The Twilight Zone: Outtakes
Outtake/Omake #1: The Important Things In Life
Diana was halfway through the Gary the Gorgonopsid Halloween Special when a burst of blinding light filled the living room. She dove behind the couch and looked for something to use as a weapon. Good, her wooden practice sword was still there. Sword in hand, she peeked over the top of the couch.
The light faded to reveal… her.
"Ah! A clone!" Diana leapt over the couch and swung her practice sword right at the clone's head. The evil clone – and everyone knew clones were evil – ducked.
"Stop!" her clone shouted. "Wait!"
Diana eyed her clone suspiciously. Wait… why was her clone taller than she was? "Why should I? I'm not going to let you fool me, you evil clone."
"I'm not a clone. I'm from the future." The other Diana folded her arms over her chest. "And I have something super, duper important to tell you."
"You're from the future." Diana grinned. "Awesome. Do they have dragons in the future? How about giant hamsters that shoot lasers from – ouch"
The future Diana had grabbed a newspaper and bonked Diana over the head with it. "I'm not from that far in the future. I come from one year in the future."
"Why did you hit me?" Diana brandished her sword.
"Because you weren't listening."
That wasn't a good enough excuse. Diana dropped her sword and charged. The wooden weapon might give her an advantage, but it would be kind of dumb to hit her future self over the head with it. What if she gave her future self brain damage? All she wanted was to hit her a little bit… and maybe strangle her a tiny bit too.
The pair ended up on the floor, but despite her valiant efforts, Diana lost the scuffle. An extra year's worth of height, weight, and experience was too much.
"Are you going to listen now?" Future Diana asked.
"Fine." Losing was kind of bad, but Diana didn't mind too much. Her future self was awesome!
"It's about Gary."
"Gary?" Diana squirmed out from under her future self. "Wait, did something bad happen to Gary?"
Future Diana's face was a mask of pure pain and anguish. "Gary got cancelled."
Cancelled…
CANCELLED….
"What?" Diana dropped to her knees and looked up at the ceiling. "Nooooooo!"
"Shhh!" Future Diana put one hand over Diana's mouth. "Listen to me. We can still save Gary. He isn't cancelled yet. Mom and mommy are super important people. If we can get them to help us, they might just be able to save Gary."
Diana nodded. Of course, her mom and mommy could do anything. They knew how much she loved Gary. They wouldn't let Gary get cancelled. "Okay."
"Good." Future Diana began to fade away. "Remember what I said." Then, just as she was about to disappear, she added, "Look on Averia's bookshelf. She's been hiding candy in a fake book."
Five minutes later…
Lightning was about to start making dinner when a dark-haired blur latched onto her leg.
"Mom!" Diana wailed. "You have to use your Guardian Corps powers to save Gary!"
Lightning stared. This… this was new. And was that candy in Diana's pocket? "Uh… sure."
X X X
Outtake/Omake #2: Not Quite Ready Yet
Serah liked making out with Snow. She liked it a lot. Despite how big he was, he could be incredibly gentle. Snow also happened to be a hands-on learner. And he was very, very good with his hands. If only they didn't have to hide away somewhere or wait until her sister was out on patrol.
"Snow?" she asked as her boyfriend pulled away. Like her, his face was flushed. His blue eyes shone.
"Sorry." He grinned. "I kind of needed to breathe." He smirked. "But now that I've got some air in my lungs…"
They picked up right where they'd left off.
His hand was beginning to creep under her shirt – a shirt that she'd picked because of how much it did to accentuate her slim figure – when there was a brilliant flash of light. Her eyes widened. It had to be a flash bang. Her sister must have come back early, and now she was going to come charging in through the door to kill Snow. Serah shoved him off and tried to get up. If Lightning was in a shooting mood, Serah had to get her gun blade away from her as soon as possible.
However, things didn't go according to plan. Snow was bigger than her – a lot bigger. Instead of shoving him off, all she accomplished was sliding them off the couch. She ended up underneath him on the floor.
"Ah! I'm not ready to be born yet!"
Serah's eyes widened in disbelief as a little girl with pink hair somehow managed to drag Snow off her.
