randomKittyX3: It's so good Odin is trying to make up for it! The sequel is gonna be a lot of fun :)
Autumn Fire Spirit Yggdrasil: Gotta tell ya, I watched the Lorax for the first time just because of your review and I can say without a doubt that Loki is indeed the little bear in that movie :) Thanks for your review!
ONE STEP FORWARD, FOUR STEPS BACK
A THOR/AVENGERS FANFICTION
CHAPTER THIRTY: Building not Breaking
The construction of the cottage was underway. The plan was to lay the foundation by winter and continue building through the spring. Thor was excited to move in to the cottage and Loki seemed excited too. Thor had asked Loki about his afternoon with Odin and Loki was pleased to inform him that it went well. Odin had already told Thor of Loki's breakdown at dinner, but Thor didn't pester Loki about it when the boy blatantly lied about it. He claimed he fell asleep during dinner. Thor knew Loki was lying, but didn't push the issue. Loki clearly was embarrassed or ashamed of his actions and didn't want Thor to know. It was one lie that Thor would allow Loki to tell.
Loki wasn't doing well following his trip to Asgard. He was emotionally breaking down further and further just when Thor thought he was finally recovering. Something triggered Loki's memories during his trip though Thor didn't know what could have. Odin said they never entered the palace, nor did they talk about Loki's prison sentence at all. Something else must have done it. Loki wouldn't talk about it of course. He was tired, detached and cranky. The boy was constantly throwing fits, having flashbacks and going numb for hours at a time. Thor and Jane were worried sick about him, no body sure what to do anymore. Just when Loki was getting better, he slipped backward again.
One morning around ten, Loki was sitting in the living room not speaking to anyone. There were toys scattered around him, but he didn't touch them. Thor knew this was the beginning stages of a full out meltdown. He wanted to avoid a breakdown at all costs, but wasn't sure how to. An idea struck him and Thor hurried from the living room. Loki didn't notice he was gone. Loki appeared not to notice anything. When he did in fact notice Thor's absence, his heart began to pound and his breathing hitched. He glanced around frantically and didn't find Thor anywhere. He was about to start panicking, but Thor reentered the room. Loki looked up and sniffled loudly, Thor understanding what was happening. The boy reached up to Thor, but Thor didn't pick him up.
"Loki, do you want to talk to Bruce? We can call him if you like." Thor said gently. Loki blinked then lowered his head.
"I dunno," Loki replied softly. He sniffed again then continued, "He may not wan' t' talk t' me anyways." Thor sighed sadly.
"How do you know that?" Thor asked.
"No one really likes me. E'erybody hates me." Loki answered, tears filling his eyes.
"Why do you think so? Who told you that?" Thor questioned worriedly. Perhaps more had happened on Asgard than either Odin or Loki had said.
"I j'st know. People were lookin' at me when I was with daddy an' it h'rt my feelings. I also j'st know tha' none of them like me." Loki told him. "'M not a good boy. 'M bad an' I'll always be bad. Uncle Bruce wouldn' wan' t' talk t' me 'cause 'm bad." Thor pulled the boy on to his lap and began running fingers through his raven hair.
"You aren't bad, Loki. You are a very good boy. People don't understand what happened, nor do they know you. Remember when Tony and Bruce didn't like you?" Thor said. Loki nodded slowly and Thor continued, "They played with you and talked to you and realized how good of a boy you are. The same will happen on Asgard, you just have to give it time. You know what elder-Loki did and it will take time to fix the way people treat you. It won't be this way forever, Loki. I promise." Loki curled his hand into a fist and extended a pinkie finger.
"Pinkie promise?" Loki asked. He was nearly begging. Thor smiled and wrapped his huge finger around Loki's tiny one.
"I promise. Do you want to talk to Bruce?" Thor asked again. Loki nodded this time, a small smile dancing on his lips. "Excellent. I shall call him now." Loki reached for the phone.
