could hold their respective fears at bay.
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When Charlie woke, he knew he'd had a nightmare, the sort that typically ended sleep for him, but he returned to sleep because of the presence and security of the woman at his side, with her arm draped across his chest. He stroked her hair and kissed her head gently, immensely grateful for the simple blessing of her presence. He didn't feel self conscious about the nightmare, he knew the darkness visited Dani too. She understood that facet of his psyche better than most, her young life was pock marked like a minefield with her own personal and professional disasters.
He hoped the anger she felt the night before abated but knew that although she might have cooled off, she would not let go. The woman was tenacious, like a bulldog and it was one of the things that made her such a good cop. Charlie hoped he never found a way to make Reese really mad at him, because her fury was awe inspiring and all that hamstrung with a serious injury. He imagined a healthy Dani Reese could kill with a look and raze whole cities to the ground, the thought of which made him chuckle and his laughter woke Dani.
She shifted her chin on his chest and locked eyes with him as she blinked awake. Jesus she takes my breath away Charlie thought. "I like this wake up better than last night's" she smiled at him.
"Yeah" he said apologetically. "Sometimes I have bad nights"
"Me too" she said as her eyebrows deepened into a fierce, pained, faraway look.
"Hey" Charlie touched her head lightly "Where'd you go?"
"Huh?" she said returning her eyes to him. "Oh….somewhere in the past, ancient history."
"There is no past remember? No future either…" he began, but was cut off as Dani clamped a hand over his mouth. Charlie smiled against her hand and playfully nipped at her palm with his teeth.
Dani's eye's widened at his gesture and he noticed little flecks of gold hidden in the depths of her dark eyes. He unconsciously swept her hair aside to get a better look at the secrets hidden there. The gesture was at once tender and intimate. The temperature in the room shot up a few degrees as the sexual tension they'd sublimated in favor of this four day, almost entirely chaste, sleepover snuck back into things.
Charlie thought he'd shown remarkable restraint, considering how he felt about his bedmate. But this was too much for him and his eyes sparked with the heat of the attraction he felt to his partner. He watched as her eyes dilated involuntarily and her breath quickened, she licked her lips and bit the bottom one. Suddenly, Charlie wanted nothing more than to put his lips on hers, but he was disadvantaged by their body position. She'd have to come to him.
"Drive the car, Reese" he coaxed her gently. She smiled understanding his want mirrored hers and his invitation.
"Thought you wanted to drive, Charlie?" she teased lightly as she moved to kiss him.
"Can't…." he whispered across her lips "my hands are full" he said reaching down to hold her against him. She smiled as she kissed him. Charlie was playful, but sensitive, gentle but knew all the right spots as his hands roamed over her, stroking her skin and igniting fires all over her body.
She became lost in the sensation of kissing him, time ceased to exist and all conscious thought vanished. Dani had a fleeting thought this was what Charlie meant when he talked about being "in the moment" and it was enough to take her out of it. They broke to her frowning and Charlie asked her perplexed "am I doing something wrong?"
"No" she laughed. "This is silly, but…." She bit her lip, which was rapidly becoming one of Charlie's favorite nervous behaviors.
"What?" he nosed his face into her neck and laved the skin along her collarbone. "Tell me, honey" he coached.
"It's nothing" she said firmly, causing him to pull back and look her in the eye.
"Reese? It's not nothing, because if you say it's not – then it usually is –something. Also there can't be nothing…." Charlie told her and again she stopped him with her hand against his lips.
"Okay…it's just…just now? when we were kissing? Time sorted stopped and I can't recall thinking about anything, I was just there, okay?" she said somewhat gruffly, ashamed of admitting her moment of Zen was there with him.
Charlie's smile could have outshone the sun. "You know what you're talking about right?" She nodded.
"Kissing can be Zen?" He beamed at her all lightness and fun. He was like a fever you caught and couldn't shake she thought.
"It beats the hell out of meditation" she teased lightly "Was this what you meant when you'd show me something to help me get better?" she demurred.
"Uh-huh" he smiled "told ya you'd like it" his tone was teasing yet seductive. Dani decided she liked playful Charlie just fine. His blue eyes sparkled in the morning sun and he winked at her before dipping his head to catch her bottom lip in his teeth as he'd wanted to do from the start.
Their playful kissing twisted and became very personal, very deep and very heated. Charlie knew he was seriously wound up and he could feel Dani was too, but he heard her breathing hitch as she tried to do more than her body would permit. Charlie stopped, placing a finger across her lips as they broke, with a promise "soon, honey, soon... you're gonna be well enough for this and then we'll finish this." His promise came with a smoldering look and intensity that both frightened and excited her.
She sighed heavily and acquiesced knowing she was not well enough for what she wanted …yet. And what she wanted was Charlie Crews. But for now, she'd have to settle for a shower and breakfast. A cold shower....
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After a shower, Dani sat sipping coffee and looking out the glass patio doors to the pool and the city below, but Charlie could tell she wasn't looking at all. She was seeing something internal, deciding something alone that effected them both. He knew there were still a lot of dark corners and hidden alcoves in the house of Dani Reese, but he left her alone with her thoughts until she shook her head and returned to him. He smiled and she returned his gesture.
"So where would you like to go today?" Charlie asked gathering their breakfast dishes "The beach? The mountains maybe? Or just drive to wine country and look at the green fields?" he asked still smiling.
"The station" she replied flatly.
Charlie paled. She meant to have it out with Tidwell and nothing was going to stop her. Dani was determined to confront their Captain, her former lover and potential new enemy, as painful as that might be. Neither the night nor his morning distraction had pulled her off task, but Charlie would not let her go alone, he never leave her alone again he vowed to himself. It had been a long night and it promised to be a still longer day, if his headstrong, stubborn young partner had anything to say about it.