This chapter is dedicated to Smak978, a brilliant author who is currently writing The List. This fic constantly has me on the edge of my seat and was the inspiration for me to finish this chapter today. I strongly recommend all Drarry lovers to read The List, Smak is a brilliant writer!
"Harry, are you coming down to breakfast?"
"Just a minute." Harry said, leaning in towards the bathroom mirror. He was glad to have his own hair back, there was no doubt about it, but did it have to be such a mess all the time?
He ran his hand through his hair one way first and then the other. He couldn't decide which was better, and there was no chance of getting any Sleakeazy's hair potion in the Gryffindor boy's dorm. He wished he could ask Draco's opinion…had he preferred the old Harry's hair? Or did James Potter have the right idea wearing it extra-ruffled?
"Er – Harry?"
Harry looked up impatiently to see Neville hovering in the doorway, looking at Harry oddly.
"What is it?" he asked in a clipped voice. He'd been getting an awful lot of strange looks recently, and he was getting sick of it fast.
Neville looked a little hurt, but said, "Ron's waiting for you. You'd better hurry up." before exiting the bathroom.
Sighing, Harry brushed off his robes and made his way back into the dorm and towards the stairs to the common room. He was mostly glad that he no longer had to spend so long getting ready in the mornings – it was pointless with his hair anyway – but he no longer felt comfortable just rolling out of bed in crumpled robes and heading down for breakfast. It felt…uncivilized. Not that he cared, but after being Draco for so long, there was still a part of him expecting people to judge him for turning up anywhere with a hair out of place.
…ooo000ooo…
"Draco what's wrong? You look – not well." Pansy said anxiously, her eyes roaming over Draco's body in a frantic manner which had him brushing off his shirt and straightening his tie yet again. Too many month as Potter had thoroughly knocked him out of his grooming routine, but he had hoped that he hadn't missed too many things this time.
"I'm fine. Late night." he lied, adjusting his shirt collar as a grey owl landed in front of his plate.
"Really?" Pansy said skeptically "That's not what Blaise said. In fact, he said that Potter turned you down for someone else, and that you spent the whole night sulking about -"
"I did not!" Draco snapped, reaching for the owl, only to draw back his arm in confusion as a barn owl joined it, knocking over a glass of pumpkin juice.
"Why didn't you tell me about you and Potter anyway?" Her voice turned suddenly whiny "If you had only-"
Pansy stopped talking abruptly as three more barn owls descended, followed by a brown owl and a tawny.
"What's going on?" she said in confusion, seizing her own goblet before it was knocked over by the cluster of owls, all of whom were jostling close to her, trying to deliver their own letter first.
"What on earth - ?" Draco said, taking the letter from the gray owl, opening it, and starting to read. "Oh really!" he sputtered, shoving it into his robe pocket. Ripping open the next one, he only took in the first line before scowling and crumpling it into a ball before casting incendio on it.
"What does it say?" said Pansy, not waiting for an answer but reaching for one of the letters.
"Oh how ridiculous!" she gasped "How dare they!"
"What is it?" Blaise chipped in, eyeing the flock of birds with interest as Draco aimed his wand at two more letters, causing them to burst into flame.
She thrust a letter at him which looked as if it was composed from pasted letters which seemed to have been cut out from the Daily Prophet, and he took it, reading aloud.
"HaRRy potTER dEServES BETTER tHaN A FILThy DeAtH EAteR's soN! LEAVe hiM ALoNe!
"They're all like that!" said Pansy in wonder, opening one letter after another as quickly as Draco was trying to burn them.
"'Harry Potter can do much better than the likes of you. . . .' 'You deserve to be
boiled in frog spawn. . . .' Ouch!" Blaise read out with a crooked grin, seeming to be thoroughly enjoying himself.
"Incendio! Incendio!" Draco incanted furiously, but then suddenly there was a small explosion and the remaining owls immediately took flight, hooting angrily.
"What was that?" gasped Pansy as the flames rapidly died down, leaving only an acidic green smoke behind.
Draco frowned, sniffing the smoke delicately before coughing into a napkin. "Bubotuber pus!" he gasped, trying not to choke.
"That's it!" Pansy said furiously, grasping her wand tightly. "No more taking the letters – stinging hexes at any owl heading for Draco!"
"Right!" Blaise said in grim anticipation.
"Not Chiron!" Draco managed to gasp.
"Not Chiron," Pansy agreed quickly "or the Malfoy family owls!"
