I was beyond pissed. How could Charlie do this to me? How could he do this at all? One thing I knew for sure, he was definitely following me. He always signed everything with C, saying that I was the only Charlie he knew, so he didn't need to spell it out. He was the only person I knew that signed every thing like that. I went over all of my old text messages and emails, some that I hadn't deleted from when we were together. They were all signed the same.

Kendall was trying his hardest to protect me and to stay strong, but the truth is, I could tell he was scared. Charlie could still be out here and we had no idea where. We were still planning our Christmas trip to Bali, when he decided we shouldn't go.

"Think about it, Sophie. If he's here, he could be anywhere. I don't want to put you in harms way."

I shook my head. "Kendall, you aren't the one that puts me in harms way. We can't not live our lives because of him."

"I'm not saying we don't go on a Christmas vacation, I'm saying that we don't tell everyone where we're going."

I was puzzled, until he pulled out an itinerary for our vacation. "We're going on a Caribbean cruise?"

He nodded. "Merry Christmas, baby." He leaned in for a kiss.

I couldn't believe how beautiful our trip was. We still told everyone we went to Bali, and secretly enjoyed a romantic getaway. We were able to forget all of our troubles back home, which was exactly what we both needed. It was absolutely perfect. Two weeks was not long enough, and before we knew it, we were back home.

Sadie was spending a lot more time with Carlos, so from time to time, we had the apartment all to ourselves. The new year had come and gone, and the boys were preparing for tour again.

"I don't want you to go." We were laying on the couch, I was wrapped in his arms.

"I don't want to go either, but I have to. Besides, I thought you were coming with?"

"I am, but I can't come for the whole thing. I have to go home to Iowa so I won't be able to see you for the first month."

"Is your grandma still not doing well?"

"She's better, but I want to go home before it's too late." I looked up at him. "I feel like I've been able to be selfish with you ever since I moved out here. It sucks that I won't be able to see you or talk to you like I have been."

Kendall wrapped his arms around me tighter. "I know. I'm going to hate the fact that Charlie can come up any moment and steal you away."

I smacked him. "You know that's not true. No one can steal me away. I'm yours, forever."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I kissed him and leaned into his chest. I meant every word. Truth be told, if Kendall asked me to marry him, I'd say yes. I wasn't sure how he felt, but I knew what I wanted. I looked down at my promise ring, thinking I was sure I knew what he wanted too.

That first month apart was hell. It made me wonder how we ever stayed together in the first place. Waiting to hear from him all day was the worst. It was especially hard this time around because Sadie was going through it too, and when one called and the other didn't, we got a little jealous. We were both spending some much needed time back home with our families.

We were sitting in my old room and I could tell there was something on her mind. "What's going on, Sadie?"

She bit her lip. She always did that when she was nervous. "I promised Carlos I wouldn't tell until I gave him an answer."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't be mad, okay?" She waited for me to agree before she continued. "He asked me to move in with him."

I was shocked, and so unbelievably happy for her. "Sadie, that's amazing! Carlos is such a great guy. What did you say?"

She shrugged. "I told him I didn't know. I mean, we've only been together for a few months. It seems really sudden to me. He said that we're together all the time anyway, and that he hates when I'm not there. He brought up how often I've been spending the night, and that I might as well move in."

"Sadie, I don't really see a problem here."

Sadie looked at me like I was an idiot. "Soph, we moved out to L.A. to be together and to do the whole independent thing. I can't just pack up and leave."

I was shaking my head. "It's not like you're going to be abandoning me. I'll still see you all the time."

Her voice got quiet. "It's not just that."

"What do you mean?"

When she finally looked up at me again, she had tears in her eyes. "I still worry about you, Sophie. I'm worried that something is going to happen and you're going to fall off the edge. I almost lost you once, and I didn't see it. I can't let that happen again."