"Bad daddy!" the girl growled. "I don't get born for a few more years."
"What… what… WHAT?" Snow's mind seemed to have ground to a halt.
But so had Serah's.
Serah would have been more than a little pissed off about a girl calling Snow her father if it wasn't for two things. First of all, the girl seemed to be about nine years old. There was no way Snow could have a nine-year-old daughter. And two, she had pink hair. Serah only knew two people in the world with hair that colour, and there was absolutely no way in hell that Lightning had let Snow anywhere near her vagina.
"Hi, mommy." The girl waved. "Happy Halloween."
Naturally, that was when Lightning walked into the living room.
Serah hoped with every fibre of her being that Lightning had not heard what the little girl had said. She should have known better than to trust in hope.
The girl gave Lightning a sunny smile. "Hi, Aunt Lightning."
Lightning took one look at the girl and then looked at Serah and Snow. Surely, Serah thought, her sister would realise that there was no way this little girl was her and Snow's daughter. Surely, surely, surely…
"Snow." Lightning's gun blade stopped an inch from his face. "You have five seconds to explain."
X X X
Outtake/Omake #3: No Journey Is Ever Boring
Fang scowled at Lightning's back. It was bad enough that the soldier had declared herself the leader of their little band of l'Cie, but now she'd begun to take things out on everybody else. Nothing was ever good enough. No one was ever good enough. If Fang had to listen to one more lecture or complaint, she would knock Lightning's teeth out.
Lightning was halfway through another lecture – and Fang was planning on how best to spear her – when there was a flash of light. Something with pink hair flattened Lightning, and the others scrambled to prepare their weapons and magic. Then they relaxed… a bit. The 'something' turned out to be a pink-haired girl who bore a disturbing resemblance to Lightning. The only real difference appeared to be her eyes, which were a deep green.
"Oh, mom." The girl looked up at the rest of them and then winced. "Oops, I might have gone a bit too far back."
"Mom?" Snow sniggered. "I didn't know you had a kid."
"I will kill you." Lightning got to her feet. As much as she hated to admit it, she understood where Snow was coming from. This girl looked like a miniature version of her. "Who are you? Did Barthandelus send you?"
"I'm Averia." The girl shrugged and gave the sky a very Lightning-like scowl. "I'm from the future. I was only supposed to back a few years, but Aunt Vanille's time machine must have messed up."
Everyone stared at Vanille.
"You built a time machine?" Lightning glared, and Vanille hid behind Fang.
"Wait! That's not fair! You can't blame me for stuff I haven't even done yet," Vanille said.
"Watch me."
"Averia." Snow stepped behind Hope. The boy would make for a good human shield. "Who is your father?"
"Father?" The girl frowned. "I don't have a father."
"Wow," Fang quipped. "You sure know how to pick them, Lightning. The poor kid has got a dead beat dad." She sniggered. "Who'd have thought you'd have such crappy taste in men."
Averia looked at Fang. Then she smirked. It was Fang's smirk. "I wouldn't laugh if I were you. You're my mommy."
"…" Fang and Lightning looked at each other. Snow, Hope, and Sazh looked back and forth between the two. Vanille was already halfway through their wedding in her imagination.
"Wait." Sazh reached up to pet the chocobo in his hair. "Did I hear that right?"
"You did." Averia went over and extended one hand toward Sazh. The chocobo jumped into her palm. "Mom and mommy love each other very much. They're always kissing and stuff. It's kind of weird." Ignoring the others, she gave the chocobo a pat on the head. "Wow, you're really small, Chirpy."
Hope fought back a blush as he did his best to avoid imagining Fang and Lightning kissing and doing "stuff". He failed miserably. He was, after all, a teenage boy. "Wait, if you're from the future, Averia, do you have any advice for us? You know, about this whole fal'Cie thing?"
Averia started to fade away. "Uh… do what you think is right. Trust each other and stuff. It'll work out." She paused. "And don't let my parents kill each other. I kind of like being around."
Once Averia had vanished, Lightning rounded on Fang.
"What are you planning to do to me?"