"I wanna do it!" Loki exclaimed. Thor chuckled at him and handed Loki the phone.
"Alright. I'll tell you what numbers to press." Thor said. Loki squirmed in excitement.
"Thanks Thor!" Loki cried happily. Thor told Loki the numbers and the boy eagerly entered them in. The phone rang and when Bruce picked up, Loki squealed happily and Thor knew he had made a good decision.
Phone conversations with Bruce had become daily routine for Loki. They didn't exactly have the affect Thor was hoping for, but they did limit the amount of break downs Loki had during the day. Bruce was kept in the loop on all things Loki from Thor and Jane and if Loki began having flashbacks or panic attacks on the phone, Bruce could talk him out of them. Loki had begun to suck his thumb nearly all day and had made a habit of carrying his stuffed goat around everywhere. His lessons were suffering and no one really knew what to do. Thor had been calling Beth every couple of days. Beth's only advice was be patient and if he doesn't improve in a month he needs to go to some sort of therapy or counseling. Thor hated to wait, but knew Beth was right. Perhaps Loki would improve on his own. If he didn't, at least they had some rough plan of action to help Loki get better.
One Saturday morning, Loki woke up to find Jane was gone. He asked Thor about it and learned that she, Erik and Darcy had some out of town business to attend to. Thor said a lot of words Loki didn't understand, but Loki didn't really care about understanding. Thor prepared breakfast and handed Loki his sippy cup as he cooked. Loki stood at his side watching as he cooked, the urge to ask to help growing stronger and stronger. "Can I help?" Loki finally asked. Thor glanced down and smiled.
"Of course you can. Let's find something for you to stand on." Thor said. They took Loki's step stool from the bathroom and brought it to the kitchen. Loki stood on it and placed the goat on the counter. Thor smiled at him and said, "Are you ready?" Loki nodded eagerly.
"Uh-huh! 'M good at cookin'!" Loki chirped. Thor smiled and the two made breakfast together.
After breakfast Thor noticed that they were running low on food. Jane wouldn't be back until Monday, so he knew he would have to venture out of the house with Loki. He wasn't sure how well Loki would react to being in a supermarket considering how poorly dinner on Asgard went. However, Thor had no other choice if he and Loki wanted to eat today. So Thor began to pack the backpack that Jane insisted giving to Odin the day he took Loki out with things that Loki might need. They had to walk to the store since Thor couldn't drive and there were no horses to ride which Thor still thought was odd. Why didn't Midgardians ride horses? It just didn't make sense. Thor shook his head and finished packing, remembering Loki's goat at the last minute. Satisfied, Thor called, "Loki!"
Minutes later Loki came darting into the room, his bear in his grasp. He plummeted into Thor's lap, Thor grunting slightly. Loki giggled loudly and Thor wondered why Loki was so happy today. "You sure are happy," Thor commented.
"It's j'st you an' me t'day! Tha's why 'm happy!" Loki replied. Thor wondered how to break the news to Loki that they were going to the store instead of Loki was intending. An idea came to him and Thor smiled sheepishly.
"Loki, we don't have any food to make dinner with," Thor began. Loki's eyes widened in horror.
"Wha' are we gonna do Thor?" Loki asked worriedly.
"We have to go buy more at a store," Thor explained, feeling Loki tense on his lap.
"Do we have to? I don' really like goin' places tha' I ne'er been to b'fore. It seems scary." Loki replied softly.
"What if you got to pick out what we made for dinner? Would you go then?" Thor asked, hopping it would work. Loki thought on it for a moment.
"Can I bring Agmund an' Da?" Loki asked timidly.
"Of course you can. And you can pick out whatever you want to and help me cook it. If you get scared, I'll carry you. Does that sound alright?" Thor said gently. Loki nodded.
"Uh-huh. I can really pick it all out? Whate'er I wan'?" Loki asked.