…ooo000ooo…
"Harry, mate are you -?"
"What?" Harry said tiredly, shifting his bag onto the opposite shoulder and turning to face his friends.
Ron looked at him for a moment, before closing his mouth. "Nothing." he said finally.
"It's obviously something!" Harry said, growing irritated "People keep staring at me like I've grown a spare head! Do I have something on my face?"
"It's nothing," Hermione reassured him, then hastily added "nothing important I mean! It's just…"
"Just what?" Harry said impatiently
"You need to stop acting like Malfoy." Ron said at last.
"I – what? I'm not, am I?"
"Just a bit." Ron said, wincing. "Try to loosen up a little. You're walking stiff as a board."
Harry self-consciously shuffled into what he hoped was a suitable slumping position. "Sorry." he said, embarrassed "I just got so used to –"
"And try not to enunciate your words so much." Hermione chipped in "Your talking has changed as well."
"Try to smile a bit more." Ron added "You keep looking at everyone like you're Snape and they're potions ingredients. You're going to make Neville crap it one of these days."
"Ron!" Hermione scolded, then turned back to Harry. "And also Harry, you're not normally so … well groomed. You might want to –"
"Alright alright!" Harry snapped, feeling embarrassed and annoyed. "I get it! I just need a little time. I did spend all these months in disguise you realize?"
Ron and Hermione exchanged a look, before bursting into grins.
"Sorry Harry," Hermione giggled "It's just – it's been a bit jarring, seeing you act like that."
Harry gave an apologetic grin of his own. "Right. I suppose it has been weird. I can't believe Draco's better at being me than I am."
"Weird isn't the word for it, mate." Ron chortled.
…ooo000ooo…
Hagrid, who had told them last lesson that they had finished with unicorns, was waiting for his class outside his cabin with a fresh supply of open crates at his feet. Harry's heart sank at the sight of the crates - surely not another skrewt hatching? - but when he got near enough to see inside, he found himself looking at a number of flurry black creatures with long snouts.
Their front paws were curiously flat, like spades, and they were blinking up at the class, looking politely puzzled at all the attention.
"These're nifflers," said Hagrid, when the class had gathered around. "Yeh find 'em down mines mostly. They like sparkly stuff. . . . There yeh go, look."
One of the nifflers had suddenly leapt up and attempted to bite Pansy's watch off her wrist. She shrieked and jumped backward.
"Useful little treasure detectors," said Hagrid happily, as Harry's eyes darted over to Draco, who looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Thought we'd have some fun with 'em today. See over there?" He pointed at the large patch of freshly turned earth Harry had watched him digging from the Owlery window. "I've buried some gold coins. I've got a prize fer whoever picks the niffler that digs up most. Work in pairs, why don' yeh. Jus' take off all yer valuables, an' choose a niffler, an get ready ter set 'em loose."
Harry immediately made a beeline for the Slytherins, taking off his watch as he went. He was only wearing it out of habit, as it didn't work anymore after his excursion into the lake, but he stuffed it into his pocket anyway. Approaching the group of Slytherins, the only reaction he got was Draco rolling his eyes. The others didn't notice him until he picked up a niffler. Crabbe and Goyle began to crack their knuckles uncertainly, until Draco waved a hand for them to desist.
"What do you want?" he said coldly. For a moment Harry hesitated. He hadn't expected Draco to still be holding his silly grudge over not being able to meet him last night.
"Want to work together?" he said, and when Draco looked as if he might decline, Harry raised the niffler, which attempted to put its long snout in Draco's ear and sniffed enthusiastically, its little brown eyes widening innocently the moment Draco bestowed a glare upon it.
"Oh alright." He said huffily.
"Don't be upset with me." Harry said quietly as they moved away from the other Slytherins. "You know I wouldn't have cancelled on you unless it was important."
Draco looked angry and opened his mouth for a sharp retort, and so Harry cut him off before an argument began. "I had to go and see Sirius."
Draco hesitated, as if reluctant to let go of a grudge, before sighing.
"Shit." He looked away. "How did it go?"
"Oh don't be pissed off at him again," Harry said lightly "we made up."
"Made up?" Draco said incredulously "After what he did?"
"He did apologize." Harry said
"I should hope so." Draco said imperiously "And I hope you stood up for yourself."
"Yeah yeah," Harry shrugged "and everything's fine now. He even approves of you and me."