"What?" Fang backed away, hands up. "I haven't done anything to you."
Lightning's eyes narrowed. "But you will. How else do you explain the fact that I apparently have your kid in the future?"
"Wait…" Fang looked at the others for help. Despite Averia's words, they had all decided that discretion was the better part of valour. "Lightning, wait, wait… gah!"
X X X
Outtakes/Omake #4: Wrong Experiment
Vanille looked up through the skylight. A mighty storm was brewing in the sky over New Bodhum. Her loyal minion – ahem, assistant – Diana stood ready to throw the switches hooked up to their latest experiment.
A smile crossed Vanille's lips. What a wonderful young woman Diana had turned out to be. She loved science almost as much as Vanille did. The red head checked the robot on the table one last time. This would be their finest work: a walking, talking robot… with a soul… and guns, heaps and heaps of guns.
The sky above them cracked. Lightning tore through the clouds.
"Now!" Vanille cackled. "Now!"
Diana threw the switches.
A bolt of lightning hit the lightning rod high above them and sizzled down into the lab through a complex series of wires and other equipment. The energy poured into the robot on the table. A few wisps of smoke rose from the robot's chest. Vanille leaned forward. Had it worked?
The robot jerked upright.
"Exterminate!" The robot's voice was tinny but menacing. "Exterminate!" The words were accompanied by a blast of energy from one of the robot's guns. "Exterminate!"
Vanille and Diana ran for cover as the robot attacked everything in sight.
"This isn't working out so well," Diana said.
"It could be worse." Vanille ducked as one of her computers exploded. The keyboard flew across the room, little more than a big lump of melted plastic. "At least your mother isn't here."
Well…
A gun blade rammed into the robot's chest before a thundaga blew it apart.
General Lightning Farron reached behind the counter and dragged Vanille and Diana to their feet. The eye patch she wore over her left eye did nothing to detract from the ferocity of her glare.
"What was that?"
"Heh. You look like a pirate." Vanille giggled and then fell silent in the face of yet another glare. "What? You do."
Lightning scowled. This was why she couldn't wait until tomorrow. She'd been out on the steppe with Fang when a creature had managed to spit something into her eye. It wasn't permanently damaged, but she'd been forced to wear an eye patch for a few days to protect the injury. It didn't help that Fang thought the eye patch was actually pretty hot. She'd even asked Lightning to dress up and "shiver her timbers."
"Vanille, I asked you to build a better velocycle, not a killer robot." Lightning pointed at something in the corner. "And what is that?"
The machine in question vaguely resembled a velocycle but with a lot more dials, knobs, and extra machinery.
"That's a time machine."
"A time machine?" Lightning sighed. "I really hope you're joking. If you're not, then don't even think of using it. You'll probably break the universe or something." She turned to Diana. "And please stop enabling your aunt."
"Well, a time machine would be kind of cool…"
"Diana, you and your aunt are not going to use that time machine. I forbid it." Lightning rubbed one hand over her face. "You are coming over for dinner tomorrow, aren't you?"
"Of course I am." Diana smirked. "As if I'd miss out on a chance to watch Averia squirm while you put her girlfriend through the wringer again."
"We're not that bad." Lightning turned on her heel. "Maybe."
Lightning was halfway down the corridor when Diana and Vanille began to cackle together. Note to self: keep a closer eye on Vanille's funding.
X X X
Outtakes/Omake #5: Unusual Times Require Unusual Allies
Chirpy hadn't actually expected the time machine to work. The only problem was he hadn't come back a full-grown chocobo. Instead, he'd woken up in the body of his younger self. He was a chick again, small enough to fit in Sazh's hair.
And that's where he was right now – Sazh's hair. The time machine had managed to send him back to the right time with all of his memories intact. Now, all he had to do was make sure the l'Cie managed to get through their journey in one piece. He doubted he was the only one who'd been sent back. The fal'Cie had probably sent a few of their own back too.
Around him, the l'Cie had started to bicker. He gave a quiet cheep, and Sazh answered him. Good, the dark-skinned man could still understand what he was saying. There was still hope. He could still guide the l'Cie and save the future. Everything would be okay. The fal'Cie might know that someone had been sent back in time to help the l'Cie, but they would never suspect him.