"Yes," Thor replied. Loki laid his head on Thor's chest. Thor could feel Loki's rapid heartbeat and knew how nervous the boy was. Kissing the boy's hair, Thor cooed, "You can do it, Loki. You're a big boy. I know you're brave enough to make it." Loki shifted slightly and Thor swore he heard a sniffle.
"'Kay," he whispered. Silence fell and Thor just allowed Loki to cry silently on his lap.
When they were finally ready to leave, Loki insisted on wearing the backpack himself. Once Loki was settled Thor grabbed his hand. They left the laboratory and Loki insisted on talking the whole way to the store. Loki got distracted of course, the boy pointing out all the Midgardian shops that were new to him. He had never really seen all Midgard had to offer since arriving. Loki was naturally curious about everything, and Thor allowed the boy to take his time on the sidewalk as they walked. It was away to expel some of Loki's nervousness as well as spend more one on one time with Thor. Loki climbed on everything, touched everything, and put his face up against the glass of many shops. His excitement was obvious and his joy was contagious. Loki skipped along Thor's side without a care in the world.
After an hour or so, the two finally made it to the grocery store. When it was in sight, Loki had stopped skipping. Thor knew he was beginning to get nervous again. Loki hadn't done well in large groups of people and Thor very well knew this could go badly. He just hoped that he could handle whatever happened. Before entering, Thor stopped walking near the door and glanced down at Loki. The boy was sweating and he was shaking slightly. "Loki, are you alright?" Loki flinched violently when addressed and looked up with fearful eyes.
"I-I…" Loki whimpered.
"Would you rather go home?" Thor asked, though he had really hoped to at least enter the building before admitting defeat. To Thor's surprise, Loki shook his head.
"I…I can do it. 'M a big boy." Loki replied with a shaking voice.
"Shall I carry you inside?" Thor asked gently. Loki shook his head once more.
"Nuh-uh. I gotta walk so I can pick out all the food." Loki said, grabbing Thor's hand tighter.
"Alright. If you need to be held, just tell me." Thor told him. Loki nodded and inched closer to Thor's side. Thor took a deep breath, Loki copying him, then they walked inside.
Thor could feel Loki instantly tense up as they walked through the automatic doors. The boy was terrified, his heart beating like a bird trapped in a cage. Thor walked over to the carts and had Loki pick one out in an attempt to calm his nerves. Loki picked out a cart that had a seat like a car in the front and climbed into it, his anxiety dropping a little. There was even a steering wheel for him to play with if he wanted. That entertained Loki immensely, the boy almost forgetting he was scared.
"Go this way Thor!" Loki demanded, turning the steering wheel to the right. Thor laughed.
"Alright," Thor replied.
"Oh, I f'got you're Donald," Loki said. Thor smiled as he turned the cart.
"That's alright," he answered. Thor slowed down. "Anything you think looks good here?" Loki glanced at the shelves. He climbed out of the seat and toddled to a shelf, pulling a jar of peanut butter off of it and placing it in the cart. Loki continued to take things off, items ranging from jelly to jars of coco. When he was finished, Loki glanced up at Thor.
"Let's go t' a new shel'e place now," Loki said, climbing back into the cart. Thor nodded.
"Do fruit and vegetables sound good?" Thor asked. Loki nodded.
"Yeah! An' we need noodles! An' candy! Lots of candy! An' pancakes an' chicken nuggets an' ice cream an' bread. We got peanut butter, Donald, but we don' have any bread." Loki said. Thor smiled and chuckled lightly.
"Yes I know. We should fix that, huh?" Thor said. Loki nodded eagerly.
"Yeah! Wanna know wha' 'm gonna cook for dinner?" Loki asked.
"Sure," Thor said stopping the cart in front of a stand of bananas. Loki climbed out and pointed to a bunch of bananas that he couldn't reach.
"Eggs!" Loki suddenly exclaimed. Thor blinked.
"Eggs?" Thor repeated.
"Uh-huh!" Loki answered. "We're gonna have eggs an' noodles!"