Now it was my turn to have tears in my eyes. We had never really talked about me trying to take my life, I couldn't believe she blamed herself for it. "Sadie James I want you to listen to me. What happened is not your fault. You were there for me more than anyone else has been. If I feel myself slip again, I promise you, I'll tell you." I smiled thinking about my blond haired, green eyed dork. "Besides, Kendall was a big part of me moving past that. As long as I have him, nothing can hurt me."

We spent the rest of our time in Iowa reminiscing about our time here, spent some time with our families, and were making plans to find me a new apartment once we headed back out to L.A. It was finally time for us to meet up with our boys, and the flight felt like it was never ending. We were going to meet up with them and spend the rest of the time on tour and on the bus. It worked out perfect since they had two buses. Carlos, James, and Sadie would be on one; Logan, Kendall, and I on the other.

Our first night on the road, I couldn't sleep. I kept having this terrible nightmare that felt all too real.

I'd wake up in a bed I didn't recognize. I'd look around the room, still unable to place where I was. I was wearing a wedding band and would feel eleated. Walking out into the kitchen, I'd see my amazing husband standing before me. When he turned around, my stomach lurched. "Charlie?"

"Hey, sweet pea. You've been out for hours. Come sit, eat."

I'd shake my head vigorously. "No, this isn't real, this isn't happening. Where's Kendall?"

"Who?"

"Kendall!" I was screaming. "Where is he, what did you to do him?"

"Are you talking about that boy from that band again?" He tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. "You really need to stop obsessing over them. You had some fantasy dream when you were in the hospital. I never left your side."

"The hosptial, for what?"

"For your accident, sweetheart. Don't you remember? You lost your way, and I helped you find it back." He was talking about me trying to kill myself. I felt sick.

"What did you to do Kendall, where is he?"

Charlie shook his head, disappointment in his face. "I'm not going to go through this everyday. It has to stop."

He laid a magazine down in front of me. The headline read "Nickelodeon star dead at 21." There was a picture of his car, a picture from the hit and run. "You did this! You're the one that caused it. How could you, you killed him!"

I turned to him, and he had a wicked smile on his face. "You haven't seen what I've got prepared for you."

I woke up screaming every time. Kendall and I had decided to sleep in separate bunks since they were so small, but it was hard not being in the comfort of his arms. I made myself a cup of tea and headed to the back lounge. I was only up for about fifteen minutes before I saw Kendall make his way back.

"I'm so sorry, did I wake you guys?"

He slightly nodded. "Logan sleeps like a log, but hearing my girl scream definitely jarred me up. Everything okay?"

I shook my head and told him about my dream. "It felt so real. When he would try and comfort me, it was like I could feel his hands on me. It made me want to crawl out of my skin." I had been thinking for a long time, and hated that I was now bringing this up to Kendall. "This may not be the best time to bring this up, but I don't think we should do this anymore."

"Do what?" I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Don't act like you don't know, Kendall. Us, this, any of it. As long as I'm around, you're not safe. I can't risk losing you forever just because I'm in your life. Maybe we need to spend some time apart…" My voice trailed off. I felt like I had just broken my own heart.

"Absolutely not. If you think you're protecting me, you're wrong. If we end it, he wins, Soph. And I'm not going to let that happen. I actually was going to wait to tell you this, but I pressed charges against him."

"You did?" That made me feel a little better.

Kendall nodded. "He's looking at facing six years in prison for the hit and run, and another year for stalking. We're taking him to court as soon as we get back and get you all moved in."

"What do you mean moved in?"

"Carlos tells me Sadie is moving in with him. So I figure rent in that two bedroom is more than you can handle, plus you need someone to protect you." He had a huge smile on his face. "Move in with me, Sophie. It's been long enough now and I think we're ready for something like this."

I couldn't believe it. To be honest, I was a little jealous that Carlos had already asked Sadie to move in, and Kendall hadn't asked me. But now, it seemed like the perfect idea, and he had asked me in the perfect moment. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"I'm positive."

I kissed him. "Then it looks like I have some packing to do when we get home."