Amelia Chapter Eight
Day: 19 Week: 02
I could really feel the loneliness and isolation getting to me. At first it was easy to ignore, and push away, like an inedible dessert you were too full and disgusted to eat. Now it was harder. I knew the fact that I hadn't seen or heard from Harry in five days was the main cause of these feelings. Was I being silly? Or clingy? Was it just me, or was everyone growing distant, and farther and farther away from me?
I texted Harry for the sixth time that day, inquiring about his whereabouts. I didn't expect an answer this time. I knew better. So I locked my phone and placed it far from me, and settled into the sofa once more with a bowl of cookies and cream ice cream.
"Just you and me tonight." I muttered to no one in particular as I grabbed the remote from my side and turned on the television. It was nights like those I wished Harry were there.
"I miss you, love." Harry told me over the phone. I smiled to myself, enjoying his voice.
"I miss you too. I wish you were here." I replied, watching the movie playing on my television but not really paying attention to it. It was almost midnight on a Saturday, and I was snuggled up in blankets and watching a romantic comedy.
"I'm closing down the shop tonight; maybe after I'm done I could come over?" Harry suggested. He was always working in his record store his father owned. He wanted to one day take owner ship of it, and since his father was due to retire in almost a year; Harry was learning everything there was to know so he was prepared when the day came. I loved that he was doing it, but it often took a lot of quality time away from us.
"Yes please. That would be lovely. Want to stop by the store and get some snacks too?" I asked, putting on my best hopeful voice. I always asked Harry for stuff, and he always complained, unless I asked in a very cute and hopeful manner.
There was a sigh from the other end, and I smiled because I knew he had caved.
"Yes dear."
"Okay see you in a bit."
"Okay, I love you."
"Love you too."
Harry hung up.
A half hour later I found a handsome curly haired boy at my door, holding bags of popcorn and various other junk food, flashing his dimples in a cheesy smile. I couldn't help giggling at the sight of him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a deep, long, kiss. During the process he dropped the bags of snacks and stepped forward to shut the door behind him, bringing me with him. He circled his long arms around my waist and tugged my body to him, and immediately I felt warm and peaceful. One hand felt its way onto his hair, feeling his soft curls between my fingers, while the other went the opposite way, to rest on his chest.
We broke apart, and I found Harry biting his lip, looking at me with hungry eyes. I winked at him seductively just to tease him and Harry shook his head, blushing, trying to cover the front of his pants with his large hands.
"Let's open the popcorn. I paused the movie as well." I said, making my way to the sofa, grabbing my blue blanket and getting under it. Harry bent down to retrieve the dropped snack bags and made his way over to me, opening the bag of popcorn and grabbing the blanket so he could get under. I shifted my position so the blanket was over both of us equally, and we arranged ourselves on the sofa so that we could cuddle and watch the movie in peace. We sat side by side, Harry's arm around my waist, with the popcorn bag in between us. Periodically I noticed Harry turn to look at me, or felt his gaze on me, and sometimes I would turn toward him to give him a questioning look, which for some reason was amusing to him. I could feel almost an electric current between us, filled with sexual tension. I decided that instead of making a move I would wait and see how long it took Harry to give in and ensnare me in kisses.
Near the end of the movie the tension reached its peak apparently, because Harry suddenly turned his body toward me, trapping me under him while growling, "All right that's it!"
I let out a laugh, which took him aback, and made him pause for a moment. I could see his questioning look and his arched eyebrow through the small amount of light the television was emitting.
"Oh you find this funny, Amy?" He said threateningly, and I laughed once more, taunting him. Immediately my laughs became louder and genuine due to Harry's fingers on my ribs, tickling them without mercy.
"Harry! No—Stop—HAHAHAHA—Harry—Har—HAHAH—" I said in between gasps of air and fits of laughter. Harry did not stop. Instead he tickled harder still, with more determination. I tried to shake him off me, but he had me trapped between his legs and his strength was no match for mine. "Wait—HAHAH—the—thepopcornharryyouknockeditover—" I said, saying the last bit as fast as I possibly could in one breath. Mercifully, Harry paused, but only to look at the mess of popcorn on my floor. There was popcorn everywhere, and the bag lay empty several inches from the sofa. Harry extended an arm to retrieve a popcorn kernel from the floor.
"Boop." He said, as he threw the kernel at me and it landed square on my forehead. I gave him a look of mock anger and he repeated the same action. "Boop." He said.
Quickly, I used the element of surprise to force myself up and fall off the sofa, taking Harry with me. I grabbed several popcorn pieces and threw them toward him, with a vocal 'boop' for effect.
And so the popcorn fight began. Each of us grabbed popcorn on the floor and began to throw it at each other, saying "Boop!" whenever it landed on our opponent. With each throw, the popcorn broke and became smaller and smaller and harder to pick up, and more annoying to take out of clothing, hair, and the carpet I had under the table. But it didn't matter. What mattered was beating each other at our own game.
