Disclaimer: Twilight is NOT own by me…how sad…
Disclaimer: Twilight is NOT own by me…how sad…Or Google. Or fanfiction
Author's Note:(ponders what to say)…I've got nothing.
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Edward was checking his e-mail. Fan girl, Fan girl, Fan girl, Bella, Carlisle, sent two seconds ago…Why can't he just talk to me, he's four steps away. Fan girl…'A message for someone special' was the subject of an e-mail close to the end of his list. Edward read the screen name, 'ThIsIsEmMeTtCuLlEN'. Jasper…
Edward gave up on trying to answer his mail, so he began to search the web for something to do. He found his way to Google, curious about what he might find, he typed in his name.
He waited two point six seconds, his computer was so slow, and soon the message at the top read about one million four hundred ninety thousand result matches (A/N: That's the real number, I checked.).
"Yay…I have fans!" Edward said excitedly, feeling like Emmett for a moment. "I'm so popular!" He gazed down the list of sites.
Edward leaves Bella and she falls for Jacob. They get married. All Human. All real. All True. What the heck? He read the website under the strange and clearly untrue statement. Jacob loved him, not Bella. He was just using her to get to him. Wasn't it obvious?
…What the heck is a fanfiction? He clicked on the site.
A list of random untrue statements appeared.
'Carlisle proclaims his love for Bella. She breaks up with Edward.'. Eww…pedophile much.
'Jacob imprints on a walrus.'. Ok, that one might be true.
'Bella gets pregnant with Mike's child. Alice is having an impossible sugar high. Edward can't find his remote. Jacob can't speak anything, but pig latin. Please R&R. Thx.' That doesn't even make any sense.
'This is a collection of completely random moments in time during the everlasting lives of the Cullen family.' Huh? That just sounds stupid. Who would write this crap? (A/N: Thanks, Edward…make fun of me…like Jasper. XD)
'Edward goes on a killing spree during his rebel years, when he meets a young girl named Bella, who changes his outlook on his new life.' What? I didn't know Bella back then!
'A new Cullen joins the family, Marina Cullen. How will Bella react when there's a fight brewing for Edward's affection? ExOC. JxOC. ExB. CxEmxRxEsxJasxAxJ. Really good story, please read!' I only love Bella…who the heck is Marina? (A/N: cough Thanks again, Edward. Keep up the great work.)
'jacobs son, Kevin, mets bella and Edwards daughter, lizzie, at school. a love blosoms, how will the parents like it?'. OH MY GOD! Bella and I have a kid! OH MY GOD! Why didn't anyone tell me?
"I need to go ask Bella!" Edward left the computer. Carlisle walked over and looked at the screen. He read a few more 'summaries' as they were called.
Edward returned with Bella. "Bella, we have kids. It says right here."
"It also says that Jasper and I are making love behind your back." She pointed to a story.
"OH MY GOD! Why would you do that? It's his fantastic hair, isn't it?" Edward crossed his arms.
"No, he's just more of a man than you." She ruffled his hair.
"Umm…not break up this moment, but why in the world does it say that Billy Black, Chief Swan and I have a love triangle going on?" He clicked on the blue words that said, 'Worlds Sexiest Men Make the Sexiest Love Triangle'. "It even goes into detail."
"'Cause it's actually happening." Jasper walked in the room followed by Rosalie and Alice.
"Oh yeah…I have to call them. Bye." Carlisle left.
"Jasper, look!" Edward pointed to the screen. "These people know our secret and are writing lies about us. The only thing they didn't lie about was Bella and my children."
"EDWARD! We DON'T have kids!" Bella screamed.
"Right…that's what you want me to think."
Jasper examined the website. "They know too much. They must be eliminated."
"Jasper, what are you part of the Volturi now?" Edward looked confused.
"Ok, we'll spare the writer writing the story about Jacob's love for a walrus. Because we all know that one's true, but the rest will feel the wrath of Jasper Whitlock Hale Cullen! Muh ha ha!"
"Wait, Jacob loves a walrus?" Edward asked with his head cocked.
"Yeah, I do!" Jacob magically appeared in the middle of the room with his three hundred pound walrus lover, he called Patricia. "I tried girls after they realized I was Shark Boy, but seeing how I was a shark, I fell madly in love with aquatic animals." He leaned over and smooched his girl/walrus-friend on the snot. "She loves me for who I am."
"Back away slowly…we don't want to upset…" Edward whispered to the group as they walked slowly away from the walrus orgy at the other side of the room.
"HOLY CRAP! It's a FREAKING WALRUS!" Emmett screamed. "And Jacob is in love with her! Aww…Wait! My fanfiction is true…so it's not fiction anymore! It's fantruth! Yay!" Emmett danced.
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Author's Note: I read a summary about Edward reading a fanfic and this what happened. Plus it's 3 in the morning…I'm so tired. My tired-ness led to Jacob's affection for a walrus…don't ask. I'm going to bed.