"Good." Draco said in a mockingly stiff "Then maybe, if it's alright with the convicted criminal, we could spend some time together later?"
Harry smirked, bumping their arms together so that their skin touched for just a moment. "Of course."
It was easily the most fun Harry had ever had in Care of Magical Creatures. The nifflers dived in and out of the patch of earth as though it were water, each scurrying back to the student who had released it and spitting gold into their hands. Ron's was particularly efficient; it had soon filled his lap with coins.
"Can you buy these as pets, Hagrid?" he asked excitedly as his niffler dived back into the soil, splattering his robes.
"Yer mum wouldn' be happy, Ron," said Hagrid, grinning. "They wreck houses, nifflers. I reckon they've nearly got the lot, now," he added, pacing around the patch of earth while the nifflers continued to dive. "I on'y buried a hundred coins."
Draco looked on sourly. His and Harry's niffler was not doing nearly so well, though Harry suspected it was due to the heavy gold Malfoy ring weighing down Draco's pocket distracting the animal. It kept doubling back to sniff at the pocket while Harry tried to nudge the reluctant animal back towards the dug up ground prepared for it. As if Malfoy would wear costume jewellery like lesser mortals, Harry thought to himself, partly fondly and part in exasperation.
"Well, let's check how yeh've done!" said Hagrid. "Count yer coins! An' there's no point tryin' ter steal any, Goyle," he added, his beetle-black eyes narrowed. "It's leprechaun gold. Vanishes after a few hours."
Goyle emptied his pockets, looking extremely sulky while the other Slytherins looked slightly embarrassed at his antics. It turned out that Ron's niffler indeed had been most successful, so Hagrid gave him an enormous slab of Honeydukes chocolate for a prize while Draco harrumphed in discontent.
"Shut it." Harry said reprovingly after returning from slapping Ron on the back in congratulations. "We both know you have a bag of chocolates in your bedside cabinet."
"Not the point." Draco said sniffily.
…ooo000ooo…
"Harry mate, you're doing it again."
Harry sighed and forced a pleasant smile onto his face, but it was too late. Hannah Abbot had already retreated halfway across the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.
"She was only asking if we could help her reverse Ernie's itching hex!" Hermione said, "and she asked really nicely! There was no need to -"
"I know that!"Harry said crossly "I can't help looking at people like that! It's meant to be a neutral expression!" He picked at the chipped corner of his desk moodily as the Defence classroom slowly emptied. It seemed that no matter what he did it seemed to rub people up the wrong way. The rest of the class was very eager to leave; Moody had given them such a rigorous test of hex-deflection that many of them were nursing small injuries. Harry had such a bad case of Twitchy Ears, he had to hold his hands clamped over them as he walked away from the class, which wasn't improving his mood.
"I definitely wouldn't call it neutral." Hermione said primly "Territorial, perhaps. Or hostile."
"I'm trying to stop." Harry sighed exasperatedly. "But did I really look that – mean – when I was living as –"
"Oh it wouldn't make a difference to his face," Ron said earnestly "he's always looked like a git - sorry!" he cut himself off quickly as Harry shot him his best glare. Ron shivered at the sight before continuing. "Sorry, sorry. Force of habit, but anyway, maybe it just doesn't suit your face."
"Potters can look aloof and distant!" Harry said indignantly
"Yes, well," Hermione said, smothering a smile "if they can, you're definitely not managing it."
…ooo000ooo…
Their workload was mounting ever higher in the days before the Easter holidays. Harry frankly marvelled at how much studying Hermione managed on a day to day basis, he'd almost forgotten how dedicated she could be. He was working flat-out just to get through all their homework, and even with his improved work ethic he was struggling to keep up with even half of her workload. He might not need to take part in exams – if he remained in his Harry Potter body, at least – but that didn't mean he wanted to get left behind in his school work. However it probably did not help matters that Harry did most of his 'studying' in a secluded nook of the library with Draco.
They had almost forgotten about the important upcoming decision they had to make, when Snape summoned them to his office one chilly afternoon.
"I hope you have both given this some serious thought." Professor Snape said, delicately placing two vials of raspberry red liquid on the desk between them. "What will it be?"
Harry and Draco exchanged a panicked look, and Snape massaged his forehead wearily.
"You have talked about this, haven't you?"
"Yes." Draco said tersely. "We just never came to a decision."
"Brilliant." Snape said sourly. "You tell me this a day before the time limit runs out."