I grabbed a handful of small broken popcorn and threw it onto Harry's hair and rubbed it in yelling, "BOOP!" Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I had immediately gone too far. It became evident when Harry tackled me onto the ground, grabbing popcorn from somewhere to my right, and dropping it down my shirt and rubbing it my hair despite all the attempts I made at preventing him from doing so. Then, he lowered himself closer to me, his lips by my ear, and in a very seductive, deep voice that could probably have gotten me pregnant, he whispered, "Boop."
The popcorn fight no longer mattered to me after that. I took his face and moved it so that his lips were over mine, and then I crashed his face onto mine, trapping him in a lustful kiss. Harry sighed into the kiss which turned me on incredibly. His hands were all over me—waist, hair, arms, thighs, chest, stomach. He pressed himself against me, settling in between my legs, and I in turn wrapped my legs behind his back while my arms explored his popcorn infested hair, neck, shoulder blades, and back. Whenever Harry's tongue swept mine passionately, my fingers would instantly curl into his back, which made him press against me harder. Harry broke away from the kiss to catch his breath, and instead busied himself with biting along my collarbone and neck, which drove me insane. I let out a small gasp and a blissful moan, to which he responded with a small growl. I had never experienced such a wild and ferocious Harry in my life, and it scared me how much I enjoyed it. I found my body and mind craving every little thing he did, wanting him closer, and his hands in more intimate places.
I rolled him over and straddled Harry, watching him for a few moments and then kissing him once more, feeling the sweet texture of his lips and the dominance of his tongue. His hands fisted my hair, pushing my face closer, and turning my face to deepen the kiss. Once he got what he wanted his hands roamed freely across my back and down to my behind. I grinded myself against him, feeling him growing beneath me, and I pressed myself closer. He was at that moment not only something I craved, but something I needed, every minute of the day. Harry Styles was oxygen to me.
Sometime during our heated session things became less lustful and more loving, and tender. His hands became peaceful against my skin, exploring little by little. The kisses became tender and more careful, as if savoring the last delicious bit of desert one knows they will never eat again for a while. Then, we broke away from the kiss, our faces remaining close. I stared into his bright eyes, which almost glowed in the dark with the reflection of the television light.
"Boop." Harry said just barely above a whisper as he grabbed a piece of popcorn from my hair and examined it briefly before tossing it to the side.
And then I launched myself at him once more.
I woke up with a start, not having realized I fell asleep. The movie was no longer playing; instead, another show had taken its place. I quickly looked at the clock which read 2:35AM and I got up, taking my blanket with me and shutting the TV off. I checked my phone for any sign of life from Harry, but as expected there weren't any. Then I made my way into my room, feeling my way in the dark.
Inside, I turned on my small beside lamp which lay on my night stand and turned to my closet to grab my pajamas, which was just Harry's old Ramones's tee shirt. I put it on and felt for my heart shaped necklace, pulling it out from under the shirt and got into bed. I reached a hand over to shut off the lamp, but I paused because my eyes spotted the knocked down picture frame. I stared at it for a few seconds, because I was fairly sure Harry had flipped it over when he last visited after Zayn made that phone call, but perhaps I only thought he did. I grabbed it and flipped it back over, admiring the picture for a few seconds.
It was one of my favorites, one with Harry and I. Our side profiles could be seen but only the shoulders and up. We were lying down, facing each other, snuggled up in blankets on a concrete floor. I smiled to myself, because I still remembered that night. I looked at Harry, frozen in time by the picture, his eyes soft as they looked into mine, his iconic dimpled smile flashing on his face. I too, looked the same, looking onto his face with a tender loving expression. I wondered if I looked like that every time I saw him. I hope I did. There was never a night quite like that one.
"Let's do something we've never done before." Harry had said to me immediately after entering his apartment on a warm, Friday summer night.
And that's basically how I found myself on Harry's roof, with a plethora of blankets. It was slightly chilly, but the stars were out, and there was a clear sky. It was nearly three in the morning, so most of the lights in the suburban buildings were out, giving us a clear view of the stars. Harry lived on the sixth floor of his ten floor apartment building which stood high among the other buildings which were about seven floors. It gave me a sense of closeness with the stars. I almost felt like I was in the sky with them, yet they were so far away.
Harry and I put two thick, gray, bed comforters in the center of the roof floor which was flat except for a few pipes and chimneys sticking out of some random places, as well as a trap door on the floor from which we had come. We lay down on these comforters, gathering close to stay warm, and then covered ourselves with the remaining blankets which were many. Harry and I were down on our backs, shoulders and arms touching. I felt Harry's fingers search out mine and I opened my hand to let him hold it. Such a simple gesture brought warmth to my heart. It was often the simple things that made one feel loved.
"There's so many." Harry stated. I was silent for a while, focused on the many white dots in the night sky.
"I feel so small. All of those could be planets with people just like us, you never know. They're so far away." I muttered, watching my breath condense right before my eyes into a light mist. Then I watched my breath fade to the color of the atmosphere.
"It doesn't make me wonder about what's out there, looking at the sky. It actually makes me realize how precious life is here."
