Color Your Heart

It was as if she couldn't breathe. But who had time to breathe when everything was happening so quickly? If only there was time; time to think, to take a step back from this horribly confusing situation (it was partially her fault, wasn't it?) and just pause.

To stop it all.

The-creature-who-was-not-Ichigo towered over Ulquiorra as the champion. Wasn't that what she had wanted though? To be free of the cold arrancar who seemed to enjoy causing her mental torment whenever possible?

Not like this.

No, she now realized she did not wish for his death and most likely never did. She was kind to a fault - to the point where she was weak. Ulquiorra was right. Her heart did make her a weaker person, because she could care enough about the enemy to pity them. Ichigo was like that too, it was why she loved him, but he was able to fight. He used his blade, knowing that sometimes you had to hurt the ones you wanted to save. But Ichigo was gone now, and to where, she didn't know, but this thing wasn't going to stop. It was not about to allow its enemy, its prey, to learn and change from their encounter.

What would Ulquiorra be like if he could feel anyways?

She had never shared with him what it was like to have a heart, and now he would never know.

In that moment, Orihime became consumed with this thought. As she stared at the arrancar lying defeated on the ground, sadness welled up within her; a sadness so deep and vast and familiar that it frightened her. And yet it was this sadness that gave her insight, and she wished she could help him, if only because no one deserved to be so lonely.

Make it stop.

(She had felt the same profound sadness when Sora had died)

My will.

(And then again when he had died the second time, as a hollow)

My will can reject.

(Without her friends, her world would be just like his)

I will reject all that divides us.

Orihime's pins flashed as she closed her eyes and reached deep within for her power. Once she found it, she made her request, and when she opened her eyes, she found herself facing a white door. She blinked, looking down what appeared to be a white corridor inside of Las Noches. The door waited invitingly, and she knew she needed to open it; there didn't seem to be much else she could do anyways, so she pushed it in and entered. The room looked exactly like the room she had been held in, but, for reasons she couldn't explain, she knew it was not the same one. In fact, there was one major difference between this room and the other. It seemed that she and Ulquiorra had changed places, for he now stood in the center, his back to her, staring out the barred window at the moon.

Orihime stood there in the doorway, unsure of herself and wondering if it had all been a dream (but the memories were so real that it really couldn't have been), when Ulquiorra spoke, "This room was different before."

His voice startled her, but she noticed that he hadn't moved to look at her, choosing instead to remain in his place by the window.

"In the beginning, it was empty, merely four walls of white and a door. Everything was either black or white, and even though there was a door, I did not bother trying to open it. Somehow I knew that outside the door there was nothing. Nothing but more rooms of white like my own. I found it meaningless for me to leave this room only to replace it with another just like it."

She stayed silent as he spoke, feeling that he needed to tell her these things. He didn't talk much, but what he did say would have to be very important.

"I did not expect more than what I had, it was meaningless to do so. And so I lived, neither happy nor unhappy, because there was no point in feeling either. Nothing could change the four white walls."

His voice held no emotion as he spoke, but she hadn't expected it to anyways. He didn't need to color his words to make her understand his point.

"Aizen-sama gave me orders, and I carried them out, and that was how I lived. He told me to go to the living world to destroy a target, and I left to do so. I did not foresee what occurred there, but in the end, I decided the original target was not worth our attention; instead I saw potential in another."

Understanding dawned upon Orihime's face as he said this, but still he did not turn to face her.

"It was after this encounter that the first change occurred, though at first I did not notice it. It was such an insignificant thing, the rug, that when I finally did become aware of its existence, I couldn't recall if it had or hadn't been there all along. I examined the rug, stood upon the rug, walked over the rug, but I could discern no further purpose for its presence so I put it out of my mind."

He seemed to shift, ever so slightly, upon the very rug of which he spoke before he continued.

"That change, however insignificant, was not the last, as you can see. The next occurred after I brought you here. Aizen-sama ordered me to keep you comfortable, but to also make you realize you were hopelessly confined. In accordance, I selected a very plain room for you and deposited you there. But to my great surprise, when I once again returned to this place, there was that couch. It looked exactly the same as the couch that sat in your room, and it was too large for me to ignore."