"Together?" Thor asked. Loki giggled and picked up an apple.
"No silly! We aren' gonna have egg noodles. We're gonna have eggs with noodles." Loki explained. Thor grabbed a produce bag and opened it. Loki began to place fruit inside of it.
"That makes more sense. I thought you meant you were going to make eggs with the noodles." Thor said. Loki giggled again.
"You're silly!" Loki said.
"No, you are," Thor said. Loki smiled brightly and toddled to the vegetables.
"No, you are!" He giggled, standing on tip-toes to reach the produce. Thor smiled brightly at him.
The shopping was almost complete. Loki had managed to hunt down everything he wanted, but saved the candy aisle for last. When the shopping was finally finished, Thor took Loki to the candy aisle, Loki practically bouncing with him. Thor had implied that Loki could pick out whatever he wanted, but had also implied he wouldn't buy too much candy. Loki had agreed to both implications.
"Go pick something out," Thor told him, "I'll stay by the cart." Loki nodded eagerly and darted off to the candy.
Loki was almost overwhelmed by the sheer amount of candy that was in front of him. Never before had he seen so many options. Asgard didn't have all the types that Midgard did and Loki was excited to try whatever he wanted. Loki's eyes glanced over the brightly colored packages and thought hard. There was chocolate and gummies and hard candies and soft candies. Loki seriously couldn't decide! He crossed his arms in thought, then finally reached a hand out to grab something. He decided on a variety pack of candy, figuring that it had so many different kinds to try. At the last minute, Loki grabbed a bag of gummy bears and began to walk over to Thor. He wasn't really watching where he was going and accidently walked into someone. Loki fell over, and landed hard on his bottom. He glanced up and saw a huge man standing there with a scowl on his face. Loki whimpered and said, "S'rry."
"You should be, punk," the man said harshly. Loki's bottom lip trembled and he began to cry. The man rolled his eyes. "Give me a break you damn kid. You ran into me brat." Thor heard the man's words and glanced over. He saw Loki on the ground and growled. No one was going to treat Loki that way. Not when Loki had such a good day. Thor hurried over.
"Excuse me. I think you owe my little brother an apology." Thor said angrily. The man met Thor's gaze.
"Oh yeah? Give me a damn reason why I should. I hate snot-nosed kids who can't watch where they're goin'." The man said.
"I could give many reasons," Thor snarled, "but the main reason is you where cruel to him. Now apologize." People were watching now. Glares were being sent in the man's direction.
"Fine. Sorry. Now get out of my way." The man left and Thor helped Loki to his feet.
"Are you okay?" Thor asked gently. Loki nodded.
"My bottom hurts," Loki cried softly.
"Yes I know. Ready to pay so we can go home?" Thor asked him.
"Uh-huh. I got eggs t' cook." Loki replied, his arms in the air. Thor picked him up and they headed back to the cart.
After standing in line for what felt like eternity, the cashier finally began to check them out. Loki watched in awe as the cashier scanned the items. When the price was told, Thor dug through his pocket to find the card Jane left him. He didn't really understand what it was, but he did know that it had money on it somehow. Before he could hand it to the cashier, Loki was tugging on his shirt.
"I wanna pay for it," Loki said. Thor smiled and handed him the card. He lifted Loki by the arm pits and Loki handed the cashier the card. She smiled at him and swiped it. Loki took the card back and the cashier handed Thor the receipt.
"Have a good day sir. You too buddy." She said. Loki waved to her as Thor put the bags in the cart.
"Bye-bye," Loki said. Thor took him from the line and the stopped by a bench near the exit.
"Loki," Thor said, dropping the code names since no one was in ear shot, "do you have to go potty?" Loki shook his head.
"No," Loki replied.
"Okay. Ready to go?" Thor asked.
"Yup!" Loki replied brightly, taking Thor's freehand.
"Let's not make any stops, Loki. We have a lot of bags to carry." Thor told him.
"'Kay."