"Really?" I turned to Harry briefly and he turned to me, and then we both turned back to the sky.
"Yeah. Because, these stars, sometimes they're here, and ten years from now they aren't. You never know which one's going to go out. And if our star should go out, what then? It could happen at any moment. The sun might not rise tomorrow." Harry spoke with much wisdom that I was surprised that it came from a twenty one year old college senior, rather than someone like Yoda.
"Never thought of it that way." I said, lost in thought. What if the world were to end? "I'd be sad if my life ended so soon." I added.
"If you'll be sad it means you aren't living life to its fullest now." Harry again said with wisdom and knowledge. I however, had different thoughts.
"Well there are some things I can't do now. Like start a family. Get married. Have children."
"True." Harry agreed. "You're right."
"Always am." I replied jokingly.
"Well Amelia Schaller, if the world were to end in let's say an hour, and you couldn't do all those things, the least you could do is tell someone about them." Harry said, tracing his thumb along my hand under the blankets.
"Yeah?" I said, turning my head toward him.
"Yeah." Harry stated, facing me. I turned my body on its side, so I was facing Harry and not the stars. He did the same, letting go of my hand to get comfortable. I scooted closer to him to make up for the loss of contact. "What does the future look like for you?" Harry prompted.
"Well," I began pensively. "I'd like to be a music teacher, and perhaps teach around the world. I'd travel to as many places as I possibly could, and have a wonderful husband. Eventually I'd have maybe two, three kids. I'd name them… Diana if it's a girl and maybe Jack if it's a boy. And I don't know… I'd live my life out I guess." I finished.
"Wonderful names. I like those." Harry commented, and then silently studied my eyes and face for a few moments. I felt so exposed, but something told me not to hide, and ruin the intimate moment.
"Your turn Harry Styles." I prompted him, to which he sighed.
"I'm not going to lie; when I see the future… you're the only thing I see." He said, and I blushed. Harry's eyes diverted from my face for a few seconds, presumably embarrassed by his comment. I noted that I should have felt slightly weird, but oddly enough I did not. I felt that he was right. And if I imagined my future with little Diana and Jack, Harry was definitely included. "I see you in a white dress, I see myself feeling your baby bump…" Harry continued with a soft voice that could soothe the roughest fibers. As he said these things, I also pictured them, and it gave me warm feelings and happiness. I pictured him wearing a black tuxedo, with that dimpled smile of his and his green eyes, lit up like small stars in his eyes.
"Go on." I said, which made Harry chuckle.
"I see family dinners and vacations, holding our little girl for the first time, feeling like the best father and husband in the world… I see myself happy, because I get to wake up to you in the morning, and fall asleep with you at night." Harry replied. "You're smiling like an idiot, Amy." He pointed out.
I felt the blood rush to my cheeks at the realization that I in fact had been smiling like the biggest idiot. I had not even been aware I was doing it.
"I don't want the world to end." I whispered, which was my way of telling him that I wanted all these things and more. Harry's eyes regarded me with the utmost tenderness and passion, and I saw his green eyes flicker from mine to my lips, while he shook his head.
"I don't want it to end either." He whispered back. I pushed my lips toward his and gave him a soft peck on the lips, and then we both turned back to the stars, the world, and watched them in silence.
We began talking about our families, and what they were like, as well as funny memories with them. I knew a fair amount about Harry's father, but for the first time I learned that Harry's mother had died when he was born. I've always wondered about her, but never asked. I supposed it was just one of those private things. He told me about how his dad had raised him mainly, and taught him everything he knew. His father never had the heart to remarry. He told me about an occasion when he went fishing with his dad and Harry had caught such a huge fish, that he had lost control and somehow flipped their tiny boat over.
I told him about my mother and father, how my father was an English Literature teacher in a New York City high school, and my mother was an insurance agent. I told him that I had been raised my whole life on music, because they both played in a jazz band and various other quartets around the city, and how my father had taught me to write and express myself through poetry. I told him about how during my first flute recital I had gotten so nervous I threw up back stage and cried in the middle of my solo.
It was nice to tell someone these things. To have someone know everything about you, and in turn you know everything about them. Eventually, we shifted from our family and changed the subject to ourselves, and more light hearted topics. I discovered Harry's complete love for puns and knock-knock jokes, which I was aware of, but hadn't recognized its true extent. I found him really quite adorable when he told them, and so I laughed at every one, though he thought he was truly hilarious.
"I bet we look really adorable right now." I said suddenly. We were once again facing each other like we had been.
"I bet we do." Harry replied in a ponderous tone. He took out his phone, and put the camera on. "Let's remember this glorious moment, shall we?"
"We shall." I said. We began taking pictures, first facing the camera and making goofy pictures, then kissing each other, and simply looking into each other's eyes. I truly didn't want the world to end now.
Realizing I had been looking at the picture for far too long, I turned away from it, wiping tears that had come down my cheeks in the process. Everything was so different now. So cold. It was so unlike him to maintain this distance. Where was he? Why didn't he care? All I wanted was to understand. Where was the Harry that I knew and loved?