Orihime's eyes flickered to the couch a moment. It truly was an exact replica of the one she had known, the one where she had sat and planned and fretted and worried and cried…it was the same white as everything else, and when she had sat upon it, she had felt as if she could disappear in its white and never be seen again.

"I was honestly perplexed over its appearance, but the couch turned out to be just a couch. It did nothing in particular; I could sit upon it or lay upon it, but other than that I did not draw any real comfort from it. I believe now that you must be able to say the same. But, for whatever reason it had appeared, it was still a white object in a white room, and therefore I could not find a convincing reason to feel concern over it."

Orihime wanted to tell him that it was ok, and that it really was just a boring couch and not all that comfortable, but she didn't because it still wasn't her time to speak. It was still his story, and she knew now that she was the first to hear it, so she had to make sure she was attentive. Things this important needed to be remembered, after all.

"When your friends entered Hueco Mundo, I went to make sure you understood what was going on as well as to reiterate that you belonged to us. I was …surprised by your resolve as I truly had not expected it and was forced to reexamine the few things I thought I knew about your character. I wanted to be sure I could handle you properly, you see, but to this day I have been unable to satisfactorily predict your actions. Ah, but this is beside the point, because it wasn't much later that I came here to find a pot in the corner there."

Looking over her shoulder, Orihime's eyes widened at what she hadn't noticed till now; though how she missed something so large, she wasn't sure.

"The pot held nothing but dirt at first, so it was merely a white pot with black dirt and not as unusual as the much larger white couch. And then not longer after it appeared, a table materialized in my white room as well. What was most peculiar about this change, however, was not the table, but the pot. Inside of it, a plant had begun to germinate. Now, a plant cannot grow without a seed, and I had certainly not put a seed in the dirt, nor had there been anyone else in my white room to do so, and so I was left with this hole in my logic. And, what was even worse was that the plant in the pot was neither white nor black. It was green, as a plant should be, but in my world plants should not be green, nor should they even exist. Do you see how maddening it was becoming?"

Orihime thought she did see, at least to some extent. It would be quite frightening having someone sneak in and change something about your life without asking permission first. But who would have done it? Perhaps Ulquiorra would tell her.

He seemed to sigh, as if to collect himself, before he continued, "By then, I was beginning to believe my mental state had to be deteriorating, and I could find only one probable cause. If it had been your plan all along, though I highly doubt it, I must give you credit because the attack was unforeseen. If not, then you still can receive the credit if you wish, for your fluke seemed to cost me greatly."

Ulquiorra paused then, as if considering something, his head tilting to the side ever so slightly.

"But no; you did not do this purposefully, so the fault must lay at least partially with myself, as unfortunate as that may be. At any rate, the changes continued, and the next time I saw you, after I escaped the caja negacion, I found this window complete with these bars."

He swept his arm at the window, and Orihime bobbed her head in understanding, but then remembered he couldn't see her do it and felt silly.

"And, of course, that plant kept growing and remained green, the only color in my own personal replica of your jail, and I was forced to ask myself why? I do not usually question things, you see. I find questioning anything a waste of energy and time, and yet there I was, wondering. My sudden curiosity did not just pertain to the events taking place here, however, but also events on the outside, namely, your odd character and this thing known as the 'heart'."

Orihime, who had been admiring the vine-like plant that now adorned the walls and ceiling, swung her head back to look at Ulquiorra when he had spoke of the heart.

"But now, in my final moments of life, I have at least solved the mystery of this place and am forced to admit the truth. If this room is, as I believe, a reflection of myself, then it must be said that my 'self' has changed. I do not like admitting this, as it feels contrary to my whole existence, and what is even more exasperating is your sudden appearance here."

