I couldn't wait to get home and start packing. Living with Kendall was going to be exciting, and I was ready for whatever got thrown our way. We celebrated my birthday on the road, which was a different experience. The boys pulled me on stage and had the entire arena sing to me. You never forget what it sounds like to have thousands of people sing to you. I had the greatest boyfriend.

Toward the end of tour, I was ready to be home. Not just so I could pack, but because I was starting to feel a little depressed. Two weeks after my birthday would have been Aunt Tess' birthday, and it just serves as a constant reminder that she's not here. The boys were at sound check, and I was sitting on the back of the bus, thankful I was alone.

My mom always told me that sometimes girls just need a good cry, and I was definitely having one of those days. Sadie had dropped by to see if I was going to sound check, and when I told her no, she understood. She knew what tomorrow was and knew I wanted to be left alone. While I knew the peace and quiet wouldn't last long, I was going to relish in it. I had been holding everything in for the last week, and now being alone, I just let it all go. It was hard, not having Aunt Tess here. It was hard not having anyone that understood.

I was sitting on the back couch writing in my journal when I heard the door open. My journal had always been my secret escape. I usually told it things I was too scared to say out loud. It held all my secrets. Kendall was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"I missed you at sound check."

I fiddled with my pen. "I'm sorry. I just didn't feel like going."

He sat down next to me. "Any reason why?"

I shrugged. "Not really. Just not in the mood I suppose."

"Sophie?" He moved my bangs out of my eyes. "You know that we've been together for nine months now. I can tell when you're lying, and I can tell that you've been crying. What's going on sweetheart?"

It was hard for me to talk about. Usually, I would break down into tears whenever I told anyone. It had been three years, and it felt like just yesterday I had lost her. "I don't want to talk about it. It's no big deal."

"It's clearly a big deal if it has you crying. Please, just talk to me."

"No, Kendall. I don't want to." Tears were starting to flow again. "I love you so much for caring, but I absolutely, one hundred percent, do not want to talk about it." Before he could say anything else, I got up and ran to my bunk. He was right next to me, sitting on the ground and comforting me.

"Hey…hey it's okay. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to." He was running his hand along my back, trying to comfort me. "I've only got a few minutes left before I have to head back. Are you going to come out there?"

I rolled over and looked at him, tears in my eyes. "I don't know, Kendall. I don't really feel like it. I'm not in the mood for a concert."

Kendall looked hurt. "It's not as much fun if you're not there. I love looking out into the crowd and seeing you. Do you remember what you told me when we first met, about music failing you?" I nodded slightly before he continued. "Don't let it fail you again. Come out there with me. Take your mind off whatever's bothering you. Let the music heal you like nothing else can." He smiled.

As bad as I felt, I really didn't want to go. "I'm sorry, sweetie. My heart's just not in it tonight. I know it's the last show for this tour, but it won't be the last show ever. I just want to be alone."

He walked over to my purse and grabbed my backstage pass. He laid it down next to me and kissed me on the cheek. "For when you change your mind." With that, he walked off the bus. Part of me had wanted him to stay and fight, and part of me was glad he was gone. I laid in my bunk for about an hour before I decided to head out. I didn't want to miss the last show, and I really loved seeing Kendall perform.

The concert had already started when I took my place next to Sadie. "Do you feel better?"

"Sort of. I have an amazing boyfriend that reminded me music does wonders for the soul." She laughed and we started to dance. Kendall had been right, I did need to get my mind off of things. He saw me right before they started Music Sounds Better With U, and he never took his eyes off me. I sang every word to him, meaning every single word. As cheesy as it was, everything was truly better with Kendall.

The last show was amazing. Watching my boys perform never got old. I loved seeing how happy it made them and how much the fans love seeing them. Logan, Kendall, and I said goodnight to Sadie, James, and Carlos, and headed back to our own bus. We set out for California, and I was more than ready to be home. Logan was ready to keep the party going but I was exhausted. The guys stayed up for a while having a nerf gun fight, playing video games, and finally, just watching movies. Logan headed to bed before we did, and Kendall made us some tea.

I took a small sip. "I'm sorry about earlier."

He kissed my forehead. "You don't need to be."

I nodded. "Yes, I do. Kendall… tomorrow would have been Aunt Tess' birthday. Sometimes I pretend to be okay, sometimes I really am okay. But usually, I have to put on this fake smile and pretend like I'm fine when I'm not."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"It's embarrassing. It's been three years and I'm still grieving like it was yesterday."

"I'm so sorry, Sophie. I can't imagine losing someone that close to me. Do you feel like talking about it at all?"

I looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but genuine love. "Yeah, I guess I do. You already know that she had cancer, but now you get the long version. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer five years ago. She fought it with everything she had, and after the radiation was done, the tumor was gone. It was such a liberating feeling. It was almost as if this weight had been lifted. The tumor came back, and there was nothing they could do. They told Aunt Tess that if she fought the tumor and continued treatment, it would only extend her life, it wouldn't save it. She decided to continue treatment." I was fine telling him this part of the story, I usually was. But now was when I fell apart. "In the end, it wasn't the cancer that killed her. It was the radiation. It destroyed her kidneys and she wasn't able to function. My family went to see her before she passed. She had lost so much weight, I barely recognized her. She and mom talked for a long time and all I remember is I never wanted to leave. I knew, I knew in my heart that would be the last time I saw her."

I buried my face in my hands. "She hugged me before I left. I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to stay in that moment forever." I looked at Kendall. His face looked as heartbroken as I felt. "The last thing she ever said to me was 'I love you. Stay strong.' Her sister called us a week later to tell us that she had passed. Ever since then, I've felt like there was a hole in my heart that nothing could fill. It's hard, sometimes, Kendall, to pretend like I'm okay when I'm not. Having you, hell, just meeting you helped. More than you could ever know." I cuddled into him.

It was nice having someone to talk to. Kendall was there for me like no one else ever had been. He was patient with me, which is all I had ever asked. We spend the rest of the ride talking about Aunt Tess and the kinds of things our moms used to do before Kathy moved out to California.

"You know, I wish I had met you when we still lived in Kansas."

I crooked an eyebrow at him. "Why's that?"

"Because then I wouldn't have had wait so long to find you. I would have loved growing up with you and Sadie."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah. You guys sound like you were a lot of fun. Plus, if we had been friends, I would have known you for longer and been there when you lost Tess. I also would have been there to beat the shit out of Charlie, or just stopping you from being with him."

For the first time tonight, I laughed. "Have I ever told you that you have an amazing smile?" I started to blush and nodded. "Well I'm going to tell you again. You have the most amazing smile, I love it. And I love you."

"I love you too. And you're the only reason I smile, you big dork."

He laughed. "I'm okay with that."

We headed back to our bunks and continued to talk. I felt myself falling asleep, but didn't want him to leave. The bunks were a little small so it was hard for us to sleep together. I started tugging on his shirt. "Stay with me tonight?"

Kendall nodded. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you go to sleep, and I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

I cuddled into him and he whispered in my ear. "Just think, by the time you wake up, it will be time to pack and move in with me." He started to sing, lulling me to sleep. He never ceased to amaze me.