"I think…" Harry began "I think, maybe, that I would like to take the potion. Keep my body." He glanced over at Draco, who looked pale and pensive.
"This is a decision you need to make together." prompted Snape.
Draco remained silent, and Harry nervously blurted out "It's not that I don't like being a Slytherin, and having parents, but I never felt right about taking everything from you."
Draco looked up sharply "You didn't. I mean, at first I was upset, but…"
"You want to be me?" Harry said incredulously
"Not so much." Draco said, spots of color appearing on his cheeks 'I just wish…it would be nice if I could have a bit of both worlds."
Snape scoffed "By being Potter's…friend, I imagine you will get some of his cursed fame and attention, if that is what you mean Draco."
"I didn't mean that!" Draco said hotly "It's just that now that I'm me again, I keep noticing how unfriendly everyone is to me. I never realized it before. Everyone is nice to Harry."
"That doesn't mean you have to be me." Harry pointed out gently "It's not your looks or your name that puts people off."
"And I'm already bored of having to look perfect all the time. I was actually getting used to not having to stand up straight all the time." Despite his words, Draco still looked a little uncomfortable about this fact.
"The name Malfoy does have certain connotations." Snape conceded "However I believe you to be completely capable of changing public perception of yourself. You life is your own, Draco, you may do what you wish with it."
For a moment Draco hesitated, then he straightened slightly, a slight grimace on his face and his eyes on the potion. "I suppose I can live with being me." he said, but no one laughed.
Harry was just opening his mouth to protest, but Professor Snape got there first.
"Don't take the potion so lightly. A word, Draco." He said, nodding his head towards the door.
Draco gave a hefty sigh before allowing himself to be steered away. As the door shut, Harry stared at it helplessly.
Why did Draco hate his own life so much that he didn't want it back? Harry hadn't particularly enjoyed it at first, but it wasn't so bad once he had settled into a routine. Was being an orphaned Gryffindor so much better than having a real family? Lucius was horrid, that was clear, but Narcissa was nice enough once you got to know her. But, Harry supposed, Draco never really had bothered to get to know her. Maybe it was no different to being an orphan in some ways…
Harry had wonderful friends, and in it made having no real family a little easier. Draco's friends were only friends though, and maybe Draco had really liked experiencing what it meant to have friends who were like family?
But there was no reason Draco couldn't have that again, even if he was wearing a Malfoy name and body.
The door creaked open, and Draco walked in, looking pensive. Snape glided behind him, closing the door while Draco took a seat at a desk and frowned over at the red potion.
"This is your choice too," Harry said firmly, and Draco looked up at him "I won't make this decision alone. I don't want you to take the potion just because I want to stay as Harry Potter…besides, I did like being you. It wouldn't be so bad if-"
"No!" Draco interrupted "I won't have you living my crappy life just because-"
"It wasn't crappy!" Harry said, shocked. "It was really different, but you have friends, and a family – and I knew I couldn't change it while I was living as you, but I could have. Just the same as you could change the way you live."
Draco looked unconvinced, but shrugged in acceptance. "That's what Sev says. That there's nothing you have that I can't have."
"He's right." Harry insisted "If you want, I bet all your friends could be as close as Ron and Hermione are to me. They're just the same as you, scared to be themselves because their real personality doesn't fit with the stupid stereotype of what their family is supposed to be."
Draco gave a little snort of laughter "Maybe. But they'd think I was barmy if I just –"
"Draco, you are under no obligation – so help me – not to roll out of bed in the morning and go to breakfast without brushing your hair." Snape looked as though the suggestion pained him, but continued. "No one is preventing you from slouching, or laughing, or smiling."
"Seriously," Harry added earnestly "just be yourself and see how it goes. Who cares about your father, and what he thinks?"
"He'll probably disown me."
"And what?" Harry threw his hands in the air. "You were willing to give up your father a minute ago, wanting to be me. I'm an orphan, remember? Being me would mean you wouldn't have any of your family's expectations and obligations. But you don't need to be me to have that. It just makes it easier because no one expects the same things from me."
"Draco, listen to me." Snape interrupted "No one is forcing you to do anything you don't want to. All the obligations the Malfoy name holds – they are all superfluous. You can reject them, albeit at a cost I admit, but hiding behind Potter can do you no good."
Harry didn't understand why, but Snape's words had a noticeable effect on Draco. He sat up straighter, and something glinted in his eye as he bit his lip.