No one ever suspected the chocobo.
Movement from the pocket of Snow's trench coat caught his eye. His eyes narrowed. A small head poked out. It was Mr Cuddles – they must have sent the hamster back too. Chocobo and hamster locked eyes. Understanding passed between them.
They might not like each other, but they liked a lot of the same people. They had no choice but to work together. Together, the hamster and the chocobo would save the future.
X X X
Outtakes/Omake #6: Just A Little Bit Creepy
Fang couldn't help the silly grin forming on her face at the sight of the pink-haired, young woman sitting in the classroom across the way. Young Lightning looked damn good in a school uniform, even if she didn't quite fill it out the way her older counterpart would have. That was okay. She was only sixteen. She had plenty of time to grow – Fang's grin widened – and she would definitely grow.
"You know, most people would find what you're doing creepy."
Fang jerked back and almost fell out of the tree. Her binoculars tumbled toward the ground only to be caught and lifted to a face Fang knew only too well. Lightning Farron looked into the classroom and sighed.
"I was so naïve back then." Lightning's lips twitched. "And I look so…"
"Hot?" Fang jumped out of the tree.
"You sound like a pervert, Fang. That version of me over there is sixteen."
"Well…"
"Fang, you're hiding in a tree staring at a high school girl through a pair of binoculars. You don't think that's at least a little bit creepy?"
"Hey, I happen to get married to that schoolgirl when she's older." Fang laughed. "And how else did you think I was going to keep an eye out on your younger self? It's not like I can just go over there and introduce myself. What would I say? 'Hi, I'm Fang, and when you're older we're totally going to get married and have heaps of awesome sex.' Yeah right, if the younger version of you didn't punch my face in, I'd get arrested."
"I should arrest you." Lightning smirked. "Pervert."
Fang tugged Lightning into her arms. "As if you mind. You happen to enjoy my being a pervert most of the time."
"Maybe." Lightning bit back a smile as Fang's hands began to wander. "But the me in that classroom is still under age. There is to be absolutely no ogling until I'm eighteen or older."
Fang pressed her face into Lightning's hair. "Meanie."
"Deal with it. Besides, I can't wait to see what you were like when you were younger."
"You're not missing too much. I've pretty much always been awesome."
"Right." Lightning pulled a phone out of her pocket. "Vanille, we're ready. Send us back to younger Fang. How about when she was sixteen?"
"Oh? Now who's being a pervert?"
"Oh, shut up." Lightning rolled her eyes as they started to fade away. "I might like the younger you more. You were probably less arrogant. Probably less perverted too."
"Hey! Are you trying to make me jealous of myself?"
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I neither own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.
In case it isn't obvious, you really shouldn't take this chapter too seriously. I had a lot of ideas that I never got around to using when I wrote the first two chapters, mostly because they were too ridiculous. These outtakes are kind of a sample of those ideas.
As a story mechanic, time travel can be very interesting. Watching the flow of events change due to a time traveller can be incredibly fascinating. The smallest differences can sometimes lead to the biggest changes. I've considered a few more serious time travel stories before, but I've never gotten around to doing any of them. Probably my favourite idea would be altering events so that Fang and Vanille wake up early with full knowledge of the future. When Lightning signs up to join the Guardian Corps, she finds that her instructor is someone very familiar.
It's November now, and in the spirit of the month, I have a few original fiction projects that I'm working on and planning. I'll keep you posted on those. If you are interested in my original fiction, you can finds links to that in my profile. If you're after some fantasy with a healthy dose of action, check out The Last Huntress and its sequel The Lord of Dark Waters. If high fantasy is more your style, The Burning Mountains might be for you. And if you like paranormal Westerns featuring zombies and demons, then have a look at The Gunslinger and the Necromancer.
Also, I hope that everyone who participated in the free Amazon promotion I ran for The Last Huntress and The Gunslinger and the Necromancer has enjoyed the story/stories they got. If you did enjoy them, it would be great if you could leave a review over at Amazon or have a look at my other stories.
As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.