Snivellus: A Very Rare Species of Bat
By: Ceyl the Intelligent and RenTheGenius
Disclaimer: We in no way own or claim to have entitlement to any of the Harry Potter themes or characters, though we may be unhealthily attached to some of them. However, we feel we reserve the right to exploit any connections of any characters to certain species of flying nocturnal mammals for our own personal amusement. Yes, our lives are that boring, thank you very much, and we would assume J.K. Rowling has more productive ways of spending her time, such as swimming in pools of her vast sums of money.
**
It had finally come. It was the day first-year Severus Snape had dreaded most: his first flying lesson at Hogwarts. Worst of all, the Slytherins were paired with none other than the Gryffindors, meaning Severus would surely embarrass himself in front of James Potter and Sirius Black, two individuals who had already managed to expose Severus's fear of Chocolate Frogs and slip one into his bag of quills in two days time. Of course, such knowledge wasn't very impressive anymore, taking into account the incident on the previous Thursday in which the entirety of the Ravenclaw first years witnessed Severus's dramatic plunge into the Black Lake when he discovered the perpetrating charmed candy. He could only imagine what sort of unperceivable horror would await him on such an already ominous day.
Arriving at the ghastly lesson, the Slytherins, as usual, arrived on time, unlike the Gryffindors who, in all of their wonderfulness, had to arrive fashionably late. The laughing pack of monsters known to the world as the heroic Gryffindors were led like sheep by none other than his arch nemeses, James Potter and Sirius Black. Neglecting to observe that the Slytherins were also talking, Snape sneered when Madam Hooch yelled for them all to quiet down because the noisy, arrogant Gryffindors couldn't stop showing off. After staring at Lily for awhile, Snape shook his head. He, Severus Snape, Slytherin, heir to the Prince family and the resident greasy potions and defense whiz, was gawking at a mudblooded redhead from Gryffindor, and no matter how pretty she was, Slytherins, and particularly he, did not gawk. Beginning to focus on the lesson, Severus realized that he had missed half the instructions.
It didn't seem too hard to get the broom to rise into his hand, though it did take a few tries. Much to his ire, it only took Potter once. Potter managed to stop his gloating about how wonderful he was on a broom long enough to point at Severus and say to Black, "Can't wait to see Snivellus try to fly. I bet he won't even get into the air 'cause he is weighed down by so much grease." This caused the Gryffindor flock to laugh hysterically. Snape retaliated: "I'm willing to bet that you don't even need a broom to fly, Potty; your head is so over-inflated with air that all you need to do is jump and the wind will take over from there." At that point, the instructor interrupted.
"Now, I want you all to push off from the ground hard. Hover there for a few seconds and then touch back down. On my whistle, three, two, one," and then Madam Hooch blew the whistle, unleashing a detrimental chain of events.
All of the students pushed off from the ground. While most hovered there just as instructed, Severus noted to his growing horror that the ground was getting farther away. The broom eventually leveled out and launched itself like a javelin at the castle walls, almost as if it had some sort of personal vendetta with the castle itself. Crashing into the wall, the Castle obviously was offended at the assault and pushed back, the force of which propelling Snape off of the broom and into the air. His black cloak spread out like wings around him and he flew, almost elegantly, through the air. For some unknown reason, he managed to remain airborne for a minute or two, long enough for Snape to notice how small everyone looked from this altitude and for him to mutter "I hate flying" while Sirius Black shouted from below, "Look everyone. It's a Snivellus, a rare species of bat," after he, like everyone else saw the obvious resemblance between Snape and the flying mammal. His large, hooked nose, black hair and eyes, and his black cloak which now looked like black wings made the resemblance to the animal all the more obvious.
It was not long, however, until Severus's less-than-peaceful, but so far not painful, flying excursion turned for the worst. With a deafening crash, Severus collided with a rapidly-approaching window, and the sheer force of the impact caused the window to shatter. Severus's momentum was agonizingly cut off by the stone floor in the room he had unwillingly entered. Luckily, the floor did not respond with as much offense as the wall had.
Severus looked up and, to his extreme displeasure, noted which room he had intruded upon: Professor McGonagall's office. The Transfiguration professor sat at her desk, one eyebrow raised, and glared at him over her square-framed glasses.
"Mr. Snape?" she said questioningly.
"Flying lessons," he grimaced angrily, trying to get up from the ground.
"Is that so? Well, I suggest you practice a bit harder before you single-handedly demolish the castle. You may proceed to the hospital wing."
**
A/N: This author's note was written several days after the fanfiction story, so I decided it would be amusing for you to see how indecisive Ceyl is. This is an example of what happens when she is prompted with the question of what should be in the author's note.
Ceyl: I don't know.
Ren: Come on think of something.
Ceyl: Okay, I'm trying. It's just, I don't know… you're normally the one who normally does the… er, you know…er, disclaimer! We need a disclaimer!
Ren: Okay, I'll try to think.
Ceyl: I like Elton John.
: Ren stares in order to provoke further comments because the author's note would be too short otherwise:
Ceyl: :looks murderously after finally figuring it out: Are you writing everything I say?
Ren: Yes.
Ceyl: :groans: You're impossible. :laughs:
Ren: Do you have anything redeeming to say?
Ceyl: About who?
Ren: About you. Since I was writing everything you said. No edits. Never. That would be too easy.
Ceyl: :reads above: I am not indecisive! :slams fist: Dunderheads. I'm turning into Snape! NO! Oh, Snape could be fun. I could go around and justify the fact that I'm nasty to everyone. Oh my God. :laughs: Are you enjoying yourself?
Ren: :after typing quite a bit and thinking of what to say: Yes.
Ceyl: Do realize that Snape probably would have said something much worse than calling them a bunch of dunderheads? He probably just says that because he has to keep it school-appropriate.