"I'm being a coward, aren't I?"
Snape waved a hand to silence Harry's protestations. "Only if you let your fear overcome you. Tell me, what will you do, if Harry took your place as you wish, and turned your life into the life you always wanted? Will you see what he has made of your life and wish you had done it yourself? Will you regret leaving it behind? Harry has made no significant changes to your way of life only because he had no choice. Do you think for a moment he would continue the way he has been, toeing the line and keeping up your pureblood pretenses? No! And the moment he stops, you will envy what he has done!"
"Hang on," Harry interrupted uncomfortably "This is Draco's choice, and it's not that I don't agree with all this, but we shouldn't be bullying him into this. And besides, I was born Draco Malfoy, so I probably should just -"
"No," Draco argued, looking upset "It's not – we talked about this – it doesn't matter! I mean we are who we feel that we are," he took a breath "and I feel like Draco Malfoy. But I just – I don't know. What would you do, if you had to be me forever, Harry? Is Sev right? What changes would you make?"
Harry didn't need to hesitate, but immediately said "I would talk to your mum."
"What? Why?" Draco looked confused
"She cares about you, she just doesn't know how to be a mum. She doesn't know how to act with you. If you spent time with her, I know you'd like her. And I would stop caring about the way you looked," Harry ploughed on while Draco was still thinking over Narcissa "I would just roll out of bed in the mornings, and sit down at breakfast yawning, and slouching and I'd get toast crumbs all over the table. Sure, everyone would stare and think I was mad at first, but eventually they would relax, and maybe even start being themselves too. They'd probably be secretly jealous that I was doing what I wanted without caring about what people thought. I'd get grass stains on my clothes, and potions ingredients on my robes, and –"
"Enough, Potter." Snape growled, and Harry reflected that mentioning the potions ingredients had done it – many of them were actually dangerous after all. "Draco, do you see what I mean?"
Harry glanced over at Draco and was indeed surprised to see him looking intrigued and longing at the idea of Harry's words.
"Potter will turn your life around, whether on purpose or no. Are you telling me you won't regret this?"
There was a long silence as Draco stared at the potion, and alongside him, Harry too wondered. Maybe he was better off living his life as Draco Malfoy. If things had gone the way they should have, he would have grown up with Lucius and Narcissa. It was supposed to be his life, he would be completely in the right if he demanded it back. Didn't he want living parents?
But no. Harry's life had not been taken from him – his name had been. He had grown up in different circumstances, but he had made his own life and his own friends. By conceding that he was owed the life that Draco had grown up in, he would be conceding that he owed Draco Ron and Hermione, and every other little thing he had come to know through Lucius's actions. He had made this life his own, and it was too late to give it up, because he could never give Draco the childhood he should have had – awful as it was – or take the lonely childhood he himself would have had. What was done was done, and he had to make the choice between living with it or hiding behind a persona that wasn't really his, despite all the technicalities.
He looked over at Draco and was reassured by the calm acceptance and resolution he received, reflected in those grey eyes. They had arrived at the same choice – the braver one – together.
As one, they reached for the potions.
A difficult choice for me to make, but the one I would have chosen in their positions. Our experiences make us, not our parentage. Neither of them would have felt completely right living a life which in technicality was theirs but they didn't make through their own experiences. They would never have felt they truly owned the life, and they would regret giving up what they had, no matter whether they hated their old life at the time of giving it up.
I effed myself over by choosing this story line, sort of, because (even though I find the idea so compelling) it's so hard for me to keep straight, in my own head, who is who. For you readers I have no doubt you are even more confused and I am gratefully stunned that you have put up with me. To make sure we are all on the same page:
THE baby born Harry Potter is now Draco Malfoy in appearance. He is not the 'chosen one' because Lucius snatched him before the Halloween attack on the Potters.
THE baby born Draco Malfoy is now Harry Potter and IS the 'chosen one'.
So basically we are back at square one, each boy is back to who they originally were, only they now know that they are genetically each other.
I think.
Well, what this means is that Lily's protection is not affected, because she still cast a powerful protection over a baby, and despite who that baby is, the protection still continues to defend him from Voldy.
The only thing which WOULD be affected was if there was some spell or potion which required the DNA of Harry and Draco to match their 'parents' (for instance maybe wards for Malfoy manor to let only Malfoys enter), in which case some subterfuge and discreet swapping around of hair/blood samples would be required for it to work without anyone else being the wiser.