At this, Ulquiorra finally turned to face her, and Orihime couldn't help but utter a gasp in surprise at his appearance. Seeing him, she immediately felt sorry for the arrancar, for he certainly was in a confused state of mind and she was partially to blame. But, she thought, the colored side of his face certainly looked much more inviting than the black and white side, for only on the side that did no include his mask did Ulquiorra have his usual green eye and usual turquoise tear streak.

"Why have you come here, woman?"

She blinked a moment, confused (was this not where she was supposed to stay?), but then quickly remembered her purpose (no, this was really Ulquiorra's place now).

"W-well you see, it's all very strange for me too, being here, but I've messed up so much lately…I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. Well, I suppose I can, or should be able to, shouldn't I? But since I don't know how, I think this is the best I can do, and I really wanted to do something."

Ulquiorra watched her with his one green eye and one colorless eye, his hands in his pockets as was customary for him. "Enough of this babbling," he told her, and she stopped to really focus on him again.

He was right. She really was getting no where and Ulquiorra was a practical sort of person so she just needed say it and be done.

"I…regretted that I didn't take the time to understand you, Ulquiorra, and I felt that, in the end, you should know. You wanted answers didn't you?" she said it in a kind, but serious tone, because it was something she felt so strongly about. She had been given this opportunity, and she didn't want to mess it up now.

Ulquiorra seemed to be listening at least, if not somewhat intrigued by her offer. "Answers?"

"About friendship, bonds…the heart."

This seemed to strike something in the arrancar, for he took a step towards her, doing his best to ignore the giant plant continuously growing in the corner, and said, "Perhaps, if only to quench this infuriating curiosity that has sparked. Go on then, tell me about your heart."

She gave him a small smile, glad that he had accepted her offer before taking a giant breath. It wasn't the easiest thing, describing something like this, but she was going to try and do it right.

"Well, first, you were right about the heart and those emotions that come with it. The heart doesn't actually make you stronger in the physical sense at all. In fact, it can make a person really weak. I am a perfect example of this, you see, for I have a hard time hurting anyone, even someone who would kill me, a-and, that's no good at all. It's made me helpless so many times, and now, well, there is just so much regret."

She released a strangled laugh then, and wiped an eye with her wrist, "B-but that's all really beside the point. What I mean to say is, if the heart really did make us stronger, then, well, everyone would just always be saved. A son who loves his mother would have been able to save her…but I know Kurosaki-kun's mother is gone. And I would have had the power to save my brother, but he is dead too."

Thankfully, Ulquiorra stayed silent, because she was really on a roll now.

"You see, what the heart really does, is something much more simple. The hearts true power is keeping people from being, well, lonely. If you give your heart to other people, it insures that you are never really alone. I know how horrible loneliness is…so I really mean it when I say that no one should have to face the world by themselves. It…it's such a horrible feeling, loneliness."

His lips were thinning, and she thought he must have been struggling to remain silent. He was still waiting.

"When I feel lonely, I feel very weak, and also, I feel very detached from everything. You know that feeling, where the world seems to be going at a different pace…one that you cannot catch up to… I don't think people are meant to feel that way, but it happens and it is a hard thing to overcome. It's…crippling."

She wrapped her arms around herself, as if to shield from the hurtful memories of her past, and looked at the ceiling in thought. "You have lived your whole life feeling like that, haven't you Ulquiorra? You must know better than anyone how bad it feels."

The arrancar said nothing, just stared at her with his sad eyes, and in that moment Orihime felt she knew him better than anyone in the world.

"And, even though you might find it silly, the only thing that can take away loneliness is making bonds with others. When you do that, you give a part of yourself to someone else, so that you are connected. You see? The loneliness goes away, and you feel stronger because of it. You could call loneliness a weakness, and bonds are the only way to defeat this weakness. That, Ulquiorra, is how the heart makes us stronger."

Orihime let out a sigh in relief as she finished, and waited for Ulquiorra to say something. But seconds flew by, and still the arrancar was silent, watching as he usually did, not blinking, not moving. He was thinking then, she knew, for every moment the 4th esapada didn't react outwardly, you could be sure he was reacting inwardly.

Finally, dark lips took up motion once more as he said blankly, "That is all there is to it?"