They managed to get home in under an hour, Thor having to constantly remind Loki to keep walking. When they arrived back at the laboratory, Loki sprinted inside, chattering wildly. He was excited to get cooking. Loki couldn't wait to show Thor what a good cook he was. They put all the groceries away and Thor began to get the pans and pots ready. Loki grabbed the noodles and eggs, then picked out a type of sauce to use. Thor grabbed a pepper and some other things to spice up the pasta and Loki grabbed the cheese. The boy also grabbed a bag of gummy bears and chips. Thor's brow furrowed at these things and he said, "What are these for?" Loki giggled.
"The bears are for later an' the chips are part of dinner," Loki said, going back to the refrigerator to grab salsa.
"Alright. Ready?" Thor asked as Loki stood on the stepstool. Loki nodded eagerly.
"Uh-huh! I wanna crack the eggs!" Loki replied. Thor smiled and handed Loki an egg. Loki cracked and broke it open over the skillet, the egg instantly sizzling, earning a smile from Loki.
By the time the meal was nearly finished, Loki was sitting cross legged on the counter. He had given up on standing on the stool because he was having trouble doing anything. So he climbed up on the counter in order to do as much cooking as he could. Thor enjoyed seeing Loki so happy and was glad he decided to do this. Once the meal was finished, Loki climbed down and sat at the table and waited for Thor to serve him food. Loki munched on the chips he had got while he waited.
"Want peppers on the side Loki? We have some slices left over." Thor asked.
"Yeah! I like peppers!" Loki replied happily. Thor placed a couple of slices of pepper on Loki's plate, then put the rest on his own plate. He walked to the table and put the plates down and sat down. "Did I cook good?" Loki asked as Thor sat. Thor smiled at him and smiled.
"Yes, you did Loki. I am so proud of you." Thor praised. Loki giggled and grabbed his fork.
"Let's cook together again t'morrow!" Loki squealed happily taking a bite.
"That sounds like a fine idea Loki."
After dinner Thor and Loki played together until it was time for Loki's bath. The boy didn't have a breakdown at all and Thor thought that allowing Loki to cook with him had really helped. Loki played in the bath tub and giggled when Thor ticked his feet. Loki got dressed on his own without an argument and got told a story before going to bed. Thor kissed Loki good night and left, pleased that the day had gone so well.
It wasn't until around elven when Thor was preparing to go to bed when Loki began screaming. Thor sighed and left his room and entered Loki. The boy was in a tangle of sheets, screaming his head off. Thor looked at the sight and couldn't contain it. He began crying, tears streaming from his face. When he saw Loki like this, Thor feared that Loki wouldn't ever recover. That he would always be a broken, scared child. That he would never get better. After all the building he had done this day, Loki still had so far to go. Loki may never make it. Thor and Loki's cries merged for a moment, Thor trying to pull it together for Loki's sake. He tried until a hand touched his arm. He looked up with tear filled eyes and met Loki's gaze.
"'M gonna get better," Loki whispered, "I promise." Thor chuckled lightly, tears still in his eyes. How was it that Loki could always tell what he was thinking? Thor pulled him into a hug.
"I know you will. We'll do it together." Thor replied. Loki giggled lightly.
"Tha' sounds good," Loki said. And Thor vowed to never think that Loki wouldn't make it again. It was clear that Loki was determined and if he was, so was Thor. They would heal together and face whatever life had to throw at them together. Loki would make it, Thor knew it. He would grow up and be okay. There was no other option for him. It would be a long journey, but as long as they had each other, Loki would be okay. He just knew it. And Loki knew it too.
As I mentioned in the last chapter, this is the last chapter of the story. But fear not friends! There will be a squeal and I hope to have the first chapter finished and uploaded by Thanksgiving! Thanks for reading! I hope you have enjoyed the wild ride so far. To those who followed, favorited and reviewed, thank you so much! It means so much to me that you would take an interest in my story! It's been fun and I hope to see you all in the squeal! :D