"Yes, it's pretty simple isn't it?"

"Surprisingly so."

Ulquiorra seemed to sigh then, a deep sigh that rattles away all that had been weighing one down. He turned his head away from her to examine the opposite wall. It must have been hard for him, suddenly obtaining the answers to the revolutionary questions he had asked. Now there was nothing left to do but take them in; that and decide where to go from here. But did he have a choice now?

"It is unfortunate then, that this was not revealed to me sooner, back in the tower, that is. Perhaps then, when Kurosaki Ichigo arrived, I would have told him to leave, or killed him on the spot rather than toyed with him as I did for so long…ah, but that is irrelevant now."

Orihime blinked, confused at his behavior and at how easily everything seemed to slide off of him even though to her, the situation seemed so dire. She half-wished she could share his displaced attitude towards the world, if only for a moment. And then when he finally turned back to look at her again, she couldn't help but utter a surprised gasp when she saw he no longer was living in half color but now was set back to his normal self. There were two green eyes, greener than even the plant, she observed, and his twin tear streaks of turquoise were also both present.

"Hm, that plant is far too distracting now," Ulquiorra mused, and Orihime followed his gaze to see that the vine now had several flowers blooming, all of which were full of color as well.

"It's kind of like magic, isn't it? Like one of those wonderful endings that leaves you feeling good, like you can do anything, and everything really can turn out all right…"

She remembered those movies, where everything turned out just right in the end. But it was almost like another life for her, remembering the days when she had believed it to be possible. It was funny how helping him had somehow healed something within her (even if Ulquiorra really hadn't undergone any huge personality change).

"Nonsense," he said, in that oh-so-Ulquiorra way, and Orihime couldn't help but sigh.

He truly had a unique personality, and even though it was so different than hers, she had somehow gained a great understanding of it. In fact, she actually thought she might miss interacting with him.

And then she remembered, and her heart fell even as she whispered, "What's going to happen?"

Ulquiorra cocked his head. "I have always known that one day this place will crumble. Before it changed, knowing this was almost an inviting thought. It is inevitable. The timing, perhaps, is not what I might desire, but rarely are we in control of the time of our demise."

Her eyebrows tensed incredulously as she said, "You want to die now? B-but, you know now! How can you just-,"

"Woman," he called softly, "I am not like your nakama, who do not give up. I am more pragmatic than that."

It was true, he wasn't like them, but that didn't mean his worth was less, it didn't mean she didn't wish he would try.

"B-but…" she was dangerously close to tears now. Her nose tingled alerting her of it, and he seemed to notice her desperation too.

"Tears? Over me? What is the meaning of this, woman?"

It did seem silly, putting it like that. Crying for someone she had thought of as evil, uncaring, and diabolical. But none of those things mattered now, because something had passed between them, without either of them noticing.

"I guess, it's too late now…I hope you don't mind, b-but I do care now. So that's why…"

He looked startled for a moment, as he realized what she was saying. Experimentally, Ulquiorra placed a hand against his chest and then brought it away. "I do not feel it."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"I will try not to think of it."

They looked at each other. Time was over now, she could feel it, a pull in the back of her head. She couldn't stop it forever, but…

"Will you die?" Her eyes were sad as she whispered it, but still she held some hope. She always would hold hope.

"Perhaps," he answered, truthfully. Ulquiorra did not candy-coat things, not even for her. But just as she now understood him, he could say the same for her. Finally things had fallen into place for him, and it hadn't changed him dramatically as he had feared it would; but in some way he couldn't pinpoint, things were clearer now. Maybe he had taken on some of her traits, because he then felt the need to add, "But one never knows."

And because he had said that, she could let him go now, and she did so, with a smile and a nod. As Ulquiorra's world began to disappear and Orihime was pulled back into reality, she felt in her heart that things would be ok.

He had hoped too, after all.

A/N: Had to write this after last weeks chapter. I really wish something like this could happen -sigh-

Special thanks to theJiggly for beta-ing. Thanks for working so hard sweetie X3

--Miss Soupy